for anaplian
Title: Hello, stay by my side
Recipient: anaplian
Group & Pairing: History, Dokyun/Sihyung, Dokyun/Kyungil, Kyungil/Yijung
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: drinking, implied drug use, non-explicit sexual content]
Summary: In a school full of pretentious, seemingly unimpressed young adults, Dokyun's poorly masked enthusiasm was weakness. And that was kind of where Kyungil came in. AU inspired by Lev Grossman's The Magicians.
Every student at Loen Academy had their own entrance exam horror story. According to Jaeho, though any of his stories have to be taken with a grain of salt and a large shot of whiskey, he was in the bathroom of a cheap family style restaurant when he suddenly found himself at Loen, pants down just enough for him to feel the cool breeze that sometimes drifts through the woods surrounding the place. Dokyun's story wasn't so dramatic. He was, ironically, on his way to take the entrance exam for the university all of the fliers and school counselors told him he wanted. He remembered pulling his thick coat tighter around him, and then all at once wanting to fling the thing off as the temperature skyrocketed.
When he looked up from what used to be pale grey sidewalk, he had to shade his eyes from the bright, cheerful sunlight streaming through the fresh green trees. He looked around him, and Seoul was gone. The sudden absence of the sounds of traffic and people made his ears feel like they were stuffed with cotton. He wasn't sure how long he'd been standing there, gawking among the trees, when he finally noticed the boy.
"You're late," he said. A cigarette dangled between his lips and he regarded Dokyun with pure disdain. "Move your ass or they'll start without you."
Dokyun swallowed. "I don't-"
Jerking a thumb through the trees, the boy dropped his cigarette and crushed it beneath a perfectly polished leather shoe. "Follow the path past the fountain and through the back door." He turned to go, but not before giving Dokyun an incredulous look. "And fucking hurry?"
Dokyun did just that, but not until he watched the strange boy leave, and not without assuming that he must be going completely insane.
-
The boy, of course, was Kyungil, and Dokyun wasn't going insane but had been selected to take part in Loen Academy's annual entrance exam. Or at least this was what was told to him by the staff that found him once again gawking by the back door. They ushered him into a hall where one hundred or so other bewildered-looking young people stood around perfectly aligned rows of desks. Only one boy was already sitting, long lengs crossed and seemingly inspecting his nails and not paying any mind to the confusion of those around him. Dokyun tried to ask the girl near him what was going on, but she only managed a terrified shrug when a booming voice ordered them to find a seat.
Later, Kyungil tried to ask what had been on the exam, but Dokyun couldn't remember anything, not a single detail or question. Are you surprised? Kyungil's laugh could fill a room, and when he smiled Dokyun found it impossible to look away. Do you think they'd risk the world finding out how they test for magic?
Dokyun didn't know, nor did he care. When he finished his exam, Dokyun looked up and the room was nearly empty. Twenty or so teens remained, and Dokyun noticed the eerily calm boy was lounging in his chair, his neck craned so that he could watch Dokyun. Dokyun met his stare and the boy blinked a few times before looking away, bored.
"Congratulations!" The booming voice seemed even louder now that there were less people in the room. The source of the voice turned out to be a single man, his fingers pressed against his throat. When he saw that he had the examinees' attention, he lowered his fingers and his voice lost its incredible volume. "You are truly the cream of the crop, the top one percent of the world's elite. May you be welcome and prosper."
May you be grateful and profitable. Dokyun didn't know then how true Kyungil's perversion of the academy's motto was.
That day, Dokyun became a magician.
-
To survive at Loen, feigning indifference was key, but Dokyun found it a hard thing to master. Magic wasn't what he expected- there were no wants, no fancy robes, no thick, ancient tomes of spells written in indecipherable runes, and when Kyungil found out Dokyun had expected as much he'd nearly died laughing. The magic itself was actually rather boring. To perform a spell, Dokyun needed to memorize pages of meaningless jibberish and hundreds of complex, often painful hand and finger positions. But watching his marble, the practice duel of the lowest of the low level Leon students, roll across a flat surface by his will alone, after all that practice, was enough to bring Dokyun to tears. And that just made Kyungil laugh more.
In a school full of pretentious, seemingly unimpressed young adults, Dokyun's poorly masked enthusiasm was weakness. And that was kind of where Kyungil came in.
For obvious reasons, Dokyun avoided Kyungil at first. When he discovered that the idiot he'd found in the woods had miraculously passed the exam, though, Kyungil took apparent ownership of his junior, with no real reason nor any regard for Dokyun's opinion on the matter. Kyungil had a knack for knowing exactly where to find Dokyun at any part of the day. He was a few years older, but only one year ahead in the school's curriculum, so maybe he was just familiar with the first year schedule. Though he still had that same look of mild disdain, he was determined to adopt Dokyun by any means necessary, including but not limited to blatant stalking.
"You need to stop twitching every time I address you," he grumbled one particularly dreary morning. He eyed Dokyun mildly but there was a petulant look around his mouth. "We're friends, understand?" At that, Dokyun laughed, and Kyungil laughed, and the awkwardness vanished.
Not until later did Dokyun figure out that underneath it all Kyungil was terribly lonely. Dokyun wasn't Kyungil's only first year recruit. Dokyun never witnessed it first-hand, but one morning Kyungil started muttered angrily about "that asshole" and refused to answer Dokyun's weak attempts to learn more. Later that day, in his third lecture on the history of magicians, Dokyun found someone already sitting in his seat. Not that they were assigned specific seats, but Dokyun was a creature of habit.
