Stopping and being slow
I get really really nervous about jogging in public. I usually just confine myself to the treadmill at the gym, but lately I've been trying to get myself used to jogging outside. I've jogged for one or several lots of 60s bursts whilst walking somewhere.
I get nervous about people noticing that I'm jogging really slowly, it takes me back to athletics at school. *shudders* I get nervous about people noticing that I go from jogging to walking. I worry that they're thinking 'that person is rubbish at jogging and has stopped because they're rubbish.' I worry about people shouting out fatphobic things when I'm exercising in public and feeling so vulnerable because of the stuff I outlined above.
I am re-doing the Couch to 5 kilometers programme. I'll be starting off at week one. I find it so hard to run outside, so hard. I'll be battling quite a bit of suicidal ideation when I do this. Please do not tell me this is serious. For me it is not. If I avoided doing things that made me feel suicidal I would never do any face to face socialising with more than one person.
So I'm nervous, but I'm still going to do it. I plan to walk to Russel Square, do stretches in the square, then jog/walk/jog/walk etc around Bloomsbury and Holborn. (If I don't stretch before I jog my shins really hurt.)
* I can do it *
* Every day I get stronger and fitter *
* I am doing this for ME *
You might be wondering why I want to jog in public if it makes me feel so awful. a) I find most cardio boring, and this is *not* boring because it's so difficult for me, b) I was a non-runner for so much of my life, I feel quite proud of myself for turning myself into a runner, c) if I had my gym privileges revoked for some reason I'd have a virtually free source of exercise, d) I can do it anywhere, which fits in with my lifestyle, e) at some point I will get a level of smugness from it ;-)
I get nervous about people noticing that I'm jogging really slowly, it takes me back to athletics at school. *shudders* I get nervous about people noticing that I go from jogging to walking. I worry that they're thinking 'that person is rubbish at jogging and has stopped because they're rubbish.' I worry about people shouting out fatphobic things when I'm exercising in public and feeling so vulnerable because of the stuff I outlined above.
I am re-doing the Couch to 5 kilometers programme. I'll be starting off at week one. I find it so hard to run outside, so hard. I'll be battling quite a bit of suicidal ideation when I do this. Please do not tell me this is serious. For me it is not. If I avoided doing things that made me feel suicidal I would never do any face to face socialising with more than one person.
So I'm nervous, but I'm still going to do it. I plan to walk to Russel Square, do stretches in the square, then jog/walk/jog/walk etc around Bloomsbury and Holborn. (If I don't stretch before I jog my shins really hurt.)
* I can do it *
* Every day I get stronger and fitter *
* I am doing this for ME *
You might be wondering why I want to jog in public if it makes me feel so awful. a) I find most cardio boring, and this is *not* boring because it's so difficult for me, b) I was a non-runner for so much of my life, I feel quite proud of myself for turning myself into a runner, c) if I had my gym privileges revoked for some reason I'd have a virtually free source of exercise, d) I can do it anywhere, which fits in with my lifestyle, e) at some point I will get a level of smugness from it ;-)