oh god (updated 10/27)
Woman on cell: Y'know, Ma, you always do this shit, you, say, give, say, something nice and then you ruin it with something shitty. Why do you have to do that? It's fucked up, it's so hurtful. It's like you bake me a delicious chocolate cake and then you ruin it by frosting it in diarrhea.
Queer: French fries over cocaine, muthafucker are you crazy?
Hipster chick: God I feel nauseous. All I've had to eat this weekend has been coffee, secondhand smoke, and semen.
Fat chick on cell: Well, it kind of sucks because the subway is
like two avenue blocks away and--
Queer passerby: And there's no Krispy Kreme in between?
Woman #1: There is no ethical dilemma! It's right there in the Bible!
Woman #2: Oh, Bible schmible.
Woman #1: Honestly, Helen. Is that the best rejoinder you can manage? Can we possibly have just one discussion without you pulling out the schmefix?
Girlfriend: It's just that I give you pristine vagina and you give me used books.
Boyfriend: Your gratitude is staggering.
Girl: What the fuck are you doing?
Guy: It was the train.
Girl: No, it fucking wasn't.
Guy: I thought it would be fun.
Girl: You know what would be fun? Me kicking you in the balls.
Guy: That wouldn't be fun.
Hobo: That would be a shitload of fun! Can I play?
Hobo: Do you have the time?
Guy: Quarter past seven.
Hobo: Do you think we'll make it?
Guy: To where?
Hobo: To wherever we're going.
Guy: Yes.
Salesguy #1: Dude, I think I smell or something...
Salesguy #2: You smell like the robust combination of onions and poop.
Guy #1: I'm not gay, dude.
Guy #2: Yes you are. I see you giving me those looks at work.
Guy #1: You know what? You're right. So right here, right now, in front of God and the N train, will you go out wih me?
Guy #2: Shit man, I was kidding. You really are a fag.
Woman: It's a pity about that actress who stabbed someone with her knife. What's her name? ...Um...Reese?
Chick: Witherspoon?
Woman: No! With her knife!
Queer: French fries over cocaine, muthafucker are you crazy?
Hipster chick: God I feel nauseous. All I've had to eat this weekend has been coffee, secondhand smoke, and semen.
Fat chick on cell: Well, it kind of sucks because the subway is
like two avenue blocks away and--
Queer passerby: And there's no Krispy Kreme in between?
Woman #1: There is no ethical dilemma! It's right there in the Bible!
Woman #2: Oh, Bible schmible.
Woman #1: Honestly, Helen. Is that the best rejoinder you can manage? Can we possibly have just one discussion without you pulling out the schmefix?
Girlfriend: It's just that I give you pristine vagina and you give me used books.
Boyfriend: Your gratitude is staggering.
Girl: What the fuck are you doing?
Guy: It was the train.
Girl: No, it fucking wasn't.
Guy: I thought it would be fun.
Girl: You know what would be fun? Me kicking you in the balls.
Guy: That wouldn't be fun.
Hobo: That would be a shitload of fun! Can I play?
Hobo: Do you have the time?
Guy: Quarter past seven.
Hobo: Do you think we'll make it?
Guy: To where?
Hobo: To wherever we're going.
Guy: Yes.
Salesguy #1: Dude, I think I smell or something...
Salesguy #2: You smell like the robust combination of onions and poop.
Guy #1: I'm not gay, dude.
Guy #2: Yes you are. I see you giving me those looks at work.
Guy #1: You know what? You're right. So right here, right now, in front of God and the N train, will you go out wih me?
Guy #2: Shit man, I was kidding. You really are a fag.
Woman: It's a pity about that actress who stabbed someone with her knife. What's her name? ...Um...Reese?
Chick: Witherspoon?
Woman: No! With her knife!