Just to have another place for it...
I posted these on MySpace today and yesterday, and I just want to get them on LiveJournal.
It's long and sad, so be prepared.
October 14, 2007 - Sunday
Okay,so not even like it’s ruining my life or anything...
Okay, so, it totally sucks that some people will do anything to get people to like them. It's sad and disgusting that someone would walk all over someone that has done SO FREAKING MUCH for them, in their darkest of days, and they could just say whatever they want to say to someone else to try to make a friend out of them. I gave so much of my time and energy to a friend, only to have them turn around and tell someone that I'm copping out and that I'm scared to grow up. Well, buddy, I've got some words for you: I'M FUCKING GROWN UP! I'M GETTING MARRIED, I'M GETTING MY MASTER'S DEGREE BECAUSE I WANT IT, AND I DESERVE IT, AND JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T APPLY TO LAW SCHOOL WITH YOU, LIKE YOU WANTED ME TO, DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU CAN TELL ME THAT MY DEGREE IS A FUCKING EXCUSE TO KEEP FROM GROWING UP!
FUCK YOUR HOUSE, FUCK YOUR DOGS, FUCK YOUR PARTIES, FUCK ALL YOUR FUCKING FAKE ASS FRIENDS, AND MOST OF ALL: FUCK YOU!!!!!
You can take your fucking snotty ass attitude bullshit and shove it up your ass. You don't pay for your house, you didn't pay for your cars, you don't pay for your school - you don't fucking pay for shit. But I'm the one making excuses about growing up. You have parties for people who are MY friends, but it's not really a party: it's an excuse for you to bring people to you because you're so fucking lonely. You have no friends, you have no life. My friends are your friends, and now they're all gone. They don't want anything to do with you, just like I don't want anything to do with you, and you can go crawl in a hole and live there forever, in your own pain that you created for yourself. Your self-loathing is pitiful and I no longer feel bad for you.
I've been through this same shit before, and I was scared to leave that friend. It was the best damn thing I EVER did for myself...and you knew about that. Instead, you took my kindness for weakness and you turned against me. You call me to beg for my friendship, but days earlier, you critisized my life. You're NOT a friend: you're a leech. You're gonna have to find a new victim to suck the life out of.
GOODBYE TO YOU!
Go live your life like the slime that you are. Your friendship means nothing to me now.
October 15, 2007 - Monday
Continuing the rant...
Okay, for me, that just wasn't sufficient enough of a vent to get all the frustration out. I'm so angry right now, I can barely freaking think. I didn't leave my bed until noon today because I was so depressed. I thought that we were such good friends and then this happens. I did sooooo much for him and he just acts like he's so much better than me or something...all of a sudden. I've been so busy with school that I miss out on so much. I sit at home, all day long, barely leaving the house most days, reading and studying for school. I read at least 200 pages a freaking day. I'm so proud of my progress thus far in this program, and I take it as a compliment that the directors of the program told me that I'm a perfect candidate for this program and that I'm doing excellent work. I'm cramming 10 weeks of class work into 5 weeks. I'm grasping all the material, and I'm sacrificing a lot for it. I've got to pay back nearly $20,000 back in loans after this year, and for me, this could make the difference in my life that gives me happiness and satisfaction in my career. And for someone that I held so high in my life to tell my friends that I'm just getting a master's degree to avoid getting a real job and growing up just hurts so much. And to say it just to get someone to laugh or agree with him that he is right, and smart, and so cool. He wanted a BEST FRIEND OF MINE to agree with him that I'm just fucking around at home all day, saying that I'm doing work but just playing at the computer and sitting on my ass all day, and calling it "busy with home or classwork". Shove it up your ass, guy.
I was with him when his girlfriend was nearly minutes away from cheating on him. She cheated and cheated and cheated over and over and over again, and I'd skip class to sit and talk and give my advice. We'd talk on the phone for hours while we discussed his options and his fears and his love for a girl that was showing almost nude pictures of herself to her lover on the internet. It hurt me so bad to hear this and I did everything I could to offer myself to you as a friend. You called me when you finally kicked her out and moved her stuff. You called me when you found all her logged IMs on her computer, where she switched her stories and shared your private photos with HIM! I was there for EVERYTHING! ... And this was my payback...
