Episode Recap: Uncertainty Principle...
Before I go on, let me tell you a little story. One fine warm summer's evening, Nancy was sitting in her most garish crushed velvet dress, sipping demurely at wine and giggling as she wrote this week's one of two episode recaps. She was doing MARVELOUSLY well, especially since she'd had such trouble thinking up any jokes in the first place.
Then, something awful happened. Netscape (or Nutscrape as it is more commonly known) decided that it would give up on life, right in the middle of her recap. When she'd drank MOST of her glass or two of white wine.
So now, ladies and gents, your dear hostess Nacey must battle on and rewrite the whole thing - moderately tipsy. Yeah. Let it be said that I am FAR less funny when I'm drunk - but I think I'm fucking hilarious. Well - I wrote the jokes when I was sober, I'm just getting them down into coding now. Let's go.
This episode was REALLY hard to recap. You know why? Well, it was a character-driven episode so most of it was Charlie and Don having troubles and both Rob Morrow and David Krumholtz are really good at making me feel sorry for them. (This was so more lucid and well-written before the programme crashed. It was. Please believe me.) I had to distance myself from the episodes and the emotions they evoked cause I'd just start angsting out over what poor Don and Charlie went through in the ep, and angsting is not conducive to humour. Somehow, the muse struck me. I don't know how funny this one's gonna be, but since I *always* say that, I figure I'll quite saying it and just get on with it. Here you go.
Interesting tidbit: in a poll conducted from my personal journal, Uncertainty Principle was the only episode to get any votes for recapping. A lot of people love this episode. This sorta feels like sacrilege. But anyone that knows me knows I harbour the hugest crush on JC that you've ever seen, and I'm not even religious. It's a long hair and beards thing. Sweet Christmas - don't let me write when I'm like this.
Episode Recap: Uncertainty Principle
Peek-a-boo.
PEEK-A-BOO. (Watch out, Starsky. They're lookin' for you and the bad haircut ain't gonna fool 'em).
Hey Charlie, you can see the world in colour, now. These aren't criminals; these are koi.
You're feeding your fish glass balls? Remember what Alan said - if you can't take care of your fish properly then you won't have any!
Charlie: Teehee. Fish pretty.
Larry Math!Sensei is pondering the fact that the beautiful dork currently rapt in feeding koi is his prized math protege.
Everybody hurts. Sometimes.
We can all relax - Lionel Richie is on the case.
Agent!Lionel: Hello? Is it meeee you're lookin' foooooor?
Hah. Good one! Now the Don fangirls know where to find him.
Don: Oh yeah, lay-deez. Come get some.
Larry - finger-sex never stops being creepy.
Yo, Sinclair! Pimpin'!
I am thoroughly ashamed to admit that I had completely forgotten that Sabrina Lloyd was in Sliders. I loved that show, and I loved her character. Her character leaving was why I stopped watching the show. And now she's left Numb3rs too. Why, Sabrina, WHY DO YOU KEEP LEAVING ME?!
Louis Armstrong: Pimpin' Ain't Easy.
It must have been a really bad coffee. (Sadly, I wrote that joke sober, so I don't even have the wine to blame for that one).
Wuh-oh! SWAT gear! Hear that high-pitched frequency? Yep. That's the sound of many, many Don fangirls squeeing. Don't worry - it won't last *too* long. They gotta breath some time.
Don: Be vewwy quiet! I'm hunting wabbits!
Charlie is cooking. Or at least puttering around in the kitchen. Men cooking or puttering around in the kitchen is hot. Combine it with the fact that it's David Krumholtz exhibiting supposed culinary skills, and it's not just hot. It makes me want to get naked. (Which could segue into a funny story of what happened to me with a guy in the kitchen once, but I'm not that gone. Sorry).
Your car A-SPLODE!
That's it, Don. Get those jeans and their precious cargo AWAY from the raging inferno.
Don: What's that Mr. Bang-Bang? Charlie's stuck in the well?
Don: But Terry might be in mortal peril! SHIT! SHIT SHIT SHIT!
(I just gotta say - Rob's eyes looking really freaky here - blacker than black, like he's possessed by a demon or something. Brr!)
Don: Fuck it, he knows how to swim... I'M COMING, TERRY!