"Tell your friend to lay off," the boy in Dokyun's seat said before Dokyun could manage his words. The long limbs and perfectly pressed pants brought Dokyun back to the cold, empty room of the entrance exam when only a fraction of the students remained- how long had it been now, months? It hardly felt it. The boy looked just as calm now as he had then, though there was a definite spark of annoyance in his eyes.
Whatever had possessed Kyungil to think that this boy, with his impossibly deep voice and sharp features, would ever want to be a part of their group, Dokyun had no idea. Without another word, the boy rose to his feet- impossibly tall, though everything about this one seemed impossible, Dokyun though- and strutted back to his seat a few rows behind.
He, of course, was Sihyung.
-
Though Sihyung refused to be a part of the group Kyungil wanted so desperately to form, by the end of their first year as student magicians he and Dokyun were inseparable. In class, anyway. During meals and free time, Dokyun was with Kyungil, lounging in the library or drinking pilfered bottles in each other's cramped rooms. They had no choice but to separate for class, and Sihyung quickly stepped in to fill the void Kyungil left for those few hours. Underneath his fashion magazine good looks, Sihyung laughed easily, and Dokyun thought his laughed seemed more genuine that Kyungil's.
"You can join us, you know, after class," he chuckled as they stood side by side practicing the stupidly complex hand and fingers gestures they needed to master to create a pathetic puff of fog.
Sihyung shot Dokyun a look and grunted, "You are one thing, Kyungil is another."
Dokyun laughed again and let it go, as he always did. In truth, he wasn't sure he believed Sihyung, because as time went by, he started to forget where he ended and Kyungil began. The only thing more important to Dokyun than magic was Kyungil. He couldn't bring himself to believe that Kyungil thought the same, but somehow he was okay with that. He'd been a floating, ambivalent nothing before Loen, and if Kyungil hadn't found him, he was sure he'd be nothing again, just in a different place with a slightly different purpose. Kyungil gave Dokyun form, a direction and something to look forward to when class was over and magic was technically banned.
"'Banned' is a very ambiguous word," Kyungil sighed as a bottle of cheap wine floated from Dokyun's bed to where Kyungil reclined on the floor. He rested against Dokyun's calf and Dokyun could feel the steady rise and fall of his breathing. "I barely know what it means."
"You can't say the rules don't apply to you just because you have a terrible vocabulary," Dokyun retorted and nudged Kyungil with his foot.
His friend flopped over like a rag doll and threw an arm over his eyes. "Et tu, Brute?" Dokyun had enough time to roll his eyes before he was dragged down to the floor beside Kyungil. The space between Dokyun's desk and bed was two tight for two, but Kyungil was surprisingly soft and locked his arms around Dokyun, refusing to let him free.
"We're not drunk enough for this," he joked, but his voice was pathetically thin and high-pitched.
Kyungil regarded him seriously. "Why do we need to be drunk?"
When they kissed, Dokyun wasn't sure who leaned in first, but he knew he wasn't going to be the one to pull away.
-
The remainder of Dokyun's first year at Loen passed in a blur of exams and sex. He and Sihyung would meet every day in the library to study, and Kyungil would catch Dokyun before he left, pushing him into a forgotten back corner. Kyungil would be on his knees and his mouth would make Dokyun's knees buckle. Dokyun would say good night to Sihyung and return to his room in the early hours of the morning to find Kyungil naked and asleep in his bed. He never questioned why Kyungil didn't feel the need to study. Dokyun realized that they weren't exactly being careful, but he was too happy to care.
A sharp elbow to the ribs woke Dokyun in the middle of a study session. Sihyung glared and violently flipped through the pages of his textbook. He repeated a question that sounded like gibberish to Dokyun's ears.
"Don't be an ass," Dokyun grumbled when Sihyung slammed the book closed.
"It's not my fault you're too busy fucking to rest and study properly."
Dokyun winced and reached for Sihyung's arm, but his friend was already on his feet. "Good luck," was all Sihyung said before he left the library, and Dokyun didn't see him again until they were in the classroom to take the exams. It was their first fight, and one they never quite resolved.
Kyungil tried to help Dokyun study, kind of, but Dokyun knew that he passed by the skin of his teeth. He returned home for the semester break to warm hugs from his mother and homecooked meals. He swore he would focus more next year, but all he could think about during those short few weeks was Kyungil's mouth on his skin and the rhythmic, soothing thrum of his heart.
-
Dokyun's second year at Loen was a constant balancing act. Sihyung appeared to forgive Dokyun immediately, but there was a distance and coldness there that made Dokyun feel oddly empty. Kyungil was always the same, always a glorious and welcome distraction that Dokyun was powerless to resist. Dokyun's studies, too, demanded his attention, and between devoting time to the three Dokyun wasn't sure he would have enough time to eat or sleep.
The problem with Sihyung was that he was, by no exaggeration, a genius. He took to every knew combination of incantations and gestures with no apparent effort. He could memorize a new enchantment within minutes. His greatest struggle was trying to understand that his only friend, because Dokyun had no illusions that Sihyung had any other, could not move at the same pace. Dokyun had all of the drive and excitement Sihyung lacked on the surface, but it took him hours of practice to reach Sihyung's level on his first attempt. They fought constantly, though they always managed to make up by the end of the day.