When you first starting having parties at your house, and you told me that you didn't have many friends, and I introduced you to my pluthra of friends at school, and you thought they were cool, and you gave them nicknames, and we all thought that you were funny. You invited them to the parties, and we'd show up in our caravan to your house, and we all had so much fun...and we all genuinely liked you. But that started to change: you called Irene "Bitch" more than you called her Irene, you made us pay for EVERYTHING that we did at the house...which, to me, isn't much of a party when the host can't afford to even have the party...and that's pretty suspicious when we have to pay for everything at the party and you don't put anything in at all. It sounds like you just wanted people to think that you were cool enough to host all these "fun" parties but it was a ploy for you to get people over and you to entertain and feel like you had a lot of friends...which you really didn't. You didn't trust any of them at all and you said that when we'd talk about drinking alcohol at your house. I told you that at my house, we'd drink, and it wasn't like they showed in the movies. It wasn't about throwing up on the new carpet, it wasn't breaking everything in the house in a drunken rage, it wasn't fighting, or fucking, or anything. And then you come over to my house, drink a lot of alcohol, get drunk, fall down my stairs, spill beer everywhere, and then attempt to make out with me with my fiance in the next room. "I'd never kiss a meat-eater. That's disgusting." You fucking kissed me on the lips and I was totally stunned! I never told Jason about that...to save you. Now, I hope he finds out and kicks your ass! You're the one acts like an idiot and you used MY friends as a excuse to keep you from going psycho in your own house, like when you strangled Krista! You're the psycho!!! My friends are awesome and you're the drunken fool!
But that's all done now. No more time wasted on your problems, no more paying for your "I'm lonely and uncool and I want people at my house thinking that I am cool and making me think that I have so many friends..." parties, and no more of you trying to make friends by turning them against me. Say what you want to say about me...but don't say it to my friends. Irene doens't want to hang with you, just the two of you, like you used to do to me. I freaking vouched for you in front of my friends when you first wanted me to come over. They thought that you were going to hack me up in a million pieces...and I vouched for you. Now you want to do the same thing to one of the most caring and genuine people that I know? You're not going to screw with her the way that you did to me. You're done and gone and there is no more.
If you see ANY of my friends on the street, keep walking. No one is talking to you, no one wants to be your friend, and no one thinks that you're awesome. They see through you. Right through you. You're so gone, dude.
Don't fuck with us because we don't stand for it.
On a side note:
For my friends that have MySpace and came to the party yesterday: I LOVE YOU SOOO FREAKING MUCH! You have no idea how happy I was about the turnout. 25 of my closest friends and family came to support me in the biggest venture of my whole life. The love that was there was so indescribable and I can only imagine what the actual wedding is going to be like! You all have my heart...and I truly mean that.
It's long and sad, so be prepared.
October 14, 2007 - Sunday
Okay,so not even like it’s ruining my life or anything...
Okay, so, it totally sucks that some people will do anything to get people to like them. It's sad and disgusting that someone would walk all over someone that has done SO FREAKING MUCH for them, in their darkest of days, and they could just say whatever they want to say to someone else to try to make a friend out of them. I gave so much of my time and energy to a friend, only to have them turn around and tell someone that I'm copping out and that I'm scared to grow up. Well, buddy, I've got some words for you: I'M FUCKING GROWN UP! I'M GETTING MARRIED, I'M GETTING MY MASTER'S DEGREE BECAUSE I WANT IT, AND I DESERVE IT, AND JUST BECAUSE I DIDN'T APPLY TO LAW SCHOOL WITH YOU, LIKE YOU WANTED ME TO, DOESN'T MEAN THAT YOU CAN TELL ME THAT MY DEGREE IS A FUCKING EXCUSE TO KEEP FROM GROWING UP!
FUCK YOUR HOUSE, FUCK YOUR DOGS, FUCK YOUR PARTIES, FUCK ALL YOUR FUCKING FAKE ASS FRIENDS, AND MOST OF ALL: FUCK YOU!!!!!
You can take your fucking snotty ass attitude bullshit and shove it up your ass. You don't pay for your house, you didn't pay for your cars, you don't pay for your school - you don't fucking pay for shit. But I'm the one making excuses about growing up. You have parties for people who are MY friends, but it's not really a party: it's an excuse for you to bring people to you because you're so fucking lonely. You have no friends, you have no life. My friends are your friends, and now they're all gone. They don't want anything to do with you, just like I don't want anything to do with you, and you can go crawl in a hole and live there forever, in your own pain that you created for yourself. Your self-loathing is pitiful and I no longer feel bad for you.
I've been through this same shit before, and I was scared to leave that friend. It was the best damn thing I EVER did for myself...and you knew about that. Instead, you took my kindness for weakness and you turned against me. You call me to beg for my friendship, but days earlier, you critisized my life. You're NOT a friend: you're a leech. You're gonna have to find a new victim to suck the life out of.
GOODBYE TO YOU!
Go live your life like the slime that you are. Your friendship means nothing to me now.
