In which I hate my bank[s] so hard.
Let me explain to you my latest frustration.
Back last year when all the banks in America were all ZOMG TEH WURLD IZ ENDIGN!, two local Pittsburgh banks merged, or bought one another out or SOME SUCH. It actually led my dad to close his bank account because he was suddenly terrified the banks would all close, and he'd never see his $300 or whatever he had in his account again. It's somewhat frustrating because NOW I have to go cash his checks for him. Whatevs.
Anyway, I had both my checking account and my car loan account with Bank A, which was, in turn, bought out during the HUGE EPIC SUPER FAIL FINANCIAL CRISIS by Bank B. Over the course of the last few months, I got some notifications in the mail, including new check cards. Lovely. Everything was still gravy, however, and the official changeover did not kick in until 11-09-09.
November 9th came and went, and aside from having a new orange check card, my life changed not all. I registered with Bank B's website and loaded my account up and everything was working just fine (although, that took a MILD amount of doing because Bank A's website was supposed to AUTOMATICALLY kick me over to Bank B and help me set up my account, and it did not because they are terrible. I figured it out enough to do it myself. BFD).
Until the end of November when I tried to pay on my Installment loan.
If I logged in under my account at Bank A, I could see my loan on my car. And if I tried to pay it, it would tell me I couldn't, because I did not have an account. My checking account as at $0 and was no longer active. Well, that's right. It became part of Bank B.
So I would log in under Bank B to find...no installment loan at all. Not listed anywhere. I headed out to the bank and asked what was going on. After several minutes of messing around on his computer, the teller told me that he could SEE my loan account, but could not DO anything to it because it still belonged to Bank A, and he was now Bank B. There were now no more Bank A's in Pennsylvania. But! No matter! I could go home and set up and online bill pay to have my account take care of the payment.
So I did. I went home and I found all the info and all the account numbers I needed, and I set up an online Bill Pay from Bank B to my installment loan at Bank B (Bee Tee Dubs...don't you love how cryptic I'm being, like someone out there who hasn't de-friended me here yet is going to STEAL MY IDENTITY if I give away the simple NAMES OF MY BANKS. Online carefulness is usually not my style, but this is bank shit, yo). All settled.
Until 4 days later, when I came home from work and checked my mail.
Whereupon I had a check.
From me.
To me.
For my car loan.
Bank B's online bill pay SENT ME A CHECK FROM MY OWN ACCOUNT as a way of "paying" my installment loan.
(To be fair [fair-ish], the check was made out to Bank A Installment Loans Account [Number]. At my address. Because, CLEARLY, I AM A BANK)
So I took this check to Bank B and asked WTF it was.
The teller lady had no idea.
Her manager had no idea.
No idea why it was sent to me, or why a check had even been cut in the first place instead of a simple account credit. But there it was, plain as day. We all had a good laugh about the silliness of it all, and Bank B--still incapable of paying a loan they DID NOT inherit from Bank A with my checking account that they DID--told me to call Bank A and set up a payment by phone.
I called Bank A and explain the situation to them. Here is my mental recollection of what happened:
Lady: Hi, this is Unmemorable Name for Bank A. How may I fuck you in your colon today?
Me: Hi, yes, allow me to explain this whole situation to you.
Lady: Oh, that fills me with phony sympathy. Let's set up a pay-by-phone for you.
Me: Yes, let's.
Lady: There will be a $15 Western Union fee for paying by phone.
Me: ..............Yeah, but there won't.
Lady: Well, if you want to avoid the fee, you can pay by mail by sending in a check.
Me: I don't....I don't OWN checks. I haven't had a check in two years. I pay everything online. EXCEPT THIS ALL OF THE SUDDEN.
Lady: Well then you will have to pay the $15 fee.
Me: *hangs up*
The next day, I decided to try back. I called Bank A again and started into my spiel, whereupon Unhelpful Phone Man placed me "on hold" which was ACTUALLY transferring me to the automated Pay By Phone menu WHICH WANTED TO CHARGE ME A $15 FEE. I hung up AGAIN.
So I called back Monday night, and spoke to a MUCH MORE HELPFUL representative, who transferred me to his supervisor. They both agreed I should NOT be charged a fee for something I used to do for FREE until these two banks decided to split my accounts like Solomon splits babies. Here is the NEXT mental transcript:
Supervisor: Let's set up this fee-free payment for you. What are your Bank B account and routing numbers?
Me: I don't know that. I am in my car. I have my check card to read to you (I WAS PARKED, I WAS PARKED; don't give me any crap for this).
Supervisor: We need your account numbers; we can't use your card.
Me: OH MY GOD.
Supervisor: Call us back when you get the numbers!
SO. I called back Tuesday night. AT 6:30. THIS IS HIGHLY RELEVANT. And I spoke to a girl whom was filled with very realistic phony sympathy. And told me that she would be happy to take my payment sans fee, but she'd have to transfer me to the lending department, WHICH CLOSED AT 6:00PM SO PLEASE CALL BACK TOMORROW.
Believe it or not, I did--DID!--finally get everything taken care of yesterday. I called, talked to a person, and got transferred to the lending department. I didn't even mention the $15 fee, and neither did they, so if they charged me for it, I have no idea. And by this point, I didn't even WANT to bring up the daily late fee of x-amount of cents per day I had been accruing since the last week of November. Who cares? I paid off my car--I only had THREE MORE PAYMENTS TO GO when all this started--so hopefully, I will be done with them forever. You can bet I am keeping the confirmation number the very last person gave me.......I don't trust these people to do ANYTHING right.
