[EXO] [PD13] A Hit and Miss Negotiation
Title: A Hit and Miss Negotiation
Fandom: EXO (sort of fused with Final Fantasy VII, plus some geography from FFVIII)
Series: Phoenix Down (#13)
Rating: R
Genre: AU, crossover (sort of)
Wordcount: 8,167
Contains: spanking, unconsciousness, kink negotiation, consent issues and a bucketful of communication problems
Disclaimer: Not mine, damnit.
Summary: An unplanned status ailment takes Jongin and Lu Han down a path they hadn't anticipated exploring together.
A/N: This is a belated birthday present for my wonderful beta, MC, who gave me the idea in the first place! <3 (Yay for video game mechanics?)
The timing for this one is slightly awkward. It takes place after the previous fic (that night, to be precise), but there's stuff that happens in between that will be in the one I'll post after this, from Chanyeol's POV. Needless to say, Chanyeol is not around for lukai having what would have been cosy cabin cuddles, so it made more sense to post this as a sidequest by itself. We'll go back to see what happens with the twelve of them on the airship, don't worry. ^_^
Also! unniebee drew a fabulous picture of Jongin in a version of Tifa's outfit! I'm so thrilled by this. <3
A Hit and Miss Negotiation
Jongin hadn't expected to spend much time with Lu Han aboard the Highwind, assuming that his Summon's fear of heights would keep him well away unless Jongin was in grave peril. He's happy to be wrong, however.
"Nice choice of cabin," Lu Han says, popping out of nowhere - minus clothing - when Jongin's contemplating retiring for the night. "I especially like the lack of windows."
"It wouldn't make any difference now anyway," Jongin says. "We've landed, in case you didn't notice. Jongdae can't keep flying all night."
The airship has its own lights, but the land below is mostly dark, civilisation only in isolated pockets, and Jongdae had wanted to land before sunset to ensure he didn't try to put them down in the middle of the forest. They're parked on a peninsula in the south-west corner of the continent, the sea now behind them. Tomorrow they'll continue their search for the tree - the map is not terribly precise, and there's no telling how long it'll take - but for now they're free to rest. The Highwind has sensors that will alert them to the presence of any unexpected visitors, so Jongdae says, so they haven't assigned watches.
Jongin's quite relieved, hoping to be able to get away with sleeping slightly later than he has for the past couple of nights, where they've had to leave early to continue their travels. They certainly don't need him to get the Highwind in the air. Maybe he can sleep through take-off. He's comfortably full from dinner, which had ended up being an improvised meal in the middle of the bridge so Jongdae didn't have to eat alone, and now he's at liberty to sleep.
Or not, given Lu Han's state of undress.
"We've stopped for the night? Good." Lu Han turns to the door, sliding the bolt into place, then crosses the room to take Jongin's hands in his own. "You can take these off now, you know. I'm right here, and not planning on going anywhere without you."
"If you want me to take anything off, you'll have to let go," Jongin says; Lu Han laughs and tugs fruitlessly at Jongin's fingertips until Jongin gives in and sets the gauntlets down on the nightstand.
Lu Han looks appraisingly at the bed. "Think we'll both fit?"
Jongin hopes so. Even if they're not doing anything more energetic than cuddling, he's looking forward to curling up with Lu Han in a private room. He's shared with Jongdae, the last couple of nights, and their wonderful first date at the Gold Saucer feels like years ago now. After almost losing Lu Han's materia orb - and consequently Lu Han himself - that morning, he wants to be able to reassure himself that Lu Han really isn't going anywhere.
"We'll fit," he says, sitting down on the edge of the bed to wriggle out of his leggings. "If we stick very, very close together."
Lu Han gives him a grin that promises much mischief. "I think that can be arranged."
He sits down beside Jongin on the bed, waiting for him to shed the rest of his clothing. When he goes to move in for a kiss, he draws back, frowning silently at something.
"What?" Jongin asks nervously, hoping he doesn't have food stuck in his teeth. The others could've said something at dinner, surely?
"Your lips are chapped," Lu Han says. "Must be all that sea air. Got anything for them, or do I need to find something back home?"
"There's a small tub in my bag," Lu Han gets up to find it as Jongin speaks, "outside pocket on the left."
"Got it," Lu Han says, holding up a tiny rainbow jar.
