(no subject)
look at this, im updating again. actually i am at work and i cant stay awake...
so my life is crazy now. i have blown off homework for like the whole term, but more lately. Im ready to get out of northwood, but not ready for the real world. does that make any sense? im just stupid. oh well, shit happens. i have drank a lot lately. since wednesday night...after my uncles funeral...i have basically drank everyday. like on wednesday, thursday and friday night i drank heavily, on saturday night i had a few...enough to feel it, took sunday off...got wasted on monday (did something completely stupid) and yesterday was brandys 21st birthday. think i could not drink with her? i think not, for the love of god i am one of her bestest** friends. so i had a couple drinks with her. for sure not good for my running, let alone my weight. i am thinking about doing what i did this summer and limit my eating. i dont want to get fat. i like looking good, but i dont think i can handle the attention that comes with it. i guess thats another story.
in the boy department...apparently i am hot this year?!?!? like i know, i dont think so. if i hear one person tell me that i am being hard on myself i am going to fucking explode. do you know what its like to live my life? didnt think so...anyway, before i lose my shit. there are guys interested, some older and many of them younger. boy am i going to get into trouble with the freshmen, but some of them are fucking hot!! but i need to think about this logically...date older boys they want something serious, date someone younger and they are all about having a good time. im totally up for the good time. like this one guy, somewhat creeping me out...but anyway, truly sweet guy but one of those guys that is too sweet. like he put a rose on my truck window and brought me another rose because my other one was thrown away. its sweet, but honestly i hate roses. they are a true waste of money. like all flowers...but after my uncle's funeral i realized that i truly am in love with wildflowers. they are beautiful. i had some in my truck window, i hope they are still there (those are from my uncles funeral as well). but anyway, this guy was totally in my space. sure its cool to hang out, but WTF...i have a personal bubble and you are about to pop it. i think not. what does he tell me all the time..."im boyfriend material" sure you are bf material, but i am not "girlfriend material" think he would get the clue the first time? NO! damn it, and of course i have to get wasted on monday and fucking make out with the guy, fucking huge mistake. so we talked and thats all clear...he getting the hell out of my bubble. the weird part was that kissing him made me think of the ex. isnt it weird that i cant kiss another guy without thinking about him? i cant talk to him, because i will just lose it. i dont think that i can handle being in the same room with him. even though i am there are better guys out there, i would rather be with him. damn i should have never said that, but think about it...we havent been together since august...i am still in love with him. oh damn...i hope that he doesnt read this anymore. he would probably just use it against me. but than again i think about it...i dont fucking care. actually i think i would want him to know. i dont think that he would honestly give 2 shits what i think anymore...
well its about that time...my time at work is over and i need to go to class. dont have my homework done...surprise, surprise
well folks, i hope that i have entertained you for at least a couple minutes. it great to talk about things again. maybe i shouldnt...
so my life is crazy now. i have blown off homework for like the whole term, but more lately. Im ready to get out of northwood, but not ready for the real world. does that make any sense? im just stupid. oh well, shit happens. i have drank a lot lately. since wednesday night...after my uncles funeral...i have basically drank everyday. like on wednesday, thursday and friday night i drank heavily, on saturday night i had a few...enough to feel it, took sunday off...got wasted on monday (did something completely stupid) and yesterday was brandys 21st birthday. think i could not drink with her? i think not, for the love of god i am one of her bestest** friends. so i had a couple drinks with her. for sure not good for my running, let alone my weight. i am thinking about doing what i did this summer and limit my eating. i dont want to get fat. i like looking good, but i dont think i can handle the attention that comes with it. i guess thats another story.
in the boy department...apparently i am hot this year?!?!? like i know, i dont think so. if i hear one person tell me that i am being hard on myself i am going to fucking explode. do you know what its like to live my life? didnt think so...anyway, before i lose my shit. there are guys interested, some older and many of them younger. boy am i going to get into trouble with the freshmen, but some of them are fucking hot!! but i need to think about this logically...date older boys they want something serious, date someone younger and they are all about having a good time. im totally up for the good time. like this one guy, somewhat creeping me out...but anyway, truly sweet guy but one of those guys that is too sweet. like he put a rose on my truck window and brought me another rose because my other one was thrown away. its sweet, but honestly i hate roses. they are a true waste of money. like all flowers...but after my uncle's funeral i realized that i truly am in love with wildflowers. they are beautiful. i had some in my truck window, i hope they are still there (those are from my uncles funeral as well). but anyway, this guy was totally in my space. sure its cool to hang out, but WTF...i have a personal bubble and you are about to pop it. i think not. what does he tell me all the time..."im boyfriend material" sure you are bf material, but i am not "girlfriend material" think he would get the clue the first time? NO! damn it, and of course i have to get wasted on monday and fucking make out with the guy, fucking huge mistake. so we talked and thats all clear...he getting the hell out of my bubble. the weird part was that kissing him made me think of the ex. isnt it weird that i cant kiss another guy without thinking about him? i cant talk to him, because i will just lose it. i dont think that i can handle being in the same room with him. even though i am there are better guys out there, i would rather be with him. damn i should have never said that, but think about it...we havent been together since august...i am still in love with him. oh damn...i hope that he doesnt read this anymore. he would probably just use it against me. but than again i think about it...i dont fucking care. actually i think i would want him to know. i dont think that he would honestly give 2 shits what i think anymore...
well its about that time...my time at work is over and i need to go to class. dont have my homework done...surprise, surprise
well folks, i hope that i have entertained you for at least a couple minutes. it great to talk about things again. maybe i shouldnt...