Fuck it.
Sometimes I really wonder what the point is. I finished school and I was happy to finally be able to do something with my life, but no. I'm going to be stuck here for at least another year, living with my parents, working at a shit job that I haven't even found yet. Fuck the rigs. I would rather work fucking construction than go work on the rigs, regardless of the difference in pay. Like I really want some fucked up, alcoholic, cokehead, asshole killing me on a fucking oil rig. I've heard how fucked up 90% of them are, and I'm in no rush to join them. My mom wouldn't give a fuck though, as long as I have a job right? At least my dad knows that rig jobs are fucked up and he wouldn't push me into taking one just to have something. But fuck. So in a year or two, I finally get out of here and move somewhere that isn't in the middle of goddamn nowhere. Then what? Then I work and work and make no real contribution that some other engineer couldn't make in my place. It's not like I'm the top of the class, the few percent that will actually make a difference. It's like voting. No matter who the fuck I vote for here, the goddamn Conservatives will win because everyone here is a redneck. My one little vote won't make a difference, so why even bother. If I could take a thousand people to the polls with me and vote, then sure. How will I even last being here for a year? I'm already hitting the bottom. My room consists of a fucking hole in the wall of the basement that fucks up my lungs, I have to take drugs every day just to be able to breathe and function properly, there isn't anyone here that's worthwhile. I sit around all day, and all night, and get more and more depressed thinking of everything I can't change. It's fucking bullshit. And when I finally get away from here, alls I have to look forward to is working for the rest of my life and not being paid for overtime. Fantastic. What I'm most afraid of is being an old man and looking back at my life and realizing what a fucking waste it was. Like Confessions of a Dangerous Mind.
"I came up with a new game-show idea recently. It's called The Old Game. You got three old guys with loaded guns on stage. They look back at their lives, see who they were, what they accomplished, how close they came to realizing their dreams. The winner is the one who doesn't blow his brains out. He gets a refrigerator."
And here I am sitting on the fucking computer.
"I came up with a new game-show idea recently. It's called The Old Game. You got three old guys with loaded guns on stage. They look back at their lives, see who they were, what they accomplished, how close they came to realizing their dreams. The winner is the one who doesn't blow his brains out. He gets a refrigerator."
And here I am sitting on the fucking computer.