Things That Were Said Drabbles
Summary: These are Tumblr drabbles based on "What you said," prompts. They are not necessarily related, except where indicated. 1. Things you said when you were drunk, 2. Things You Said With Too Many Miles Between Us, 3. Things You Said Over the Phone, 4. Things You Said with No Space Between Us, 5. Things You Said After It Was Over, 6. Things You Said at 1AM, 7. Things You Didn't Say at All, 8. Things You Said After We Kissed, 9. Things You Said That I Wasn't Meant to Hear & Things You Said That I Wish You Hadn't, 10. Things You Said When We Were on Top of the World, 11. Things You Said When We Were the Happiest Ever, 12. Things You Said When I Was Crying, 13. Things You Said Under the Stars
Rating: Generally PG, although there are a couple of Rs.
Timeline: All over the place! From Season 3 to post-season 7.
1. Things You Said When You Were Drunk
”If your butt could talk, would it have an accent?”
“What?” Ben asks, looking at his wife and trying not to laugh, while they sit on their kitchen floor against the lower cabinets and eat ice cream straight out of the container.
"You heard me,” Leslie tells him, grabbing the pint of Ben & Jerry’s from his hands and using her spoon to get a bite of the softened Chocolate Fudge Brownie.
“Um, I’m not sure I did.”
“Your cute little butt. If it could talk. What would it say? No. Wait. That’s not what I asked. Oh, right, would it have an accent?” She shakes the spoon in the air. “That’s it. That’s my question.”
“Okay. You didn’t drive us home, right?” Ben asks.
”No, babe. Ann did. Don’t you remember? We were in the back of her car,” she says, smiling at his half-smudged off Dread Pirate Roberts mustache. Leslie giggles. “You kept offering me a mustache ride for a nickel.”
“Good lord, I don’t remember that,” he tells her, shaking his head but then laughing. “Oh! Wait. I do remember…that I flushed my car keys down the toilet, didn’t I?”
Leslie nods, while digging around for another spoonful. After she gets one, Ben takes the container back, and holds it in his hand while he considers her question.
”Okay, I got it. My butt would have an accent and it would say, Oh no! I flushed zee car keys down zee toilet! En français. La toilet!”
Leslie laughs, while using Ben’s shoulders for leverage so she can get up on her knees and then straddle his lap. He puts the ice cream down on the floor next to them and grips her hips.
“You doing okay, babe?” He asks softly, pushing some of her Princess Buttercup hair out of her face.
”I am now,” she responds, moving in for a kiss. “So, about that mustache ride…”
2. Things You Said With Too Many Miles Between Us
"So, have you ever…done any butt stuff?" Leslie asks into her phone, after recounting one of the questions she got at the Senior Center earlier, while she was packing up her bananas, after getting shut down by Chris and the Society for Family Stability Foundation.
Of course, it seems like such a strange conversation to have while Ben is all the way in DC and she’s in Pawnee, but those old people at the Senior Center were…eye-opening to say the least.
There’s a pause before Ben answers. “Um. Yes. But not since college.”
"Oh? In college? Do you mean-" Leslie starts to ask him, but then she’s not even sure what she means.
"Wait. I don’t know, what do you think I mean? College is not code for anything. I don’t mean that…no. I’ve never…um, I mean, it’s totally fine of course, there’s nothing wrong with it. But I’m talking about my girlfriend senior year. Sometimes we…um, she liked anal sex.”
"Wow. Okay," Leslie responds, a little surprised. But really, why should she be that surprised? Ben in college was probably…yeah. And according to Gladys at the Senior Center, anal sex is a lot of fun.
He continues, sounding almost apologetic, “It was her idea and so we did that a few times. I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t like it, but I also don’t expect it. Really.”
It’s quiet for a few seconds, which, when you’re on the phone talking to your long-distance boyfriend about sexy butt things, after spending the day with old people who liked to go at it hard, old-people style…is a long time.
"Once a guy licked me there," she says, breaking the silence. "I think he was just confused and a little lost, so it was probably an accident. He was kind of drunk."
Very drunk, Leslie thinks, before continuing. “But I liked it. A lot.”
"Oh." Ben sounds surprised but…definitely interested. "It was an accident, huh?"
"I don’t know," she admits. "Probably? I think so. It did seem like a weird place to start." And also because Ann had told her that Mark had never done anything like that to her.
So, yeah. Probably, definitely, a miscalculation.
"But you liked it," Ben asks.
"Yeah."
"I would definitely do that to you if you wanted," he tells her, and it kind of comes out all low and gruff and it makes her toes curl and her stomach drop.
"Well, if you wanted to, you know, have sex back there, we could try that too," Leslie says. "Yeah. I’d like to try that."
"Okay," he answers, and she can almost see him lying back on his bed, in his sparsely-decorated DC apartment, a small smile on his face as he nods.
"God, I miss you. And I love you." The words come out of her mouth in a rush.
"Oh, babe," Ben answers. "I miss and love you too. Three more weeks until your visit."
"Three weeks," Leslie repeats, smiling.
"Okay. So tell me again about Andy and the bananas?"
3. Things You Said Over the Phone
”Ben, what did April mean when she texted me and said you broke Stephen?”
He can hear the panic in Leslie’s voice and he really wants to tell her that it’s nothing and that everything is fine (which it is), but he also knows how insane he would be if he was halfway across the country at a conference and got a (completely exaggerated) text saying that something had happened to one of the kids.
Ben also can’t help thinking that he kind of wants to kill April for telling Leslie something like that in a text.
"Honey, we’re fine. I was just about to call you. But we’re at the emergency room and-"
"Oh my god! Ben! I’m leaving for the airport right now, I-"
"Leslie. It’s okay. It’s okay. I promise. He fell. He hit his head, there was something sharp on the ground, I’m not even sure what, but he’s fine. He needs a few stitches but I’m here and-"
"Oh, my baby."
He can hear her start to cry on the other end of the phone and he wants to comfort her, just like he’s been doing with Stephen while they’ve been waiting for the ER doctor to come back and stitch up the deep gash on the little four year-old’s forehead.
"He’s being very brave," Ben tells her, wrapping an arm tighter around the now fairly-calm boy sitting in his lap. "Do you want to talk to him?"
"Yes," Leslie says.
Ben gives his phone to his son. “Here. Talk to mommy. Tell her you’re okay.”
"Mommy! I’m all bloody and I cracked my head open!"
Ben shuts his eyes and sighs. Yeah. She’s going to be on the next plane home.
4. Things You Said with No Space Between Us
"Shhhh," Ben whispers, his lips right by her left ear, as he slowly thrusts into her from behind. He nips at her lobe lightly, teasingly, and then adds, "Babe, you have to be quiet or this isn’t going to work."
"Yeah. Yeah. Okay," she whispers back in agreement. But then he hits that one spot and, "Ohhhhh!”
Ben’s hand quickly comes down and rests against her mouth and his movements still, as he tells her, “Between this and the pirates, I’m talking years of therapy if she wakes up again and comes back.”
Leslie laughs lightly, smiles against his fingers and nods. She grabs hold of her pillow and hugs it to her face instead-this way, he can put his fingers to better use.
After a challenging night with one of their five year-olds and an especially scary nightmare involving ghost pirates (they still have no idea how she managed to watch some of The Pirates of the Caribbean), they’d finally gotten Sonia back into her own bed around three. That gave them a couple more hours of sleep before Leslie had woken up to the still-dark bedroom, acutely aware of Ben’s body pressing into hers from their sleepy, spooning position.
