my fairytale....
I hate this journal. I hate my life. Both are things in which, I want to change but can't. No matter how many journal entries I dispose of and no matter how many changes or decisions I make in life, it will never undo my past, and it will never undo my pain...
I try to think optimistically about my life and future...but, life in general just seems hopeless. It seems that no matter what decisions I decide upon and what feelings I act upon I end up in the same miserable place. This has been my life story...well at least up to this point and I no longer wish to continue each chapter in my life with the same sentences and the same mistakes. I wish to re-write my story, or at least find a happy ending.
There are so many things I would change in my story. I could outline them in detail and re-write things gone bad. I would change my character's home and family. I would re-write my character's whole past and place her in a home where she would be free to be herself and would be loved for who she became. I would erase her pain and replace it with happiness and fond memories. I would make my character loved and valued.
I would replace her heartbreaks with the satisfaction of knowing who she was and what she did wrong. She would know never to make the same mistake twice. I would re-write her fate with current love interests and change it so that he too, loved her and would vow to try. Or I would at least offer the comfort of a friend who would always be near, never far.
I would write such a story in which, she could be proud of and not dread each time she looked at her own life in retrospect. It would be a story not even she would tire from hearing. She would have a story so compelling that it would be that, which she was known for, her story and not her mistakes.
And she would be happy.
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Once upon a time there was a girl and she had all that she could ever ask for.
She lived in a home where her parents and siblings loved her and where she felt safe.
She had friends who were always there for her and brightened her day with each smile on their face.
And she felt complete with or without the love of a boy...which no longer has a face but, remains in her heart.
She was successful and happy, and remembers her pain like a scar. It was once throbbing with pain and now it's memory lurks merely as a reminder of her past and how far she has come. Her scars are what make her human...and her scars are what humble her.
this would be her story not her fairytale.
And she would live happily ever after, with or without the love of her prince.
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This is my fairytale..
which, I know one day, I will write to be true.