no
Pain infuriates me. the actual pain sucks-- it makes me angry to Veronica when she doesn't deserve it, yell at the cats and short tempered in everything I do. I lose control when it goes on and on and on and I become my mother and that terrifies me inside.
What I hate as much is the time it steals. I will literally sit entirely still, KNOWING I have work to do or hell, things I want to accomplish because in this moment but I also know that somehow, someway, I have found an EXACT position where I am not in pain and moving in any way whatsoever will change that and I KNOW the lurking red menace with the knives it randomly slashes into me is waiting, eagerly, for more time with me.
I hate the mess; one issue I have are ulcerated spots on my legs and there is literally NO KNOWN TREATMENT. Cover it-- no change. Let air hit it -- no change. Pressure bandages -- no change. It is messy, and while I work around it I feel repulsive with them. They flare up or vanish as they will and feel randomly like I am having hot pokers jabbed into me, or my leg rubbed on a cheese grinder.
pain just sucks. I'm damn tired of it.
What I hate as much is the time it steals. I will literally sit entirely still, KNOWING I have work to do or hell, things I want to accomplish because in this moment but I also know that somehow, someway, I have found an EXACT position where I am not in pain and moving in any way whatsoever will change that and I KNOW the lurking red menace with the knives it randomly slashes into me is waiting, eagerly, for more time with me.
I hate the mess; one issue I have are ulcerated spots on my legs and there is literally NO KNOWN TREATMENT. Cover it-- no change. Let air hit it -- no change. Pressure bandages -- no change. It is messy, and while I work around it I feel repulsive with them. They flare up or vanish as they will and feel randomly like I am having hot pokers jabbed into me, or my leg rubbed on a cheese grinder.
pain just sucks. I'm damn tired of it.