Adventure Tuesday!: Yelling at Youths
Adventure Tuesday! Now Featuring: My Sister.
People often (never) ask me, "Hey NotBatman, do you yell at a lot of teenagers while you're on an Adventure?" And the answer is, "Not too many, no."
Another thing people often (never) ask me is, "Hey NotBatman, do you run into a lot of fuck-tards with guns on an Adventure?" And again, the answer is, "Not a lot, no."
But now and then, every once in a while, you have an Adventure where both of these things happen.
Once again, we were in Purina, poking in all of the dark places looking for a way up to the big roof. Deep inside The Long Dark there is a stairwell that goes up which would be perfect, if they weren't completely destroyed. It looks like someone threw some gigantic heavy thing down from the top that crushed the stairs all the way down. Except there's nothing at the bottom (besides fucked up stairs). It's kind of creepy. So we were poking about in all the corners and even some of the holes, looking for some sort of utility access when I saw lights and movement toward the entrance. Two people for sure with a third possible.
We skulked in the shadows to get a look and I could see they were dressed casually and were clearly younger. I started making noises, thinking they might pick up on it, but no one ever does. They turned a magical corner where I thought they were in one spot but, apparently, they weren't. I decided to go out and introduce myself. We've met taggers in Purina, we met some kids taking school pictures (or something) in Pig Nut. The best, easiest way to deal with other people being inside with you (after confirming they aren't cops or that they're not especially freaky) is to just walk up and introduce yourself in as non-threatening a manner as possible.
I somehow lost track of where they were or maybe they went into the basement by another route, but while I was banging around in one area, MPuzzle and my sister met up with them in another. MPuzzle got my attention, though I didn't hear what was said, so I came over with a friendly smile to introduce ourselves to the three young men who were in the place with us.
And that's when I saw that one of them had a shotgun and the other two had machine guns.
My friendly smile evaporated and I stormed out of The Long Dark yelling at them, "You brought BB guns into an abandoned mill? You bunch of fucking tools, what the hell is wrong with you??!!"
Three teenage boys shrunk a little bit.
"Do you even have any fucking eye protection??"
"Uh, er, whut?"
"Eye protection," motherfucker, "do you have any?"
"Uh, yeah, I've, uh..."
"It's not shop goggles, right? Tell me you're not using shop goggles for eye protection. Christ, you guys are going to fuck each other up bad."
I went off on them like I was their Dad. It was funny and a little sad. MPuzzle punctuated my yelling with a few well placed bits of rationalism, mostly offering "Shouty's right, you know. You guys are really stupid. If I was a cop I wouldn't have hesitated to draw down on you."
"And if I was a cop, we wouldn't be having this conversation," I added, "because I'd be having it with your mothers!" I stopped there and had that moment of clarity where I just then realized what I sounded like. Every Stereotypical Old Man yelling at Youths. As an aside to MPuzzle and my sister I said, "Oh my god, listen to me."
"And stay off our lawn," MPuzzle offered.
It doesn't work into the story at alll, but it's important that you all know that all the while that I'm yelling at these kids, I'm holding a thousand-year-old fly swatter that I picked up somewhere along the way. Because I thought it would be funny.
When asked if they were playing in here, we tried to direct them to the Minnesota Airsoft Association. Not that I want these assholes anywhere near there, but better than having them shot by cops on the street going to or from an abandoned fucking mill to play. "Go play in a real game, do it right. Please don't do this. For fuck's sake don't play in a place where you could fall through a fucking hole in the floor!"
They stammered that they weren't playing, they brought the guns for "protection" because "someone told us we should be prepared inside."
"Protection!" I yelled. "Are you fucking kidding me with this shit? You don't bring a fucking BB gun for protection, that's just going to piss a hobo off!" Yes, I'm classy. Heat of the moment. Don't worry about it. "You bring a fucking knife for protection, a taser, pepper spray. Something that has some reasonable chance of offering protection. Not a fucking BB gun."
I paused a moment before launching into the real problem with their approach. "And if you're going to use a fucking BB gun, get a goddamn pistol for fuck's sake! This fucking kid has an MP5! No one's going to fucking believe that shit! Did you see how scared we were? Get a Beretta, man, something that looks like it might be plausible! Christ!"
In the end we parted ways in a decidedly non-amiable fashion. We went back into The Long Dark and they followed us a little way.
So, naturally, I started yelling at them again. "No! Uh-uh. This is our side, you stay the fuck out!"
"We were just going to the stairs..."
"There are better stairs back that way. Get the fuck out of here." They veered off, not taking the stairs I directed them to, but getting out of the area we were in too, so it was good enough. The Adventure ended not long after that and we never found an inside route to the top of the building. We poked out on a variety of low roofs here and there, and there seems to be a series of external ladders and sub-roofs that would lead us to the top, but no one really felt like waiting around until it was dark enough to make an external climb on a busy street.
We left, still kind of laughing at Old Man Tripod yelling at teenagers and enjoyed a lovely dinner and a broad spectrum of beers. Busters has too goddamn many good beers, that's all there is to it. And I want to try them all. It's bad, yo. It was fun having my sister along for an Adventure. About a month ago I was telling my family tales of Adventures and she expressed an interest. Next thing you know, there's three of us crawling around weird old shit. Plus it's just nice to get to see her more. Because my sister rocks.
