Greeting friends

[notofthisworld]

If you're female, greeting friends is easy. You give them a hug.

If you're male, it's a little trickier. If you're a gay man, it's yet trickier. If you're an anglophone living in Quebec, it's yet trickier.

As a gay male anglophone living in quebec, this is what my decision tree for greeting a friend looked like:

if (friend.is_female

Comments

[ahmes]

Ok, this should cover a fair few situations:

if (friend.is_close() or ((friend.hugs_first() or friend.is_intoxicated()) and not (friend.smell == 'nasty'))) {

hug();

} else if ((friend.is_male() and setting.formality > 'bbq') or friend.first_meeting) {

handshake();

} else if (friend.slept_with() {

if (friend.partner.is_present() and friend.partner.attitude < 'cool') {

wave();

} else {

hug();

}

} else if (friend.issues(personal space) or friend.issues(germophobia)) {

wave();

} else {

await_cue(timeout=3sec);

wave();

}

I don't remember the specifics of arm-punching, but I generally only do that for some people's birthdays. I use fist-bumping as a hybrid handshake/high five, but I can't remember ever initiating one.

[notofthisworld]

Ha ha! Thanks for that :-)