(no subject)
Tuesday, December 22nd 2009 at 1:31pm
Unicorn called me, at long last. According to the very short conversation, supposedly he's not fucking Ferret, and that Ferret has a boyfriend. Which is nice to hear. It makes me wonder if perhaps Wolf was implying a relationship between Unicorn and Ferret because he wants to put as much distance as possible between Unicorn and I.
Not that any of that really matters. After all, I hadn't given one lick of thought to Unicorn today until he called. My mind is on a quite delectably endless train of thought revolving around Paladin. Speaking of Paladin - I tried sheep cheese today. Yeah, I know - what the hell does that have to do with Paladin, you ask?
I told Paladin on cam that the co-op near where I live doesn't have cheese. It occurred to me today that I must be insane. Of course they have cheese; I just never looked before. So today I marched in there and bought organic apples, sheep cheese and a bag of crinkle-cut organic potato chips. Then I drove over to Wolf's house and did a nearly flawless parallel park. Nobody was home (which is much better than just Mouse being home or something - although I was aiming at Wolf being there by himself), and so I headed back on home.
While watching the season premier of Smallville (which I recorded way back when it was on in the first place, but just have been avoiding watching) I tried the cheese with an apple. It's texture was sort-of cool; soft and flaky sort of like an apple-pie-crust when made to perfection.
...I totally just hung up on a random woman and tried to make it seem as though my phone had died. I suppose it would have been a more convincing performance if I had said “oh my phone is beeping” or something first. Oh well. I didn't feel like explaining why I had filled out an application requesting more college information and yet didn't want to talk to her.
Anyway, the sheep cheese tastes pretty bad, but with the apple I was able to keep nibbling at it despite the flavor. I actually kind of like the soft and flaky texture, although it is a bit odd.
Oh bother! My mind is such a difficult place to be these days. I've been watching videos on youtube, and reading, and writing, and exchanging letters with Lynx, and exercising almost madly, and dancing, and learning Japanese songs and losing spans of time working on my novel, and it's all well and good, but much of it is just running from the loop that my thoughts are in.
Paladin being my boyfriend; the man that I love... And yet never having touched him... It an all-consuming thought - to the point of obsession. I space out in fantasy constantly.
And I need to work on the project for my father's xmas gift and stop this nonsense.
Tuesday, December 22nd 2009 at 8:49pm
I made a good deal of progress on my father's x-mas present today. I also completed Week 3, Day 3 of the 200-crunches program and Week 1, Day 2 of the 200-squats program. I've also decided I should be doing at the very least one hundred kegels a day and have started doing those as well.
Lynx writes me on December 22nd 2009 at 6:56pm;
Hi Nuria,
“Perhaps that's what love is considered - recognizing the divine in someone is just like the divine in yourself. And that would imply the highest form was to remove any doubt that another being is as much a part of you as you are of you.”
That's a magnificent way of putting it. :) We live in a world where differences are everywhere, and often played up. I'm sure you know how wonderful the feeling is of meeting somebody and discovering, "Hey, they're just like me!" The feeling of getting past all those differences, and making a connection with someone, is fundamentally what makes relationships worthwhile. Only a rare few are able to truly make a connection on the highest level though; to really understand and 'see' their connection with the rest of the Universe, while still remaining in a separate, mortal body.
"For myself, I had too many freedoms and not nearly enough discipline or direction - and I very much crave to be told what to do. I think it very much stems from my parents not telling me what to do as much as I needed it. While it was good for my intelligence to have to figure things out on my own, emotionally I felt like I was left to walk alone on many occasions."
It sounds like we had opposite childhoods growing up then. *grin* I was constantly being told what to do by my parents. They made practically every decision for me. In fact, for much of my life, I actually had my life charted out for me; I would go to school, then go to University, and then complete my national service (I'm not sure if I ever told you this, but I was once in the Army for three years as part of Singapore's mandatory military service). It was only after all that, which took me all the way through my life until I was 24, that I was really free to go and live my own life, to make my own decisions.
And you know something? It actually scared me, at first. If you've lived your whole life always knowing what road you were going to go down, even if that road was chosen for you... To suddenly stand at the end of that road, and to not be able to see what's coming next... I'm not sure if you'd understand how terrifying an experience that can be.
So perhaps my desire for Dominance is an expression of my desire to gain control over my life. It's a damn fun and arousing way to do it, I must say. *wicked grin*
“Reiki healers are energy practitioners. It is a healing technique of transmitting life energy by placing the hands gently in specific positions either on or above the body.”
I did a bit more reading up about Reiki healing. It sounds similar to some ancient Chinese beliefs about using ki to heal and correct ailments within the body. (Of course, since the practice of Reiki originated in Japan, it wouldn't surprise me if it was inspired by Chinese practices.) From what I read, Reiki is about stimulating and encouraging the patient's own natural healing processes. Does that mean there limits on what Reiki healing can do? Certain injuries (like compound fractures) or diseases (like deficiency diseases) that other methods are required?
"There are these little tails on the end of the cell (which I can not recall the name of, nor seem to find on google at the moment since “cell tail” brings up entirely too many different results) and there are 120 of them. And they do in a way limit how long we live quite definitely."
They're called telomeres. :) Specifically, they're a kind of protein that 'caps' the end of DNA strands. When cells divide, they recreate everything in the DNA strand except the telomeres, which means that each cell can only replicate a certain amount of times before it can't do so anymore. This is what eventually causes aging and death; old cells are just worn out and can no longer create new ones to replace themselves. Science is actually working on a way to replicate the telomeres as well, but it could be decades before they discover how. (And even if they did, I kind of fear the social, environmental and moral consequences of allowing humans to live forever. Even though I'd want to live forever. XD)
"I think I sort of like my men slaves to their own lust... It's very hot. The idea that a sexy woman could come along and seduce him makes me angry, horny, and delighted all at once. It's really quite intoxicating to be so confused emotionally."
While I can certainly understand the appeal in that ideal, of just... succumbing to one's base, animal passion and desire, in spite of (or perhaps because of) my love for control and Dominance, I don't think that it's something I could really yield to. While my lust and desire for sex is a welcome and embraced part of me, I think my personality won't let it truly control me.
Your friend,
Lynx