From there, it really didn’t take long for her wiggles to wake him up, took only a few more minutes of lazy, giggly groping and making out to work both of their flannel pajama pants down and off, and hardly any time at all to get her thoroughly soaked and ready for him.
Surprisingly, in the past five years they have gotten fairly good at muffled, sneaky, stealthy sex.
Right now, they’re so close together, her back shoved into him, her leg up and resting on his thigh as he thrusts and pushes, grinds his hips into hers, that it’s hard for Leslie to feel where she stops and where he begins, all while she’s being held tightly and fucked so completely.
And when Ben’s fingers brush against her clit again, and she feels herself cradled against his thighs, practically impaled on him, Leslie has to muffle her cries into her pillow, her orgasm rushing through as he races her to the end.
Things You Said After It Was Over
"It’s okay. You’re okay," he tells her softly, stroking the side of her head.
"Ben?" Leslie says his name louder this time, sharper, almost like she’s starting to panic a little. He gets up quickly from the chair right next to her bed in the recovery room and reaches for her hand again, clasping it firmly in his.
He’s glad he’s prepared for this, otherwise he’d be panicking too, freaking out at the way her whole body is shaking.
"I can’t stop-"
"I know. It’s just the anesthetic wearing off. It’s normal. Remember? They told us this would probably happen. You’re okay, honey. Just try to relax."
"The babies? Where-"
"They’re still in NICU for a little while, but they’re fine. The nurse said you can go see them in an hour or so. I was just there a few minutes ago. Your mom was here with you while I was gone."
"I don’t even remember that," she tells him, teeth still chattering."I remember the c-section but…"
"You maybe fell asleep for a few minutes? It’s okay. You were so amazing."
"Okay," she agrees, and takes a deep breath, trying to calm down. "But I didn’t do all that much. I just laid there."
Ben smiles and pulls the blanket up around her more, all the way to her chin, tucking her in gently. He wants to get into bed with her and hold her, keep her warm and safe, but he’s afraid of accidentally touching the stitches or hurting her.
"You did everything. They are so beautiful. And so little. But…" he trails off, leans in to kiss her forehead. "We really need to figure out this name situation."
6. Things You Said at 1AM (Loosely related to Things You Said On the Phone)
He lets himself into the house quietly, not wanting to wake anyone up at this late hour. Ben wasn’t expecting his meeting to run so incredibly long, but thankfully, it was a light day for Leslie and she was able to get home in time for dinner with the kids.
They’ve been extremely lucky so far-their schedules have meshed almost seamlessly. When one has a late work night, the other is usually able to pick up the slack at home.
But tonight, even back around seven o’clock, Ben really found himself wanting to be at home more than anything, instead of sitting in his office, working with his staff, and eating bad take-out for dinner. He’d have much rather been getting the kids into the bathtub, into warm pajamas, and then into bed for stories and cuddles. And now, even though it’s after one in the morning, he figures he’ll just peek into their room and give them each a quick kiss goodnight.
And if he just happens to wake one up, maybe he can get a hug and a couple of kisses back.
But when Ben steps inside the triplets’ room, instead of three peacefully sleeping four year-olds, he finds three little empty and disheveled toddler beds. Frowning, he crosses the hallway into his and Leslie’s room where his wife and all three kids are snuggled up together in the middle of the increasingly practical, king-size bed.
"Daddy!" Stephen squeals, sitting up.
"Shhhh," Ben walks over to the bed and sits down. "Hey," Ben whispers to his son. "What are you all doing in here?"
"Mommy said we could have a sleep over in the big bed!" His son exclaims, quieter than before, but still with a fair amount of enthusiasm for one in the morning. "We missed you, daddy, but we got extra cookies after dinner."
Ben laughs. “I missed you too, buddy. Come here.”
The little boy climbs into Ben’s lap for a hug. He kisses his son on the forehead, just above the healed-but-still-red scar from Stephen’s recent stitches. It’s not in the shape of a lightening bolt, but Ben is already dreading the day Leslie starts reading Harry Potter to the kids.
No doubt, they will all want a forehead scar and certainly, that’s a catastrophe waiting to happen.
As he and Leslie have learned, if one or two triplets have something, they all want one-whether it’s a cupcake, a toy, a penis, or he’s sure, a cool forehead scar.
"Hey babe," Leslie says, groggily, turning over to face him. "What time is it?"
"Very late. After one. Sorry, the meeting went way over-"
"It’s okay," she tells him. "We had extra cookies."
7. Things You Didn't Say at All
As Ben watches Leslie turn and walk away from his front door at six in the morning, he’s almost tired enough, almost worn down enough by this point, to not block out and disable the part of his brain that wants to yell out to her.
"Stop."
"Come back. Please."
"I love you. I love you so much."
He’d also tell her that he thinks she’s amazing and that she’s the only one he wants to wake up with in the morning or have future children with (wait, what?).
To say that’s why he doesn’t want to go back to being just friends-can’t go back to being just friends. That’s reasonable, right?
When Leslie was standing in front of him again (because in this fantasy, of course she’d come back), Ben would pull her close and kiss her, take her hand in his, and lead her back to his bedroom. Or hell, maybe just to the couch, since April and Andy are off on some asinine road trip…that will probably end in a phone call and him having to come get them.
But wherever he and Leslie ended up this morning, on the day after the world didn’t end, he’d hold her, bury his face in her soft hair, and never let her go again.
Instead, he just stares as Leslie Knope walks away from his front door, gets in her car, and drives away-because the romantic part of their relationship is over.
8. Things You Said After We Kissed
"Oh," Ben mutters, after Leslie pulls back for a second time.
Her travel receipts forgotten, they’ve somehow managed to walk backwards, kissing and touching, all the way across the office to Chris’s desk.
In fact, he’s pretty sure that’s why she stopped, because he hit the desk and couldn’t go any farther, causing Leslie to push her body all the way against his-and he’s also pretty sure that she now has a very good idea of exactly how much he’s been enjoying all of the kissing that they have finally been doing.
Ben is about to turn them around so she can sit on the desk and he can settle in-between her thighs when Leslie tells him, “We absolutely can not make out on Chris’s desk.”
"Right," Ben quickly agrees. "Right. We can’t do that."
"No," she says, then makes a face like she’s reconsidering. "Well, it’s not like he’s actually using it right now."
Ben looks around the empty office, nods. “True. He left hours ago.”
"And he did kind of ruin our evening last night when he showed up at the restaurant in Indianapolis. So, when you really consider it, maybe it would be kind of justified if we did make out with each other right here, right now, on his desk,” she adds, reaching out and playing with Ben’s tie.
His hands slide down from her waist, to her hips, and then back around to squeeze her butt, making her smile.
"Leslie. I really, really want to, but you were right the first time. We absolutely should not make out on Chris’s desk…no matter how convenient this flat surface would be."
She sighs and leans her head forward, so close to his that their noses are touching. “I know,” Leslie whispers, eyes closed. “But so convenient.”
They’re both smiling and their lips are already so close, that it’s nothing to slowly start kissing again. Nothing for Ben’s hands to continue to rub and squeeze her ass, or for Leslie to grind against him.
Soon, Ben is the one sitting on Chris’s desk, with Leslie wedged between his thighs, her hands up around his neck, while his hands are busy touching her sides, one even exploring up under her shirt, just against the edge of her lacy-feeling bra.
"Ben. Ben. We can’t do this," she tells him, when they finally pull apart for the third time. "Here. We can't do this here. But we should definitely go make out at my house right now."
"Oh, thank god. Yes. Yes. We definitely need to go do that. Come on," he says, taking her hand. "Let’s go."