Hah. What, is the Titanic coming? Hooooot! HOOT! Iceberg, dead ahead! Oh no wait, that's Charlie.
This little moment here proved that DK would do so well in Bollywood. He did this awesome little head-wiggle thing like Indian actors do. I totally cracked up. Then his acting kicked in and I felt bad for laughing at him.
Don: What the fuck? I thought you were stuck in a well.
Charlie: You thought I was stuck in a well and you're shooting the breeze here? Gee, thanks, asshole!
Charlie drew on the camera again. They're all dark and glassy - he gets confused.
Terry looks like she could use a hot chocolate, a muffin and a couple of pamprin - stat!
Don can't believe his hair didn't save the day.
Charlie finds a post-it note on the wall that says, "Agent Eppes hogs the mirror space in the men's toilets."
Charlie: Well, screw this. I'm out of here.
Don: What? Where are you going?
Charlie: The math fell down and your hair couldn't save us. I'm getting out before anyone else gets shot cause I feel guilty enough as it is.
Don: Douche-bag! I can't believe he left me to fill the episode up on my own!
I find it so unbelievably cute that he still has his old Tonkas.
*whistles* Hey Charlie, nice arse.
Heh. What, are your arms four feet long? You can't REACH the board, doofus! Unless you've got some heinous platform shoes stashed away somewhere... either that or really long chalk.
Charlie shows us how to remodel our garages in "This Old House"... Blackboard-Chic is this season's new black!
Very nice. You do realise that you've screwed a blackboard over the doorway and you're stuck inside, right? And what are you even doing with that many blackboards?
Larry Math!Sensei: *whistles* Yep. He's batshit crazy.
Larry Math!Sensei: Dude... I had to climb in the window. What the hell are you doing?!
Charlie: I'm having the biggest attack of the "I Suck"s of my life and looking totally hot doing it. Now, if you don't mind, I've got some xact overs, planas lols, subsets and rtitio vaps to calculate.
Dad: Don, what did you do? He's going Rainman in there! How many times did I tell you not to break Charlie?
Don: Calm down, Dad! You're over-reacting! It can't be that bad!
Don:... Holy snappin' duck-shit.
Don: Uh... Charlie... you okay?
Charlie: Yes! Fine! Shut up! Big angst!
Larry: He's been like this for hours. He won't even stop to feed the fish.
Don: Charlie, why don't you break out into song, you know I hate that, right?
Charlie: NO way!
Don: Aw crap. I did broke you.
Terry: So. Charlie's gone all Celine Dion on us. I guess we gotta crack this case the best we can.
Don: What... you mean using traditional detective work?! That's crazy talk, sister!
By using traditional detective work they find their way to an apartment block and are looking in the basement for someone that used to live there, but is kinda missing...
... Yup. FBI's top officers - shadow boxing. Do the doggy shadow, Don!
Don: Wooaaah... talk about stash space...
Don: That is *not* the way to treat your leftover chicken.
Terry: Don... that's our missing man.
Don: ...Oh. [sigh] Shit, now I'm hungry.
Don: So, whaddaya got for me, Forensic-Guy?
Forensic-Guy: Well, I can tell you, using top-of-the-field scientific methods that this man is dead.
Don: Huh?
Forensic-Guy: I kept poking him and he didn't move. He didn't complain when I went through is wallet, either.
Forensic-Guy: But enough about that stiff. I'm telling you, Agent Eppes, there's something I've always wanted...
Forensic-Guy: I've always wanted a strapping, attractive FBI agent to... stroke my forehead and kiss me... right here!
Forensic-Guy: A-and then sort of - lick me here...
Don: Okay. You've disturbed me enough that I have to do an Elvis impression to get that hideous vision of you asking for favours out of my mind.
Don: Hunka hunka... thank-yu-verru-much!
Don: Hello, Agent Eppes speaking. You what? Jeans? What about my jeans? Who are you? Who gave you my number? SWAT gear? WTF?!
A bank manager dies and people mourn the passing of a perfectly good shirt.
Heh. Way to go, man, nice framing of the shot, there.
Don: Yeah, right. So tell me more about what you think of the pants. Jeans, sorry, jeans.
Peek-a-BOO!
Alan: Hey Terry.
Terry: Alan. Hey.