That's when alarm bells start to ring in Jongin's head. "The right! I meant the pocket on the right. Don't op-"
It's too late. Before Jongin can finish his warning, Lu Han's twisted off the lid and all Jongin can do is hold his breath, screaming internally, as Lu Han slumps to the floor in a deep, artificial sleep.
Dream Powder is powerful, volatile stuff, exploding the moment it's exposed to air and capable of inflicting the Sleep status ailment on any living creature who gets so much as the merest whiff of it. Lu Han's inhaled a lungful. Jongin had meant to pass his last jar over to Yixing for safekeeping, because Yixing carries their stash of Remedies, but what with all the travelling and early mornings, it had slipped his mind. He wishes he'd remembered, now.
He holds his breath as long as he can. When he can't take it anymore, he takes a cautious, shallow breath, checking for the overly sweet scent of the Dream Powder and finding nothing. It should be safe, now. He works an arm around Lu Han's chest and drags him onto the bed, laying him out flat on the covers. Lu Han takes deep, regular breaths, chest rising and falling as it should, and Jongin relaxes a fraction. This is bad, but not as awful as the time Lu Han had been accidentally shrunk. Lu Han's not at risk of being stepped on while Jongin goes to get a Remedy from Yixing.
That time, Jongin had still been able to hear Lu Han in his head at normal volume, even though his body had been only a few inches tall, because Lu Han's consciousness wasn't dependent on a single form. So, Jongin thinks, working through it logically, if this body is asleep, but the others aren't...
He dons his left gauntlet, where Lu Han's materia is flashing urgently at him.
"Finally," Lu Han says, speaking mind-to-mind. "What happened? I can't see anything."
"You're...um..." Jongin sighs, there being no easy way to break the news. "You're asleep. I mean, the status Sleep. That wasn't a jar of lip balm. It was Dream Powder."
"Perfect. Just how I wanted to spend my night." Lu Han's words have an irritating buzz in Jongin's head, signalling his agitation.
"I'm sorry," Jongin says. "I'm going to get dressed and go ask Yixing for a Remedy. You'll be awake in a minute."
"Don't bother," Lu Han advises him. "Waste of a Remedy. Sleep wears off by itself eventually, or...you can wake me up."
"I can?" Jongin knows that Sleep is one of the status ailments with a finite lifespan, but he's never heard that there's a way to escape it before the allotted time is up. "How?"
"It's easy." There's a smug edge to Lu Han's mental voice that suggests it's going to be anything but, and a chill runs down Jongin's spine. "All you have to do is...touch me."
"I just did," Jongin points out. "That's how I put you on the bed. And you didn't wake up."
"Because it's not enough. I didn't even feel you doing that. It'll take a lot more stimulation to work its way through the Sleep state."
Jongin swallows so loudly he figures Lu Han can probably hear him despite his lack of consciousness. This is getting weird, and he's not at all sure about the way his stomach clenches up when Lu Han says 'stimulation'. "What...kind of stimulation?"
"Touch me like you would when I'm awake," Lu Han suggests, and Jongin's pretty certain Lu Han's not asking Jongin to punch him in the face. "Or pretend I'm awake, but too tired to move. I'll start to feel it more and more, and then I'll wake up. I think, anyway. And if that doesn't work, then you can go get a Remedy. Good luck explaining why you need one to Yixing, though."
Better to explain to Yixing than to Sehun, who would never let him live it down. Jongin doesn't remember much about him, but he remembers enough to be sure of this. He'd rather spare himself the embarrassment if he can.
And really, how difficult can it be? He's no stranger to touching Lu Han. He enjoys touching Lu Han, and Lu Han wants to be touched. Jongin can do this. Definitely.
Only it's strange, seeing Lu Han lying prone on the bed, fast asleep and unable to communicate with him except in his head. Jongin has never touched anyone for his own pleasure, or for theirs if he weren't being compensated in some way - being with Lu Han is compensation enough in itself, but Lu Han has never been his customer, and Jongin's still learning what it means to actually want to be with another human being. He has free rein now and he's not entirely sure what to do with it.
