(no subject)

[noteventrying]

its funny how i look back to may when i was so broken hearted about the same thing that is bothering me at this very moment. i guess things all really do come back at some point... i still feel like shit now but i have changed a few things about the way i look at things now. before all i wanted was to be with her i didn't care about how any one else felt i just wanted to be selfish and that's not the way to look at things... she is my best friend would i love to be with her.... yes i would. but i don't know if i could do it now... i miss the little things about this girl which is something new... if i never get to talk to her again that would be horrible but if for some reason you happen to read this i hope you understand that i never meant for anything like this to happen and idk how to describe how mush i wish things were different... what i would give just to be able to talk to you and hear your voice 1 more time I'm truly sorry that everything has happened and that I've become such a big disappointment to you... i meant nothing but the best... if we never talk again i hope that all your dreams come true because u made so many of mine come true in such a short amount of time and id like to think if we had more time in each others live you could have finished that list...i loved you with all my heart and i hope it doesn't leave me a heartless ass whole that hates everything because all i want is to be a 1/16th of the amount of happy i was with you and i could live with that.... some one reading this would think that i have built you up in my head 2 much that's why I'm having so my trouble with this... but they have never meet you... you were my only reason for getting out of bed most mornings in a time in my life where i needed that... THANK YOU!

i guess i will end this the only real way i know how to... if you do read this please don't look at this any other way than the way i intend it to be.... this is me feeling horrible about loosing my best friend the person i could tell anything to the person that with just the sound of her voice made my worse days instantly better. this is not a sappy way at trying to win anyone back or get anyone to sleep with me... it is a way of me trying to cope with loss in the only way i know how to because the only one i want to talk to about it isn't talking to me... i guess that's poetic justice...if karma is real i must have been some kind of asshole and its all coming back to get me... or hopefully its giving my such a hard time so i enjoy the good when i get it