To my friend's significant other
Dear Asshat K,
I know that my previous outburst to you when you and R were fighting is still pretty memorable for you, as she has mentioned it to me recently. Even though I'm not very articulate when I'm angry, I get very defensive of my friends and will not hesitate to lash out against anyone who hurts them…regardless of how stupid I sound in the process.
So, after that short preamble, here I go again. Except, I may be a little more coherent this time. Be warned.
R may not be perfect, but she is an intelligent, caring, and beautiful person who deserves some respect from the man she calls her boyfriend. You are incredibly lucky that she reconciled with you considering the disconnected, taunting attitude you gave to her emotional state in the past. While you seem to care for her and be there for her as you should most of the time, I am disturbed to hear of the things that come out of your mouth occasionally.
I don't know where you get the idea that R needs to lose weight. Please stop treating her as if you are dating someone like me - a person who actually *does* need to lose weight and attain better health. At her height, body type, and age, R is at a fine, healthy weight. And you telling her otherwise is dangerous and cruel. I don't know from where you get the idea that healthy is equivalent to skinny, or that the living, breathing clothes hangers that media idiots call models are a standard to which real women should hold themselves, but this entire concept is fucking retarded. People like you drive women to eating disorders, except - oh wait - you actually want her to eat, too. Well, you can't have your cake and eat it, too.
You seem like a pretty smart guy, so this whole fixation with forcing someone you care about to try to become your arm candy or fit some ridiculous mold is infuriating. How can you possibly justify the things you say to her? It's not like you're on anyone's short list of most eligible bachelors. Hawaiian Tropic Bikini Girl fantasies are best left in high school, because the reality is that you are likely never going to get that type of girl.
And I'm sorry but - "past her prime"? Excuse me? Who the hell are you - a figure skating coach? Gymnastics enthusiast? Pedophile? That's the most astronomically absurd thing that I've heard in a long, long time. I don't know what you hoped to accomplish by spewing forth such stupidity, but all you've managed to do is leave a black mark on R's memory. No one can forget it when someone says something that outrageous. She's 23, not 50 -- and even 50 is not past the prime of a lot of people. You should be flogged for this.
I don't know if these remarks are a defense mechanism - you putting off your insecurity onto R - but they need to stop. She has enough problems without her equally imperfect significant other making her doubt herself in these ways. You can either get your shit together, GROW UP (because ultimately, this point of view is an indisputable demonstration of immaturity) and accept her, entirely, for who she is…or you can attempt to see if anyone who fits your laughable "standards" out there will actually put up with your bullshit. It'd be interesting to see if the latter actually works out for you, because your vision of reality and women is very, very skewed.
Waning love,
lilliah
background note: I absolutely screamed myself hoarse at this man because he drove my friend, a bipolar who had just started medication, to tears and despair over something really little...and then taunted her for being so sensitive. I really suck at yelling at people, because my IQ drops by half when I'm angry and I can't get intelligent words out of my mouth. Also, my friend, just for reference because her size is mentioned often, is 5'2" and 120lbs.
I know that my previous outburst to you when you and R were fighting is still pretty memorable for you, as she has mentioned it to me recently. Even though I'm not very articulate when I'm angry, I get very defensive of my friends and will not hesitate to lash out against anyone who hurts them…regardless of how stupid I sound in the process.
So, after that short preamble, here I go again. Except, I may be a little more coherent this time. Be warned.
R may not be perfect, but she is an intelligent, caring, and beautiful person who deserves some respect from the man she calls her boyfriend. You are incredibly lucky that she reconciled with you considering the disconnected, taunting attitude you gave to her emotional state in the past. While you seem to care for her and be there for her as you should most of the time, I am disturbed to hear of the things that come out of your mouth occasionally.
I don't know where you get the idea that R needs to lose weight. Please stop treating her as if you are dating someone like me - a person who actually *does* need to lose weight and attain better health. At her height, body type, and age, R is at a fine, healthy weight. And you telling her otherwise is dangerous and cruel. I don't know from where you get the idea that healthy is equivalent to skinny, or that the living, breathing clothes hangers that media idiots call models are a standard to which real women should hold themselves, but this entire concept is fucking retarded. People like you drive women to eating disorders, except - oh wait - you actually want her to eat, too. Well, you can't have your cake and eat it, too.
You seem like a pretty smart guy, so this whole fixation with forcing someone you care about to try to become your arm candy or fit some ridiculous mold is infuriating. How can you possibly justify the things you say to her? It's not like you're on anyone's short list of most eligible bachelors. Hawaiian Tropic Bikini Girl fantasies are best left in high school, because the reality is that you are likely never going to get that type of girl.
And I'm sorry but - "past her prime"? Excuse me? Who the hell are you - a figure skating coach? Gymnastics enthusiast? Pedophile? That's the most astronomically absurd thing that I've heard in a long, long time. I don't know what you hoped to accomplish by spewing forth such stupidity, but all you've managed to do is leave a black mark on R's memory. No one can forget it when someone says something that outrageous. She's 23, not 50 -- and even 50 is not past the prime of a lot of people. You should be flogged for this.
I don't know if these remarks are a defense mechanism - you putting off your insecurity onto R - but they need to stop. She has enough problems without her equally imperfect significant other making her doubt herself in these ways. You can either get your shit together, GROW UP (because ultimately, this point of view is an indisputable demonstration of immaturity) and accept her, entirely, for who she is…or you can attempt to see if anyone who fits your laughable "standards" out there will actually put up with your bullshit. It'd be interesting to see if the latter actually works out for you, because your vision of reality and women is very, very skewed.
Waning love,
lilliah
background note: I absolutely screamed myself hoarse at this man because he drove my friend, a bipolar who had just started medication, to tears and despair over something really little...and then taunted her for being so sensitive. I really suck at yelling at people, because my IQ drops by half when I'm angry and I can't get intelligent words out of my mouth. Also, my friend, just for reference because her size is mentioned often, is 5'2" and 120lbs.