He sits on the edge of the mattress and studies Lu Han's sleeping face for a moment. So calm, so peaceful, without even a flicker of his long, dark eyelashes while he waits for Jongin to wake him up. A bespelled sleeper destined to be woken by his prince, like a ballet from Jongin's childhood. He'd had to kiss a princess, then, and had been young enough not to be trading his kisses in payment yet, while his family could still afford to send him for lessons. Kisses were icky; his teacher had had to keep reminding him not to wipe his mouth during the performance, lest his princess be offended and smack him in front of all the parents who'd come to watch.
Lu Han, pretty though he is, is no princess, but Jongin decides to try it anyway. He leans down, steadying himself with one hand on the pillow, and presses his lips lightly to Lu Han's.
This isn't a ballet. There's no sudden swell of music from the side of the stage, or a change in lighting colour from blue to pink. No applause from the audience when the princess gracefully - as graceful as a twelve-year old girl can manage, anyway - sits up and looks at him with wonder in her eyes. Lu Han remains stubbornly asleep.
"Did you feel that?" Jongin asks him, mind-to-mind.
"Feel what?" Lu Han says.
Jongin sighs. "Never mind."
So much for the magic of childhood memories. He's an adult now, and he's allowed to play like one.
But not with kisses, because he worries that he'll restrict Lu Han's air supply too much and Lu Han won't even notice to tell him. He appears to be breathing fine through his nose, but Jongin prefers not to chance it.
Hands, then. Jongin brushes Lu Han's hair away from his closed eyes and lets his fingers trace the outline of that small, perfect face. It's easier if he pretends Lu Han's awake and only playing at being asleep - which is true, sort of, because in the back of his mind there's an impatient hum that's not sleepy at all. He trails along soft, pale skin, skimming over slack lips and feeling warm breath on his fingertips, brushing against the faintest hint of stubble on his way down Lu Han's jaw.
"Anything yet?" he asks.
"Are you trying to tickle me?" Lu Han says. "Because I don't think that's going to work. Think fingernails. And teeth. Then I might notice."
Lu Han having materialised without clothes saves Jongin the trouble of trying to remove them. He feels a trifle silly, wearing nothing but a single gauntlet himself, but it's the only way they can communicate for the time being. It means that when he crawls further onto the bed, pressing himself nearer to Lu Han so as not to fall off, it's skin against skin and that's familiar, comfortable in a way he's used to.
But Lu Han wants to be uncomfortable. That's not so much in Jongin's repertoire. He'd had one customer who'd wanted to feel Jongin's nails raking down his back as he came, but...
Lu Han has nice arms, muscles clearly defined - from lifting boxes of books, he says - and Jongin enjoys being wrapped in them. That's not an option now, so he leans on his side and settles his bare right hand on Lu Han's left shoulder, angles the fingers in a claw, and drags his nails down one slow inch at a time, tapering off at the wrist. Lu Han's skin is pale but the thin stripes Jongin leaves behind are paler still: narrow trails of white, flaking around the edges. There's no response from Lu Han, so Jongin repeats his actions down the other arm, pressing harder this time. He has to keep reminding himself that nothing he can do to Lu Han here will stay with him permanently. He worries that he'll leave bruises, or that his nails are so ragged that he'll end up slicing the skin.
"That was almost something," Lu Han says, not sounding remotely like someone whose partner has just tried to claw them open. "Are you using feathers?"
Jongin slumps down against the pillow. It's going to be a long night.
The scratches don't fade as quickly as he expects. He licks a stripe along the nearest one to make it disappear. Lu Han's unlikely to feel that, if stronger sensation is lost on him, but Jongin continues anyway, feeling better when he can no longer see what he's done.
Perhaps Lu Han would be more likely to notice somewhere more...sensitive. Between his legs, certainly, but that's a bit more sexual than Jongin feels comfortable with, under the circumstances. And the inner thighs, well...Jongin has his own reasons for not wanting to harm Lu Han there, and Lu Han's seen why. There are other options, however.
"Can I roll you over onto your stomach?" Jongin asks.
"You can do what you like, I told you that."
Lu Han doesn't sound in the least bit concerned. It amazes Jongin that anyone can have so much trust in him. In Lu Han's position, he's not sure he'd be able to be so calm - not because he thinks Lu Han will hurt him, but because trusting anyone is so difficult, and although Jongin's getting more practice at it every day, it's not a skill that comes readily to him and likely never will be.