Kyungil was a different problem. In theory, Kyungil studied, but Dokyun never witnessed it first-hand. Kyungil always seemed to be hanging around somewhere, waiting for Dokyun to turn up. They never fought, but Dokyun knew better than to think that meant everything was as perfect as they pretended.
"Why do you work so hard?" Kyungil was resting his head on his arms on Dokyun's desk and Dokyun was packing up his books to meet Sihyung at the library.
Dokyun paused and shrugged. "If I don't, I'll fail. Then I'll get kicked out of Loen and what will you do?" He grinned but Kyungil was staring out the window.
"But why do you have to study with him?"
The disgust in Kyungil's voice made Dokyun frown. "He's my friend."
Kyungil shifted to stare just over Dokyun's should. "Maybe I should get a friend, too."
Dokyun's anger flared; why did it have to be like this? Kyungil was Dokyun's world, but no matter how hard Dokyun tried to make him see that, Kyungil clung to the tiniest, most irrelevant details as if they were evidence to a crime. "Maybe you should," he replied with forced calm. "Then I could study in peace."
He left without waiting for a response and was horribly distracted for the rest of the night. Sihyung, for once, wasn't harsh about it, but decided they should end early.
"You deserve to be happy," he said suddenly, just as Dokyun was about to leave.
"I am happy." Dokyun tried to smile.
Sihyung nodded, once, but didn't look convinced.
-
Much to Dokyun's relief, Kyungil acted no different the next day. Kyungil never brought up their fight, and Dokyun didn't have the courage to, either. Kyungil never brought up Sihyung again, nor did he object to how much time Dokyun spent studying. Dokyun wasn't sure how, but Kyungil seemed to become busier.
Dokyun's second year at Loen ended, and a week into his third Kyungil had an announcement: "I've decided to try recruiting again."
Kyungil sounded pleased about it, but Dokyun had a feeling this meant they were over.
-
A few weeks later, Kyungil introduced Dokyun to Jaeho and Yijung. Both were first years and both looked more than a little confused by the exuberant fourth year who'd forcibly recruited them into his group of friends. Dokyun smiled and tried to be friendly, but he found himself wondering which one it would be. He noticed a look of devotion in Yijung's eyes that reminded Dokyun too much of himself, and he knew.
"You're imagining things," Sihyung said in his too blunt way of being comforting. "He just wants friends to bother when you're not available. He's trying to compromise."
The obvious discomfort in Sihyung's voice made Dokyun smile. Defending Kyungil did not come naturally to him and doing so made him angry. He was trying to hide it, but Dokyun knew better. "Maybe you're right, but I feel like he's punishing me."
Sihyung's mouth twitched at that, but all he said was, "Try not to think about it."
And Dokyun did, until he walked into Kyungil's room one evening to find Yijung already there.
-
"It's not a big deal." Kyungil sipped his iced coffee and stared over Dokyun's shoulder no matter how many times Dokyun tried to make eye contact.
Licking his lips, Dokyun's lips formed questions he couldn't bring himself to ask. "Not a big deal?" he repeated instead because it was easier and Kyungil tended to prefer his own words anyway.
A shrug. Kyungil worried the tip of the straw between his teeth. "We were never, you know, exclusive?"
Dokyun blinked at that. "I thought we were." There was a note of anger in his voice, just enough to make Kyungil finally look at him.
The look wasn't what Dokyun wanted, though. He wanted remorse or guilt, but Kyungil just looked pissed. "Did you?" Kyungil demanded, and Dokyun couldn't find an answer. He knew what Kyungil meant and didn't want to think about it.
Later, he ended up thinking about it anyway.
"That stupid fuck," Sihyung cursed, and Dokyun couldn't remember ever seeing his friend so angry. "What the hell does he mean, asking you if you thought you were exclusive?" There was a touch of frustration in his voice when he added, "You've been loyal to him from the beginning."
Dokyun had his hands folded in front of him. He was trying to remember when he had started spending time with Sihyung in his room and not the library; when he'd started going to Sihyung for his problems instead of bothering Kyungil. "He means you." He barely managed to look up to see the look of shock on Sihyung's face.
"Me? We're friends, Dokyun."
If Dokyun hadn't known better, that would have hurt. "Are we?" he asked instead. Sihyung stayed quiet at that, but he moved to join Dokyun on the bed. Dokyun reached out, slowly, and took Sihyung's hand. It wasn't something he'd ever done before, nor had he ever felt the urge, not really. But now that he was doing it, it felt right. Sihyung leaned against his should and Dokyun looked up to meet his eyes. "I don't want to do this for some stupid revenge thing."
"Then do it because you want to," Sihyung mumbled seconds before their lips met.
And so he did.
-
Months passed, and a single thought occurred to Dokyun over and over: Why hadn't they done this sooner?
Their routines didn't change, not on the surface, but everything about their routine felt different. Study sessions late at night turned into making out with a side of laughing at themselves when they took a break and realized they hadn't turned a page in their books in hours. Dokyun never told Kyungil directly about what happened, but he stopped going out of his way to find Dokyun after classes ended. The only time they even acknowledged each other was with awkward surprised looks across the hallways or in the dormitories. Whatever free time Kyungil left in Dokyun's day was immediately taken up by Sihyung, but Dokyun found that he hadn't been spending much time with Kyungil as it was. Jaeho and Yijung, too, seemed happy to have Dokyun gone, and Dokyun pretended their loss didn't hurt. In all honesty, he didn't much notice. When he had Sihyung, nothing else mattered.
