(no subject)
So much has happened since I've been on this thing, and I don't know how many people still read this or even care about all the stuff that I'm going to write. But oh well. I have nothing else to do tonight because my "friends" all have other stuff to do and I'm sitting at home until one of them decides to call me. Honestly if I could have one thing in the entire world right now, it would be to be in Charleston with Courtney. I need my best friend. I lied, that's not the one thing I'd want. Mississippi would be pretty nice too, even though Lee royally fucked me over and pretty much lied to me every time he opened his mouth. I still love that boy with my entire heart, no matter what happens, and I would honestly go to any means necessary to see him. Too bad he wouldn't.
Ok so I guess there's ALOT of short stories I should tell in order to catch people up with what I'm going to say. So yeah. Here.
+ I graduated high school: Yep, finally. I can remember starting this year out psyched about leaving school and could barely wait for June 1st, but now that I think about it, its kind of scary knowing that after the summer's over I won't be buying new clothes and notebooks and shit and going back to school and seeing all the old people. I'll never be in a classroom all day with those people. I really do miss my class and I regret that we didn't get closer than we did, I mean we had the biggest opportunity to get close when we all went on the cruise but we didn't take that opportunity.. we were always divided and I guess that's why its so sad to me now because I know that we probably won't see eachother again. I miss the stability of knowing I had school to go to everyday, even though I hated it.
+ Lee: He should have actually come before the high school thing. Basically I met him at the mall.. haha wtf, he was staying at Fort Jackson because he's in the nat. guard. Pretty much fell in love, proceeded to trust him with my entire everything, he left to go back home to Mississippi and its been a spiraling shithole ever since. There's been others. But he's always the one I want to be with at the end of the day. Sometimes I think I'm getting better.. like when he doesn't call and I don't think about him every second like I used to, but then he goes and calls and I get messed up all over again. Too bad everything was a lie, and he had a girlfriend, etc. I can't bring myself to hate him.
+ Work: is a helllllhole. Waitressing at MIGS where we def have to split tips and that's the gayest shit I've ever experienced in my entire life. I'm quitting this week.
+ Court: is thursday. This is probably like, um wtf-worthy but basically I was molested since I was 7 years old and now I have to go to court in order to testify against my step-dad. I'm scared. I know I'm going to crack. But oh well.
+ Me: I've been through so much crap since Februrary. When I finally got over JOhnathon, when Lee left, etc.. I turned into someone I definitely did not like. This was after I moved out and in with my mom or whatever, so basically I was hanging out with people alot more since I was never allowed to do that whenever I lived with Kendal. I was hanging out with people that weren't good for me. I was doing stuff that I wasn't proud of. I didn't care about anyone's feelings, not even my own.. I don't even know if I had any feelings at that time. Nothing mean anything to me. I didn't really realize it until I met Trae.. who is from Charleston. But anyways I was supposed to be a "hookup" for him or something, he was friends with my friend Jenna.. but when we met it didn't work out that way. He wasn't the hookup kind of guy. He had no idea what he was doing. And I didn't want that for him. I don't even know how to explain it but I wanted to be better for him or whatever and to everyone's surprise we started liking eachother and dating and stuff and it was amazing but then we grew apart and I guess everything happens for a reason. Now I'm just kind of lost. I have someone.. well not really, he's not official or anything.. Nick. He's so confusing. Don't know what he wants from me or even what he's about, but I like him. I really am lost though. I don't know where to go with my life or even if I'm going to be able to take care of myself like I'm supposed to. I hate being an adult. I hate being graduated. I don't like being alone and I don't like sitting in my house on a Saturday night. I don't know what else to say and I don't know why i have to make things so confusing to read.
Ok so I guess there's ALOT of short stories I should tell in order to catch people up with what I'm going to say. So yeah. Here.
+ I graduated high school: Yep, finally. I can remember starting this year out psyched about leaving school and could barely wait for June 1st, but now that I think about it, its kind of scary knowing that after the summer's over I won't be buying new clothes and notebooks and shit and going back to school and seeing all the old people. I'll never be in a classroom all day with those people. I really do miss my class and I regret that we didn't get closer than we did, I mean we had the biggest opportunity to get close when we all went on the cruise but we didn't take that opportunity.. we were always divided and I guess that's why its so sad to me now because I know that we probably won't see eachother again. I miss the stability of knowing I had school to go to everyday, even though I hated it.
+ Lee: He should have actually come before the high school thing. Basically I met him at the mall.. haha wtf, he was staying at Fort Jackson because he's in the nat. guard. Pretty much fell in love, proceeded to trust him with my entire everything, he left to go back home to Mississippi and its been a spiraling shithole ever since. There's been others. But he's always the one I want to be with at the end of the day. Sometimes I think I'm getting better.. like when he doesn't call and I don't think about him every second like I used to, but then he goes and calls and I get messed up all over again. Too bad everything was a lie, and he had a girlfriend, etc. I can't bring myself to hate him.
+ Work: is a helllllhole. Waitressing at MIGS where we def have to split tips and that's the gayest shit I've ever experienced in my entire life. I'm quitting this week.
+ Court: is thursday. This is probably like, um wtf-worthy but basically I was molested since I was 7 years old and now I have to go to court in order to testify against my step-dad. I'm scared. I know I'm going to crack. But oh well.
+ Me: I've been through so much crap since Februrary. When I finally got over JOhnathon, when Lee left, etc.. I turned into someone I definitely did not like. This was after I moved out and in with my mom or whatever, so basically I was hanging out with people alot more since I was never allowed to do that whenever I lived with Kendal. I was hanging out with people that weren't good for me. I was doing stuff that I wasn't proud of. I didn't care about anyone's feelings, not even my own.. I don't even know if I had any feelings at that time. Nothing mean anything to me. I didn't really realize it until I met Trae.. who is from Charleston. But anyways I was supposed to be a "hookup" for him or something, he was friends with my friend Jenna.. but when we met it didn't work out that way. He wasn't the hookup kind of guy. He had no idea what he was doing. And I didn't want that for him. I don't even know how to explain it but I wanted to be better for him or whatever and to everyone's surprise we started liking eachother and dating and stuff and it was amazing but then we grew apart and I guess everything happens for a reason. Now I'm just kind of lost. I have someone.. well not really, he's not official or anything.. Nick. He's so confusing. Don't know what he wants from me or even what he's about, but I like him. I really am lost though. I don't know where to go with my life or even if I'm going to be able to take care of myself like I'm supposed to. I hate being an adult. I hate being graduated. I don't like being alone and I don't like sitting in my house on a Saturday night. I don't know what else to say and I don't know why i have to make things so confusing to read.