(no subject)
i dont know why i insist on talking to him. he tells me he hates me and calls me whore. and makes me feel like one too. all i want is forget that shit and pretend like none of the drama happend. i know i can be a royal bitch but telling some one that u once loved that u hate them is a little harsh. and rude. and it hurts. and it makes me want to forget about him that much more. i just wanna remember the good times. i cant even talk to him any more with out pissing each other off. he used to be funny and make me laugh til my stomach hurt. but now that shits gone sour.
all i want is to have what i once had. i wanna be in love for the first time all over again. i dont know why im thinking about him so much. maybe its just cuz im single. but i just cant get my mind off of him. his bithday is tomorrow and all i wanna do is wish him a happy birthday but i cant even do that cuz his email address doesnt even exist any more and his cell phone number is just history. forget about calling his house. that would just be too wierd. i dont even know if he has the same girlfriend but the last time i tried to communicate with him she didnt like it. and i dont wanna be on any one's bad side. i just wanna make sure hes still alive and well. i hate to think that i will never again see or hear the guy i was so in love with, the one i would literally die for. and i know things happen for a reason but i just dont get this one. part of me hopes that ill see him one day and everything will just go back to the way they were. i feel incomplete. i'm begining to loose hope that theres any one else out there that'll make me feel the way he made me feel. we never really fought. he knew all my spots. he knew what made me laugh, what made me cry and what made me smile. i miss his little surprises and his spontinaeity. i miss his immaturity. the last time i saw him i was disapoited in what he had changed into. but i know the real him and i can see past the changes. cuz deep down, he's still in there. we fit together like a jigsaw but now the pieces are missing and more are slowly getting lost in this so called life. his kisses made my toe tingle. and i miss tingly toes.
i just cant wait to be home so i can feel home.
<3 paula
all i want is to have what i once had. i wanna be in love for the first time all over again. i dont know why im thinking about him so much. maybe its just cuz im single. but i just cant get my mind off of him. his bithday is tomorrow and all i wanna do is wish him a happy birthday but i cant even do that cuz his email address doesnt even exist any more and his cell phone number is just history. forget about calling his house. that would just be too wierd. i dont even know if he has the same girlfriend but the last time i tried to communicate with him she didnt like it. and i dont wanna be on any one's bad side. i just wanna make sure hes still alive and well. i hate to think that i will never again see or hear the guy i was so in love with, the one i would literally die for. and i know things happen for a reason but i just dont get this one. part of me hopes that ill see him one day and everything will just go back to the way they were. i feel incomplete. i'm begining to loose hope that theres any one else out there that'll make me feel the way he made me feel. we never really fought. he knew all my spots. he knew what made me laugh, what made me cry and what made me smile. i miss his little surprises and his spontinaeity. i miss his immaturity. the last time i saw him i was disapoited in what he had changed into. but i know the real him and i can see past the changes. cuz deep down, he's still in there. we fit together like a jigsaw but now the pieces are missing and more are slowly getting lost in this so called life. his kisses made my toe tingle. and i miss tingly toes.
i just cant wait to be home so i can feel home.
<3 paula