Dokyun's third year at Loen was quickly coming to an end, and though he tried not to notice, Kyungil looked more and more exhausted each time they happened to run across each other. He was more often than not alone, too, and Yijung looked dejected whenever Dokyun accidentally met his eyes. Something was wrong, and Dokyun wished he could ignore it. It wasn't his problem anymore. Kyungil wouldn't want Dokyun trying to help.
That's what he told himself, and then Yijung came to his room crying.
-
"Why the fuck did you bring him?"
Kyungil was curled up in his bed, and for once the lip-curling, snide way he said him was not directed at Sihyung, though he was there, too. His eyes burned when he looked at Dokyun, and with more than the effects of whatever chemicals were racing through his bloodstream.
"I don't know what he's taken," Yijung explained. There were tears in his eyes but he didn't let them fall. Dokyun almost admired him for it, because the boy was obviously terrified. Dokyun was, too, but his state of shock masked the way his hands were shaking.
"None of your damn business!" Kyungil wailed. He moved to leave the bed and stumbled forward. Only Sihyung and Yijung kept him from face-planting on the hardwood floor. Dokyun remained frozen, not sure if he had any right to do anything. Kyungil went limp in their arms. For a second he seemed unconscious, and then his body started to tremble with quiet sobs. Sihyung and Yijung gently set him down against the end of the bed.
Clearing his throat, Dokyun moved a little closer. "What's wrong with you?" The question was more directed to Yijung because Dokyun found it near impossible to look at Kyungil when he was like this.
Yijung sat on the edge of the bed and reached out to touch Kyungil's shoulder, but stopped at the last second. "The director met with him yesterday. It seemed like good news, though; the director looked so happy! But when Kyungil came back, he started drinking and wouldn't stop. I had to go to bed eventually, and then I came back there were all these pill containers..." The boys shoulders shook suddenly and he stopped.
Kyungil looked up then, not at Dokyun but at Yijung. His eyes were red and glazed and his face pale. "They offered me a job," he explained, his words slurring. "At some government agency. Between the salary and the school's connections I should be taken care of for the rest of my life."
"I don't understand-"
Kyungil's angry eyes shot to Dokyun and he growled. "You don't do magic for the government. You sit in tiny cubicles and make minor decisions and gently keep anyone from paying too close attention to the school. You steer policy as best you can while leading the most mediocre life imaginable." A dry sob doubled him over. "The director said I'd be good at it."
"I think you would be," Yijung replied helpfully, but that just made Kyungil sob again.
"Don't fucking say that!"
After a few minutes they managed to get Kyungil into bed. Sihyung read over the pills and determined that he would probably be okay without medical attention. Yijung offered to stay with him overnight just to be careful, and Dokyun gave him a grateful smile as he and Sihyung left the room.
-
"My parents ended up like that, too." Sihyung's long legs bent at perfect right angles as he hunched on the bench. Dokyun took a seat beside him carefully, like he might fly away. "It's pretty common. They train us here, fill our heads with magic and dreams of using it to do wonderful things, and then they sell us to government departments and corporations to maintain the flow of money into this place. They never warn us; we reach the point where we're being forced to leave here and realize we have no way to support ourselves outside. What else can we do?"
Dokyun swallowed hard. He certainly hadn't thought of what he'd do when he left Loen. Until now, simply having the ability to do magic seemed enough. Having Sihyung seemed more than enough, more than he deserved.
"My father worked for a while designing bomb shelters and top secret facilities- he specialized in building magic. But it was all such simple stuff, he couldn't take it. They let him retire early, he has a monthly stipend that keeps him alive, and he spends all day designing and redesigning our house. Last time I went home it was modeled after a Roman villa. Perfectly accurate and functional, but what's it worth? He doesn't bother to keep track of the days anymore."
"And your mother?" Dokyun asked quietly.
The corners of Sihyung's eyes tightened as he stared out over the lawns of Loen Academy. "She spends most of the time in the basement, doing experiments with her plants. No company would hire her."
Dokyun took Sihyung's hand and Sihyung let out a long, tired breath. No wonder Kyungil was going crazy. No wonder all of the fourth years seemed on edge, their excitement about graduation a paper-thin facade masking their terror. At Loen, magic was everything, but Loen wasn't forever. Then what?
"Promise me we won't end up like them." Sihyung's hand tightened around Dokyun's. "Like my parents. Like Kyungil. I don't care if we get assigned to mundane assignments or if we end up doing nothing and surviving on Loen's trust fund. We won't be like them."
The memory of Kyungil thrashing on the floor, wailing and bloody, made Dokyun shudder. Kyungil had always been the strong one. Now Dokyun looked at Sihyung and realized that the only one of them who'd had any kind of strength was Sihyung. He'd known the reality of their future from the beginning, and yet he'd kept pushing forward. He was scared now, but he was still pushing forward. Dokyun wasn't nearly so strong, but he knew by now that no matter what, he wanted to be by Sihyung's side.
Dokyun squeezed Sihyung's hand gently. "I promise."
