is this all actually real?
i know i haven't written in quite a while but it's barely 7 o'clock in the morning and i'm already wide awake so i figure i should use this time wisely. i think to explain where i am right now i need to go back a couple of months or rather yet to the beginning of the year. i started off 2007 rather dreary. after deciding that we shouldn't talk for a week so we could figure things out (meaning she could decide if she wanted to be with me or not) my girlfriend or whatever you want to call it cause that's not what she called it broke up with me. i guess i had been seeing it from a mile away but it was still very hard. i also was working very few hours at the barn so i was sitting around my apartment being depressed that i didn't think i was going to be getting into vet school this year. i didn't do that well in biochem last fall and i knew that would be the demise of me. so basically i started my last semester of college not feeling too sure about life in general, which was prettty sucky to say the least.
but over this last semester a lot of really amazing things have happened to me. i got an interview at western university, yeah i only got wait listed there but really that was my fault for not getting everything in on time. they liked me a lot i know, and if i had had my shit together i would probably be going there in the fall. but no need to get all upset because i have a new plan now. i'm applying to st. george and ross for january so i can have some time to take biochem over again and work for a while. i think it will be better for me anyway to not do school for at least a couple months.
anyway, aside from school and probably the best thing of all/the reason i'm where i am in the world right now is that i met someone. but not simply just anyone, a woman i feel so close to, so connected to i want to say i almost feel like i could commit the rest of my life to her right here and now. i know, don't get too ahead of yourself taryn, but let me explain.
her name is christina and i've been telling people we met through a mutual friend who thought we would be a really good match but the truth is she found me on okcupid. i know, creepy right? but i made the profile on a whim one insomniac late night back in january and well look what it brought me. happiness. that is all i can say. it brought me real happiness. i am so elated when i am in her presence. she's silly and cute and cares for me just as much as i do for her, which is a new thing for me really. i'm not used to this kind of honest affection. every once in a while it occurs to me that this is all really happening and i just have to tell her how glad i am that she's here with me. she of course thinks that is just the most rediculously sweet thing, which is wonderful because i can just be my crazy dorky self around her and truly it's all okay.
but now for the problem... she's at a different point in her life than me. she's only going to be a sophomore this fall and i just graduated from college. i am going home for a while and possibly off to vet school in january. she has three more years left! so we're all like practically in love already and we just don't know what to do. our happiness is tainted with this bitter reality that we today have 5 days left together before i have to go back to new york for good and she goes to work at a summer camp for the entire summer. meaning even if we did stay together or just stay in contact i wont be able to actually physically see her until mid august. that just sounds terrible. and then after that? who knows. i come up to visit her at school every month or so?! and then what about in vet school? i might not get to see her for months at a time. i want to be with her at all moments of the day. when we are away from each other for a few hours we miss each other already. getting used to seeing each other rarely is going to be a hard change.
but for some reason i have all of this hope that things are going to work out between us. simply because i want it too. i believe that if two people work at it hard enough they can pull through together. but long term separation? i just don't know if i even want to get used to that. it just sounds terrible. and chris is barely 20. she needs to enjoy college and get crazy a little bit, experiment a little bit. i got to do that, she deserves the same. i know i'll get a little jelous but she needs to do all those fun college things i did my sophomore and junior year with my friends. she needs to form a group of her own friends. and who knows. maybe in vet school i will mesh with someone just as well. aren't there many people out there in the world we would work well with, it just matters who we find first. i don't know really.
i just know that right now christina is all i can imagine for the moment but also much more than just that. i want her to be my own and i want to love her and treat her right. i know that should be obvious but i dont think so in this world anymore. we have to seek out the people in our lives that actually want to treat us compassionately rather than them just simply showing up. well christina found me and i am going to try and keep her around if i can. truly, i just want to make her happy and to be happy with me. i don't think that is too much to ask.
alright, now back to reality for a while...
but over this last semester a lot of really amazing things have happened to me. i got an interview at western university, yeah i only got wait listed there but really that was my fault for not getting everything in on time. they liked me a lot i know, and if i had had my shit together i would probably be going there in the fall. but no need to get all upset because i have a new plan now. i'm applying to st. george and ross for january so i can have some time to take biochem over again and work for a while. i think it will be better for me anyway to not do school for at least a couple months.
anyway, aside from school and probably the best thing of all/the reason i'm where i am in the world right now is that i met someone. but not simply just anyone, a woman i feel so close to, so connected to i want to say i almost feel like i could commit the rest of my life to her right here and now. i know, don't get too ahead of yourself taryn, but let me explain.
her name is christina and i've been telling people we met through a mutual friend who thought we would be a really good match but the truth is she found me on okcupid. i know, creepy right? but i made the profile on a whim one insomniac late night back in january and well look what it brought me. happiness. that is all i can say. it brought me real happiness. i am so elated when i am in her presence. she's silly and cute and cares for me just as much as i do for her, which is a new thing for me really. i'm not used to this kind of honest affection. every once in a while it occurs to me that this is all really happening and i just have to tell her how glad i am that she's here with me. she of course thinks that is just the most rediculously sweet thing, which is wonderful because i can just be my crazy dorky self around her and truly it's all okay.
but now for the problem... she's at a different point in her life than me. she's only going to be a sophomore this fall and i just graduated from college. i am going home for a while and possibly off to vet school in january. she has three more years left! so we're all like practically in love already and we just don't know what to do. our happiness is tainted with this bitter reality that we today have 5 days left together before i have to go back to new york for good and she goes to work at a summer camp for the entire summer. meaning even if we did stay together or just stay in contact i wont be able to actually physically see her until mid august. that just sounds terrible. and then after that? who knows. i come up to visit her at school every month or so?! and then what about in vet school? i might not get to see her for months at a time. i want to be with her at all moments of the day. when we are away from each other for a few hours we miss each other already. getting used to seeing each other rarely is going to be a hard change.
but for some reason i have all of this hope that things are going to work out between us. simply because i want it too. i believe that if two people work at it hard enough they can pull through together. but long term separation? i just don't know if i even want to get used to that. it just sounds terrible. and chris is barely 20. she needs to enjoy college and get crazy a little bit, experiment a little bit. i got to do that, she deserves the same. i know i'll get a little jelous but she needs to do all those fun college things i did my sophomore and junior year with my friends. she needs to form a group of her own friends. and who knows. maybe in vet school i will mesh with someone just as well. aren't there many people out there in the world we would work well with, it just matters who we find first. i don't know really.
i just know that right now christina is all i can imagine for the moment but also much more than just that. i want her to be my own and i want to love her and treat her right. i know that should be obvious but i dont think so in this world anymore. we have to seek out the people in our lives that actually want to treat us compassionately rather than them just simply showing up. well christina found me and i am going to try and keep her around if i can. truly, i just want to make her happy and to be happy with me. i don't think that is too much to ask.
alright, now back to reality for a while...