Terry: I gotta tell ya. Them's some tasty boys you raised.
I have NO idea what's going on here but it looks wrong. Maybe Don hid the chalk in his pants or something. Or Charlie's doing some bizarre lost traditional East European dance move.
Don: Charlie! Come play FBI with me or I'll tell Dad!
Don: It's totally unfair, I have to piece together evidence and make deductions and stuff!
Don: Come ON dude, work without you like, totally bites!
Don: I gotta spend all my time doing actual detective work and I can't perve on Terry and play Solitaire!
This is one of those random pics that I put in just cause I think DK is exceptionally lovely in it. Hmm. Yes. Where were we?
Yes, nice picture.
Charlie: Dad... are you sure that's Mom? She looks kinda contemporary and all tasteful. Before Don was born people wore fake eyelashes and liquid eyeliner and all looked like that funky Muppet from the Muppet Show...
Alan: Yes, it's your mother. It's a very important, dramatic moment Charlie. Don't ass it up with nit-picking.
Charlie: Dude... I geek therefore I nit-pick.
Sometimes, Don and the gang like to pretend they're in the opening credits of Law & Order.
ArmyDude: Hey, I'm Admiral McBigKnob, and I want to help you find this man.
Don: Oh hey, he's cute. He your boyfriend?
McBigKnob: Yes, actually, but that's classified information. It's on a need-to-know basis.
Don: Gotcha. I'll write that one down. "Bad break up."
Charlie is seemingly back to normal...
Larry Math!Sensei: Please tell me you're doing something healthy like looking for porn..
Charlie: Yeah, I totally am. Did you know there's a thriving blackboard-porn scene?
Larry: No shit? That's something I think I'd be happy never knowing about.
Charlie's playing minesweeper. Maths genius... playing minesweeper. It's a mother-fuckin' HUGE game of minesweeper but the fact remains that he's playing the game most people refuse to admit that they play. Heh. That's a Mac. With a cute sticker over the apple. I'm sorry, but you can't hide what it is to those that know - and Numb3rs fans know! But hey - the fact that Charlie uses a mac? Totally sexy.
Disco inferno! Dude, if it looked like this when I played it, I'd be loading it all the time. Except, you know - without the bombs showing up cause that's just cheating.
Charlie: With the power of minesweeper I shall save the day.
Larry: Uuuh, bitch, are you for real?
Charlie: Oh yeah. Just you watch me.
Hah. This is ME playing minesweeper.
Look alive everybody, Charlie is back in the building!
Don: Woah, Dad let you out of the rubber room? Awesome!
Charlie: Okay, this is totally important. The answer is minesweeper!
Peek-a-BOO.
See, Don's just going along with this cause he never understands what the shit Charlie's going on about. His fall-back plan is to strut with his collar standing up.
Heh. She's so watching the reflection of Don in her computer screen. That's the face of a woman who likes what she sees. Either that or she's found some pictures of the Hoff (Not my taste but eh - diff'rent strokes).
Charlie: Look - the neck, see? I have a totally great neck. Appreciate the neck. I'm an Eppes too!
This random hot Krumcap was brought to you by the words Drool, Tingle and Thud.
Don checks to see what they're saying about him on the top-secret FBI message boards...
Don: Hello? SWAT gear? You'll what? I'm there!
Don: Okay, let's scramble! It's time for me to look hot!
Don decides to treat us with a pole dance. Oh Yeah!
Bad!Guy: Just tell Tad it's OVER! No means NO!
Sinclair: Do I look like Oprah to you, huh? You think I'm Dr. Phil? Tell him yourself!
Object in mirror is closer than it appears. (Much to the joy of some).
Don: DUCK SEASON!
Yo, Charlie be gettin' jiggy, gettin' down with his bad self!
He's cooking again! YAY! And... what the sweet rubbery fuck does he have in his hands? Slash fans go wild.
Don and Charlie bond over a beer.
Don: Lemonade is for pussies. Here Charlie, have some beer! Num-num-num!
Alan: Don, cut that shit out. It wasn't funny when you were fourteen and it's not funny now!
~~*~~
Aaah! That's it for me, folks! Two big glasses of wine and a few days and I've finally done it. I recapped Uncertainty Principle. I don't know if I was entirely successful, but I did the best job I could, programme crashes, mental blocks and distracting new episodes not withstanding.