Recipient: anaplian
Group & Pairing: History, Dokyun/Sihyung, Dokyun/Kyungil, Kyungil/Yijung
Rating: PG-13
Warnings: drinking, implied drug use, non-explicit sexual content]
Summary: In a school full of pretentious, seemingly unimpressed young adults, Dokyun's poorly masked enthusiasm was weakness. And that was kind of where Kyungil came in. AU inspired by Lev Grossman's The Magicians.
Every student at Loen Academy had their own entrance exam horror story. According to Jaeho, though any of his stories have to be taken with a grain of salt and a large shot of whiskey, he was in the bathroom of a cheap family style restaurant when he suddenly found himself at Loen, pants down just enough for him to feel the cool breeze that sometimes drifts through the woods surrounding the place. Dokyun's story wasn't so dramatic. He was, ironically, on his way to take the entrance exam for the university all of the fliers and school counselors told him he wanted. He remembered pulling his thick coat tighter around him, and then all at once wanting to fling the thing off as the temperature skyrocketed.
When he looked up from what used to be pale grey sidewalk, he had to shade his eyes from the bright, cheerful sunlight streaming through the fresh green trees. He looked around him, and Seoul was gone. The sudden absence of the sounds of traffic and people made his ears feel like they were stuffed with cotton. He wasn't sure how long he'd been standing there, gawking among the trees, when he finally noticed the boy.
"You're late," he said. A cigarette dangled between his lips and he regarded Dokyun with pure disdain. "Move your ass or they'll start without you."
Dokyun swallowed. "I don't-"
Jerking a thumb through the trees, the boy dropped his cigarette and crushed it beneath a perfectly polished leather shoe. "Follow the path past the fountain and through the back door." He turned to go, but not before giving Dokyun an incredulous look. "And fucking hurry?"
Dokyun did just that, but not until he watched the strange boy leave, and not without assuming that he must be going completely insane.
-
The boy, of course, was Kyungil, and Dokyun wasn't going insane but had been selected to take part in Loen Academy's annual entrance exam. Or at least this was what was told to him by the staff that found him once again gawking by the back door. They ushered him into a hall where one hundred or so other bewildered-looking young people stood around perfectly aligned rows of desks. Only one boy was already sitting, long lengs crossed and seemingly inspecting his nails and not paying any mind to the confusion of those around him. Dokyun tried to ask the girl near him what was going on, but she only managed a terrified shrug when a booming voice ordered them to find a seat.
Later, Kyungil tried to ask what had been on the exam, but Dokyun couldn't remember anything, not a single detail or question. Are you surprised? Kyungil's laugh could fill a room, and when he smiled Dokyun found it impossible to look away. Do you think they'd risk the world finding out how they test for magic?
Dokyun didn't know, nor did he care. When he finished his exam, Dokyun looked up and the room was nearly empty. Twenty or so teens remained, and Dokyun noticed the eerily calm boy was lounging in his chair, his neck craned so that he could watch Dokyun. Dokyun met his stare and the boy blinked a few times before looking away, bored.
"Congratulations!" The booming voice seemed even louder now that there were less people in the room. The source of the voice turned out to be a single man, his fingers pressed against his throat. When he saw that he had the examinees' attention, he lowered his fingers and his voice lost its incredible volume. "You are truly the cream of the crop, the top one percent of the world's elite. May you be welcome and prosper."
May you be grateful and profitable. Dokyun didn't know then how true Kyungil's perversion of the academy's motto was.
That day, Dokyun became a magician.
-
To survive at Loen, feigning indifference was key, but Dokyun found it a hard thing to master. Magic wasn't what he expected- there were no wants, no fancy robes, no thick, ancient tomes of spells written in indecipherable runes, and when Kyungil found out Dokyun had expected as much he'd nearly died laughing. The magic itself was actually rather boring. To perform a spell, Dokyun needed to memorize pages of meaningless jibberish and hundreds of complex, often painful hand and finger positions. But watching his marble, the practice duel of the lowest of the low level Leon students, roll across a flat surface by his will alone, after all that practice, was enough to bring Dokyun to tears. And that just made Kyungil laugh more.
In a school full of pretentious, seemingly unimpressed young adults, Dokyun's poorly masked enthusiasm was weakness. And that was kind of where Kyungil came in.
For obvious reasons, Dokyun avoided Kyungil at first. When he discovered that the idiot he'd found in the woods had miraculously passed the exam, though, Kyungil took apparent ownership of his junior, with no real reason nor any regard for Dokyun's opinion on the matter. Kyungil had a knack for knowing exactly where to find Dokyun at any part of the day. He was a few years older, but only one year ahead in the school's curriculum, so maybe he was just familiar with the first year schedule. Though he still had that same look of mild disdain, he was determined to adopt Dokyun by any means necessary, including but not limited to blatant stalking.
"You need to stop twitching every time I address you," he grumbled one particularly dreary morning. He eyed Dokyun mildly but there was a petulant look around his mouth. "We're friends, understand?" At that, Dokyun laughed, and Kyungil laughed, and the awkwardness vanished.
Not until later did Dokyun figure out that underneath it all Kyungil was terribly lonely. Dokyun wasn't Kyungil's only first year recruit. Dokyun never witnessed it first-hand, but one morning Kyungil started muttered angrily about "that asshole" and refused to answer Dokyun's weak attempts to learn more. Later that day, in his third lecture on the history of magicians, Dokyun found someone already sitting in his seat. Not that they were assigned specific seats, but Dokyun was a creature of habit.
