Men called horse - chapter 10 - Getting one´s voice back
This story is rated explicit, for warnings, please check out chapter 1.
Here is chapter 10, which can also be found on AO3.
“Neal? Neal? Wake up sweetie. Everything went alright. Can you open your eyes for me?”
Neal startles when someone uses a warm washcloth to refresh his face. He does his best to open his eyes, but everything is blurry and he is tired. He just wants to go back to sleep. There is an annoying beeping next to his head and he … he just wants to sleep.
“Hey sleepy head, wake up.”
Peter? Wait, something is not right. Wait… Peter can talk… the surgery! Neal does his best to open his eyes, only to blink against the brightness of the room.
“Did…” Tears pool in his eyes. His voice… He has his voice back. It sounds strange to him, disuse probably.
“Don´t talk just yet Neal. We know you are eager, but remember with Peter, he also had to wait, right?”
He turns his head towards Peggy and gives a tired smile.
“Hey Neal. The surgery went well.”
Neal turns his head back towards Peter. He looks worried, but is also smiling. If Peter is smiling, everything will be Ok.
“Everything will be alright Neal. We will talk later. Just rest for now.”
Neal has to admit that his eyelids feel like a ton, so he gladly lets them slip close.
* * *
As soon as the surgeon clears Neal, they leave the hospital. It turns out that Neal doesn´t cope well, being in public. He lays awake because he feels like he is being watched, even if they put him at the end of the hallway. Neal is constantly on guard and anxious and everyone agrees that he doesn´t need the added stress while healing. So as soon as it is medical responsible, the doctors clear him to recuperate at home.
Peggy suggested that Neal sleeps in their guest bedroom, but he chooses the stable instead. It is a bit worrying, but Peter doesn´t say anything, he just wants Neal to get better. He starts to see Neal is more traumatized then anybody realizes, maybe even Neal himself. They will and need to talk when Neal´s voice is healed.
Peter heard Neal´s voice in the hospital and it doesn´t even sound close to the smooth tenor he used to have, it is breathy and scratchy. Peter asked Peggy about it in the hospital and she explained that Neal´s vocal cords have significant scaring. But they are hopeful that with speech therapy, he should be able to talk without discomfort. And in the light of things, Peter is glad Neal has a voice, even if it doesn´t sound the same. Nothing will ever be the same.
Peter walks up to Neal´s cot and smiles when he sees Neal is awake.
“Hi Peter.” Neal croaks.
“Hi Neal. How are you holding up?”
“Good, I´m fine.”
“You don´t know the meaning of the word, but I agree, you will be. But please rest your voice, it is still healing. You heard the doctor, you need a lot of rest.”
Neal nods.
John enters the stable and asks if they want some coffee and smiles when he sees Peter´s eyes light up. Just like Neal has a sweet tooth, Peter is a sucker for coffee.
“Sure, thanks.”
Both men get up and walk into the kitchen.
“Neal, is there anything you would like to do to relax? Peter told us you like to draw?” John sounds a bit unsure.
Neal nods smiling.
John walks to his office and comes back out with a big brown paper bag. It is filled to the brim with pencils, paper, pens, paints. Neal´s eyes widen and he lets his fingers roam over the supplies. He carefully takes out the sketchbook and opens it. He studies the pencils, decides on one and then starts drawing.
Peter and John leave him and go outside. Peter helps John fix the fence. They noticed earlier that there was a breach while training.
Sometime later, Neal joins them, he is on edge, not only Peter can tell, but John as well.
“Neal, Come here please. Follow me.”
Peter can see Neal slip in pony head space the moment he hears John commanding tone. He takes Neal to the tack room. Peter follows as well. It will be good to work out the excess energy. John quickly and efficiently gears them up and since he doesn’t have the training facilities they have at Vesta, he decides to have both horses pull a cart. He straps their harness to the cart.
“Square up.”
Both Peter and Neal take the position, John clucks his tongue and they are off. Neal takes an easy trot, he has always been a more elegant runner. But since they have been training a lot lately, they keep up with each other.
When John sees that the tension has left Neal, he guides them back to the house. He grooms both horses and guides them back to the stable for a rest before dinner.
“You Ok?” Peter asks Neal.
