(no subject)
recently i've been thinking about what i want to do with my life. do i really want to be a teacher? or is it just something for me to do. no...i won't change my major again...i'm sticking with liberal studies, but that doesn't stop me from wondering if i'm going down the right path in my life. i wanted to go to USF, and i'm here at sac state. why? not because i didn't get accepted, but because i didn't even try to apply. my parents said i couldn't go, and so i took that as my final answer. so here i am at sac state. not that i necessairly regret it. i love my friends, i love my sorority, and yes, i'm thankful that i had the blessing to be given such wonderful friends. i think i'm just settling in my life. but i don't have a problem with it. my path is pretty much already set out for me. i have the job that would look perfect on my resume while applying for a teaching job. my mom's a teacher, so i can also reap the benefits of her knowledge. but there's a part of me who thinks it's wrong to have just settled. my friend is dating someone she wants to date, and i admire her for that. she's found someone to like, i don't know if it's love, i don't know how long they've been dating, but they have been. and i wish i could allow my heart to be free like that. don't get me wrong, i like greg, and that's that. but what if i found the same kind of person my friend found? would i have the courage to tell my parents? probably not. i would just let them rule my life. but i don't want to pull away from my parents. i love them, i depend on them. i'm too scared about what would happen if i choose to live my life away from my parents. next year i have to move back into the house according to them. why can't i just tell them that i don't want to? why can't i just say, "no, i'm moving in with jasmine" and let that be that? part of me wishes i could, and yet part of me is content with staying where i am. i don't know. it's like there's two sides of me. i wish i could talk to my friend. i dont' know how to tho. i don't know what would happen, but somewhere inside of me, i know she'd be able to help me. i wonder if i should stay in my comfortable life, or take chances. but what if i'm fine with not taking chances? i don't even know! there are two different voices in my head. and i don't know which one i want to listen to.