Logging Hour to Hour My Day-To-Day Life & Emotions
Hibiscus (my fiancé), and Paladin (my husband), went with me down to visit Rooster and Oryx (friends of Paladin and I who Hibiscus had yet to meet) on April 13th 2016. We did this to see them for a couple days before going on to the polyamory gathering that was taking place over four days ( Friday through Monday) about an hour north of Rooster's place. When we went, I took a paper notebook with me instead of a computer to do my usual logging of events and emotions.
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After I got back it took me a while to translate all of the writing from the notebook into the spreadsheet form I used at home on my computer. So for a while, I kept logging the longhand style, as you see below. I included Tuesday's log (the day after the polyamory gathering ended) with my last post, as on Tuesday, Hibiscus proposed to me.
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Wednesday, April 20th 2016
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8:42am to 8:49am - Logging, dressing
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8:49am to 9:17am - Ten minutes with Hibiscus in the kitchen, putting away dishes and mixing juice with water. Sixteen minutes with Paladin in his room. Today begins intermittent fasting.
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Intermittent fasting is where you eat for a time period each day, such as five hours, and don't eat outside of that time period. This allows your digestive system to clear out fully between eating periods, which is highly beneficial for generating healthy flora, healthy hormonal balance, and dramatically decreasing unhealthy cravings. I got the idea to try this from Robyn, who I met at at the polyamory gathering. She shared her experience with it, and I related strongly to her story. Especially about how she was always horny or hungry all the time.
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9:17am to 9:37am - Pooping. Cleaning sex toys (the glass one dirty from yesterday, the vibrator mostly just having lint on it from traveling in my bag to the polyamory gathering).
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9:37am to 10:31am - Transcribing and writing about polygathering experience.
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10:31am to 10:56pm - Folding laundry with Paladin.
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10:56pm to 12:05pm - Editing photos. Paladin with me some of the time. Feeling pleased, frustrated, mostly peaceful, some focused/meh.
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12:05pm to 1:13pm - Opening boxes, mostly of computer parts for my new computer that Paladin is going to build for me. Also, custom boots for wedding day arrived and Paladin laced mine up for me. Anxiety and stress about Paladin's anxiety and stress. Irritated about some aspects of the boots, but pleased about others. Still have yet to eat anything besides the juice in my water.
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1:13pm to 1:41pm - Photo editing. Talking to Paladin for 10 minutes.
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1:41pm to 2:38pm - Eating a mango. Walking with Paladin and Hibiscus, talking about where to plant elderberries and cherry trees.
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2:38pm to 3:18pm - E-mail. At last. Focused. (First time checking my e-mail in about a week.)
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3:18pm to 4:12pm - Eating pomegranate arils with ground flaxseed and sunflower seed. Sunbathing a little. Feeling peaceful until Hibiscus and Paladin walked by me on the way to the bridge-shed without even so much as looking at me. Made me feel sad, isolated and unimportant.
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4:12pm to 5:21pm - Digging the trench/creek in the back. Feeling peaceful and pleased some of the time (while focusing on my work and my sensations). Feeling frustrated and even a bit angry with Paladin for being so adamant that we had to have mini ponds rather than a creek for this-and-that unfounded reason.
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5:21pm to 6:38pm - Facebook, mainly collecting photos that others posted of the poly gathering, then showering.
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6:38pm to 7:09pm - Making salad for Hibiscus and I. Feeling peaceful.
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7:09pm to 8:07pm - Listening to a Silverstag Eco Hamlet meeting at Otter's house while eating salad. Meh.
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Then getting back . . . Paladin was a mess about his shoe shopping adventure. He got work boots but it turned out that they hurt his feet. Feeling despair, and a stomachache.
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8:08pm to 8:54pm - Time with Paladin, who is despairing. Feeling sick, resentful, sad, desperate and overall horrible.
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8:54pm to 9:30pm - More tears and pain with Paladin. I talked to him about taking the shoes back and getting him shoes that would work for him.
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9:30pm to 10:00pm - Paladin and Hibiscus with me in my room. Feeling guilty, resentful, doubtful, hurt, grief.
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10:00pm to 11:00pm - Falling asleep while Hibiscus tries to help me process a little bit, and gives me a lymph massage. (A lymph massage involves pressing on places where lymph fluid is stagnant to help it move, and then pressing along the lymph tracks to clear blockages and move fluid. I taught Hibiscus how to do this on me.)
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11:00pm to 7:42am - Sleeping. Hibiscus was with me at first, but at some point I asked him to go to sleep in his own bedroom. (We have different bedrooms. I prefer it this way. We can both get sound sleep without bothering each other when we like, or sleep together when we like, or have company in our individual bedrooms without bothering the other person when we like.)
