Mark My Words
This is the first day of a new era. I know we can never go back to the way we were when we first got together. I know we can't be who we were ten years ago. But we can be happy as the people we are now and as the people we will be. I vow that from this moment on I will be a better husband. You carry with you the painful memories of the screaming and the bad decisions. I want you to forget those. I want you to remember that you truly do love me. Everything I do from this day forward will be to help bring back that memory while pushing aside the others.
Today during the screaming match when my selfishness (not a lack of trust or something, my sheer selfishness) ruined what would have been that amazing birthday present I realized that I have been blaming you for what's happening to our marriage. I didn't fully realize it. I didn't fully understand that. Today, when I totally screwed up what was going to be a truly beautiful gesture it hit me: You've been living with a monster. You've been living with an insufferable beast who has done nothing but take you for granted. The problems with the marriage are my fault. The things “wrong” with you are the things I've broken. When I stop being such a fuck up you'll be back to the wonderful woman you've been all along, just hidden from the undeserving thing I've become.
I see that now. And, mark my words, neither of us will have to see it again. I will get my head out of my ass and I will do what I need to do. It will probably be easier since now I've got a job, but there will be no excuses anymore. I will be the husband you deserve. I will fix it. I will fix me. This I swear to you. If I fail to do it I'll pack up what little shit is mine get the fuck out forever.
I know these words are just words. They're just specific pixels with a specific arrangement on your laptop screen. I'm going to have to show you, and I know it's not going to be a simple fix. It's not going to be like some stupid movie where one big gesture is going to be all it takes to have you swooning in my arms and everything will be fine as the screen fades to black and the credits roll while some cliché love song plays as the audience files out. It's going to be a long hard road back into your heart and I'm going to walk every inch of it, on my face if I have to, to show that I do love you and our marriage means the world to me.
Today during the screaming match when my selfishness (not a lack of trust or something, my sheer selfishness) ruined what would have been that amazing birthday present I realized that I have been blaming you for what's happening to our marriage. I didn't fully realize it. I didn't fully understand that. Today, when I totally screwed up what was going to be a truly beautiful gesture it hit me: You've been living with a monster. You've been living with an insufferable beast who has done nothing but take you for granted. The problems with the marriage are my fault. The things “wrong” with you are the things I've broken. When I stop being such a fuck up you'll be back to the wonderful woman you've been all along, just hidden from the undeserving thing I've become.
I see that now. And, mark my words, neither of us will have to see it again. I will get my head out of my ass and I will do what I need to do. It will probably be easier since now I've got a job, but there will be no excuses anymore. I will be the husband you deserve. I will fix it. I will fix me. This I swear to you. If I fail to do it I'll pack up what little shit is mine get the fuck out forever.
I know these words are just words. They're just specific pixels with a specific arrangement on your laptop screen. I'm going to have to show you, and I know it's not going to be a simple fix. It's not going to be like some stupid movie where one big gesture is going to be all it takes to have you swooning in my arms and everything will be fine as the screen fades to black and the credits roll while some cliché love song plays as the audience files out. It's going to be a long hard road back into your heart and I'm going to walk every inch of it, on my face if I have to, to show that I do love you and our marriage means the world to me.