(no subject)
It's recently come to my attention that there is or was or something a show about doctors with that jerk from Garden State named Scrubs. This is kind of upsetting, because I wrote several episodes of a sitcom about doctors called Scrubs in 1998, when I was only ten years old.
Guess it's another case of...
How Hollywood Keeps Fuckin' Me Over!
SCRUBS
By
Sean Stapleton
April 17 1998
JOSH (voice-over): Hey, guys, I'm Josh. I'm a doctor at a Doctor House... something you guys call a Hospital!
Ha-ha!
THEME SONG
Scrubs!
We're here to fix you and your stuff!
Scrubs!
We'll fix you up and make you tough!
Scrubs!
We're sorry if we're a little rough!
It's... Scrubs! We're the doctors at the Doctor House!
JOSH (voice-over): Scrubs, Episode 1: The Doctor House!
JOSH is sitting alone in a waiting room, reading a Highlights magazine with Jennifer Aniston on the cover.
RECEPTIONIST: Josh Weaver, to the Doctor's Office, Please.
JOSH: What? Doctor's office? That's what I'm here for? (laughter)
JOSH walks through a door, into a the doctor's office.
JOSH: Hello Doctor! Why you need me for?
DOCTOR: Hi, Josh! I'm the doctor.
JOSH: Hi, Doctor, it's me Josh why you need me for.
DOCTOR: Well Josh it's come to my attention that your a doctor. (audience gasps)
JOSH: What, I'm no doctor, if I was a doctor I wouldn't have to come you to get my tonsils repared? (laughter)
DOCTOR: You are now Josh the doctor! LJust like me, I'm a doctor too.
JOSH: How, what, how am I a doctor! This is insanity, Doctor. (laughter)
DOCTOR: Josh, you are now a doctor. You won a the contest, to be a doctor. We picked a name every year, and now your the name,
JOSH: So, wait... I'm a doctor?
DOCTOR: Josh, you are now a doctor. You won the doctor contest, now your doctor.
JOSH: Yes, now I don't have to come to here to get my tonstils repared.
DOCTOR: I said doctor not optometrist!
JOSH: Isn't that the same thing (laughter)
DOCTOR: WHy Yes i guess it is
JOSH: WEell what do I do as a doctor
DOCTOR: First go get you'r scrubs
JOSH: But I don't want no scrubs! A scrub is a thing that can keep surgery clean! (laughter)
DOCTOR: So why wouldn't you want to wear surgery clean?
JOSH: I don't know, fine, give me where are the scrubs.
DOCTOR: You don't knead scrubs josh, we're not doing a tonsils repare. (laughter)
JOSH: Phew, I was worried for about a year! (laughter)
DOCTOR gives JOSH a funny look, then he wink.
JOSH: Hey don't do that Doc you're givin me the creeps
DOCTOR: Great scott!
JOSH: Doooc!
DOCTOR: What's is it, Josh? What you want?
JOSH: DOn't i need scrubs for the tonstil surgery repareing, no you don't need them.
JOSH: But how will I keep it clean.
DOCTOR: That's for me to know and you to find out. Heh-ha! HAeh!
JOSH: Oh, doctor, guess this is going to be a loooong me being a doctor! haaaaaa! (laughter)
CREDITS ROLL