This is a tough one. I know that a couple of the things I fear most are a)becoming dependent on Mike for my mental well-being and b)having him feel that I'm dependent on him for my mental well-being. From what he's told me in our conversations on this subject, it's tough for him when I'm feeling especially gross, because he feels like there's nothing he can do to help me and that he's never sure if he's perhaps not part of the problem. It might be the case that D is going through a period where he feels frustrated, because he cares about you so much and wishes there's more he could do? Or maybe, as in Mike's case sometimes, he's starting to feel like your problems might be in reaction to him and it's making him feel kind of shitty. Of course, I'm totally speculating based on my own experiences, but it does at least seem like D just might be going through some kind of uncommunicative phase. From my super-limited perspective, it seems like he owes it to you to at least hear out the things you've said in the post, and given you guys' long history I'm sure he'll come around.
At any rate, good luck with everything. As long as you feel like you'll come out of everything fine, you will.
though i know in the past it has been an issue that he felt like there was nothing he could do, but even then i told him that it wasnt up to him, and he knew that it wasnt, and i knew that it wasnt, its up to me myself. hes now just reached a point where he doesnt want to be by me at all, or have a relationship, because of this problem of mine. which has gotten better, which i work on, but he refuses to admit or see this. flat out refuses. he doesnt hear me out at all. i wish he could have brought this to my attention in a way where we could sensibly talk about it and tell both sides, air everything out in a way where it is a constructive talk with input from both of us, like most couples do when they face a problem. instead he brought it to my attention and just said theres nothing i can do, we can do, he doesnt know if he wants to do anything, and i have no input, i have no affect. its not a give and take, its barely even a talk because he doesnt open his mind to anything i say, its like everything bounces off of him. i understand and i agree with him on a lot of things. i dont think that concerns are not valid. but he has his perceptions, which he sometimes admits are cloudy, and his negative picture, and he is closed off to anything else. its not even a discussion. its just him deciding. and i agree, i think the past that we have should mean something, but he doesnt even think it was worth anything. that he should give me a little more in this, that he should open his mind to try and at least see the things i do. but theres no point in talking to him. its useless. i just have to leave him alone now to come to the conclusion that is already so clear from him. and i will leave him alone. yesterday was really hard, because i wanted to understand, and i wanted to ask him questions. and i didnt want to, because i dont want to badger him because that isnt going to help. but last night he told me to talk to him because i was upset, but then he got mad at me for talking to him because it was keeping him from sleeping, and i went away, though it was hard once i started, he was the one who told me to talk. ive been trying hard to keep it together, and i havent been keeping him from going anywhere with trying to carry on or not letting things go. and try to talk rationally and i dont blame and im not mad and i try to see things from his perspective, and im not screaming "why are you doing this" or any of that crap. the more i think about things, which im trying not to do, the more i think the more i think i understand. i understand what he is feeling. i really do. and there is still part of me that thinks that just because he feels those ways, that doesnt mean we cant try. but to him i guess it seems that we cant, or that he doesnt want to. and i like being able to understand. and i know that i will be okay. and i keep telling myself that and i believe it, because i have before, and even though befores were different, im different, and ive gotten better, and ive felt hopeless before, and i was wrong, because i met Dustin. and it hurts now i have to go through this again, because i didnt want to be with him or anyone because of this very sort of thing. i tried quitting before because i didnt want to go through pain. i didnt want to risk this happening. but i know it takes risks to get anything. and it wont be the last risk i make.
I don't know, if Dustin is serious about "giving up" on you or thinking that he can't do anything to help you, it sounds like maybe he's not the person you should be with, at least not right now. From my far-off perspective, it seems like up until recently he's been really great & supportive and has all of a sudden flipped out on you a little bit. Maybe he's dealing with his own shit and is too proud/emotionally guarded to talk it over with you? At any rate, you definitely don't deserve to be with someone who refuses to communicate about something so important. I do really hope you guys are able to talk these things out eventually, though! Even if it turns out that the two of you are better off without one another, it's always good to clear the air about these things.
At any rate, good luck with everything. As long as you feel like you'll come out of everything fine, you will.
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flat out refuses. he doesnt hear me out at all. i wish he could have brought this to my attention in a way where we could sensibly talk about it and tell both sides, air everything out in a way where it is a constructive talk with input from both of us, like most couples do when they face a problem. instead he brought it to my attention and just said theres nothing i can do, we can do, he doesnt know if he wants to do anything, and i have no input, i have no affect. its not a give and take, its barely even a talk because he doesnt open his mind to anything i say, its like everything bounces off of him. i understand and i agree with him on a lot of things. i dont think that concerns are not valid. but he has his perceptions, which he sometimes admits are cloudy, and his negative picture, and he is closed off to anything else. its not even a discussion. its just him deciding.
and i agree, i think the past that we have should mean something, but he doesnt even think it was worth anything. that he should give me a little more in this, that he should open his mind to try and at least see the things i do. but theres no point in talking to him. its useless. i just have to leave him alone now to come to the conclusion that is already so clear from him.
and i will leave him alone. yesterday was really hard, because i wanted to understand, and i wanted to ask him questions. and i didnt want to, because i dont want to badger him because that isnt going to help. but last night he told me to talk to him because i was upset, but then he got mad at me for talking to him because it was keeping him from sleeping, and i went away, though it was hard once i started, he was the one who told me to talk. ive been trying hard to keep it together, and i havent been keeping him from going anywhere with trying to carry on or not letting things go. and try to talk rationally and i dont blame and im not mad and i try to see things from his perspective, and im not screaming "why are you doing this" or any of that crap. the more i think about things, which im trying not to do, the more i think the more i think i understand. i understand what he is feeling. i really do. and there is still part of me that thinks that just because he feels those ways, that doesnt mean we cant try. but to him i guess it seems that we cant, or that he doesnt want to.
and i like being able to understand. and i know that i will be okay. and i keep telling myself that and i believe it, because i have before, and even though befores were different, im different, and ive gotten better, and ive felt hopeless before, and i was wrong, because i met Dustin. and it hurts now i have to go through this again, because i didnt want to be with him or anyone because of this very sort of thing. i tried quitting before because i didnt want to go through pain. i didnt want to risk this happening. but i know it takes risks to get anything. and it wont be the last risk i make.
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