“Yeah, just…” Neal looks at Peter but doesn´t finish his sentence.
“I know, kid, I know.
“I´m thirsty.”
“Go get something to drink in the kitchen.
“Yeah, I will…”
Peter knows Neal will have a flashback any minute. He normally doesn´t hesitate to get a drink from the water fountain or the fridge in the kitchen. But Peter can only imagine what Neal is thinking.
They haven´t given Neal any fluids for some time know and his throat is parched. He isn´t drooling anymore, he feels faint and feels like he is going to pass out any moment.
They must have noticed, because he is led back inside. Neal feels a pang of relief until he sees the vet waiting for him. That is never a good sign.
“You think he is dehydrated?”
The man checks him and nods.
“Yeah, he really is, but I was given orders to hydrate him, so it will be OK.”
“Whatever the boss says, shall I get the canister?”
“Yes, please, make it the gallon one.”
Neal is stepping nervously on the place, since he is tied off with a short lead rein. When he feels the spreader bar being fastened, his heart makes a leap. Next comes the posture collar, the bit is taken out and switched with a mouth piece that straps around his head and keep his mouth open around a tube.
The stable hand comes back with a large water canister, normally containing water for the horses. With an electronic switch it is possible to control the flow of water coming out.
“See this contraption, made it myself. If no water is coming out, you can breathe, otherwise…” he laughs, “how much water?” he asks the vet.
“Let´s start with 1,5 liter, that should make it uncomfortable.”
At the bottom of the canister, there is an opening. A large tube is clicked in place, the other end of the tube fits Neal´s mouth piece.
The man activates the button and a predetermined amount of water is let go. It is an uncomfortably large amount of water and Neal fears he will drown when he tries to breathe. Then suddenly the water flow stops and Neal can breathe again. Then the water starts again and the cycle continues.
The posture collar makes sure Neal can only look in front of him towards the canister. When he takes a breathe, he knows that any moment now a new amount will flow into his mouth, and the only way to get rid of it and breathe, is to swallow it. Neal can only obediently wait for the next amount to swallow.
“While you entertain yourself drinking, I will quickly put in a catheter, I think your owner will enjoy the look. It always suits you nice when you can´t piss.”
Neal wants to move, but there isn´t much room with the spreader bar and when he feels his flaccid penis being held and the burning sensation of the catheter entering, all he can do is swallow the next amount of water.
* * *
“One more set and then we can stop.” The speech therapist is a nice older lady who is very patient. She reminds Neal a bit of June. He works hard with her and his voice is building in strength.
Neal finishes the sets and they say goodbye. When she leaves the kitchen, Neal walks to the stable and slumps down on the fresh hay. Therapy always leaves him tired. And before he knows it, he dozes off.
“Neal? Dinner is ready.”
Neal slowly wakes up and realizes he is more tired than he was before he fell asleep.
“What?”
“Dinner is ready. Let´s go.”
“Yeah, give me a second.”
He gets his bearings and walks into the kitchen where John, Peggy and Peter are waiting for him. The moment he sits down, Peggy fills their plates.
“How did it go today?” Peggy asks while sitting down again.
“Good, Magda told me she is happy with my progress.”
“Good to hear.”
Everybody is avoiding the great big elephant in the room until Peter suddenly speaks up.
“We need to contact the FBI.”
Neal swallows his bite and puts his fork down.
“I know you are not ready Neal, but we need to start looking on how we are going to move forward.”
Neal gets up and leaves the kitchen. Peter wants to follow him, but John makes a motion to sit down again. He points towards the stable camera and Peter can see Neal is standing in the stable, with his back towards them.
“Give him a moment and then you should have a talk to him. Maybe you can contact the FBI but leave Neal here while you take care of things.”
Peter thinks about it and nods. This is so fucked up, he doesn´t know what to do. He gets up and walks into the stable. He can hear John closing the door behind him, giving them privacy.
“I need to find them, Neal. You know that.”
Neal nods, he doesn´t want to say anything, fearing his voice will betray him and show his emotions.
“And I realize you are not ready to come with me. Hell, I am not ready to face everybody.”
They stay a bit like that until Neal speaks up.
“What are we going to tell them?”
