Shotgun Post
All day long I'll think of dozens of things I want to post to LJ. The moment I open a window to do so, everything flees.
Medical:
Why don't we start with my back, because that's pretty foremost on my mind right now. I am seriously fucking tired. I had an epidural cortisone injection. If you've ever laid on a table and tried to be very still while a doctor with an X-Ray machine slowly and methodically tried to place a needle right in your spine and then not so slowly inject it full of goo, you know what sweet hell the procedure is. If you haven't, it's pretty much as bad as it sounds. There's a shot of Novocain to go with it, but it's still pretty hellish.
So we were really hoping that that would work like some sort of SuperPrednisone and would reduce the swelling in the disc and make things better.
It did not.
I put off a follow-up appointment for as long as I could because I knew what would come of it. I finally had that appointment last Monday. Guess who's got two thumbs and a referral to a spinal surgeon! This Guy!!! Oh yeah. (I'm making Dawny take care of that because I just can't deal with it right now.)
Just fucking kill me and be done with it.
In the mean time, I'm on some weird anti-seizure meds now because they're supposed to deaden the nerves. Haven't taken enough to have any real effect yet, but I'm looking forward to this fuckery.
LJ Idol/Writing:
The prompt is "Sometimes Why."
I don't know what to do with that. Pretty damn close to Top 20, though, that's fun.
Usually when the prompt doesn't make sense, I have something else I wanted to post anyway and I find a connection to the topic later. I don't have anything in particular I want to write about right now, though.
I can see a quiet conversation, I guess... I don't know.
The last pair of entries really made me want to write more fiction, though. Not necessarily for Idol, just for funsies. Fiction fires certain parts of my brain that, apparently, don't get a lot of use otherwise. I was actually dreaming about the last story while it was being written, that was kind of fun.
Stupit:
I'm hungry.
I want Thai food.
Pain:
No, really. This sucks. It's been over a year now.
Over a year of non-stop, relentless pain. Some days it's not so bad, more often it's excruciating, but it's always exhausting.
Six months ago I had a post I was working on in my head about how liberating chronic pain is. Because sure, crawling through tunnels hurts, but when sitting on the couch hurts too, you can do whatever the hell you want, right?
Maybe not.
Twelve months of pain. Twelve months of limited physical activity. Twelve months of not being able to run around and throw Hunter all about. Twelve months of drinking too much because it makes it hurt a little less.
I am so fucking tired, I just want it to stop.
And I know that surgery is the best thing, at this point. God knows I've tried everything else. But I don't want to do that again. I don't want some jackass rooting around in my spine again. Given the location of said rooting, it's not like he could paralyze me, but he could still do some pretty extensive damage. I just want Hunter to have his old Dad back. His better Dad.
I hate this.
I want to crawl into a dark hole and lie down and just let it all slip away.
Also:
I don't want to have to go to work anymore. I want to government to pay me a shit-ton of money for doing nothing.
Medical:
Why don't we start with my back, because that's pretty foremost on my mind right now. I am seriously fucking tired. I had an epidural cortisone injection. If you've ever laid on a table and tried to be very still while a doctor with an X-Ray machine slowly and methodically tried to place a needle right in your spine and then not so slowly inject it full of goo, you know what sweet hell the procedure is. If you haven't, it's pretty much as bad as it sounds. There's a shot of Novocain to go with it, but it's still pretty hellish.
So we were really hoping that that would work like some sort of SuperPrednisone and would reduce the swelling in the disc and make things better.
It did not.
I put off a follow-up appointment for as long as I could because I knew what would come of it. I finally had that appointment last Monday. Guess who's got two thumbs and a referral to a spinal surgeon! This Guy!!! Oh yeah. (I'm making Dawny take care of that because I just can't deal with it right now.)
Just fucking kill me and be done with it.
In the mean time, I'm on some weird anti-seizure meds now because they're supposed to deaden the nerves. Haven't taken enough to have any real effect yet, but I'm looking forward to this fuckery.
LJ Idol/Writing:
The prompt is "Sometimes Why."
I don't know what to do with that. Pretty damn close to Top 20, though, that's fun.
Usually when the prompt doesn't make sense, I have something else I wanted to post anyway and I find a connection to the topic later. I don't have anything in particular I want to write about right now, though.
I can see a quiet conversation, I guess... I don't know.
The last pair of entries really made me want to write more fiction, though. Not necessarily for Idol, just for funsies. Fiction fires certain parts of my brain that, apparently, don't get a lot of use otherwise. I was actually dreaming about the last story while it was being written, that was kind of fun.
Stupit:
I'm hungry.
I want Thai food.
Pain:
No, really. This sucks. It's been over a year now.
Over a year of non-stop, relentless pain. Some days it's not so bad, more often it's excruciating, but it's always exhausting.
Six months ago I had a post I was working on in my head about how liberating chronic pain is. Because sure, crawling through tunnels hurts, but when sitting on the couch hurts too, you can do whatever the hell you want, right?
Maybe not.
Twelve months of pain. Twelve months of limited physical activity. Twelve months of not being able to run around and throw Hunter all about. Twelve months of drinking too much because it makes it hurt a little less.
I am so fucking tired, I just want it to stop.
And I know that surgery is the best thing, at this point. God knows I've tried everything else. But I don't want to do that again. I don't want some jackass rooting around in my spine again. Given the location of said rooting, it's not like he could paralyze me, but he could still do some pretty extensive damage. I just want Hunter to have his old Dad back. His better Dad.
I hate this.
I want to crawl into a dark hole and lie down and just let it all slip away.
Also:
I don't want to have to go to work anymore. I want to government to pay me a shit-ton of money for doing nothing.