9. Things You Said That I Wasn't Meant to Hear & Things You Said That I Wish You Hadn't
"Oh honey," Ben says, sitting next to her on the couch, as Leslie leans her head tiredly against his shoulder. "I’m so sorry you’re feeling bad."
"This baby is trying to murder me with nauseousness."
"I don’t think that’s the case," he tells her. "I’m sure the baby isn’t doing it on purpose."
"No," Leslie sits up all the way up slowly. "I know. Probably. It’s just…hard to feel as happy as I am,” she says, smiling before she continues. “That I really, really am, when I’m constantly wanting to throw up. But I am very excited for the sonogram with Dr. Saperstein on Thursday. Plus, after that we can stop being so sneaky. It's getting hard to not want to just tell everyone! Shout it out from the rooftops!”
"I know," he agrees. "I’m looking forward to that too. And I understand, I really do. I just wish I could do something to make you feel better. Do you want to try a ginger ale?”
"Yeah. That might help. It did earlier."
"Okay," Ben kisses her forehead and gets up, starts walking towards the kitchen.
"Oh no…my purse," Leslie says suddenly.
"What?" He turns around to look at her and takes in Leslie’s concerned face and unhappy expression.
"No. Nothing," she says quickly, obviously trying to backpedal.
"Wait. What’s wrong with your purse? Did you leave it somewhere?" he asks.
"No. Uh, it’s fine."
But honestly, Leslie does not at all look like it’s fine.
"Babe?" He tries again.
Leslie sighs. “I was feeling better earlier, maybe because I had a ginger ale? So I ate lunch, but then later, when I was up in the third floor hallway, it hit me again, and you know how the bathrooms are locked up there this week?”
Ben nods and she continues.
"Well, I didn’t know where to…you know, so I kind of puked in my purse. And then I had a meeting and I forgot all about it.”
"Oh. Um, okay," he says. "You got sick in your purse because the bathrooms were locked."
Leslie nods. “Yes. I hurled in my handbag. I upchucked in my attache. I spewed in my satchel. I tossed my cookies into my tote. I-”
"Alright. Alright. I get the picture," Ben tells her sympathetically.
"Yeah. Well, I’ll just…I’ll deal with that tomorrow."
"No. You know what? I can deal with it. It’s really not fair that the physical burden of all of this is on you. The least I can do is clean out your purse," Ben says, spotting her large black bag on the floor by the door. He walks over and picks it up.
How bad could it be? It certainly can’t be any worse than when he got food poisoning from the…little savory, Italian pastries.
"Oh, Ben, no. No. You don’t have to-"
"Oh my god," he exclaims, shutting her bag quickly and then staring at her with large, wide eyes. Ben moves his arm out in front of his body so her purse is dangling in his grasp far, far away from him.
"Yeah. I know. I’m sorry. Earlier? When I felt better? I thought that waffles with whipped cream and crumbled up Doritos, gummy worms, and a little Tabasco on top would be really, really good," Leslie says and then makes a face. "It was not."
"No," Ben shakes his head. "No. That does not sound-"
"Especially not a couple hours later when…I revisited my lunch right into my purse. But hey, at least my phone and my keys were in my pocket. And I can always cancel all of my credit cards and get a new driver’s license. It’s fine."
They stare at each other for a few seconds.
"Okay, tell you what. I want you to get all comfortable and relaxed under the afghan and I’m going to bring you a ginger ale and maybe some crackers. I’m going to put your purse in the refrigerator so it can’t get any worse, and then I’ll clean it out later tonight. Just don’t even worry about it. I’m dealing with it."
Good lord, how is he going to deal with this-a HazMat suit?
"God, I love you so much," Leslie says, sighing in relief, closing her eyes, and leaning her head back against the couch…and really, he’s never loved her more.
10. Things You Said When We Were on Top of the World
2027:
"So, the application actually projects an incredibly realistic, virtual reality image of whatever you want in the room," Ben explains, pushing a button on his tablet. Both he and Leslie look around their Pawnee bedroom, waiting for something to happen, but…nothing.
"Well, it takes a few minutes to download," he tells her apologetically.
"Stephen showed you this?"
"Yeah. His history class is using it to experience Pompeii and the Pyramids at Giza, stuff like that. You can really use it for whatever you want. It’s almost like having your own holodeck," Ben says excitedly.
She pats his knee, starts to get up from where they’re sitting on the bed. “Okay, babe. That’s great. I-”
"The Lincoln Bedroom," Ben adds, raising an eyebrow at her.
"Oh," she looks at him, now very interested and sits back down. "Really?”
Ben nods. “It’ll load in just a few minutes and I was thinking since the kids aren’t home, we can…try to seal the deal this time, Governor?”
Leslie laughs. “We were so close that one day. But, ughhhh, I feel kind of weird that Stephen was the one to show you…”
"It’s not like we’re ever going to tell him."
"That his father used his seventh grade history ap to get some in the Lincoln Bedroom?”
"Right. Exactly that," Ben nods. "Our secret."
"Okay," Leslie grins, laughing. "How about this. I’m going to go downstairs and grab some whipped cream and since we have the house all to ourselves this afternoon, we’ll really do this up right."
"Perfect. I’ll let you know when everything is all set up."
"Teamwork," they agree, high-fiving before she gets off the bed and heads downstairs, still giggling at her nerdy, sexy husband.
She’s halfway to the kitchen when the doorbell rings and seconds later, Leslie is fairly shocked to see Elise Yarktin, still the head of the Indiana Organization of Women, standing in their living room.
"Oh my god. Elise."
"Leslie," the woman smiles. "Oh, no, I’m so sorry, I mean Governor Knope."
"I-wait," Leslie sighs, dreading what’s coming. "Okay, both Stephen and Wesley are at a friend’s house, but I can-"
"No. No. Governor Knope," Elise shakes her head. "I’m here to see you. Really. You were hard to track down, actually. I tried the Governor’s Mansion first, but-”
"Oh, well, we’re staying in Pawnee this weekend. But wait, you’re seriously here to see me? I-Oh my god. It’s happening. I can’t believe it’s finally happening!"
Elise nods. “It is. Governor Knope, the IoW would proudly like to present you with the Dorothy Everton Smythe Female Empowerment Award this year, because really,” she nods before continuing, “you were right, there is no bigger defender of gender equality than Leslie Knope.”
"I know!" Leslie agrees.
"And also of course it’s because you were recently elected as the first female Governor of Indiana. Plus, it’s also a bit of a first for both a wife and a husband to have won this award and that’s a true, shining testament to equality in our state.”
Leslie touches her hands to her front pockets, frowns. “I actually forgot to put my speech in my pocket this morning. I can go get it. I’ll just-”
"It’s okay," Elise smiles. "The ceremony isn’t until next month you can-"
"Hey, babe," Ben’s voice interrupts them as he comes down the stairs, making Leslie’s eyes go wide. Oh no.
"I’ve got everything set up in the bedroom. Chop. Chop." As he walks into the living room, clearly still oblivious to their guest, he finishes with, "Daddy want some.”
Leslie turns around to stare at her husband just as he finally sees their visitor and adds pleasantly, “Oh. Hi Ms. Yarktin.”
11. Things You Said When We Were the Happiest Ever
"Babe. I’ve got it all under control," Ben tells her, coming back into her hospital room with a huge smile.
He’s been staying in her room the last few days, and even though he has a change of clothes with him, he’s still wearing the same jeans and shirt as yesterday.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Forms all filled out and turned in, your bag packed, I just called and Andy is helping the moms put the infant car seats in and then they’re coming back, and we’ll get you and the babies home."
