7.......7/04/04
Hey guyysss I'm back. Happy? No. WHATEVER. Anyways. Me either. I tried to stop my dog from eating tic tacs bur that didn't work. I tried to call someone but i got scared and hung up. I did something to stupid so I have to start over again for my long months. Now I'm back to normal. I don't talk as much as usual. I sit and wait expecting something to happen but nothing does. I still waiting around for you, but you never come. So as I sit on my fat ass. I lost 2 pounds. Now I am going to gain it back.I'm reading alot which I guess is good. So far I have read, White oleander, P.S. your cats dead, animal farm, Scar tissue and now I am reading Perks of being a wallflower which I'm almost done. I lost my copy on the plane about a week ago so now I just bought it again. Anyways as you can see my life is SOOO interesting. I have nothing really more to say except for that I am mad at myself and I am feeling more and more sensitive and emo. And I don't let things slide anymore. Like someone today was driving and he didn't do anything wrong but he tried to cut off my brother which made me made so I pulled down my window screaming at him with an simple middle finger to end my rampage. FUN HUH? I am scaring myself mostly probably more than the people around me. I truly am trying not be with the past. As you probably can tell. I'm sorry if I lost contact with most of my friends. I just don't have your number or you never call me. Or you do call me but I don't call you back.
Anyways there is this persisent thing that has been going on and on like a fucking energezer bunny
in my head. I don't know why. Everytime I think about it I break down in cry. I try to think about it
but I can't stop. Since this is my journal I guess I am going to say it here. Some people were with me,
Kody and Nicky. two other people but i forget who they were. We were on our way to the firework
show at church on July the Fourth 2004. It was literally a BEAUTIFUL day. Things were going
smooth it was all well until we see a dog cross the busy road that we were taking. We decided to help
it. We decided to take it to an animal shelter or something. We crossed the road and tried to get the
dog. What we didn't know is that the dog was really scared of people. As soon as we got close to the
dog it started running for the road. Right as it set foot on the street. A van came and hit the dog
literally about 20 feet further from where it got hit. The dog was so scared. It tried to get up. It
whimpered. I can still hear the echoes of him whimpering in my ears. I try to make the sound go
away but everytime I think back into my memories I think of the dog and the impact of the car. It
was so sudden. All we wanted to do was help it. We didn't want anything more than that. I felt like
the dog that had been hit by a car. I remember that black skinny dog's face. I remember the blood
dripping down. I remember the way to the hospital making sure its still breathing. I remember
leaving the dog there knowing that maybe nobody would want that dog because it was too old. I
remember his name. Seven.
I FUCKING HATE PEOPLE THAT ABUSE ANYTHING THAT IS LIVING.