“The truth…”
“Peter, I…” Neal shakes his head, not able to voice what he is thinking.
“But these people should pay for what they did to us, for what they are probably still doing to others.”
That gets Neal´s attention. “You are right, we should stop them.”
* * *
The telephone rings and Peggy picks up.
“Hello?”
“Peggy Clark?”
“Yes.”
“My name is Diana Berrigan, I am an FBI-agent.”
“How can I help you?”
“I am a colleague of Peter Burke.”
Peggy lets out a gasp.
“We were informed by a local hospital that a Neal Caffrey underwent surgery and that you were his person of contact. Is that correct?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Ma’am, we have been looking for Peter Burke and Neal Caffrey for over two years. Can you confirm that you know the whereabouts of Peter and Neal?”
“Yes they are staying at my house.”
Now it is Diana´s turn to gasp.
Can I talk to either one of them?
“Sure, I will call them.”
Peggy walks out and finds Peter working with John, she isn´t able to locate Neal, but he is probably sketching somewhere.
“PETER!”
Peter walks up to her.
“I have an agent Diana Berrigan on the line and she wants to talk to you.”
Peter stops and takes a couple of deep breaths.
“What is wrong, she told me she is a colleague of yours.”
Peter swallows and wets his mouth, “yeah, she is. I… where is the telephone?”
“In the living room.”
Peter picks it up and listens but doesn´t say anything, but leave it up to Diana to picks up on it.
“Peter?”
“Diana.”
“Oh my God, Peter, it really is you.”
Peter smiles, “Yes, it is. How are you?”
“How am I? Peter, we thought you were dead. Why didn´t you let us know you are alive? We were worried sick.”
Peter swallows. He has trouble thinking, the tone of her voice changed into that of Diana Berrigan, special agent. Peggy notices he is getting into pony head space and takes over the phone.
“Diana? Peter needs a bit of time. Maybe you can come over and you can talk about what happened and see from there how you are going to handle this.”
“Are they alright?”
“They went through a lot but they are getting there. Like I said, maybe you should come over. Let me give you my address.”
Peggy finishes the phone call and pets Peter on the back.
“It is all going to be alright. Come, let´s go see John.
Go to chapter 11.
Here is chapter 10, which can also be found on AO3.
“Neal? Neal? Wake up sweetie. Everything went alright. Can you open your eyes for me?”
Neal startles when someone uses a warm washcloth to refresh his face. He does his best to open his eyes, but everything is blurry and he is tired. He just wants to go back to sleep. There is an annoying beeping next to his head and he … he just wants to sleep.
“Hey sleepy head, wake up.”
Peter? Wait, something is not right. Wait… Peter can talk… the surgery! Neal does his best to open his eyes, only to blink against the brightness of the room.
“Did…” Tears pool in his eyes. His voice… He has his voice back. It sounds strange to him, disuse probably.
“Don´t talk just yet Neal. We know you are eager, but remember with Peter, he also had to wait, right?”
He turns his head towards Peggy and gives a tired smile.
“Hey Neal. The surgery went well.”
Neal turns his head back towards Peter. He looks worried, but is also smiling. If Peter is smiling, everything will be Ok.
“Everything will be alright Neal. We will talk later. Just rest for now.”
Neal has to admit that his eyelids feel like a ton, so he gladly lets them slip close.
* * *
As soon as the surgeon clears Neal, they leave the hospital. It turns out that Neal doesn´t cope well, being in public. He lays awake because he feels like he is being watched, even if they put him at the end of the hallway. Neal is constantly on guard and anxious and everyone agrees that he doesn´t need the added stress while healing. So as soon as it is medical responsible, the doctors clear him to recuperate at home.
Peggy suggested that Neal sleeps in their guest bedroom, but he chooses the stable instead. It is a bit worrying, but Peter doesn´t say anything, he just wants Neal to get better. He starts to see Neal is more traumatized then anybody realizes, maybe even Neal himself. They will and need to talk when Neal´s voice is healed.
Peter heard Neal´s voice in the hospital and it doesn´t even sound close to the smooth tenor he used to have, it is breathy and scratchy. Peter asked Peggy about it in the hospital and she explained that Neal´s vocal cords have significant scaring. But they are hopeful that with speech therapy, he should be able to talk without discomfort. And in the light of things, Peter is glad Neal has a voice, even if it doesn´t sound the same. Nothing will ever be the same.
