I've been trying--not very successfully, obviously--to get back here, to reboot, to make this over, to start over, begin again. Here and, well, every fucking where. My life is a cascade of ruin and potential. I'm not happy about that, but I'm not unhappy either. Things are just what they are. Imposing order on chaos takes time and strength, ( Read more... )

I have narrowly avoided one personal catastrophe and am working on correcting another. If I can, and the "if" is so big as to be nearly universal, but if I can then I can breathe for a few minutes ( Read more... )

I've had a lot blow up in my face this week. Everything's blurry and shaking and I'm in trouble once again.

And all I can think of is this, and it hurts, and it helps:

Perhaps it's done already, perhaps they have said me already, perhaps they have carried me to the threshold of my story, before the door that opens on my story, that would ( Read more... )

I pick up my smile put it in my pocket
Hold it for a while try not to have to drop it
Men are not to cry so how am I to stop it
Keep it all inside don't show how much he rocked ya

Ooh can you feel the same
Ooh you gotta love the pain
Ooh it looks like rain again
Ooh I feel it comin' in
The mountains win again
The mountains win again

Dreams we dreamed at ( Read more... )

Hurt & confusion right now. I'll expound later, but I'm still not ready to deal. Instead I bring you this meme, not-exactly-stolen from doctorgrant. Cut and past into a comment and answer for me! DO IT!

1. Your Middle Name:
2. Age:
3. Single or Taken:
4. Favourite Movie:
5. Favourite Song or Album:
6. Favourite Band/Artist:
7. Dirty or Clean:
8. Tattoos ( Read more... )

trash can sinatras - obscurity knocks
always at the foot of the photograph - that's me there
snug as a thug in a mugshot pose, a foul-mouthed rogue
owner of this corner and not much more
still these days i'm better placed to get my just rewards
i'll pound out a tune and very soon
i'll have too much to say and a dead stupid name

though i ought to be ( Read more... )

I just spent a long time on the phone having Ryan try to cheer me up/bring me down to earth. Didn't work, but I appreciate the effort. This is something I'll either work through or I won't ( Read more... )

Or not, in this case. I've been crying for 24 hours now. My boss sent me home because of it. Well, that and the fact that I was breaking things (my own things, but still.) Not before trying to cheer me up, of course ( Read more... )

Today was way more difficult than I thought it would be. I became really frustrated with my job, then my day, then myself, and finally with my life ( Read more... )

So my Memorial Day pool party went off pretty all right. It was small because I just don't have enough friends locally to have a large group for a party (and I need to remedy this, but I'm unsure how to do that.) But it was a good party, I think. I certainly had a good time, and I think nobody had a bad time. I wish my sister had been able to ( Read more... )