Thank you again to Hilary at http://numbers-online.net/content for letting me use your beautiful screen-caps.
Then, something awful happened. Netscape (or Nutscrape as it is more commonly known) decided that it would give up on life, right in the middle of her recap. When she'd drank MOST of her glass or two of white wine.
So now, ladies and gents, your dear hostess Nacey must battle on and rewrite the whole thing - moderately tipsy. Yeah. Let it be said that I am FAR less funny when I'm drunk - but I think I'm fucking hilarious. Well - I wrote the jokes when I was sober, I'm just getting them down into coding now. Let's go.
This episode was REALLY hard to recap. You know why? Well, it was a character-driven episode so most of it was Charlie and Don having troubles and both Rob Morrow and David Krumholtz are really good at making me feel sorry for them. (This was so more lucid and well-written before the programme crashed. It was. Please believe me.) I had to distance myself from the episodes and the emotions they evoked cause I'd just start angsting out over what poor Don and Charlie went through in the ep, and angsting is not conducive to humour. Somehow, the muse struck me. I don't know how funny this one's gonna be, but since I *always* say that, I figure I'll quite saying it and just get on with it. Here you go.
Interesting tidbit: in a poll conducted from my personal journal, Uncertainty Principle was the only episode to get any votes for recapping. A lot of people love this episode. This sorta feels like sacrilege. But anyone that knows me knows I harbour the hugest crush on JC that you've ever seen, and I'm not even religious. It's a long hair and beards thing. Sweet Christmas - don't let me write when I'm like this.
Episode Recap: Uncertainty Principle
Peek-a-boo.
PEEK-A-BOO. (Watch out, Starsky. They're lookin' for you and the bad haircut ain't gonna fool 'em).
Hey Charlie, you can see the world in colour, now. These aren't criminals; these are koi.
You're feeding your fish glass balls? Remember what Alan said - if you can't take care of your fish properly then you won't have any!
Charlie: Teehee. Fish pretty.
Larry Math!Sensei is pondering the fact that the beautiful dork currently rapt in feeding koi is his prized math protege.
Everybody hurts. Sometimes.
We can all relax - Lionel Richie is on the case.
Agent!Lionel: Hello? Is it meeee you're lookin' foooooor?
Hah. Good one! Now the Don fangirls know where to find him.
Don: Oh yeah, lay-deez. Come get some.
Larry - finger-sex never stops being creepy.
Yo, Sinclair! Pimpin'!
I am thoroughly ashamed to admit that I had completely forgotten that Sabrina Lloyd was in Sliders. I loved that show, and I loved her character. Her character leaving was why I stopped watching the show. And now she's left Numb3rs too. Why, Sabrina, WHY DO YOU KEEP LEAVING ME?!
Louis Armstrong: Pimpin' Ain't Easy.
It must have been a really bad coffee. (Sadly, I wrote that joke sober, so I don't even have the wine to blame for that one).
Wuh-oh! SWAT gear! Hear that high-pitched frequency? Yep. That's the sound of many, many Don fangirls squeeing. Don't worry - it won't last *too* long. They gotta breath some time.
Don: Be vewwy quiet! I'm hunting wabbits!
Charlie is cooking. Or at least puttering around in the kitchen. Men cooking or puttering around in the kitchen is hot. Combine it with the fact that it's David Krumholtz exhibiting supposed culinary skills, and it's not just hot. It makes me want to get naked. (Which could segue into a funny story of what happened to me with a guy in the kitchen once, but I'm not that gone. Sorry).
Your car A-SPLODE!
That's it, Don. Get those jeans and their precious cargo AWAY from the raging inferno.
Don: What's that Mr. Bang-Bang? Charlie's stuck in the well?
Don: But Terry might be in mortal peril! SHIT! SHIT SHIT SHIT!
(I just gotta say - Rob's eyes looking really freaky here - blacker than black, like he's possessed by a demon or something. Brr!)
Don: Fuck it, he knows how to swim... I'M COMING, TERRY!
Hah. What, is the Titanic coming? Hooooot! HOOT! Iceberg, dead ahead! Oh no wait, that's Charlie.