He retreats enough to give himself room to work his hands under Lu Han's hips and knees. It takes some careful handling not to smush his face into the pillows, but he's soon settled on his stomach, bare back exposed and ready for Jongin's ministrations. Jongin kneels beside him, positions his right hand between Lu Han's shoulderblades, and draws a set of five white lines down the centre of his back. One set elicits no reaction, so Jongin scrapes his nails over the skin again and again, watching white become red, sore and angry, until Lu Han hums softly in his mind.
"Feeling anything?"
"This is starting to remind me of a massage I got in Wutai once," Lu Han says dreamily. "Whatever you're doing, keep going?"
"I'm not sure I can," Jongin confesses. "I'll break the skin if I keep scratching you like this."
"It wouldn't be the first time I'd bled in your world."
"I know, but-"
"You can't damage me, Jongin," Lu Han tries to reassure him. "Not like this."
"It's not...this is weird for me, okay? I'm hurting you and you're so far removed from your body that you hardly even notice. Just because it won't last doesn't make it any easier for me."
"Sorry." Lu Han's not sending a picture this time; rather, it's a feeling, a bundle of love and trust wrapped up in gratitude that makes Jongin feel warm and appreciated. "I know this probably isn't much fun for you."
"Is it fun for you?"
"Not the part where you're fretting over it," Lu Han says. "I don't enjoy making you upset. But what you're doing...yeah, that can be."
Jongin understands that. His customers had been plainer in their desires, for the most part, but he's seen some of the kinds of things that people can enjoy doing together - has enjoyed some of it himself, with Lu Han, and if he ever gets his hands on another Spider Web he plans on putting it to good use. It's just that they haven't discussed this, much. Lu Han's been happy to help Jongin explore his tastes and figure out what he might like now that he's with someone he actually wants, and while Jongin often has trouble articulating them, he is, at least, more comfortable now with the idea that he is allowed to want things.
Lu Han is, of course, allowed to want things too, but somehow the subject doesn't seem to crop up much. Jongin knows that there are things Lu Han enjoys: the collar around his neck is proof of that, and Lu Han touches it frequently when they're together. They haven't really discussed, however, what Lu Han might like Jongin to do to him.
"It...feels good to you?" Jongin asks tentatively. "The pain?"
"I'm not feeling much of anything right now," Lu Han says. "I can tell you're doing something to my back, and there's pressure, but it's too indistinct for me to identify. Your fingers?"
"Fingernails," Jongin confirms.
"If I could feel sensations properly, I wouldn't mind that. It's," Jongin receives an impression of Lu Han smiling in his mind, "pleasant. Satisfying, if you do it slowly."
"Even though it hurts?"
"Because it hurts." Lu Han attempts to explain. "It's like, uh, drawing everything to the surface, pulling it all together in a limited area so it all feels more intense?"
"Not intense enough to wake you up."
"Not yet, anyway. Do you think you can keep going?"
Jongin gnaws on his lip a moment, unsure how to answer. He feels bad about being unable to give Lu Han what he wants, but now that his body is his own to do with as he pleases, he'd be taking a substantial step backwards if he agreed to do something that makes him so uncomfortable, regardless of his reasons. "I...I don't think so. Knowing that you like it helps, but I can't make you bleed, and that's what's going to happen if I keep scratching you like this. I'm sorry."
"You can go ask Yixing for a Remedy, if you want," Lu Han says kindly. "This isn't worth making yourself miserable over."
"There has to be something else we could try." Jongin considers Lu Han's earlier suggestion of teeth, but it seems likely that Lu Han won't actually notice any bite short of one deep enough to remove chunks of flesh, and Jongin's definitely not going down that route. "I could...I don't know, if all you need is a massive sensation, I could just punch you in the stomach? I'm pretty sure you'd wake up then."
"Not quite the solution I was hoping for," Lu Han says with a wince strong enough for Jongin to feel it in his mind. "Let's save that one as a last resort, shall we? But you've given me an idea. Have you ever spanked anyone before?"
Jongin wonders if there will ever come a day when Lu Han can no longer surprise him. Today is not shaping up to be that day. "Um...no?" Sector 7 slum kids trying to pick his pocket totally don't count.
"You won't have to worry about making me bleed," Lu Han says. "And you'd be doing something to me that I'd enjoy a lot more than a punch in the stomach."
"Even when you're awake?"
"We can talk about that later."