She gives him a very happy, but very tired smile.
Ben walks over and settles carefully on the bed next to her and gives Leslie a kiss. “I love you so much. I’ve got to tell you, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more tired, but it’s weird, I also feel really focused. Like super sharp and just really aware of everything. Every little detail.”
"I know! Me too. I love you. And our babies…the little triple cherries. I still can’t believe…" Leslie turns her head to look at the three small bundles in the hospital cribs right next to her bed.
Although they spent the first day in the NICU (the boys a few hours longer than their sister), all three were deemed perfectly healthy and able to go home along with their exhausted but ecstatic parents.
"Sonia, Stephen, and Westley," she says with a grin towards her children.
"Sonia, Stephen, and Wesley," he agrees, as Leslie rests her head against his shoulder.
12. Things You Said When I Was Crying
"Hey, what’s wrong?" Ben asks in a concerned tone, pulling the pillow off of her face and crap, Leslie thinks, she probably wasn’t being quite as sneaky as she thought.
"Oh, uh, nothing," she responds.
There’s just enough moonlight coming in from the window to clearly take in Ben’s sleepy, tousled appearance. His hair is all sticking up and he just looks so warm and cuddly in his long sleeved tee and plaid pajama pants, all while surrounded by the packed boxes in his bedroom and it just makes her start to cry again.
Ben quickly rearranges himself so that she can lie against him, both of their feet now up by the headboard and their heads down at the opposite end.
"Tell me why you’re crying with a pillow over your face all the way down here," he asks gently. "I woke up and almost snuggled your foot."
Leslie sniffs and takes a breath, lets it out slowly before she answers. “I was trying to be quiet, but I didn’t want to get out of bed because it’s really comfortable.”
Ben nods. “Leslie. I can tell Jenn-”
"No! No you can’t back out of this. I want you to go. You want to go," she says softly but forcefully. "You deserve this amazing opportunity. You’re so great at this type of thing. I really want you to go…I’m just sad that you’re leaving."
He kisses the side of her head. “I’m sad too. I’m excited about the campaign position but I completely hate that I’m leaving you and Pawnee. Even if it’s only for six months.”
"Right. It’s only six months," she repeats. "Six months. This is stupid. I was fine. But then I couldn’t sleep and I started thinking that this is the last night we’re going to sleep next to each other and…" she trails off and starts crying again.
Leslie can hear him sigh next to her and she really wants to stop crying, she just can’t. When she tries, the sounds that she makes are even worse and so it’s probably better to just let it out. Ben wraps his arms around her, and presses his lips to her temple again, and when he nuzzles against her and brushes his cheek against hers, she can feel his own tears there.
"I’m so sorry. Now I’m making you do it too," Leslie sits up, wipes at her eyes, and brushes her hands on her pajama pants. "Enough. This is going to work. We’re going to call and text and visit and have awesome Skype sex."
"We are," Ben sits up next to her, rubs her back through her faded grey t-shirt. "Completely amazing Skype sex."
Leslie looks at the clock. “Crap. It’s three AM. You wanted to head out by six, right?”
Ben yawns. “Yeah.”
"Sorry."
"That’s okay. You can take the first shift driving."
"What?" She asks, confused.
"Why don’t you drive out with me, stay Friday and Saturday, fly back Sunday? I don’t know why we didn’t think of it earlier. You’ve got the vacation time to take two days right?"
Leslie’s eyes widen, as she nods. “I have over 300 days of vacation time.”
Ben laughs. “Right. So help me move. Even with all of my stuff in the trunk and backseat, there should be plenty of space up front. We can christen my DC bed. And then go grocery shopping. Organize my stuff. It will be very exciting,” he teases.
"Mmmmm," Leslie smiles at him. "We could do that. And I did make you the best mix CD in the whole world for the drive, it seems only fair that I get to listen to it too."
"It’s a plan. Okay, come on," he starts tugging her and her pillow back towards the head of the bed. "Try to get some sleep, babe. I was not kidding about you driving first."
13. Things You Said Under the Stars
"Luckily it’s a clear night," Ben tells her, as they lay on top of one blanket in their backyard, while using another one to cover up with in the chilly night air. They’re both scrunched over on one side, right on the edge by the grass, avoiding the wet spot and a few stray crumbs over on the other side, while his hand absentmindedly strokes her bare hip.
"Oh, that’s because the workers at the Sweetums Factory are on strike, so no beautiful sunsets right now but, true, it does make stargazing easier," Leslie responds.
He pauses briefly before saying, “Oh my god. Look, you know that I love Pawnee, but when you say things like that, I kind of feel like we should move. Especially now with the kids on the way.”
"It’s fine."
"I’m not sure-"
”Shhh. I know we got distracted earlier, which was entirely your fault for having such a perfect and sexy body, but now tell me about the stars you want to get for the babies,” she says, interrupting him, while snuggling closer to Ben.
He sighs but then starts talking again, resigned to the fact that Pawnee is definitely his and Leslie’s home-asthma-causing sunsets and all. “Okay. But are you sure that you’re still feeling okay? We can go inside if-”
"Yes. I feel great, actually," she assures him. "I think it was the sex under the stars with my amazing husband. Well, and also the ginger cookies afterwards."
"Right. We should probably do a better job of brushing the crumbs off, so that we don’t get attacked by ants," he says, but then makes no effort to do so, entirely too comfortable to do much to address his concerns.
"When I was a little boy, I used to lay out in my backyard on the floor-"
”Ground,” Leslie corrects with a giggle
"Sure. Ground," he agrees, smiling. "And look up at the sky. Just like this," Ben tells her, wrapping his arms around her, pushing her shirt up so that he can cup and rub her growing belly with his warm palm.
"You were outside on the ground in your backyard without pants on, worried about ants?"
"No," he answers. "Alright. Good point. It was not quite like this. I was much younger and I was definitely wearing pants. And I was alone. Well, I would bring my Star Wars action figures outside with me. Chewie and Han. Sometimes Luke. Henry flushed Darth down the toilet, so he was on a mission, off exploring the Partridge sewer system for awhile.”
Leslie starts laughing, her whole body shaking.
"Hey…are you going to let me tell my story here or what? Or are there going to be these constant interruptions? First it’s trying to take my pants off, then it’s sending me inside for cookies afterwards, now it’s laughing at my action figures," he teases, nudging against her bare backside with his front.
"Yes. Yes. Sorry. I want to hear about the stars. Please go on."
"Alright. So, I was little and my parents would be having a fight and I would go outside to get away from the yelling and look up at the stars. I’d pretend that I could see the Millennium Falcon flying up above.”
"Oh, that’s cute. And also sad. I’m sorry, babe."
"Yeah, well," Ben shrugs. "It’s okay. But also, around the same time, there used to be this commercial on the radio that I would hear all the time about buying a star. I always wanted one, but my parents wouldn’t buy one for me and since I was six, I didn’t have a job and money to buy it myself. I had forgotten all about it, but it weirdly just popped into my head the other day. So, I was thinking, we could get three, and they’d each just always have their own star in the sky."
"They would really have their own stars?" Leslie asks, turning to look at him excitedly.
"Well, not exactly," Ben explains. "I went to the website the other day and looked through everything and uh, you’re not really buying a star. You’re kind of like adopting it? And naming it. And of course, astronomers don’t really use the names or anything. But we would get certificates with the babies’ names on them and the coordinates of their stars-we could pick three that are right near each other-and we could frame the certificates and maybe hang them in the nursery?"
