035 ♪

[numanstan]

[Anyone who tries to call the Noir household today will be met by a strange-- but disturbingly familiar, for some-- voice.]

Can I help you, dahlin'?

[Housemates will find a woman, hardly taller than a plastic fork, answering phones and doing assorted chores around the house. She looks exactly like Vince in dress. Vince himself is in the living room,

Comments

[is_an_island]

[in a deeper voice]

Oh, hello. Boy... howdy. I'm looking to speak with... Vince.

[numanstan]

... Do I know you?

[hey it's Vince now]

[is_an_island]

Vince! [the thin disguise, dropped!!]

Who picked up the phone earlier? They were claiming to be your brain's secretary or some nonsense like that. I gave her the what-for, of course.

[numanstan]

Dolores? She's brilliant! Dunno if she's tellin' the truth or not, but weirder stuff's happened, yeah? She makes great tea, though, so I ain't complainin'.

[is_an_island]

Is she just your secretary?

Because brains can't have secretaries. As you are aware.

[numanstan]

Who says they can't? It's a free world, innit?

[is_an_island]

Unfortunately, we all have to obey a little thing called the laws of physics.

It's physically impossible for your brain to have a secretary. Why can't she just be your secretary? Are you and your brain so far separated?

[numanstan]

Dunno, apparently it's like an office in there. Maybe that's what all brains're like and y'just don't know 'cause you've never seen one.

[is_an_island]

I've seen a brain, and it looks nothing like a flat.

There's no place to even keep a potted plant in there.

[numanstan]

Maybe the brains you've seen just weren't big enough for one!

[is_an_island]

Look at the size of your head!

How do you even have enough brain to even get a secretary for that little pea-shaped matter?

[numanstan]

I've got some very important, complex thoughts formin' away up there; I need a professional to sort 'em all out!

[is_an_island]

What are you thinking about right now?

[numanstan]

'bout how hard it's got to be for rabbits to find hats that fit.

[is_an_island]

I don't intend this in any cruel way. But quite frankly, you're an idiot.

What would your secretary even do in there? Lounge around in all the empty space?

[numanstan]

Dunno, whatever secretaries normally do, I reckon.