Honesty
You do not make me happy.
None of you.
Rather, I am happy because you exist.
All of you.
You are amazing and wonderful,
It’s an error to imagine that our happiness comes from anyone but ourselves.
It is not given unto us.
It is not forced upon us.
It is a thing we give outwards, unto the world.
- Dr. Jenna Moran
Flawed and beautiful.
I am happy because I choose to be,
When I choose to be.
It is also an error to imagine that my unhappiness comes from anyone but myself.
I am miserable because I choose to be,
When I choose to be.
I hate, and I blame, and I guilt,
And these make me feel misery.
I create situations and then bemoan them.
When something goes wrong, when I am in a bad place,
My first instinct,
My first subconscious thought,
Is to find who or what to blame,
And internally blame them.
This is incorrect.
First, I blame something or someone external to myself.
Then, I blame something internal that I can externalize.
Finally, I blame myself.
None of these are useful.
None of these matter.
My troubles, my unhappiness -
It all comes from within. ( *)
I have the power to fix what is wrong.
Apart from the narcolepsy,
My troubles are all things I have invented for myself.
Sure, some of the ingredients were not of my making,
But I was the one who performed the alchemy.
This does not mean I can do it easily.
This does not mean I can do it by sheer force of will.
This does not mean suddenly, everything is better.
But, this does mean that I cannot continue what I have been doing.
I cannot look externally for happiness.
I cannot look externally for scapegoats.
I cannot look externally for justification.
I cannot look externally for absolution.
I also cannot place the blame upon myself.
Beating myself up for the choices I make -
This is wrong.
It is as wrong as doing the same to another.
Owning up to the bad choices -
That is fair.
But, placing blame for the outcomes?
That is useless.
Learn and grow,
That is the right-minded mantra.
Mistakes are made.
Learn
Desired outcomes are not met.
Accept
I feel negative emotions.
Grow
I lose sight of my intent or my goal.
Adapt
People act in ways I perceive as sub-ideal.
Love
I will not accept bullshit from myself any longer.
If I am upset, I will acknowledge why I am upset.
I will not allow myself throw blame in my head,
Attempting to avoid dealing with the root cause.
I make this promise to myself -
I will exorcise my unhappiness by giving it voice,
Even if I think it will be misunderstood and upset someone.
I will say, "I am upset because this happened;
It is not what I expected or wanted."
I acknowledge that such thoughts are selfish.
But, I will make them without blame,
Indeed - as a way to avoid subconsciously placing blame.
For that is what I naturally do.
And I hate it.
I will take these things that I do,
These things that I hate that I do,
And I will remove them from my psyche,
One by one,
Until only the I that I love remains.
I promise myself that this will be the first.
The second shall be my habit of breaking my promises to myself
(Which I internally blame on external or externalized factors...)
-------------------------------------------
* [I do not assert that this is true for others;
There are many whose problems are external,
Or whose problems were caused by something external.
Do not think I am referring to anyone but myself]
None of you.
Rather, I am happy because you exist.
All of you.
You are amazing and wonderful,
It’s an error to imagine that our happiness comes from anyone but ourselves.
It is not given unto us.
It is not forced upon us.
It is a thing we give outwards, unto the world.
- Dr. Jenna Moran
Flawed and beautiful.
I am happy because I choose to be,
When I choose to be.
It is also an error to imagine that my unhappiness comes from anyone but myself.
I am miserable because I choose to be,
When I choose to be.
I hate, and I blame, and I guilt,
And these make me feel misery.
I create situations and then bemoan them.
When something goes wrong, when I am in a bad place,
My first instinct,
My first subconscious thought,
Is to find who or what to blame,
And internally blame them.
This is incorrect.
First, I blame something or someone external to myself.
Then, I blame something internal that I can externalize.
Finally, I blame myself.
None of these are useful.
None of these matter.
My troubles, my unhappiness -
It all comes from within. ( *)
I have the power to fix what is wrong.
Apart from the narcolepsy,
My troubles are all things I have invented for myself.
Sure, some of the ingredients were not of my making,
But I was the one who performed the alchemy.
This does not mean I can do it easily.
This does not mean I can do it by sheer force of will.
This does not mean suddenly, everything is better.
But, this does mean that I cannot continue what I have been doing.
I cannot look externally for happiness.
I cannot look externally for scapegoats.
I cannot look externally for justification.
I cannot look externally for absolution.
I also cannot place the blame upon myself.
Beating myself up for the choices I make -
This is wrong.
It is as wrong as doing the same to another.
Owning up to the bad choices -
That is fair.
But, placing blame for the outcomes?
That is useless.
Learn and grow,
That is the right-minded mantra.
Mistakes are made.
Learn
Desired outcomes are not met.
Accept
I feel negative emotions.
Grow
I lose sight of my intent or my goal.
Adapt
People act in ways I perceive as sub-ideal.
Love
I will not accept bullshit from myself any longer.
If I am upset, I will acknowledge why I am upset.
I will not allow myself throw blame in my head,
Attempting to avoid dealing with the root cause.
I make this promise to myself -
I will exorcise my unhappiness by giving it voice,
Even if I think it will be misunderstood and upset someone.
I will say, "I am upset because this happened;
It is not what I expected or wanted."
I acknowledge that such thoughts are selfish.
But, I will make them without blame,
Indeed - as a way to avoid subconsciously placing blame.
For that is what I naturally do.
And I hate it.
I will take these things that I do,
These things that I hate that I do,
And I will remove them from my psyche,
One by one,
Until only the I that I love remains.
I promise myself that this will be the first.
The second shall be my habit of breaking my promises to myself
(Which I internally blame on external or externalized factors...)
-------------------------------------------
* [I do not assert that this is true for others;
There are many whose problems are external,
Or whose problems were caused by something external.
Do not think I am referring to anyone but myself]