If there is a later. Jongin has no idea what the future holds for them. For the time being he follows Lu Han's instructions, raising him up with pillows under his hips because he's unable to support himself, and ensuring there's plenty of room for his legs to move, should he suddenly wake up.
"Now stand next to the bed," Lu Han orders. "Does the angle work for you, or do I need to be higher?"
Jongin feels more than a little ridiculous, and Lu Han lying there fast asleep with his bottom propped up in the air doesn't help matters. Still, he gamely raises his right hand up high, then lowers it slowly to tap Lu Han's left cheek. "I think it's okay," he says. "What...what do you want me to do? I mean, I know what you want me to do, but-" He trails off in embarrassment, certain that his face is as red as the scratches still marring Lu Han's back.
"We'll take it slow and see what happens," Lu Han says. "Maybe the first one will wake me up and you won't need to do any more. Bring your hand down once, hard, where it's nice and fleshy. Not like you're trying to kill monsters, but not soft like you'd smack a naughty kid, either."
Jongin braces himself with a couple of deep, calming breaths, places his left hand on Lu Han's back to keep him in place, and delivers one good, firm smack exactly as ordered. His hand leaves a light pink patch in its wake, a solid splash of colour against pale skin. Lu Han doesn't move.
"Anything?" Jongin asks.
"It feels like you just patted me with a pillow," Lu Han says. "Another couple of times, and try to aim for the same spot if you can."
Jongin doesn't quite manage to land the next two dead centre. The pink splotch is spreading now, warm to the touch when he presses his tingling palm to it.
"That's better," Lu Han praises him. He sounds less...controlled. More languid. "That had a bit of bite to it. Another five, if you can."
It's not so much a matter of physical ability, because Jongin's more than capable of delivering a spanking. It's not something he's ever done to someone who's asked for it, though, much less someone who would actively enjoy it, and certainly not his partner. He hopes that whatever sensation Lu Han's receiving from this is worth it, because Jongin's not deriving any enjoyment from it, personally.
Not until Lu Han lets out a soft moan, three strikes into the five, and floods Jongin's brain with a sense of warm, fuzzy giddiness that he recognises from the times they've been intimate while he's been wearing his gauntlets. Hitting Lu Han is not, in itself, fun for Jongin. Giving Lu Han pleasure, any way he can, is another story. He lands the next two smacks, spreading them out. Lu Han's pink all over now, and Jongin's so focused on placing his strikes so as not to hit less padded areas that he almost misses Lu Han's toes twitching.
"You moved!" Jongin exclaims happily. This can only be a positive sign.
"I'm definitely feeling it more." Lu Han's mental voice is rather muzzy. "Another five? That might do it."
Jongin watches carefully this time; Lu Han's toes kick out, rocking his feet on the bed. He continues to make wordless, appreciative noises in Jongin's mind, volume spiking when Jongin runs his hand lightly over the reddened, sensitive skin. It looks so uncomfortable and Jongin can't wrap his head around why it feels so good to Lu Han, who will clearly be quite sore when he wakes.
But as both a dancer and a fighter, Jongin's spent much of his life trying to minimise the pain he suffers, knowing all the while that it's inescapable. To become flexible, muscles must be stretched, and one doesn't sink one's fist into a monster's belly without incurring the full force of the blow. He leads an unavoidably physical life.
Lu Han, on the other hand, runs a bookshop in a coastal city where no one - save the other Summons - has ever seen a monster, much less fought one, and although he's mentioned a fair few times about how he keeps in shape to play football, the reality is that his life is far more mundane and safer than Jongin's. They have a different understanding of what it means to experience pain. Lu Han's had worse, his first time being summoned, and Jongin's not sure that even his most painful experience can compare to being torn apart by wolves - a few scratches and smacks are nothing in comparison, and a blow requested from a lover is considerably less devastating than a monster attack.
Though just as intense, perhaps, to judge by the hoarse mental cry Lu Han lets out on the last of the five. Jongin jumps, not expecting the sudden change in response.
"Was that too much?" he blurts out in alarm. "Did I hurt you?"
Lu Han manages a ragged chuckle. "Hurting me is the point, Jongin. And it's working - I'm feeling everything much more clearly now. You're doing really well."
