My new nickname is Mr Awesomesauce. Cos I am awesome. And saucy.
Shame: never cool. ~ Nyecamden (quoting myself, nananana)
Please note: I know I shouldn't be ashamed. That doesn't help with the actual feelingsbobs. I am working on this, partly by writing this entry.
Woah. I have all this shame stuff.
Sudden/significant weight gain despite having run a marathon less than a year ago.
I now own no nice clothes that fit me (bar some t-shirts). This is because a) I don't fit in my current clothes, b) have no idea what my body shape/size is going to be in 6 weeks/12 weeks/whenever because I am healthfully caringly dieting, c) because fat shame makes me not want to have nice things and d) because it's a pain in the blinking arse to get fat clothes in this country apart from via the Internet; see c). *sigh*
Going 'backwards' from relatively balanced mental health for 5-7 years to pit of despair.
Still living in a relative pig-sty that I am slowly turning round. My bedroom is nice and tidy thanks to doubtfulace, my kitchen sink is clean, most food waste has been chucked. (Approx 4 months of 2 Tesco deliveries per week WITHOUT THROWING WASTE AWAY.) So, I'm picking myself up, but some of the practical consequences of the above make me feel shame. I am taking practical action - doing a little bit of tidying every day.
Ablism turned inwards. I've been using a walking stick to support my back. (Fat gain plus muscle loss/immobility for months = back pain.) Woah, the amount of grief I'm giving myself over being not an athlete is really shitty. Also (not a shame thing) some of you humans are patronising dickwads. Ever so helpful after I say things like 'I don't need any help,' 'Just leave the gate, I'm fine,' 'No thanks. NO.' MY STICK DOESN'T NEGATE MY ABILITY TO DECIDE IF I NEED YOUR FLIPPING HELP OR NOT.
I *love* how the bi community has been now I'm getting back to my life. No blame. Welcoming. Apart from some very obvious and ok help with chairs etc., people only help me when I ask for it. THAT IS AWESOMESAUCE.
Please note: I know I shouldn't be ashamed. That doesn't help with the actual feelingsbobs. I am working on this, partly by writing this entry.
Woah. I have all this shame stuff.
Sudden/significant weight gain despite having run a marathon less than a year ago.
I now own no nice clothes that fit me (bar some t-shirts). This is because a) I don't fit in my current clothes, b) have no idea what my body shape/size is going to be in 6 weeks/12 weeks/whenever because I am healthfully caringly dieting, c) because fat shame makes me not want to have nice things and d) because it's a pain in the blinking arse to get fat clothes in this country apart from via the Internet; see c). *sigh*
Going 'backwards' from relatively balanced mental health for 5-7 years to pit of despair.
Still living in a relative pig-sty that I am slowly turning round. My bedroom is nice and tidy thanks to doubtfulace, my kitchen sink is clean, most food waste has been chucked. (Approx 4 months of 2 Tesco deliveries per week WITHOUT THROWING WASTE AWAY.) So, I'm picking myself up, but some of the practical consequences of the above make me feel shame. I am taking practical action - doing a little bit of tidying every day.
Ablism turned inwards. I've been using a walking stick to support my back. (Fat gain plus muscle loss/immobility for months = back pain.) Woah, the amount of grief I'm giving myself over being not an athlete is really shitty. Also (not a shame thing) some of you humans are patronising dickwads. Ever so helpful after I say things like 'I don't need any help,' 'Just leave the gate, I'm fine,' 'No thanks. NO.' MY STICK DOESN'T NEGATE MY ABILITY TO DECIDE IF I NEED YOUR FLIPPING HELP OR NOT.
I *love* how the bi community has been now I'm getting back to my life. No blame. Welcoming. Apart from some very obvious and ok help with chairs etc., people only help me when I ask for it. THAT IS AWESOMESAUCE.