He knows that Leslie loves framing and hanging up documents almost as much as he does.
She smiles at him. Her oh my god, you are so adorable that I’m about to cry, smile.
"It’s extremely nerdy and kind of silly because-"
She cuts him off and kisses him, Ben’s arms quickly wrapping around her lower back and pulling her closer.
"Let’s get stars for the babies," Leslie agrees.
Rating: Generally PG, although there are a couple of Rs.
Timeline: All over the place! From Season 3 to post-season 7.
1. Things You Said When You Were Drunk
”If your butt could talk, would it have an accent?”
“What?” Ben asks, looking at his wife and trying not to laugh, while they sit on their kitchen floor against the lower cabinets and eat ice cream straight out of the container.
"You heard me,” Leslie tells him, grabbing the pint of Ben & Jerry’s from his hands and using her spoon to get a bite of the softened Chocolate Fudge Brownie.
“Um, I’m not sure I did.”
“Your cute little butt. If it could talk. What would it say? No. Wait. That’s not what I asked. Oh, right, would it have an accent?” She shakes the spoon in the air. “That’s it. That’s my question.”
“Okay. You didn’t drive us home, right?” Ben asks.
”No, babe. Ann did. Don’t you remember? We were in the back of her car,” she says, smiling at his half-smudged off Dread Pirate Roberts mustache. Leslie giggles. “You kept offering me a mustache ride for a nickel.”
“Good lord, I don’t remember that,” he tells her, shaking his head but then laughing. “Oh! Wait. I do remember…that I flushed my car keys down the toilet, didn’t I?”
Leslie nods, while digging around for another spoonful. After she gets one, Ben takes the container back, and holds it in his hand while he considers her question.
”Okay, I got it. My butt would have an accent and it would say, Oh no! I flushed zee car keys down zee toilet! En français. La toilet!”
Leslie laughs, while using Ben’s shoulders for leverage so she can get up on her knees and then straddle his lap. He puts the ice cream down on the floor next to them and grips her hips.
“You doing okay, babe?” He asks softly, pushing some of her Princess Buttercup hair out of her face.
”I am now,” she responds, moving in for a kiss. “So, about that mustache ride…”
2. Things You Said With Too Many Miles Between Us
"So, have you ever…done any butt stuff?" Leslie asks into her phone, after recounting one of the questions she got at the Senior Center earlier, while she was packing up her bananas, after getting shut down by Chris and the Society for Family Stability Foundation.
Of course, it seems like such a strange conversation to have while Ben is all the way in DC and she’s in Pawnee, but those old people at the Senior Center were…eye-opening to say the least.
There’s a pause before Ben answers. “Um. Yes. But not since college.”
"Oh? In college? Do you mean-" Leslie starts to ask him, but then she’s not even sure what she means.
"Wait. I don’t know, what do you think I mean? College is not code for anything. I don’t mean that…no. I’ve never…um, I mean, it’s totally fine of course, there’s nothing wrong with it. But I’m talking about my girlfriend senior year. Sometimes we…um, she liked anal sex.”
"Wow. Okay," Leslie responds, a little surprised. But really, why should she be that surprised? Ben in college was probably…yeah. And according to Gladys at the Senior Center, anal sex is a lot of fun.
He continues, sounding almost apologetic, “It was her idea and so we did that a few times. I’m not going to lie and say that I didn’t like it, but I also don’t expect it. Really.”
It’s quiet for a few seconds, which, when you’re on the phone talking to your long-distance boyfriend about sexy butt things, after spending the day with old people who liked to go at it hard, old-people style…is a long time.
"Once a guy licked me there," she says, breaking the silence. "I think he was just confused and a little lost, so it was probably an accident. He was kind of drunk."
Very drunk, Leslie thinks, before continuing. “But I liked it. A lot.”
"Oh." Ben sounds surprised but…definitely interested. "It was an accident, huh?"
"I don’t know," she admits. "Probably? I think so. It did seem like a weird place to start." And also because Ann had told her that Mark had never done anything like that to her.
So, yeah. Probably, definitely, a miscalculation.
"But you liked it," Ben asks.
"Yeah."
"I would definitely do that to you if you wanted," he tells her, and it kind of comes out all low and gruff and it makes her toes curl and her stomach drop.
"Well, if you wanted to, you know, have sex back there, we could try that too," Leslie says. "Yeah. I’d like to try that."
"Okay," he answers, and she can almost see him lying back on his bed, in his sparsely-decorated DC apartment, a small smile on his face as he nods.
"God, I miss you. And I love you." The words come out of her mouth in a rush.
"Oh, babe," Ben answers. "I miss and love you too. Three more weeks until your visit."
"Three weeks," Leslie repeats, smiling.
"Okay. So tell me again about Andy and the bananas?"
3. Things You Said Over the Phone
”Ben, what did April mean when she texted me and said you broke Stephen?”
He can hear the panic in Leslie’s voice and he really wants to tell her that it’s nothing and that everything is fine (which it is), but he also knows how insane he would be if he was halfway across the country at a conference and got a (completely exaggerated) text saying that something had happened to one of the kids.
Ben also can’t help thinking that he kind of wants to kill April for telling Leslie something like that in a text.
"Honey, we’re fine. I was just about to call you. But we’re at the emergency room and-"
"Oh my god! Ben! I’m leaving for the airport right now, I-"
"Leslie. It’s okay. It’s okay. I promise. He fell. He hit his head, there was something sharp on the ground, I’m not even sure what, but he’s fine. He needs a few stitches but I’m here and-"
"Oh, my baby."
He can hear her start to cry on the other end of the phone and he wants to comfort her, just like he’s been doing with Stephen while they’ve been waiting for the ER doctor to come back and stitch up the deep gash on the little four year-old’s forehead.
"He’s being very brave," Ben tells her, wrapping an arm tighter around the now fairly-calm boy sitting in his lap. "Do you want to talk to him?"
"Yes," Leslie says.
Ben gives his phone to his son. “Here. Talk to mommy. Tell her you’re okay.”
"Mommy! I’m all bloody and I cracked my head open!"
Ben shuts his eyes and sighs. Yeah. She’s going to be on the next plane home.
4. Things You Said with No Space Between Us
"Shhhh," Ben whispers, his lips right by her left ear, as he slowly thrusts into her from behind. He nips at her lobe lightly, teasingly, and then adds, "Babe, you have to be quiet or this isn’t going to work."
"Yeah. Yeah. Okay," she whispers back in agreement. But then he hits that one spot and, "Ohhhhh!”
Ben’s hand quickly comes down and rests against her mouth and his movements still, as he tells her, “Between this and the pirates, I’m talking years of therapy if she wakes up again and comes back.”
Leslie laughs lightly, smiles against his fingers and nods. She grabs hold of her pillow and hugs it to her face instead-this way, he can put his fingers to better use.
After a challenging night with one of their five year-olds and an especially scary nightmare involving ghost pirates (they still have no idea how she managed to watch some of The Pirates of the Caribbean), they’d finally gotten Sonia back into her own bed around three. That gave them a couple more hours of sleep before Leslie had woken up to the still-dark bedroom, acutely aware of Ben’s body pressing into hers from their sleepy, spooning position.
From there, it really didn’t take long for her wiggles to wake him up, took only a few more minutes of lazy, giggly groping and making out to work both of their flannel pajama pants down and off, and hardly any time at all to get her thoroughly soaked and ready for him.
Surprisingly, in the past five years they have gotten fairly good at muffled, sneaky, stealthy sex.
