..and now I truely believe and understand all you've said to me before.
It's probably safe to say that most of you have no idea about what bands I was in prior to my current position in DSA. This is deliberate :) I choose to not share my past musical specifics with you for the same reasons I keep my current life as much of a mystery as possible....too many people knowing things...creates un-needed drama.
I uncovered some tracks from the band I was in before Deadstar, and it really put a few things into perspective for me.
First off, to this day, this band is the only one I was EVER kicked out of (all ones prior...I had quit), which I am thankful for, since it helped put my feet back on solid ground. I realized I wasn't untouchable no matter how much I contribute to the group.
Second, I learned that if you stray too far from the original formula of what makes a group "what it is", you WILL fail. One of the contributing factors that led to my removal from the group was my writing style changing from "soft and slow" to "fast and heavy". It didn't sound bad, but I was one of 4 people involved, and I took it upon myself to change our style. We lost a lot of fans in the process, and eventually...created great conflict in the creative ranks of the band.
Third, If you aren't happy with what you're doing, its best to give up and start over instead of trying to re-mold the current scenario just because it seems like the smoother path. It isn't.
And finally, I learned that an ego gets you nowhere. I admit the occasional spurt of arrogance on my part, but trust me...I've toned down a LOT.
It was the disbanding of this musical collective, that I decided to quit music. And I did, for almost 2 years, before getting the call from DSA. It was good time off, gave me time to clear my head, and to work on fixing my life. I became financially stable, had a decent life going for me..... *sigh* ...but I missed playing. I gave it all up for Deadstar.
For those who are curious...if you enjoy 3 meals a day, having money, and a normal sleep schedule.....do not ever join a band :)
And now, just to switch gears real quick.. (this is totally not going to make ANY sense what-so-ever)
I must say I'm getting a high level of personal satisfaction from the gossip columns lately regarding things that don't directly affect me (but involve those whom have taken it upon themselves to try and bring me down in various ways). Karma is taking its toll on people, and one by one people are starting to see what I've been saying all along about certain things. Others are digging their graves deeper than they already are....and others are just showing how pathetic they truly truly are (do you REALLY think anyone REALLY believes what you say?...hah!! Look at yourself..you're not that important). A world of lies, deceit, and self destruction are turning into a spectator sport for me. Keep up the good job guys and girls, I'm enjoying this more than you'll ever know.Just remember, no matter who you talk to, and what you say....chances are..it all gets back to me...even sometimes AS you're spewing the excrement from you're mouth. You will never know how much of a joke you always were, and now others are finding that out for themselves. Enjoy a life of false confidence and rapid disintegration into depressing lifeless hope to find people who will believe the fecal words you pass off as "truth" in hopes of boosting any shred of self confidence you think you have.