Chapter 4- Remind me how did you talk me in to this?
Story title: The strange case of Doctor Insano and Spoony One
Chapter title: Chapter 4- Remind me how did you talk me in to this?
Story Summery: Doctor Insano takes control of Spoony and kidnaps SOI from the clone Insano. The only one who can stop him from conquering/ destroying the world is his clone (Clonesano), who wants his son back, but Clonesano will need to teem up with Linkara to stand a chance of winning. In this story Clonesano and Spoony are like brothers.
Characters: Doctor Insano, Clonesano (the Doctor Insano clone), Spoony and Son of Insano.
Disclaimer: The people in this story are not mine, and this is pure fiction.
Thanks: To my wonderful beta ladyhadhafang without who’s help you probably couldn’t understand this.
AN: A happier chapter.
Prologue: If you don’t want to read the prologue all you need to know is that in this story; Linkara always knew Spoony and Doctor Insano were the same person, he made the Insano clone and the Insano clone (Clonesano) isn’t really evil and is Spoony’s friend.
Chapter 1- An apple a day…
Chapter 2- …keeps the doctor away?
Chapter3- Own worst enemy
Chapter 4- Remind me how did you talk me in to this?
Clonesano had just finished a very long day. He was exhorted and miserable. One of his patients had died at the hospital where he worked. Worst still that patient had only been a five year old boy with a disease that, if caught earlier, should not have done him any lasting damage. Clonesano had been the one to break the news to the boy’s devastated parents.
He’d just put Junior to bed and had been looking forward to finally getting round to doing some work on his experiments when...
"Insano! I need your help! Bring the First Aid Kit!"
Great...
Spoony didn’t particularly sound as if he was in trouble but you could never really tell with him. Clonesano dashed into the kitchen and grabbed the first aid kit from the medical cabinet before racing upstairs.
Clonesano wasn’t sure what he’d been expecting but whatever it was he hadn’t expected the scene that met his eyes. Spoony, bleeding, mouth covered in blood, white as a ghost...
Bleeding.
As quickly as it came, the helplessness dissolved, being replaced by professionalism as the doctor in him took over. “Spoony -- follow me. You're losing a lot of blood.”
“But -”
“Spoony,” Clonesano said wearily, “Please?”
He must have done something right, because Spoony softened and followed him into the next room. There, Clonesano continued to rummage throughout the cabinets for something to sterilize the wound with.
Found it!
“So,” Clonesano said, trying to sound as conversational as possible as he cleaned the wound, “What happened?”
“HIGHLANDER sequel...got carried away...hurt my hand...you probably heard the yelling.”
“Not buying it Spoony. I don’t care how bad a sequel you watch you wouldn’t do this,” Clonesano said lightly, and Spoony groaned.
“Fine. I was cheeking on ‘you know who,’” Spoony gestured with his undamaged right hand to his head, almost as if gossiping about someone he wasn't supposed to be gossiping about. “Happy?”
“Are you going to tell me what he said or did to make you bit yourself so hard?” Clonesano asked as he continued to bandage Spoony’s hand.
“He didn’t do anything,” Spoony said. “It’s fine really. I’ll just be more careful next time.”
“If you say so...”
He knew a lost battle when he saw one. Doctor Insano must have said something to really upset Spoony. Normally Clonesano would have put down Spoony’s mood to being upset about his injured hand but Spoony barely seemed to care about it.
Still, Clonesano mused once Spoony was patched up and sent off to bed, much to the latter's chagrin (he’d been going there anyway but didn’t like being sent), it didn't mean he couldn't do something to help...
***
Spoony had just finished editing the last instalment of his Ultima retrospect when he was startled by Clonesano leaping into the room, cackling madly -- more than usual, that is.
One bruised bottom (and ego) later, Spoony got up, scowling at Clonesano. “Ever heard of fucking knocking?”
“What and miss you screaming like a girl?”
“I didn’t ‘scream like a girl,’” Spoony said. “I gave a manly cry of surprise.”
“You keep telling yourself that,” Clonesano said, his grin so wide that it took all of Spoony's self-control not to tear him a new one.
It's just last night; calm down...it's just last night; calm down…you’re just a little jumpy that’s all, Spoony thought frantically. And somehow, Spoony made himself believe it. Now calmed down a little, Spoony said, in his best ‘pissy’ voice, “Can't you bother Chick or something? I’m sure she has you booked for a cameo in her next review.”
“That’s next week.” Clonesano said. “Besides it's family night!”
“Huh." Spoony shrugged. “What are we doing?” He dreaded the answer. It was Clonesano’s week to choose and his weeks invariably ended in disaster.
“We're going camping!”
The silence in Spoony's room was so profound you could have heard a pin drop.
“No. Bullshit.” Spoony forced a laugh. “There is no way on earth I’m going to spend even a single night camping if you’re the one who organized it.”
“What different does me organizing it make?” Clonesano asked in his best impression of a hurt voice.
“I still have nightmares about that fishing trip you organized,” Spoony said seriously as he rubbed his eyes.
“My devise for luring fish worked just fine.”
“If by fine you mean; we all almost drowned when a whole school of fish was attracted and knocked over our boat.”
“Granted it worked a little better than expected but-”
“No,” Spoony said flatly. “I’m not going and you can’t make me.”
“Yes, I can. And furthermore,” Clonesano said, as if explaining to a child something he should already know, “I've already packed your things. It's not like you can turn back now.”
“No,” said Spoony stubbornly as he reached towards his teleporter. “I’m not letting you drag me into another mess.”
“I’m sorry about this, Spoony. I didn't want this to happen." Clonesano sighed, a parody of sadness and pity on his face (as best of a parody he could, anyways). “But you leave me no other choice.”