Right now, they’re so close together, her back shoved into him, her leg up and resting on his thigh as he thrusts and pushes, grinds his hips into hers, that it’s hard for Leslie to feel where she stops and where he begins, all while she’s being held tightly and fucked so completely.
And when Ben’s fingers brush against her clit again, and she feels herself cradled against his thighs, practically impaled on him, Leslie has to muffle her cries into her pillow, her orgasm rushing through as he races her to the end.
Things You Said After It Was Over
"It’s okay. You’re okay," he tells her softly, stroking the side of her head.
"Ben?" Leslie says his name louder this time, sharper, almost like she’s starting to panic a little. He gets up quickly from the chair right next to her bed in the recovery room and reaches for her hand again, clasping it firmly in his.
He’s glad he’s prepared for this, otherwise he’d be panicking too, freaking out at the way her whole body is shaking.
"I can’t stop-"
"I know. It’s just the anesthetic wearing off. It’s normal. Remember? They told us this would probably happen. You’re okay, honey. Just try to relax."
"The babies? Where-"
"They’re still in NICU for a little while, but they’re fine. The nurse said you can go see them in an hour or so. I was just there a few minutes ago. Your mom was here with you while I was gone."
"I don’t even remember that," she tells him, teeth still chattering."I remember the c-section but…"
"You maybe fell asleep for a few minutes? It’s okay. You were so amazing."
"Okay," she agrees, and takes a deep breath, trying to calm down. "But I didn’t do all that much. I just laid there."
Ben smiles and pulls the blanket up around her more, all the way to her chin, tucking her in gently. He wants to get into bed with her and hold her, keep her warm and safe, but he’s afraid of accidentally touching the stitches or hurting her.
"You did everything. They are so beautiful. And so little. But…" he trails off, leans in to kiss her forehead. "We really need to figure out this name situation."
6. Things You Said at 1AM (Loosely related to Things You Said On the Phone)
He lets himself into the house quietly, not wanting to wake anyone up at this late hour. Ben wasn’t expecting his meeting to run so incredibly long, but thankfully, it was a light day for Leslie and she was able to get home in time for dinner with the kids.
They’ve been extremely lucky so far-their schedules have meshed almost seamlessly. When one has a late work night, the other is usually able to pick up the slack at home.
But tonight, even back around seven o’clock, Ben really found himself wanting to be at home more than anything, instead of sitting in his office, working with his staff, and eating bad take-out for dinner. He’d have much rather been getting the kids into the bathtub, into warm pajamas, and then into bed for stories and cuddles. And now, even though it’s after one in the morning, he figures he’ll just peek into their room and give them each a quick kiss goodnight.
And if he just happens to wake one up, maybe he can get a hug and a couple of kisses back.
But when Ben steps inside the triplets’ room, instead of three peacefully sleeping four year-olds, he finds three little empty and disheveled toddler beds. Frowning, he crosses the hallway into his and Leslie’s room where his wife and all three kids are snuggled up together in the middle of the increasingly practical, king-size bed.
"Daddy!" Stephen squeals, sitting up.
"Shhhh," Ben walks over to the bed and sits down. "Hey," Ben whispers to his son. "What are you all doing in here?"
"Mommy said we could have a sleep over in the big bed!" His son exclaims, quieter than before, but still with a fair amount of enthusiasm for one in the morning. "We missed you, daddy, but we got extra cookies after dinner."
Ben laughs. “I missed you too, buddy. Come here.”
The little boy climbs into Ben’s lap for a hug. He kisses his son on the forehead, just above the healed-but-still-red scar from Stephen’s recent stitches. It’s not in the shape of a lightening bolt, but Ben is already dreading the day Leslie starts reading Harry Potter to the kids.
No doubt, they will all want a forehead scar and certainly, that’s a catastrophe waiting to happen.
As he and Leslie have learned, if one or two triplets have something, they all want one-whether it’s a cupcake, a toy, a penis, or he’s sure, a cool forehead scar.
"Hey babe," Leslie says, groggily, turning over to face him. "What time is it?"
"Very late. After one. Sorry, the meeting went way over-"
"It’s okay," she tells him. "We had extra cookies."
7. Things You Didn't Say at All
As Ben watches Leslie turn and walk away from his front door at six in the morning, he’s almost tired enough, almost worn down enough by this point, to not block out and disable the part of his brain that wants to yell out to her.
"Stop."
"Come back. Please."
"I love you. I love you so much."
He’d also tell her that he thinks she’s amazing and that she’s the only one he wants to wake up with in the morning or have future children with (wait, what?).
To say that’s why he doesn’t want to go back to being just friends-can’t go back to being just friends. That’s reasonable, right?
When Leslie was standing in front of him again (because in this fantasy, of course she’d come back), Ben would pull her close and kiss her, take her hand in his, and lead her back to his bedroom. Or hell, maybe just to the couch, since April and Andy are off on some asinine road trip…that will probably end in a phone call and him having to come get them.
But wherever he and Leslie ended up this morning, on the day after the world didn’t end, he’d hold her, bury his face in her soft hair, and never let her go again.
Instead, he just stares as Leslie Knope walks away from his front door, gets in her car, and drives away-because the romantic part of their relationship is over.
8. Things You Said After We Kissed
"Oh," Ben mutters, after Leslie pulls back for a second time.
Her travel receipts forgotten, they’ve somehow managed to walk backwards, kissing and touching, all the way across the office to Chris’s desk.
In fact, he’s pretty sure that’s why she stopped, because he hit the desk and couldn’t go any farther, causing Leslie to push her body all the way against his-and he’s also pretty sure that she now has a very good idea of exactly how much he’s been enjoying all of the kissing that they have finally been doing.
Ben is about to turn them around so she can sit on the desk and he can settle in-between her thighs when Leslie tells him, “We absolutely can not make out on Chris’s desk.”
"Right," Ben quickly agrees. "Right. We can’t do that."
"No," she says, then makes a face like she’s reconsidering. "Well, it’s not like he’s actually using it right now."
Ben looks around the empty office, nods. “True. He left hours ago.”
"And he did kind of ruin our evening last night when he showed up at the restaurant in Indianapolis. So, when you really consider it, maybe it would be kind of justified if we did make out with each other right here, right now, on his desk,” she adds, reaching out and playing with Ben’s tie.
His hands slide down from her waist, to her hips, and then back around to squeeze her butt, making her smile.
"Leslie. I really, really want to, but you were right the first time. We absolutely should not make out on Chris’s desk…no matter how convenient this flat surface would be."
She sighs and leans her head forward, so close to his that their noses are touching. “I know,” Leslie whispers, eyes closed. “But so convenient.”
They’re both smiling and their lips are already so close, that it’s nothing to slowly start kissing again. Nothing for Ben’s hands to continue to rub and squeeze her ass, or for Leslie to grind against him.
Soon, Ben is the one sitting on Chris’s desk, with Leslie wedged between his thighs, her hands up around his neck, while his hands are busy touching her sides, one even exploring up under her shirt, just against the edge of her lacy-feeling bra.
"Ben. Ben. We can’t do this," she tells him, when they finally pull apart for the third time. "Here. We can't do this here. But we should definitely go make out at my house right now."
"Oh, thank god. Yes. Yes. We definitely need to go do that. Come on," he says, taking her hand. "Let’s go."
9. Things You Said That I Wasn't Meant to Hear & Things You Said That I Wish You Hadn't
"Oh honey," Ben says, sitting next to her on the couch, as Leslie leans her head tiredly against his shoulder. "I’m so sorry you’re feeling bad."
"This baby is trying to murder me with nauseousness."