"Tell your friend to lay off," the boy in Dokyun's seat said before Dokyun could manage his words. The long limbs and perfectly pressed pants brought Dokyun back to the cold, empty room of the entrance exam when only a fraction of the students remained- how long had it been now, months? It hardly felt it. The boy looked just as calm now as he had then, though there was a definite spark of annoyance in his eyes.
Whatever had possessed Kyungil to think that this boy, with his impossibly deep voice and sharp features, would ever want to be a part of their group, Dokyun had no idea. Without another word, the boy rose to his feet- impossibly tall, though everything about this one seemed impossible, Dokyun though- and strutted back to his seat a few rows behind.
He, of course, was Sihyung.
-
Though Sihyung refused to be a part of the group Kyungil wanted so desperately to form, by the end of their first year as student magicians he and Dokyun were inseparable. In class, anyway. During meals and free time, Dokyun was with Kyungil, lounging in the library or drinking pilfered bottles in each other's cramped rooms. They had no choice but to separate for class, and Sihyung quickly stepped in to fill the void Kyungil left for those few hours. Underneath his fashion magazine good looks, Sihyung laughed easily, and Dokyun thought his laughed seemed more genuine that Kyungil's.
"You can join us, you know, after class," he chuckled as they stood side by side practicing the stupidly complex hand and fingers gestures they needed to master to create a pathetic puff of fog.
Sihyung shot Dokyun a look and grunted, "You are one thing, Kyungil is another."
Dokyun laughed again and let it go, as he always did. In truth, he wasn't sure he believed Sihyung, because as time went by, he started to forget where he ended and Kyungil began. The only thing more important to Dokyun than magic was Kyungil. He couldn't bring himself to believe that Kyungil thought the same, but somehow he was okay with that. He'd been a floating, ambivalent nothing before Loen, and if Kyungil hadn't found him, he was sure he'd be nothing again, just in a different place with a slightly different purpose. Kyungil gave Dokyun form, a direction and something to look forward to when class was over and magic was technically banned.
"'Banned' is a very ambiguous word," Kyungil sighed as a bottle of cheap wine floated from Dokyun's bed to where Kyungil reclined on the floor. He rested against Dokyun's calf and Dokyun could feel the steady rise and fall of his breathing. "I barely know what it means."
"You can't say the rules don't apply to you just because you have a terrible vocabulary," Dokyun retorted and nudged Kyungil with his foot.
His friend flopped over like a rag doll and threw an arm over his eyes. "Et tu, Brute?" Dokyun had enough time to roll his eyes before he was dragged down to the floor beside Kyungil. The space between Dokyun's desk and bed was two tight for two, but Kyungil was surprisingly soft and locked his arms around Dokyun, refusing to let him free.
"We're not drunk enough for this," he joked, but his voice was pathetically thin and high-pitched.
Kyungil regarded him seriously. "Why do we need to be drunk?"
When they kissed, Dokyun wasn't sure who leaned in first, but he knew he wasn't going to be the one to pull away.
-
The remainder of Dokyun's first year at Loen passed in a blur of exams and sex. He and Sihyung would meet every day in the library to study, and Kyungil would catch Dokyun before he left, pushing him into a forgotten back corner. Kyungil would be on his knees and his mouth would make Dokyun's knees buckle. Dokyun would say good night to Sihyung and return to his room in the early hours of the morning to find Kyungil naked and asleep in his bed. He never questioned why Kyungil didn't feel the need to study. Dokyun realized that they weren't exactly being careful, but he was too happy to care.
A sharp elbow to the ribs woke Dokyun in the middle of a study session. Sihyung glared and violently flipped through the pages of his textbook. He repeated a question that sounded like gibberish to Dokyun's ears.
"Don't be an ass," Dokyun grumbled when Sihyung slammed the book closed.
"It's not my fault you're too busy fucking to rest and study properly."
Dokyun winced and reached for Sihyung's arm, but his friend was already on his feet. "Good luck," was all Sihyung said before he left the library, and Dokyun didn't see him again until they were in the classroom to take the exams. It was their first fight, and one they never quite resolved.
Kyungil tried to help Dokyun study, kind of, but Dokyun knew that he passed by the skin of his teeth. He returned home for the semester break to warm hugs from his mother and homecooked meals. He swore he would focus more next year, but all he could think about during those short few weeks was Kyungil's mouth on his skin and the rhythmic, soothing thrum of his heart.
-
Dokyun's second year at Loen was a constant balancing act. Sihyung appeared to forgive Dokyun immediately, but there was a distance and coldness there that made Dokyun feel oddly empty. Kyungil was always the same, always a glorious and welcome distraction that Dokyun was powerless to resist. Dokyun's studies, too, demanded his attention, and between devoting time to the three Dokyun wasn't sure he would have enough time to eat or sleep.
The problem with Sihyung was that he was, by no exaggeration, a genius. He took to every knew combination of incantations and gestures with no apparent effort. He could memorize a new enchantment within minutes. His greatest struggle was trying to understand that his only friend, because Dokyun had no illusions that Sihyung had any other, could not move at the same pace. Dokyun had all of the drive and excitement Sihyung lacked on the surface, but it took him hours of practice to reach Sihyung's level on his first attempt. They fought constantly, though they always managed to make up by the end of the day.
