The Twenty Buttons Challenge
Hibiscus,
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I said, "You probably know most of my buttons."
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You said, "I know these two here," grazing your finger over my nipple.
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Those are quite nice ones, indeed. Although - have I ever told you? - they didn't used to work at all. I went through years of never letting anyone touch my nipples and being extremely upset whenever a guy did.
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While I was with Porcupine a shift began to occur. He was mystified by my dislike of my nipples being touched and he was determined to experiment and find out if there was some way he could touch them that I wouldn't be adverse to. He caused me to really focus on the sensations and feel for what I liked and didn't like about them being touched.
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I was defensive. I said that even shower water hurt my nipples and they were just too sensitive and easily hurt. So he tried touching them with the most light and feathery touch. I focused on it and found a little pleasure it in.
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Through months and years of experimenting gently, I found more and more pleasure in them. Paladin introduced me to a firmer touch, but a sort of controlled, careful, deliberate pinch. Something about the pressure being applied slowly adjusted me to another sensation.
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I learned to scrub my nipples gently in the shower, and occasionally expose them to the flow of water directly. I began to play with them when I masturbated. Over time, that too-sensitive, verge-of-pain experience dwindled away. The odd thing now is that I have to be paying attention for it to arouse me. If my thoughts are distracted enough, I can neglect to notice the subtle, delicious touch.
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Romance is all about manipulation . . . (I'm imaging your fingers manipulating my nipples.) . . . And I want your romance. I want to be controlled by you. I want to feel secure in the knowledge that you can take me away from myself any time you choose - like a safety net that will catch me if I begin to stray.
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That is, if I am straying from your liking, then you will collect me back up. Manipulate me and persuade me into your desired outcomes. Then I am secure in my worship of you, knowing that I am a good devotee who will not be left by her god.
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There does seem to be catches to this desire. The amount of your focus which I crave. What if you didn't want to focus on me? How can I be your perfect pet then? And what if your perfect vision of a pet is not your pet at all, but something else to you? What then?
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Musings and conundrums aside . . . I wish to give you a challenge. Maybe you will be up to it?
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Find twenty different ways to illicit a desired response from me. Up to ten of them can be verbal. Come up with a result you wish to achieve, and then go about making it happen. The result you have in mind can range from getting me to bring you something, to letting you sleep, to making me cry, to performing for you in some way. Anything you can dream up. Choose things you're not sure how to get me to do.
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Experiment. Surprise me. Surprise yourself. See how subtle you can be. See how direct you can be. See how hard and cruel you can be. See how clever and sneaky you can be. Let me be your playground for all the things you always wanted to try.
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You might be shocked to how far you can push me, how far out you can take me into the realms of being yours.
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Lust, love, desperation, and a bit of whimsy,
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Nuria
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PS: I quiver just typing in your e-mail address. How perfect you are for me, how delightful you are, how thoughtful, thorough, exacting. You excite me and cause me to shiver with pleasure even at simple things . . . like your chosen e-mail address.
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. . .
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Later that same day, I moped about Paladin. My depression surrounding Paladin felt thick, like glue. I felt powerless to talk to him. His lack of energy seemed to sap me dry in his presence. He didn't speak to me either.
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Why aren't you trying to win me back? Why are you just letting me slide away? I thought you loved me.
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And still, later, I texted Hibiscus: "And here is what makes the time I spend with you so precious to me . . . In the hours we just spent together, so little of it was logged as 'content' and so much of it was gratitude, ecstasy, joy, sadness, amusement, arousal . . . All the good stuff. I used to call my log, Activity Log in the file name. Now it says, Era of Hibiscus Daily Log in the file name. I wanted to differentiate it."
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Was entering the era of Hibiscus also leaving the era of Paladin?