time flies when you're not ready for it...

[number131]

with all of the good things happening in my life, you'd think that i could at least be content, you know? why do i feel like i have to have all my ducks in a row all the time? it's ok to have a misaligned duck every now and then, right? it's just... every time i start to think that maybe this will happen, maybe this is the guy this time, i'm wrong. it seems as though i've been in this place before. and every time i get that feeling in my gut that maybe this time won't be like every other time i end up at the other end of the tunnel with the realization that what i thought was light was just an artificial sun that lured me into thinking everything would be ok. every time i finally let go of the belief that i need this, that i want this, someone else comes along and reminds me that i do need this, i do want this. but they aren't going to be the ones to give it to me. maybe i really should just give up. any guy comes near me, i'll tazer him. this is not at all helping the cynicism i have accrued over the years. i'm trying to be positive and hopeful, but when you keep getting pushed away it gets harder and harder to ignore that voice in your head that's telling you you're not good enough. fun, eh?

i suppose tomorrow is another day.

ylime.