October 15, 2007 - Monday
Continuing the rant...
Okay, for me, that just wasn't sufficient enough of a vent to get all the frustration out. I'm so angry right now, I can barely freaking think. I didn't leave my bed until noon today because I was so depressed. I thought that we were such good friends and then this happens. I did sooooo much for him and he just acts like he's so much better than me or something...all of a sudden. I've been so busy with school that I miss out on so much. I sit at home, all day long, barely leaving the house most days, reading and studying for school. I read at least 200 pages a freaking day. I'm so proud of my progress thus far in this program, and I take it as a compliment that the directors of the program told me that I'm a perfect candidate for this program and that I'm doing excellent work. I'm cramming 10 weeks of class work into 5 weeks. I'm grasping all the material, and I'm sacrificing a lot for it. I've got to pay back nearly $20,000 back in loans after this year, and for me, this could make the difference in my life that gives me happiness and satisfaction in my career. And for someone that I held so high in my life to tell my friends that I'm just getting a master's degree to avoid getting a real job and growing up just hurts so much. And to say it just to get someone to laugh or agree with him that he is right, and smart, and so cool. He wanted a BEST FRIEND OF MINE to agree with him that I'm just fucking around at home all day, saying that I'm doing work but just playing at the computer and sitting on my ass all day, and calling it "busy with home or classwork". Shove it up your ass, guy.
I was with him when his girlfriend was nearly minutes away from cheating on him. She cheated and cheated and cheated over and over and over again, and I'd skip class to sit and talk and give my advice. We'd talk on the phone for hours while we discussed his options and his fears and his love for a girl that was showing almost nude pictures of herself to her lover on the internet. It hurt me so bad to hear this and I did everything I could to offer myself to you as a friend. You called me when you finally kicked her out and moved her stuff. You called me when you found all her logged IMs on her computer, where she switched her stories and shared your private photos with HIM! I was there for EVERYTHING! ... And this was my payback...
When you first starting having parties at your house, and you told me that you didn't have many friends, and I introduced you to my pluthra of friends at school, and you thought they were cool, and you gave them nicknames, and we all thought that you were funny. You invited them to the parties, and we'd show up in our caravan to your house, and we all had so much fun...and we all genuinely liked you. But that started to change: you called Irene "Bitch" more than you called her Irene, you made us pay for EVERYTHING that we did at the house...which, to me, isn't much of a party when the host can't afford to even have the party...and that's pretty suspicious when we have to pay for everything at the party and you don't put anything in at all. It sounds like you just wanted people to think that you were cool enough to host all these "fun" parties but it was a ploy for you to get people over and you to entertain and feel like you had a lot of friends...which you really didn't. You didn't trust any of them at all and you said that when we'd talk about drinking alcohol at your house. I told you that at my house, we'd drink, and it wasn't like they showed in the movies. It wasn't about throwing up on the new carpet, it wasn't breaking everything in the house in a drunken rage, it wasn't fighting, or fucking, or anything. And then you come over to my house, drink a lot of alcohol, get drunk, fall down my stairs, spill beer everywhere, and then attempt to make out with me with my fiance in the next room. "I'd never kiss a meat-eater. That's disgusting." You fucking kissed me on the lips and I was totally stunned! I never told Jason about that...to save you. Now, I hope he finds out and kicks your ass! You're the one acts like an idiot and you used MY friends as a excuse to keep you from going psycho in your own house, like when you strangled Krista! You're the psycho!!! My friends are awesome and you're the drunken fool!
But that's all done now. No more time wasted on your problems, no more paying for your "I'm lonely and uncool and I want people at my house thinking that I am cool and making me think that I have so many friends..." parties, and no more of you trying to make friends by turning them against me. Say what you want to say about me...but don't say it to my friends. Irene doens't want to hang with you, just the two of you, like you used to do to me. I freaking vouched for you in front of my friends when you first wanted me to come over. They thought that you were going to hack me up in a million pieces...and I vouched for you. Now you want to do the same thing to one of the most caring and genuine people that I know? You're not going to screw with her the way that you did to me. You're done and gone and there is no more.
If you see ANY of my friends on the street, keep walking. No one is talking to you, no one wants to be your friend, and no one thinks that you're awesome. They see through you. Right through you. You're so gone, dude.
Don't fuck with us because we don't stand for it.
On a side note:
For my friends that have MySpace and came to the party yesterday: I LOVE YOU SOOO FREAKING MUCH! You have no idea how happy I was about the turnout. 25 of my closest friends and family came to support me in the biggest venture of my whole life. The love that was there was so indescribable and I can only imagine what the actual wedding is going to be like! You all have my heart...and I truly mean that.