(no subject)
what a day. -_-
this has got to stop. seeing it from the corner of my eye tears me apart inside. a rush of what use to be came back only to overwhelm me. all this from a far, id hate to think about what id be like up close. 5 seconds. no more, is all it took to bring me back to this empty state. my thoughts havent deviated much since the morning. class kept as a mere distraction. once those were over, it was back to nothing. this is effing retarded. UGH. i cant stand it. its so frustrating to know that things are better for them. while im still here. still holding onto shit that is seemingly impossible to let go. why is this so hard. what is so difficult about it. what has happened should have made it a lot easier for me to move forward. but its only hurt me that much more and left me in this circle of stupid emotions. i get so angry sometimes. angry. hurt. upset. how do i deal. gawd it doesnt stop. whats wrong with me. whats so hard about this. it should be just THAT easy shouldnt. its proven much easier for others, so why not me. i dont know how to feel anymore. my bad moods are beginning to outweigh the small amount of 'happiness' i have left in me. ill always put on a good face for sport. and i do mean well behind the smile. but a little scratching has turned into ripping and clawing at my insides. just one little thing. one thing and it seems like the world has started coming to an end. a bit dramatic, dont you think. yah. i cant slip into these moods anymore. they drop me. just completely drop me. these headaches are getting worse. i need a night out. i need something. i just...need to get away. but theres no where for me to run anymore.
this has got to stop. seeing it from the corner of my eye tears me apart inside. a rush of what use to be came back only to overwhelm me. all this from a far, id hate to think about what id be like up close. 5 seconds. no more, is all it took to bring me back to this empty state. my thoughts havent deviated much since the morning. class kept as a mere distraction. once those were over, it was back to nothing. this is effing retarded. UGH. i cant stand it. its so frustrating to know that things are better for them. while im still here. still holding onto shit that is seemingly impossible to let go. why is this so hard. what is so difficult about it. what has happened should have made it a lot easier for me to move forward. but its only hurt me that much more and left me in this circle of stupid emotions. i get so angry sometimes. angry. hurt. upset. how do i deal. gawd it doesnt stop. whats wrong with me. whats so hard about this. it should be just THAT easy shouldnt. its proven much easier for others, so why not me. i dont know how to feel anymore. my bad moods are beginning to outweigh the small amount of 'happiness' i have left in me. ill always put on a good face for sport. and i do mean well behind the smile. but a little scratching has turned into ripping and clawing at my insides. just one little thing. one thing and it seems like the world has started coming to an end. a bit dramatic, dont you think. yah. i cant slip into these moods anymore. they drop me. just completely drop me. these headaches are getting worse. i need a night out. i need something. i just...need to get away. but theres no where for me to run anymore.