Kyungil was a different problem. In theory, Kyungil studied, but Dokyun never witnessed it first-hand. Kyungil always seemed to be hanging around somewhere, waiting for Dokyun to turn up. They never fought, but Dokyun knew better than to think that meant everything was as perfect as they pretended.
"Why do you work so hard?" Kyungil was resting his head on his arms on Dokyun's desk and Dokyun was packing up his books to meet Sihyung at the library.
Dokyun paused and shrugged. "If I don't, I'll fail. Then I'll get kicked out of Loen and what will you do?" He grinned but Kyungil was staring out the window.
"But why do you have to study with him?"
The disgust in Kyungil's voice made Dokyun frown. "He's my friend."
Kyungil shifted to stare just over Dokyun's should. "Maybe I should get a friend, too."
Dokyun's anger flared; why did it have to be like this? Kyungil was Dokyun's world, but no matter how hard Dokyun tried to make him see that, Kyungil clung to the tiniest, most irrelevant details as if they were evidence to a crime. "Maybe you should," he replied with forced calm. "Then I could study in peace."
He left without waiting for a response and was horribly distracted for the rest of the night. Sihyung, for once, wasn't harsh about it, but decided they should end early.
"You deserve to be happy," he said suddenly, just as Dokyun was about to leave.
"I am happy." Dokyun tried to smile.
Sihyung nodded, once, but didn't look convinced.
-
Much to Dokyun's relief, Kyungil acted no different the next day. Kyungil never brought up their fight, and Dokyun didn't have the courage to, either. Kyungil never brought up Sihyung again, nor did he object to how much time Dokyun spent studying. Dokyun wasn't sure how, but Kyungil seemed to become busier.
Dokyun's second year at Loen ended, and a week into his third Kyungil had an announcement: "I've decided to try recruiting again."
Kyungil sounded pleased about it, but Dokyun had a feeling this meant they were over.
-
A few weeks later, Kyungil introduced Dokyun to Jaeho and Yijung. Both were first years and both looked more than a little confused by the exuberant fourth year who'd forcibly recruited them into his group of friends. Dokyun smiled and tried to be friendly, but he found himself wondering which one it would be. He noticed a look of devotion in Yijung's eyes that reminded Dokyun too much of himself, and he knew.
"You're imagining things," Sihyung said in his too blunt way of being comforting. "He just wants friends to bother when you're not available. He's trying to compromise."
The obvious discomfort in Sihyung's voice made Dokyun smile. Defending Kyungil did not come naturally to him and doing so made him angry. He was trying to hide it, but Dokyun knew better. "Maybe you're right, but I feel like he's punishing me."
Sihyung's mouth twitched at that, but all he said was, "Try not to think about it."
And Dokyun did, until he walked into Kyungil's room one evening to find Yijung already there.
-
"It's not a big deal." Kyungil sipped his iced coffee and stared over Dokyun's shoulder no matter how many times Dokyun tried to make eye contact.
Licking his lips, Dokyun's lips formed questions he couldn't bring himself to ask. "Not a big deal?" he repeated instead because it was easier and Kyungil tended to prefer his own words anyway.
A shrug. Kyungil worried the tip of the straw between his teeth. "We were never, you know, exclusive?"
Dokyun blinked at that. "I thought we were." There was a note of anger in his voice, just enough to make Kyungil finally look at him.
The look wasn't what Dokyun wanted, though. He wanted remorse or guilt, but Kyungil just looked pissed. "Did you?" Kyungil demanded, and Dokyun couldn't find an answer. He knew what Kyungil meant and didn't want to think about it.
Later, he ended up thinking about it anyway.
"That stupid fuck," Sihyung cursed, and Dokyun couldn't remember ever seeing his friend so angry. "What the hell does he mean, asking you if you thought you were exclusive?" There was a touch of frustration in his voice when he added, "You've been loyal to him from the beginning."
Dokyun had his hands folded in front of him. He was trying to remember when he had started spending time with Sihyung in his room and not the library; when he'd started going to Sihyung for his problems instead of bothering Kyungil. "He means you." He barely managed to look up to see the look of shock on Sihyung's face.
"Me? We're friends, Dokyun."
If Dokyun hadn't known better, that would have hurt. "Are we?" he asked instead. Sihyung stayed quiet at that, but he moved to join Dokyun on the bed. Dokyun reached out, slowly, and took Sihyung's hand. It wasn't something he'd ever done before, nor had he ever felt the urge, not really. But now that he was doing it, it felt right. Sihyung leaned against his should and Dokyun looked up to meet his eyes. "I don't want to do this for some stupid revenge thing."
"Then do it because you want to," Sihyung mumbled seconds before their lips met.
And so he did.
-
Months passed, and a single thought occurred to Dokyun over and over: Why hadn't they done this sooner?
Their routines didn't change, not on the surface, but everything about their routine felt different. Study sessions late at night turned into making out with a side of laughing at themselves when they took a break and realized they hadn't turned a page in their books in hours. Dokyun never told Kyungil directly about what happened, but he stopped going out of his way to find Dokyun after classes ended. The only time they even acknowledged each other was with awkward surprised looks across the hallways or in the dormitories. Whatever free time Kyungil left in Dokyun's day was immediately taken up by Sihyung, but Dokyun found that he hadn't been spending much time with Kyungil as it was. Jaeho and Yijung, too, seemed happy to have Dokyun gone, and Dokyun pretended their loss didn't hurt. In all honesty, he didn't much notice. When he had Sihyung, nothing else mattered.
