Fault Lines
I tried to hide behind anger to make myself feel better. I called her everything I could so I'd believe it was true. I did go through hell for her but the fact that I did all of that for her makes it hard to believe she was using me, even though obviously, she was.
I came close to breaking down in one of my classes today. One of my teachers came over to ask if I was alright, I said I was, just was having some problems on the work. Yeah, how believable that was. So many people tell me now that I look sad, and they're right to an extent. I don't think sad describes it properly. I haven't felt more worthless since... ever.
After my episode at school today, I decided I am going to try and seek counseling/therapy. It's really been a long time coming and this was the final event to break me (and the worst one too). I feel some of my old self-destruction tendencies coming back, so I want to get rid of them before they consume me.
I'm trying my best to enjoy my days, but it's much too hard to. My false happy exterior is practically invisible at the moment and my inner torment is bleeding through.
Looks like I get my car on Sunday. Not like I can drive and see the person I want to though.
I came close to breaking down in one of my classes today. One of my teachers came over to ask if I was alright, I said I was, just was having some problems on the work. Yeah, how believable that was. So many people tell me now that I look sad, and they're right to an extent. I don't think sad describes it properly. I haven't felt more worthless since... ever.
After my episode at school today, I decided I am going to try and seek counseling/therapy. It's really been a long time coming and this was the final event to break me (and the worst one too). I feel some of my old self-destruction tendencies coming back, so I want to get rid of them before they consume me.
I'm trying my best to enjoy my days, but it's much too hard to. My false happy exterior is practically invisible at the moment and my inner torment is bleeding through.
Looks like I get my car on Sunday. Not like I can drive and see the person I want to though.