This little moment here proved that DK would do so well in Bollywood. He did this awesome little head-wiggle thing like Indian actors do. I totally cracked up. Then his acting kicked in and I felt bad for laughing at him.
Don: What the fuck? I thought you were stuck in a well.
Charlie: You thought I was stuck in a well and you're shooting the breeze here? Gee, thanks, asshole!
Charlie drew on the camera again. They're all dark and glassy - he gets confused.
Terry looks like she could use a hot chocolate, a muffin and a couple of pamprin - stat!
Don can't believe his hair didn't save the day.
Charlie finds a post-it note on the wall that says, "Agent Eppes hogs the mirror space in the men's toilets."
Charlie: Well, screw this. I'm out of here.
Don: What? Where are you going?
Charlie: The math fell down and your hair couldn't save us. I'm getting out before anyone else gets shot cause I feel guilty enough as it is.
Don: Douche-bag! I can't believe he left me to fill the episode up on my own!
I find it so unbelievably cute that he still has his old Tonkas.
*whistles* Hey Charlie, nice arse.
Heh. What, are your arms four feet long? You can't REACH the board, doofus! Unless you've got some heinous platform shoes stashed away somewhere... either that or really long chalk.
Charlie shows us how to remodel our garages in "This Old House"... Blackboard-Chic is this season's new black!
Very nice. You do realise that you've screwed a blackboard over the doorway and you're stuck inside, right? And what are you even doing with that many blackboards?
Larry Math!Sensei: *whistles* Yep. He's batshit crazy.
Larry Math!Sensei: Dude... I had to climb in the window. What the hell are you doing?!
Charlie: I'm having the biggest attack of the "I Suck"s of my life and looking totally hot doing it. Now, if you don't mind, I've got some xact overs, planas lols, subsets and rtitio vaps to calculate.
Dad: Don, what did you do? He's going Rainman in there! How many times did I tell you not to break Charlie?
Don: Calm down, Dad! You're over-reacting! It can't be that bad!
Don:... Holy snappin' duck-shit.
Don: Uh... Charlie... you okay?
Charlie: Yes! Fine! Shut up! Big angst!
Larry: He's been like this for hours. He won't even stop to feed the fish.
Don: Charlie, why don't you break out into song, you know I hate that, right?
Charlie: NO way!
Don: Aw crap. I did broke you.
Terry: So. Charlie's gone all Celine Dion on us. I guess we gotta crack this case the best we can.
Don: What... you mean using traditional detective work?! That's crazy talk, sister!
By using traditional detective work they find their way to an apartment block and are looking in the basement for someone that used to live there, but is kinda missing...
... Yup. FBI's top officers - shadow boxing. Do the doggy shadow, Don!
Don: Wooaaah... talk about stash space...
Don: That is *not* the way to treat your leftover chicken.
Terry: Don... that's our missing man.
Don: ...Oh. [sigh] Shit, now I'm hungry.
Don: So, whaddaya got for me, Forensic-Guy?
Forensic-Guy: Well, I can tell you, using top-of-the-field scientific methods that this man is dead.
Don: Huh?
Forensic-Guy: I kept poking him and he didn't move. He didn't complain when I went through is wallet, either.
Forensic-Guy: But enough about that stiff. I'm telling you, Agent Eppes, there's something I've always wanted...
Forensic-Guy: I've always wanted a strapping, attractive FBI agent to... stroke my forehead and kiss me... right here!
Forensic-Guy: A-and then sort of - lick me here...
Don: Okay. You've disturbed me enough that I have to do an Elvis impression to get that hideous vision of you asking for favours out of my mind.
Don: Hunka hunka... thank-yu-verru-much!
Don: Hello, Agent Eppes speaking. You what? Jeans? What about my jeans? Who are you? Who gave you my number? SWAT gear? WTF?!
A bank manager dies and people mourn the passing of a perfectly good shirt.
Heh. Way to go, man, nice framing of the shot, there.
Don: Yeah, right. So tell me more about what you think of the pants. Jeans, sorry, jeans.
Peek-a-BOO!
Alan: Hey Terry.
Terry: Alan. Hey.
Terry: I gotta tell ya. Them's some tasty boys you raised.
I have NO idea what's going on here but it looks wrong. Maybe Don hid the chalk in his pants or something. Or Charlie's doing some bizarre lost traditional East European dance move.