Peter walks up to Neal´s cot and smiles when he sees Neal is awake.
“Hi Peter.” Neal croaks.
“Hi Neal. How are you holding up?”
“Good, I´m fine.”
“You don´t know the meaning of the word, but I agree, you will be. But please rest your voice, it is still healing. You heard the doctor, you need a lot of rest.”
Neal nods.
John enters the stable and asks if they want some coffee and smiles when he sees Peter´s eyes light up. Just like Neal has a sweet tooth, Peter is a sucker for coffee.
“Sure, thanks.”
Both men get up and walk into the kitchen.
“Neal, is there anything you would like to do to relax? Peter told us you like to draw?” John sounds a bit unsure.
Neal nods smiling.
John walks to his office and comes back out with a big brown paper bag. It is filled to the brim with pencils, paper, pens, paints. Neal´s eyes widen and he lets his fingers roam over the supplies. He carefully takes out the sketchbook and opens it. He studies the pencils, decides on one and then starts drawing.
Peter and John leave him and go outside. Peter helps John fix the fence. They noticed earlier that there was a breach while training.
Sometime later, Neal joins them, he is on edge, not only Peter can tell, but John as well.
“Neal, Come here please. Follow me.”
Peter can see Neal slip in pony head space the moment he hears John commanding tone. He takes Neal to the tack room. Peter follows as well. It will be good to work out the excess energy. John quickly and efficiently gears them up and since he doesn’t have the training facilities they have at Vesta, he decides to have both horses pull a cart. He straps their harness to the cart.
“Square up.”
Both Peter and Neal take the position, John clucks his tongue and they are off. Neal takes an easy trot, he has always been a more elegant runner. But since they have been training a lot lately, they keep up with each other.
When John sees that the tension has left Neal, he guides them back to the house. He grooms both horses and guides them back to the stable for a rest before dinner.
“You Ok?” Peter asks Neal.
“Yeah, just…” Neal looks at Peter but doesn´t finish his sentence.
“I know, kid, I know.
“I´m thirsty.”
“Go get something to drink in the kitchen.
“Yeah, I will…”
Peter knows Neal will have a flashback any minute. He normally doesn´t hesitate to get a drink from the water fountain or the fridge in the kitchen. But Peter can only imagine what Neal is thinking.
They haven´t given Neal any fluids for some time know and his throat is parched. He isn´t drooling anymore, he feels faint and feels like he is going to pass out any moment.
They must have noticed, because he is led back inside. Neal feels a pang of relief until he sees the vet waiting for him. That is never a good sign.
“You think he is dehydrated?”
The man checks him and nods.
“Yeah, he really is, but I was given orders to hydrate him, so it will be OK.”
“Whatever the boss says, shall I get the canister?”
“Yes, please, make it the gallon one.”
Neal is stepping nervously on the place, since he is tied off with a short lead rein. When he feels the spreader bar being fastened, his heart makes a leap. Next comes the posture collar, the bit is taken out and switched with a mouth piece that straps around his head and keep his mouth open around a tube.
The stable hand comes back with a large water canister, normally containing water for the horses. With an electronic switch it is possible to control the flow of water coming out.
“See this contraption, made it myself. If no water is coming out, you can breathe, otherwise…” he laughs, “how much water?” he asks the vet.
“Let´s start with 1,5 liter, that should make it uncomfortable.”
At the bottom of the canister, there is an opening. A large tube is clicked in place, the other end of the tube fits Neal´s mouth piece.
The man activates the button and a predetermined amount of water is let go. It is an uncomfortably large amount of water and Neal fears he will drown when he tries to breathe. Then suddenly the water flow stops and Neal can breathe again. Then the water starts again and the cycle continues.
The posture collar makes sure Neal can only look in front of him towards the canister. When he takes a breathe, he knows that any moment now a new amount will flow into his mouth, and the only way to get rid of it and breathe, is to swallow it. Neal can only obediently wait for the next amount to swallow.
“While you entertain yourself drinking, I will quickly put in a catheter, I think your owner will enjoy the look. It always suits you nice when you can´t piss.”
