Oh, eHarmony.

[nummymuffin]

Upon checking my rarely checked Hotmail account for other, funnier reasons, I saw that hey... I have a lot of eHarmony matches! Excellent! So why not share the highlights with you?



Here's a 6'7" Christian industrial researcher. So, what's he looking for in a mate?

The one thing Heathrow is most passionate about:

• i am most passionate about the character of my opposit sex and and how prety they were

Oh. Never mind. Next!

Here's a 42 year old guy who thinks rather highly of himself.

The most influential person in Ralph's life has been:

• I`m my own inspiration.

Not to mention this:

The last book Ralph read and enjoyed:

• Not really my idea of fun.

Illiteracy, what a turn-on!

NEXT.

This guy's name is "crazi".
The three things which crazi is most thankful for:

• life
• mind
• clean heart

Um, okay... no. NEXT.

If I were actually looking, this would be an instant NO. Michael, a 42 year old Christian telecom tech...
The last book Michael read and enjoyed:

• lot of years since last book

Wrong answer and wrong name because it goes against my strict NO MIKE policy.

Next we have 46 year old William, who maybe wants kids, so he clearly didn't read that I want none.
The most influential person in William's life has been:

• Scouting leader who taught me to buy a few good things and take care of them,Thomas Jefferson- I have his same birthday and was born in Virginia--He was interested in a lot of different things. Two different engineering professors who taught me that facts and making money were interesting but people were more important.

Er, that's nice. *scratching head and moving on*

Alberto is a 33 year old Muslim, also an engineer. Do I attract engineers or what?

The most influential person in Alberto's life has been:

• My boss. he is a great persona.

*still scratching head*

The one thing Alberto is most passionate about:

• Love and romantism.

Alberto also loves mangling the English language. NEXT!

Gary is a 46 year old Process Engineer... see?

The one thing Gary wishes MORE people would notice about him is:

• That I am easy to talk to and approchable. I seem to emit an aura of aloofness.

Not to mention the funny smell he emits from... well, we won't discuss that here. :(

Next we have Philip, who is a 39 year old Christian security consultant. Note that I said I do not want kids, so how come nearly all of these guys have them and care so little about what I want that they still present themselves to me, like a stinking, rotten buffet of HELL THE FUCK NO?
The three things which Philip is most thankful for:

• my kids

The most influential person in Philip's life has been:

• my kids. they have taught me to see things in a different light and get a better appreciation for things.

Three of Philip's best life-skills are:

• Raising and/or caring for children

The things Philip can't live without are:

• my kids
• a fun job
• playing music
• my big boy toys

Some additional information Philip wanted you to know is:

• i'm worth the trouble and no response is needed if you can't understand the whole having kids concept.

It's so nice to know these guys really read your profile before sending you a request. Who's next?

It's Urban, a 35 year old attorney.

The first thing you'll probably notice about Urban when you meet him:

• I honestly don't know. Perhaps my intensity, which shows in my eyes.

All I need to say here was said better in IRC when I pasted the above: [18:28:01] [Kristian] Perhaps my will to kill, which shows in my eyes

Yeaaahhh.

All matches are now closed because I'm not so evil that I'd leave these guys hanging, even if they are dopes. ;)