“I'm so going to kill you for th--”
The needle pricked his arm and the world went black.
***
“Ten bottles of acid sitting in my lab,
Ten bottles of acid sitting in my lab,
And if one bottle of acid I should quickly grab,
There would be nine bottles of acid sitting in my lab.
“You sing the next verse, Junior!” As Junior began to sing the mad scientists version of ‘Ten Green Bottle", Spoony groaned. His head hurt -- and the sheer...bumpiness for lack of a better word wasn't making things easier. If that damn car doesn't stop clunking down the highway, I swear I'm going to throw up...
Then he said, “You’re a dead man for this, Insano. You know that, right?”
The noises that followed -- Junior squealing in delight that his uncle was finally up, for example, and Clonesano's maniacal cackling -- didn't help Spoony's head, nor did the blur of trees that whirred by.
Brilliant. I’m stuck in a car with a hyperactive squishball and a mad scientist clone. Can this day get any better? Spoony thought.
“We’re about two hours drive away from our campsite,” Clonesano said. Spoony groaned. “Stop moaning. You know you’ll enjoy it when you get there.”
“No I won’t,” Spoony insisted. Truth be told he remember really enjoying camping as a boy, but he wasn’t going to admit it especially if Clonesano was running the damn thing. “I’ll hate every minuet of it. You just wait and see.”
“Spoony, stop being so childish,” Clonesano said in his stern father’s voice. “Now, can you entertain Junior for a bit?”
Spoony was about to revert to his cranky old bastard self and tell Clonesano that Junior could entertain himself, but stopped at Junior's pleading look. He sighed. “Fine. So, Junior,” he said, trying his best to put on a brave face, “Why don’t we sing ‘When I Was One’ The Pirate Song?”
“Dafatera,” Junior said blankly.
“What, you don’t know it?” Spoony asked incredulously. Junior shook his entire body to show he didn’t. Spoony turned to look at Clonesano in the front. “How could you let Pinky grow up not knowing that song? You have failed him as a father!”
“You teach it him then,” Clonesano snapped, “and don’t call him Pinky.”
“Fine. I will. But I’m not going to enjoy it. I’m just doing the job you failed to do.” Spoony sighed and blearily rubbed his temples. If Clonesano isn't careful, he's going to be the death of me, he thought tiredly.
“Now, listen closely, my apt pupil...‘When I Was One’ is an ancient and most sacred part of coming of age in our household...”
Ten minutes later, despite his best intentions, Spoony was happily singing with Junior and doing all the actions to ‘The wheels on the bus.’ At that moment Clonesano glanced in the mirror and Spoony caught a glimpse of Clonesano’s face as he grinned victoriously. Spoony immediately stopped singing and wiped the smile from his face. Damn it! He wasn’t going to let Clonesano win this one.
“Why couldn’t we just teleport to the campsite? In fact,” Spoony said, putting on the grumpiest voice he could imagine (which Linkara had once teased him about, saying it made him sound like a grumpy old geezer telling kids to stop playing on his lawn), “Why can't I just teleport?”
“Because I know you,” Clonesano said. “You wouldn’t come even though you know you’ll enjoy it. You’d cut off your own nose to spite your face which is why I left the teleporter at home. It’s in my lab with my current experiments.”
Suddenly, the grogginess seemed to fade from Spoony. “You're not going to turn me blue or try and make flying monkeys again are you?” Spoony asked fearfully. The flying monkey thing had happened about a week after Clonesano had watched ‘The Wizard of OZ’ and had caused no end of trouble.
Clonesano burst into mad laughter.
“Of course not, you dummy! At the moment I’m working on two great SCIENCE projects! I’m positive I’m on the brink of a breakthrough with my long term project to find a cure for all forms of cancer. My other project is to make a mind control devise that I will use to convince politicians to change the law and give free health care to everyone!” Beat. “Yes! To all of them!”
Spoony sighed. If he doesn't stop quoting that goddamn movie... he thought bitterly. Ever since the TRON LEGACY incident, Clonesano had done everything he could to piss Spoony off by mentioning it -- mostly along the lines of “Why don't you like it, Spoony? It's the best movie ever!” On a normal day, mentioning it would be, to paraphrase Nash, like showing him a HIGHLANDER sequel. But today, he was in a good mood -- or the best mood he could be in after being kidnapped -- so the best he could offer was a half-hearted eye roll.
“You do realize that Linkara will just come and break that thing anyway? I mean,” he said, “The day that Linkara allows you to manufacture a mind control device is the day the Nostalgia Critic agrees to attend anger management sessions voluntarily.”
“I’m sure he’ll see sense. It’s for the greater good,” Clonesano said dismissively.
Spoony had to suppress a groan. Sometimes Clonesano was impossible.
“You seem pretty happy, by the way,” Clonesano commented happily. “I guess you won’t hate this camping holiday after all.”
“Oh I will. I’m dreading it,” Spoony insisted. “And I still need to get you back for drugging me.” Spoony turned to Junior who was still singing. “Do you want to know how to get on your dad’s nerves every time you go on a long car journey?”
"Don't you dare --” Clonesano warned, but Spoony leaned in as close as he could to Junior, mouthing the words, “Are we nearly there yet?"
“Oh for the love of Tesla,” Clonesano moaned as his son and Spoony began to chant the phrase in annoying sing song voices in the back. Two hours latter, when they finally arrived, Spoony was feeling much better but Clonesano was in a very bad mood.
AN: Even when Clonesano is trying to do good with his experiments he still wants to control their minds with SCIENCE! And yes I gave him a job. I just can’t see Clonesano not having one. How do you think he looks after SOI, funds his experiments and pays rent without one (yes he helps Spoony with the rent).