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Thursday, April 21st 2016
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7:42am to 7:54am - Thinking, listening to Lady Gaga's "I like it rough," and trying to decide how to be awake without eating while doing intermittent fasting. (For years I've gotten up in the morning for breakfast. How do I convince myself to get up without food for motivation?)
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7:54am to 8:51am - Logging. Cuddling with Hibiscus. Showing Hibiscus photos I took and edited from the poly gathering. Feeling peaceful, pleased even.
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8:51am to 10:36am - Mostly photo editing. Focused, peaceful, pleased, a little anxious.
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10:36am to 10:55am - 10 minutes with Hibiscus, cuddling and talking. Otherwise, logging.
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10:55am to 11:24am - Catching up on log from traveling. 10 minutes with Paladin. Feeling anxious, hungry. Intermittent fasting feels hard now.
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11:24am to 11:54am - Masturbating. Feeling mostly meh.
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11:54am to 12:14pm - More moving of log into my spreadsheet. Stomach feels painfully empty. Heart feels heavy.
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12:14pm to 1:05pm - Ate an orange, a minneola, a cup of milk and a smoothie made up of prunes, blueberries, milk and chia. Spent time with Paladin. Felt peaceful.
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1:05pm to 3:14pm - Shoe-shopping with Paladin.
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Bought a pair of sneakers. My new purple sneakers have vibram soles and the top is made by a different company. They're super comfortable. They turn out to be more comfortable than my toe-shoes, which is astonishing as they've been my most comfortable walking shoes for years.
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Paladin got a pair of rubber mud boots. These may not be all-around work boots, but at least he'll be able to dig in the mud without wet feet!
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We enjoyed a walk from the shoe place to the other shops. Hibiscus drove us there and drove us back again, getting STI testing while we were out. Felt apprehension in the car ride home. Felt guilty for walking away from the shoe store and causing Hibiscus to drive extra. Felt peaceful and pleased about the sunshine and shoes. Feeling grateful for Hibiscus and his financial support.
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3:14pm to 3:40pm - More log entering.
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3:40pm to 3:47pm - Hibiscus talking with me about his experience with STI testing. Wanting Hibiscus to fuck me.
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3:47pm to 4:19pm - More log conversion/transcription. Talking to Paladin a little bit. Feeling undecided about going outside or not, wanting sex a lot.
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4:19pm to 5:53pm - Ate a pomegranate's arils with ground sunflower seeds. (This is a really fantastic flavor combination. Everyone I've introduced it to has loved it.) Spent time digging outdoors and talking to Hibiscus as I did so. Feeling peaceful, pleased, and a little anxious.
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5:53pm to 6:08pm - More moving my written log into my spreadsheet. More than half-way done now, thank goodness. Feeling pleased and curious about this process.
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6:08pm to 7:30pm - Eating mango, nori wraps, and an orange. Getting ready for Sanctuary of Dance. Feeling peaceful, anxious.
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7:30pm to 8:00pm - Driving there, picking up Lithim. Feeling pleased, mildly aroused.
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8:00pm to 9:00pm - Talking with Newt, Xenia, Lithim, Paladin and Hibiscus. Dancing. Bringing Paladin into the bathroom and sucking his cock. Coming back out. Hibiscus kissing me before I've even had a drink of water, intentionally. Highly aroused. Devious, excited, pleased.
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9:00pm to 10:00pm - Bringing Hibiscus into the bathroom with me and getting him to fuck me. Two mild orgasms. More dancing. Frustrated, pleased, devious.
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10:00pm to 11:00pm - Driving. Dropping Lithim off at his car in the co-operative grocery's parking lot. Getting groceries. Feeling pleased.
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11:00pm to 12:00am - Putting away groceries. Making and eating salad. Cuddling with Hibiscus on the kitchen floor. Aroused, pleased, peaceful, anxious.
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12:00am to 12:56am - Dancing around for Paladin, stripping. Kissing Hibiscus goodnight. Feeling vulnerable, afraid. Putting on my pink corset for Paladin. Aroused. Playing with myself in front of him. Worried that he won't fuck me. Sucking his cock. Devious, excited. Brief sex. He came. I didn't. Handing him my glass anal toy and having him fuck me with it while I touched my clit. Orgasmed hard and long.
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12:56am to 1:23am - Logging, Facebook, seeing Hibiscus in the bathroom for two minutes, hugging him.
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1:23am to 1:30am - Drifting to sleep.
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1:30am to 8:29am - Sleeping
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Friday, April 22nd 2016
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8:29am to 8:39am - Watering plants, peeing, hugging Hibiscus before he goes off to his meeting.
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8:39am to 10:29am - Writing and transferring emotions log into spreadsheet. Feeling focused, a little sad, a little peaceful.
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And there my logging in this fashion comes to a close. However, just an hour later, at 11:30am, April 22nd, 2016, I came into Paladin's room . . . And well, I wrote about the experience and relaizations I had that morning here.