"I don’t think that’s the case," he tells her. "I’m sure the baby isn’t doing it on purpose."
"No," Leslie sits up all the way up slowly. "I know. Probably. It’s just…hard to feel as happy as I am,” she says, smiling before she continues. “That I really, really am, when I’m constantly wanting to throw up. But I am very excited for the sonogram with Dr. Saperstein on Thursday. Plus, after that we can stop being so sneaky. It's getting hard to not want to just tell everyone! Shout it out from the rooftops!”
"I know," he agrees. "I’m looking forward to that too. And I understand, I really do. I just wish I could do something to make you feel better. Do you want to try a ginger ale?”
"Yeah. That might help. It did earlier."
"Okay," Ben kisses her forehead and gets up, starts walking towards the kitchen.
"Oh no…my purse," Leslie says suddenly.
"What?" He turns around to look at her and takes in Leslie’s concerned face and unhappy expression.
"No. Nothing," she says quickly, obviously trying to backpedal.
"Wait. What’s wrong with your purse? Did you leave it somewhere?" he asks.
"No. Uh, it’s fine."
But honestly, Leslie does not at all look like it’s fine.
"Babe?" He tries again.
Leslie sighs. “I was feeling better earlier, maybe because I had a ginger ale? So I ate lunch, but then later, when I was up in the third floor hallway, it hit me again, and you know how the bathrooms are locked up there this week?”
Ben nods and she continues.
"Well, I didn’t know where to…you know, so I kind of puked in my purse. And then I had a meeting and I forgot all about it.”
"Oh. Um, okay," he says. "You got sick in your purse because the bathrooms were locked."
Leslie nods. “Yes. I hurled in my handbag. I upchucked in my attache. I spewed in my satchel. I tossed my cookies into my tote. I-”
"Alright. Alright. I get the picture," Ben tells her sympathetically.
"Yeah. Well, I’ll just…I’ll deal with that tomorrow."
"No. You know what? I can deal with it. It’s really not fair that the physical burden of all of this is on you. The least I can do is clean out your purse," Ben says, spotting her large black bag on the floor by the door. He walks over and picks it up.
How bad could it be? It certainly can’t be any worse than when he got food poisoning from the…little savory, Italian pastries.
"Oh, Ben, no. No. You don’t have to-"
"Oh my god," he exclaims, shutting her bag quickly and then staring at her with large, wide eyes. Ben moves his arm out in front of his body so her purse is dangling in his grasp far, far away from him.
"Yeah. I know. I’m sorry. Earlier? When I felt better? I thought that waffles with whipped cream and crumbled up Doritos, gummy worms, and a little Tabasco on top would be really, really good," Leslie says and then makes a face. "It was not."
"No," Ben shakes his head. "No. That does not sound-"
"Especially not a couple hours later when…I revisited my lunch right into my purse. But hey, at least my phone and my keys were in my pocket. And I can always cancel all of my credit cards and get a new driver’s license. It’s fine."
They stare at each other for a few seconds.
"Okay, tell you what. I want you to get all comfortable and relaxed under the afghan and I’m going to bring you a ginger ale and maybe some crackers. I’m going to put your purse in the refrigerator so it can’t get any worse, and then I’ll clean it out later tonight. Just don’t even worry about it. I’m dealing with it."
Good lord, how is he going to deal with this-a HazMat suit?
"God, I love you so much," Leslie says, sighing in relief, closing her eyes, and leaning her head back against the couch…and really, he’s never loved her more.
10. Things You Said When We Were on Top of the World
2027:
"So, the application actually projects an incredibly realistic, virtual reality image of whatever you want in the room," Ben explains, pushing a button on his tablet. Both he and Leslie look around their Pawnee bedroom, waiting for something to happen, but…nothing.
"Well, it takes a few minutes to download," he tells her apologetically.
"Stephen showed you this?"
"Yeah. His history class is using it to experience Pompeii and the Pyramids at Giza, stuff like that. You can really use it for whatever you want. It’s almost like having your own holodeck," Ben says excitedly.
She pats his knee, starts to get up from where they’re sitting on the bed. “Okay, babe. That’s great. I-”
"The Lincoln Bedroom," Ben adds, raising an eyebrow at her.
"Oh," she looks at him, now very interested and sits back down. "Really?”
Ben nods. “It’ll load in just a few minutes and I was thinking since the kids aren’t home, we can…try to seal the deal this time, Governor?”
Leslie laughs. “We were so close that one day. But, ughhhh, I feel kind of weird that Stephen was the one to show you…”
"It’s not like we’re ever going to tell him."
"That his father used his seventh grade history ap to get some in the Lincoln Bedroom?”
"Right. Exactly that," Ben nods. "Our secret."
"Okay," Leslie grins, laughing. "How about this. I’m going to go downstairs and grab some whipped cream and since we have the house all to ourselves this afternoon, we’ll really do this up right."
"Perfect. I’ll let you know when everything is all set up."
"Teamwork," they agree, high-fiving before she gets off the bed and heads downstairs, still giggling at her nerdy, sexy husband.
She’s halfway to the kitchen when the doorbell rings and seconds later, Leslie is fairly shocked to see Elise Yarktin, still the head of the Indiana Organization of Women, standing in their living room.
"Oh my god. Elise."
"Leslie," the woman smiles. "Oh, no, I’m so sorry, I mean Governor Knope."
"I-wait," Leslie sighs, dreading what’s coming. "Okay, both Stephen and Wesley are at a friend’s house, but I can-"
"No. No. Governor Knope," Elise shakes her head. "I’m here to see you. Really. You were hard to track down, actually. I tried the Governor’s Mansion first, but-”
"Oh, well, we’re staying in Pawnee this weekend. But wait, you’re seriously here to see me? I-Oh my god. It’s happening. I can’t believe it’s finally happening!"
Elise nods. “It is. Governor Knope, the IoW would proudly like to present you with the Dorothy Everton Smythe Female Empowerment Award this year, because really,” she nods before continuing, “you were right, there is no bigger defender of gender equality than Leslie Knope.”
"I know!" Leslie agrees.
"And also of course it’s because you were recently elected as the first female Governor of Indiana. Plus, it’s also a bit of a first for both a wife and a husband to have won this award and that’s a true, shining testament to equality in our state.”
Leslie touches her hands to her front pockets, frowns. “I actually forgot to put my speech in my pocket this morning. I can go get it. I’ll just-”
"It’s okay," Elise smiles. "The ceremony isn’t until next month you can-"
"Hey, babe," Ben’s voice interrupts them as he comes down the stairs, making Leslie’s eyes go wide. Oh no.
"I’ve got everything set up in the bedroom. Chop. Chop." As he walks into the living room, clearly still oblivious to their guest, he finishes with, "Daddy want some.”
Leslie turns around to stare at her husband just as he finally sees their visitor and adds pleasantly, “Oh. Hi Ms. Yarktin.”
11. Things You Said When We Were the Happiest Ever
"Babe. I’ve got it all under control," Ben tells her, coming back into her hospital room with a huge smile.
He’s been staying in her room the last few days, and even though he has a change of clothes with him, he’s still wearing the same jeans and shirt as yesterday.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. Forms all filled out and turned in, your bag packed, I just called and Andy is helping the moms put the infant car seats in and then they’re coming back, and we’ll get you and the babies home."
She gives him a very happy, but very tired smile.
Ben walks over and settles carefully on the bed next to her and gives Leslie a kiss. “I love you so much. I’ve got to tell you, I don’t think I’ve ever felt more tired, but it’s weird, I also feel really focused. Like super sharp and just really aware of everything. Every little detail.”
