(no subject)
I'm having another emotional evening. Fcuking christmas. I hate it. It's so emblematic of family. I used to have a family. Used to have a kid. I didn't celebrate christmas (except when pushed into it a couple of times by my partner), but that was ok, I had a beautiful daughter and relatives who lived far away enough to avoid most of the time. Now I have a daughter but don't have her: I signed my parental rights away when declared sane enough to do so in a psych ward, after being pressurised into doing it at a very vulnerable time. Every time someone says 'she's better off where she is' I get so bloody angry, they're usually trying to placate me. Stop it. Stop it. Argh. It doesn't make me happy that my daughter has a better life without me. It makes me feel ashamed, heartbroken, angry. I got a christmas card from my dad, that's 50-100% of the communication I receive from him every year.
I hope that everyone who's going to have a miserable christmas gets through it ok.
I hope that everyone who's going to have a miserable christmas gets through it ok.