(People often ask me if I have any words of advice for young people. And I do: Don't be a fuck-tard!)
People often (never) ask me, "Hey NotBatman, do you yell at a lot of teenagers while you're on an Adventure?" And the answer is, "Not too many, no."
Another thing people often (never) ask me is, "Hey NotBatman, do you run into a lot of fuck-tards with guns on an Adventure?" And again, the answer is, "Not a lot, no."
But now and then, every once in a while, you have an Adventure where both of these things happen.
Once again, we were in Purina, poking in all of the dark places looking for a way up to the big roof. Deep inside The Long Dark there is a stairwell that goes up which would be perfect, if they weren't completely destroyed. It looks like someone threw some gigantic heavy thing down from the top that crushed the stairs all the way down. Except there's nothing at the bottom (besides fucked up stairs). It's kind of creepy. So we were poking about in all the corners and even some of the holes, looking for some sort of utility access when I saw lights and movement toward the entrance. Two people for sure with a third possible.
We skulked in the shadows to get a look and I could see they were dressed casually and were clearly younger. I started making noises, thinking they might pick up on it, but no one ever does. They turned a magical corner where I thought they were in one spot but, apparently, they weren't. I decided to go out and introduce myself. We've met taggers in Purina, we met some kids taking school pictures (or something) in Pig Nut. The best, easiest way to deal with other people being inside with you (after confirming they aren't cops or that they're not especially freaky) is to just walk up and introduce yourself in as non-threatening a manner as possible.
I somehow lost track of where they were or maybe they went into the basement by another route, but while I was banging around in one area, MPuzzle and my sister met up with them in another. MPuzzle got my attention, though I didn't hear what was said, so I came over with a friendly smile to introduce ourselves to the three young men who were in the place with us.
And that's when I saw that one of them had a shotgun and the other two had machine guns.
My friendly smile evaporated and I stormed out of The Long Dark yelling at them, "You brought BB guns into an abandoned mill? You bunch of fucking tools, what the hell is wrong with you??!!"
Three teenage boys shrunk a little bit.
"Do you even have any fucking eye protection??"
"Uh, er, whut?"
"Eye protection," motherfucker, "do you have any?"
"Uh, yeah, I've, uh..."
"It's not shop goggles, right? Tell me you're not using shop goggles for eye protection. Christ, you guys are going to fuck each other up bad."
I went off on them like I was their Dad. It was funny and a little sad. MPuzzle punctuated my yelling with a few well placed bits of rationalism, mostly offering "Shouty's right, you know. You guys are really stupid. If I was a cop I wouldn't have hesitated to draw down on you."
"And if I was a cop, we wouldn't be having this conversation," I added, "because I'd be having it with your mothers!" I stopped there and had that moment of clarity where I just then realized what I sounded like. Every Stereotypical Old Man yelling at Youths. As an aside to MPuzzle and my sister I said, "Oh my god, listen to me."
"And stay off our lawn," MPuzzle offered.
It doesn't work into the story at alll, but it's important that you all know that all the while that I'm yelling at these kids, I'm holding a thousand-year-old fly swatter that I picked up somewhere along the way. Because I thought it would be funny.
When asked if they were playing in here, we tried to direct them to the Minnesota Airsoft Association. Not that I want these assholes anywhere near there, but better than having them shot by cops on the street going to or from an abandoned fucking mill to play. "Go play in a real game, do it right. Please don't do this. For fuck's sake don't play in a place where you could fall through a fucking hole in the floor!"
They stammered that they weren't playing, they brought the guns for "protection" because "someone told us we should be prepared inside."
"Protection!" I yelled. "Are you fucking kidding me with this shit? You don't bring a fucking BB gun for protection, that's just going to piss a hobo off!" Yes, I'm classy. Heat of the moment. Don't worry about it. "You bring a fucking knife for protection, a taser, pepper spray. Something that has some reasonable chance of offering protection. Not a fucking BB gun."
I paused a moment before launching into the real problem with their approach. "And if you're going to use a fucking BB gun, get a goddamn pistol for fuck's sake! This fucking kid has an MP5! No one's going to fucking believe that shit! Did you see how scared we were? Get a Beretta, man, something that looks like it might be plausible! Christ!"
In the end we parted ways in a decidedly non-amiable fashion. We went back into The Long Dark and they followed us a little way.
So, naturally, I started yelling at them again. "No! Uh-uh. This is our side, you stay the fuck out!"
"We were just going to the stairs..."
"There are better stairs back that way. Get the fuck out of here." They veered off, not taking the stairs I directed them to, but getting out of the area we were in too, so it was good enough. The Adventure ended not long after that and we never found an inside route to the top of the building. We poked out on a variety of low roofs here and there, and there seems to be a series of external ladders and sub-roofs that would lead us to the top, but no one really felt like waiting around until it was dark enough to make an external climb on a busy street.
We left, still kind of laughing at Old Man Tripod yelling at teenagers and enjoyed a lovely dinner and a broad spectrum of beers. Busters has too goddamn many good beers, that's all there is to it. And I want to try them all. It's bad, yo. It was fun having my sister along for an Adventure. About a month ago I was telling my family tales of Adventures and she expressed an interest. Next thing you know, there's three of us crawling around weird old shit. Plus it's just nice to get to see her more. Because my sister rocks.
(People often ask me if I have any words of advice for young people. And I do: Don't be a fuck-tard!)