Don: Charlie! Come play FBI with me or I'll tell Dad!
Don: It's totally unfair, I have to piece together evidence and make deductions and stuff!
Don: Come ON dude, work without you like, totally bites!
Don: I gotta spend all my time doing actual detective work and I can't perve on Terry and play Solitaire!
This is one of those random pics that I put in just cause I think DK is exceptionally lovely in it. Hmm. Yes. Where were we?
Yes, nice picture.
Charlie: Dad... are you sure that's Mom? She looks kinda contemporary and all tasteful. Before Don was born people wore fake eyelashes and liquid eyeliner and all looked like that funky Muppet from the Muppet Show...
Alan: Yes, it's your mother. It's a very important, dramatic moment Charlie. Don't ass it up with nit-picking.
Charlie: Dude... I geek therefore I nit-pick.
Sometimes, Don and the gang like to pretend they're in the opening credits of Law & Order.
ArmyDude: Hey, I'm Admiral McBigKnob, and I want to help you find this man.
Don: Oh hey, he's cute. He your boyfriend?
McBigKnob: Yes, actually, but that's classified information. It's on a need-to-know basis.
Don: Gotcha. I'll write that one down. "Bad break up."
Charlie is seemingly back to normal...
Larry Math!Sensei: Please tell me you're doing something healthy like looking for porn..
Charlie: Yeah, I totally am. Did you know there's a thriving blackboard-porn scene?
Larry: No shit? That's something I think I'd be happy never knowing about.
Charlie's playing minesweeper. Maths genius... playing minesweeper. It's a mother-fuckin' HUGE game of minesweeper but the fact remains that he's playing the game most people refuse to admit that they play. Heh. That's a Mac. With a cute sticker over the apple. I'm sorry, but you can't hide what it is to those that know - and Numb3rs fans know! But hey - the fact that Charlie uses a mac? Totally sexy.
Disco inferno! Dude, if it looked like this when I played it, I'd be loading it all the time. Except, you know - without the bombs showing up cause that's just cheating.
Charlie: With the power of minesweeper I shall save the day.
Larry: Uuuh, bitch, are you for real?
Charlie: Oh yeah. Just you watch me.
Hah. This is ME playing minesweeper.
Look alive everybody, Charlie is back in the building!
Don: Woah, Dad let you out of the rubber room? Awesome!
Charlie: Okay, this is totally important. The answer is minesweeper!
Peek-a-BOO.
See, Don's just going along with this cause he never understands what the shit Charlie's going on about. His fall-back plan is to strut with his collar standing up.
Heh. She's so watching the reflection of Don in her computer screen. That's the face of a woman who likes what she sees. Either that or she's found some pictures of the Hoff (Not my taste but eh - diff'rent strokes).
Charlie: Look - the neck, see? I have a totally great neck. Appreciate the neck. I'm an Eppes too!
This random hot Krumcap was brought to you by the words Drool, Tingle and Thud.
Don checks to see what they're saying about him on the top-secret FBI message boards...
Don: Hello? SWAT gear? You'll what? I'm there!
Don: Okay, let's scramble! It's time for me to look hot!
Don decides to treat us with a pole dance. Oh Yeah!
Bad!Guy: Just tell Tad it's OVER! No means NO!
Sinclair: Do I look like Oprah to you, huh? You think I'm Dr. Phil? Tell him yourself!
Object in mirror is closer than it appears. (Much to the joy of some).
Don: DUCK SEASON!
Yo, Charlie be gettin' jiggy, gettin' down with his bad self!
He's cooking again! YAY! And... what the sweet rubbery fuck does he have in his hands? Slash fans go wild.
Don and Charlie bond over a beer.
Don: Lemonade is for pussies. Here Charlie, have some beer! Num-num-num!
Alan: Don, cut that shit out. It wasn't funny when you were fourteen and it's not funny now!
~~*~~
Aaah! That's it for me, folks! Two big glasses of wine and a few days and I've finally done it. I recapped Uncertainty Principle. I don't know if I was entirely successful, but I did the best job I could, programme crashes, mental blocks and distracting new episodes not withstanding.
Thank you again to Hilary at http://numbers-online.net/content for letting me use your beautiful screen-caps.