"I know! Me too. I love you. And our babies…the little triple cherries. I still can’t believe…" Leslie turns her head to look at the three small bundles in the hospital cribs right next to her bed.
Although they spent the first day in the NICU (the boys a few hours longer than their sister), all three were deemed perfectly healthy and able to go home along with their exhausted but ecstatic parents.
"Sonia, Stephen, and Westley," she says with a grin towards her children.
"Sonia, Stephen, and Wesley," he agrees, as Leslie rests her head against his shoulder.
12. Things You Said When I Was Crying
"Hey, what’s wrong?" Ben asks in a concerned tone, pulling the pillow off of her face and crap, Leslie thinks, she probably wasn’t being quite as sneaky as she thought.
"Oh, uh, nothing," she responds.
There’s just enough moonlight coming in from the window to clearly take in Ben’s sleepy, tousled appearance. His hair is all sticking up and he just looks so warm and cuddly in his long sleeved tee and plaid pajama pants, all while surrounded by the packed boxes in his bedroom and it just makes her start to cry again.
Ben quickly rearranges himself so that she can lie against him, both of their feet now up by the headboard and their heads down at the opposite end.
"Tell me why you’re crying with a pillow over your face all the way down here," he asks gently. "I woke up and almost snuggled your foot."
Leslie sniffs and takes a breath, lets it out slowly before she answers. “I was trying to be quiet, but I didn’t want to get out of bed because it’s really comfortable.”
Ben nods. “Leslie. I can tell Jenn-”
"No! No you can’t back out of this. I want you to go. You want to go," she says softly but forcefully. "You deserve this amazing opportunity. You’re so great at this type of thing. I really want you to go…I’m just sad that you’re leaving."
He kisses the side of her head. “I’m sad too. I’m excited about the campaign position but I completely hate that I’m leaving you and Pawnee. Even if it’s only for six months.”
"Right. It’s only six months," she repeats. "Six months. This is stupid. I was fine. But then I couldn’t sleep and I started thinking that this is the last night we’re going to sleep next to each other and…" she trails off and starts crying again.
Leslie can hear him sigh next to her and she really wants to stop crying, she just can’t. When she tries, the sounds that she makes are even worse and so it’s probably better to just let it out. Ben wraps his arms around her, and presses his lips to her temple again, and when he nuzzles against her and brushes his cheek against hers, she can feel his own tears there.
"I’m so sorry. Now I’m making you do it too," Leslie sits up, wipes at her eyes, and brushes her hands on her pajama pants. "Enough. This is going to work. We’re going to call and text and visit and have awesome Skype sex."
"We are," Ben sits up next to her, rubs her back through her faded grey t-shirt. "Completely amazing Skype sex."
Leslie looks at the clock. “Crap. It’s three AM. You wanted to head out by six, right?”
Ben yawns. “Yeah.”
"Sorry."
"That’s okay. You can take the first shift driving."
"What?" She asks, confused.
"Why don’t you drive out with me, stay Friday and Saturday, fly back Sunday? I don’t know why we didn’t think of it earlier. You’ve got the vacation time to take two days right?"
Leslie’s eyes widen, as she nods. “I have over 300 days of vacation time.”
Ben laughs. “Right. So help me move. Even with all of my stuff in the trunk and backseat, there should be plenty of space up front. We can christen my DC bed. And then go grocery shopping. Organize my stuff. It will be very exciting,” he teases.
"Mmmmm," Leslie smiles at him. "We could do that. And I did make you the best mix CD in the whole world for the drive, it seems only fair that I get to listen to it too."
"It’s a plan. Okay, come on," he starts tugging her and her pillow back towards the head of the bed. "Try to get some sleep, babe. I was not kidding about you driving first."
13. Things You Said Under the Stars
"Luckily it’s a clear night," Ben tells her, as they lay on top of one blanket in their backyard, while using another one to cover up with in the chilly night air. They’re both scrunched over on one side, right on the edge by the grass, avoiding the wet spot and a few stray crumbs over on the other side, while his hand absentmindedly strokes her bare hip.
"Oh, that’s because the workers at the Sweetums Factory are on strike, so no beautiful sunsets right now but, true, it does make stargazing easier," Leslie responds.
He pauses briefly before saying, “Oh my god. Look, you know that I love Pawnee, but when you say things like that, I kind of feel like we should move. Especially now with the kids on the way.”
"It’s fine."
"I’m not sure-"
”Shhh. I know we got distracted earlier, which was entirely your fault for having such a perfect and sexy body, but now tell me about the stars you want to get for the babies,” she says, interrupting him, while snuggling closer to Ben.
He sighs but then starts talking again, resigned to the fact that Pawnee is definitely his and Leslie’s home-asthma-causing sunsets and all. “Okay. But are you sure that you’re still feeling okay? We can go inside if-”
"Yes. I feel great, actually," she assures him. "I think it was the sex under the stars with my amazing husband. Well, and also the ginger cookies afterwards."
"Right. We should probably do a better job of brushing the crumbs off, so that we don’t get attacked by ants," he says, but then makes no effort to do so, entirely too comfortable to do much to address his concerns.
"When I was a little boy, I used to lay out in my backyard on the floor-"
”Ground,” Leslie corrects with a giggle
"Sure. Ground," he agrees, smiling. "And look up at the sky. Just like this," Ben tells her, wrapping his arms around her, pushing her shirt up so that he can cup and rub her growing belly with his warm palm.
"You were outside on the ground in your backyard without pants on, worried about ants?"
"No," he answers. "Alright. Good point. It was not quite like this. I was much younger and I was definitely wearing pants. And I was alone. Well, I would bring my Star Wars action figures outside with me. Chewie and Han. Sometimes Luke. Henry flushed Darth down the toilet, so he was on a mission, off exploring the Partridge sewer system for awhile.”
Leslie starts laughing, her whole body shaking.
"Hey…are you going to let me tell my story here or what? Or are there going to be these constant interruptions? First it’s trying to take my pants off, then it’s sending me inside for cookies afterwards, now it’s laughing at my action figures," he teases, nudging against her bare backside with his front.
"Yes. Yes. Sorry. I want to hear about the stars. Please go on."
"Alright. So, I was little and my parents would be having a fight and I would go outside to get away from the yelling and look up at the stars. I’d pretend that I could see the Millennium Falcon flying up above.”
"Oh, that’s cute. And also sad. I’m sorry, babe."
"Yeah, well," Ben shrugs. "It’s okay. But also, around the same time, there used to be this commercial on the radio that I would hear all the time about buying a star. I always wanted one, but my parents wouldn’t buy one for me and since I was six, I didn’t have a job and money to buy it myself. I had forgotten all about it, but it weirdly just popped into my head the other day. So, I was thinking, we could get three, and they’d each just always have their own star in the sky."
"They would really have their own stars?" Leslie asks, turning to look at him excitedly.
"Well, not exactly," Ben explains. "I went to the website the other day and looked through everything and uh, you’re not really buying a star. You’re kind of like adopting it? And naming it. And of course, astronomers don’t really use the names or anything. But we would get certificates with the babies’ names on them and the coordinates of their stars-we could pick three that are right near each other-and we could frame the certificates and maybe hang them in the nursery?"
He knows that Leslie loves framing and hanging up documents almost as much as he does.
She smiles at him. Her oh my god, you are so adorable that I’m about to cry, smile.
"It’s extremely nerdy and kind of silly because-"
She cuts him off and kisses him, Ben’s arms quickly wrapping around her lower back and pulling her closer.
"Let’s get stars for the babies," Leslie agrees.