Dokyun's third year at Loen was quickly coming to an end, and though he tried not to notice, Kyungil looked more and more exhausted each time they happened to run across each other. He was more often than not alone, too, and Yijung looked dejected whenever Dokyun accidentally met his eyes. Something was wrong, and Dokyun wished he could ignore it. It wasn't his problem anymore. Kyungil wouldn't want Dokyun trying to help.
That's what he told himself, and then Yijung came to his room crying.
-
"Why the fuck did you bring him?"
Kyungil was curled up in his bed, and for once the lip-curling, snide way he said him was not directed at Sihyung, though he was there, too. His eyes burned when he looked at Dokyun, and with more than the effects of whatever chemicals were racing through his bloodstream.
"I don't know what he's taken," Yijung explained. There were tears in his eyes but he didn't let them fall. Dokyun almost admired him for it, because the boy was obviously terrified. Dokyun was, too, but his state of shock masked the way his hands were shaking.
"None of your damn business!" Kyungil wailed. He moved to leave the bed and stumbled forward. Only Sihyung and Yijung kept him from face-planting on the hardwood floor. Dokyun remained frozen, not sure if he had any right to do anything. Kyungil went limp in their arms. For a second he seemed unconscious, and then his body started to tremble with quiet sobs. Sihyung and Yijung gently set him down against the end of the bed.
Clearing his throat, Dokyun moved a little closer. "What's wrong with you?" The question was more directed to Yijung because Dokyun found it near impossible to look at Kyungil when he was like this.
Yijung sat on the edge of the bed and reached out to touch Kyungil's shoulder, but stopped at the last second. "The director met with him yesterday. It seemed like good news, though; the director looked so happy! But when Kyungil came back, he started drinking and wouldn't stop. I had to go to bed eventually, and then I came back there were all these pill containers..." The boys shoulders shook suddenly and he stopped.
Kyungil looked up then, not at Dokyun but at Yijung. His eyes were red and glazed and his face pale. "They offered me a job," he explained, his words slurring. "At some government agency. Between the salary and the school's connections I should be taken care of for the rest of my life."
"I don't understand-"
Kyungil's angry eyes shot to Dokyun and he growled. "You don't do magic for the government. You sit in tiny cubicles and make minor decisions and gently keep anyone from paying too close attention to the school. You steer policy as best you can while leading the most mediocre life imaginable." A dry sob doubled him over. "The director said I'd be good at it."
"I think you would be," Yijung replied helpfully, but that just made Kyungil sob again.
"Don't fucking say that!"
After a few minutes they managed to get Kyungil into bed. Sihyung read over the pills and determined that he would probably be okay without medical attention. Yijung offered to stay with him overnight just to be careful, and Dokyun gave him a grateful smile as he and Sihyung left the room.
-
"My parents ended up like that, too." Sihyung's long legs bent at perfect right angles as he hunched on the bench. Dokyun took a seat beside him carefully, like he might fly away. "It's pretty common. They train us here, fill our heads with magic and dreams of using it to do wonderful things, and then they sell us to government departments and corporations to maintain the flow of money into this place. They never warn us; we reach the point where we're being forced to leave here and realize we have no way to support ourselves outside. What else can we do?"
Dokyun swallowed hard. He certainly hadn't thought of what he'd do when he left Loen. Until now, simply having the ability to do magic seemed enough. Having Sihyung seemed more than enough, more than he deserved.
"My father worked for a while designing bomb shelters and top secret facilities- he specialized in building magic. But it was all such simple stuff, he couldn't take it. They let him retire early, he has a monthly stipend that keeps him alive, and he spends all day designing and redesigning our house. Last time I went home it was modeled after a Roman villa. Perfectly accurate and functional, but what's it worth? He doesn't bother to keep track of the days anymore."
"And your mother?" Dokyun asked quietly.
The corners of Sihyung's eyes tightened as he stared out over the lawns of Loen Academy. "She spends most of the time in the basement, doing experiments with her plants. No company would hire her."
Dokyun took Sihyung's hand and Sihyung let out a long, tired breath. No wonder Kyungil was going crazy. No wonder all of the fourth years seemed on edge, their excitement about graduation a paper-thin facade masking their terror. At Loen, magic was everything, but Loen wasn't forever. Then what?
"Promise me we won't end up like them." Sihyung's hand tightened around Dokyun's. "Like my parents. Like Kyungil. I don't care if we get assigned to mundane assignments or if we end up doing nothing and surviving on Loen's trust fund. We won't be like them."
The memory of Kyungil thrashing on the floor, wailing and bloody, made Dokyun shudder. Kyungil had always been the strong one. Now Dokyun looked at Sihyung and realized that the only one of them who'd had any kind of strength was Sihyung. He'd known the reality of their future from the beginning, and yet he'd kept pushing forward. He was scared now, but he was still pushing forward. Dokyun wasn't nearly so strong, but he knew by now that no matter what, he wanted to be by Sihyung's side.
Dokyun squeezed Sihyung's hand gently. "I promise."