Neal wants to move, but there isn´t much room with the spreader bar and when he feels his flaccid penis being held and the burning sensation of the catheter entering, all he can do is swallow the next amount of water.
* * *
“One more set and then we can stop.” The speech therapist is a nice older lady who is very patient. She reminds Neal a bit of June. He works hard with her and his voice is building in strength.
Neal finishes the sets and they say goodbye. When she leaves the kitchen, Neal walks to the stable and slumps down on the fresh hay. Therapy always leaves him tired. And before he knows it, he dozes off.
“Neal? Dinner is ready.”
Neal slowly wakes up and realizes he is more tired than he was before he fell asleep.
“What?”
“Dinner is ready. Let´s go.”
“Yeah, give me a second.”
He gets his bearings and walks into the kitchen where John, Peggy and Peter are waiting for him. The moment he sits down, Peggy fills their plates.
“How did it go today?” Peggy asks while sitting down again.
“Good, Magda told me she is happy with my progress.”
“Good to hear.”
Everybody is avoiding the great big elephant in the room until Peter suddenly speaks up.
“We need to contact the FBI.”
Neal swallows his bite and puts his fork down.
“I know you are not ready Neal, but we need to start looking on how we are going to move forward.”
Neal gets up and leaves the kitchen. Peter wants to follow him, but John makes a motion to sit down again. He points towards the stable camera and Peter can see Neal is standing in the stable, with his back towards them.
“Give him a moment and then you should have a talk to him. Maybe you can contact the FBI but leave Neal here while you take care of things.”
Peter thinks about it and nods. This is so fucked up, he doesn´t know what to do. He gets up and walks into the stable. He can hear John closing the door behind him, giving them privacy.
“I need to find them, Neal. You know that.”
Neal nods, he doesn´t want to say anything, fearing his voice will betray him and show his emotions.
“And I realize you are not ready to come with me. Hell, I am not ready to face everybody.”
They stay a bit like that until Neal speaks up.
“What are we going to tell them?”
“The truth…”
“Peter, I…” Neal shakes his head, not able to voice what he is thinking.
“But these people should pay for what they did to us, for what they are probably still doing to others.”
That gets Neal´s attention. “You are right, we should stop them.”
* * *
The telephone rings and Peggy picks up.
“Hello?”
“Peggy Clark?”
“Yes.”
“My name is Diana Berrigan, I am an FBI-agent.”
“How can I help you?”
“I am a colleague of Peter Burke.”
Peggy lets out a gasp.
“We were informed by a local hospital that a Neal Caffrey underwent surgery and that you were his person of contact. Is that correct?”
“Yes, it is.”
“Ma’am, we have been looking for Peter Burke and Neal Caffrey for over two years. Can you confirm that you know the whereabouts of Peter and Neal?”
“Yes they are staying at my house.”
Now it is Diana´s turn to gasp.
Can I talk to either one of them?
“Sure, I will call them.”
Peggy walks out and finds Peter working with John, she isn´t able to locate Neal, but he is probably sketching somewhere.
“PETER!”
Peter walks up to her.
“I have an agent Diana Berrigan on the line and she wants to talk to you.”
Peter stops and takes a couple of deep breaths.
“What is wrong, she told me she is a colleague of yours.”
Peter swallows and wets his mouth, “yeah, she is. I… where is the telephone?”
“In the living room.”
Peter picks it up and listens but doesn´t say anything, but leave it up to Diana to picks up on it.
“Peter?”
“Diana.”
“Oh my God, Peter, it really is you.”
Peter smiles, “Yes, it is. How are you?”
“How am I? Peter, we thought you were dead. Why didn´t you let us know you are alive? We were worried sick.”
Peter swallows. He has trouble thinking, the tone of her voice changed into that of Diana Berrigan, special agent. Peggy notices he is getting into pony head space and takes over the phone.
“Diana? Peter needs a bit of time. Maybe you can come over and you can talk about what happened and see from there how you are going to handle this.”
“Are they alright?”
“They went through a lot but they are getting there. Like I said, maybe you should come over. Let me give you my address.”
Peggy finishes the phone call and pets Peter on the back.
“It is all going to be alright. Come, let´s go see John.
Go to chapter 11.