Back last year when all the banks in America were all ZOMG TEH WURLD IZ ENDIGN!, two local Pittsburgh banks merged, or bought one another out or SOME SUCH. It actually led my dad to close his bank account because he was suddenly terrified the banks would all close, and he'd never see his $300 or whatever he had in his account again. It's somewhat frustrating because NOW I have to go cash his checks for him. Whatevs.
Anyway, I had both my checking account and my car loan account with Bank A, which was, in turn, bought out during the HUGE EPIC SUPER FAIL FINANCIAL CRISIS by Bank B. Over the course of the last few months, I got some notifications in the mail, including new check cards. Lovely. Everything was still gravy, however, and the official changeover did not kick in until 11-09-09.
November 9th came and went, and aside from having a new orange check card, my life changed not all. I registered with Bank B's website and loaded my account up and everything was working just fine (although, that took a MILD amount of doing because Bank A's website was supposed to AUTOMATICALLY kick me over to Bank B and help me set up my account, and it did not because they are terrible. I figured it out enough to do it myself. BFD).
Until the end of November when I tried to pay on my Installment loan.
If I logged in under my account at Bank A, I could see my loan on my car. And if I tried to pay it, it would tell me I couldn't, because I did not have an account. My checking account as at $0 and was no longer active. Well, that's right. It became part of Bank B.
So I would log in under Bank B to find...no installment loan at all. Not listed anywhere. I headed out to the bank and asked what was going on. After several minutes of messing around on his computer, the teller told me that he could SEE my loan account, but could not DO anything to it because it still belonged to Bank A, and he was now Bank B. There were now no more Bank A's in Pennsylvania. But! No matter! I could go home and set up and online bill pay to have my account take care of the payment.
So I did. I went home and I found all the info and all the account numbers I needed, and I set up an online Bill Pay from Bank B to my installment loan at Bank B (Bee Tee Dubs...don't you love how cryptic I'm being, like someone out there who hasn't de-friended me here yet is going to STEAL MY IDENTITY if I give away the simple NAMES OF MY BANKS. Online carefulness is usually not my style, but this is bank shit, yo). All settled.
Until 4 days later, when I came home from work and checked my mail.
Whereupon I had a check.
From me.
To me.
For my car loan.
Bank B's online bill pay SENT ME A CHECK FROM MY OWN ACCOUNT as a way of "paying" my installment loan.
(To be fair [fair-ish], the check was made out to Bank A Installment Loans Account [Number]. At my address. Because, CLEARLY, I AM A BANK)
So I took this check to Bank B and asked WTF it was.
The teller lady had no idea.
Her manager had no idea.
No idea why it was sent to me, or why a check had even been cut in the first place instead of a simple account credit. But there it was, plain as day. We all had a good laugh about the silliness of it all, and Bank B--still incapable of paying a loan they DID NOT inherit from Bank A with my checking account that they DID--told me to call Bank A and set up a payment by phone.
I called Bank A and explain the situation to them. Here is my mental recollection of what happened:
Lady: Hi, this is Unmemorable Name for Bank A. How may I fuck you in your colon today?
Me: Hi, yes, allow me to explain this whole situation to you.
Lady: Oh, that fills me with phony sympathy. Let's set up a pay-by-phone for you.
Me: Yes, let's.
Lady: There will be a $15 Western Union fee for paying by phone.
Me: ..............Yeah, but there won't.
Lady: Well, if you want to avoid the fee, you can pay by mail by sending in a check.
Me: I don't....I don't OWN checks. I haven't had a check in two years. I pay everything online. EXCEPT THIS ALL OF THE SUDDEN.
Lady: Well then you will have to pay the $15 fee.
Me: *hangs up*
The next day, I decided to try back. I called Bank A again and started into my spiel, whereupon Unhelpful Phone Man placed me "on hold" which was ACTUALLY transferring me to the automated Pay By Phone menu WHICH WANTED TO CHARGE ME A $15 FEE. I hung up AGAIN.
So I called back Monday night, and spoke to a MUCH MORE HELPFUL representative, who transferred me to his supervisor. They both agreed I should NOT be charged a fee for something I used to do for FREE until these two banks decided to split my accounts like Solomon splits babies. Here is the NEXT mental transcript:
Supervisor: Let's set up this fee-free payment for you. What are your Bank B account and routing numbers?
Me: I don't know that. I am in my car. I have my check card to read to you (I WAS PARKED, I WAS PARKED; don't give me any crap for this).
Supervisor: We need your account numbers; we can't use your card.
Me: OH MY GOD.
Supervisor: Call us back when you get the numbers!
SO. I called back Tuesday night. AT 6:30. THIS IS HIGHLY RELEVANT. And I spoke to a girl whom was filled with very realistic phony sympathy. And told me that she would be happy to take my payment sans fee, but she'd have to transfer me to the lending department, WHICH CLOSED AT 6:00PM SO PLEASE CALL BACK TOMORROW.
Believe it or not, I did--DID!--finally get everything taken care of yesterday. I called, talked to a person, and got transferred to the lending department. I didn't even mention the $15 fee, and neither did they, so if they charged me for it, I have no idea. And by this point, I didn't even WANT to bring up the daily late fee of x-amount of cents per day I had been accruing since the last week of November. Who cares? I paid off my car--I only had THREE MORE PAYMENTS TO GO when all this started--so hopefully, I will be done with them forever. You can bet I am keeping the confirmation number the very last person gave me.......I don't trust these people to do ANYTHING right.