It's an odd sort of thing to be praised for, Jongin thinks, but it feels good anyway, as does any kind of praise from Lu Han. He needs that reassurance that he's doing the right thing, that this is genuinely what Lu Han wants from him. "Do you think you'll need much more? My hand's kind of stinging." He's used to inflicting damage with a closed fist, not with an open handed smack, and his own skin is as red as Lu Han's where the two have been in contact.
"You could use something else?" Lu Han suggests. "Still got that belt I lent you earlier?"
Jongin doesn't even want to contemplate how that would feel, hammering down on Lu Han's skin. Using his own body is...not comfortable, but at least it's intimate and hands-on enough that he doesn't feel like he's somehow punishing Lu Han. Using an object seems too much like distancing himself, making it a more detached experience, something he could be doing with another person. He can barely handle doing this with Lu Han, let alone anyone else.
"I'll bear with it."
"I'll kiss it better later," Lu Han teases. "Another four? If you're okay to continue."
Jongin's so tempted to say no, to tell Lu Han that this is it, he's tired and sore and so ready to stop now. He doesn't. Instead he counts the strikes under his breath, hoping with each one that it'll be enough to rouse Lu Han. He can't wait for this to be over. The first elicits another cry and a tiny kick. The second, Jongin thinks he hears a sound coming from Lu Han's throat, only it's so faint and muffled he can't be sure. On the third, he's positive that he's not imagining things. Lu Han's stopped responding in his mind; the sharp gasp he hears is the reaction of the sleeping body before him, not the wide awake counterpart in another world.
Lu Han's eyes are still closed; his body, not yet awake, but when Jongin listens more closely his breathing is no longer in an even, rhythmic pattern, but a series of shudders through an open mouth. In the back of Jongin's mind, Lu Han says: "You missed one."
One more isn't enough, and Jongin waits for Lu Han to give him another number. It's slow in coming. He rubs his sore arm and thinks longingly of a nice hot soak until he's finally commanded to deliver another four smacks.
"Nearly there." Lu Han doesn't sound terribly steady, composure sacrificed for sensation. "You're so good, waiting for me to tell you how many. If I asked you to just keep going until I woke up, would you?"
Jongin doesn't even have to think twice about it. "No."
"Why not? You can't possibly miss it when I wake."
"I...I need you to tell me how many," Jongin says haltingly. "What if something went wrong and I didn't notice? What if you couldn't tell me? I don't want that."
"You know nothing you do to me here will have any lasting effect, right?"
"That doesn't mean you won't have bad memories. I don't want you to have any more of those. Especially not with me."
"A lot of my happy memories are with you, in one life or the other," Lu Han says, and there's that nebulous, comforting warmth again. "Despite the circumstances, I'm still counting this as one of them. Another four."
Jongin resigns himself to the fact that he and Lu Han are going to have to agree to disagree on the nature of their current situation. Jongin is never, ever, going to carry Dream Powder around again. Waiting for Lu Han to become responsive is simply too nervewracking.
But at least the end is in sight, and can't come a moment too soon for Jongin's hand, which feels like someone's been using him for a pincushion, and the rest of his arm's in equally bad shape. When he fights, it's never this repetitive, movements considerably more varied because monsters generally do not wait around in the same position to be spanked. Lu Han offering to 'kiss it better' is unlikely to have much effect.
"Four," Jongin agrees. "But that's...that's it, okay? I don't want to have to go to Yixing and ask him to use Restore materia on me all because you don't want to waste a Remedy."
"I don't care about the Remedy," Lu Han says. "What I didn't want to waste was an opportunity."
Jongin processes this silently, not even realising he's shut Lu Han out until a small, agitated voice paws at the edge of his mind, asking to be let back in because he can't hear Jongin anymore. But Lu Han's not a puppy Jongin's just chased outside for gnawing on his shoes - he's a grown man, for all that he still looks like a teenager, and he's considerably more manipulative than a puppy.
Reluctantly, Jongin drops the barrier between them so Lu Han can hear him again, and sinks down on the edge of the mattress. It's easier to talk about this if he doesn't have to look at Lu Han's sleeping body behind him. "Please tell me you didn't get yourself put to sleep on purpose. Please."
"I didn't," Lu Han says, as seriously as if Jongin has just threatened to throw him overboard. "I promise. I don't get to spend so much time with you that I can afford to let some of it pass by while I'm unconscious."
"Then why didn't you let me get a Remedy?" If they were speaking aloud, Jongin would be yelling in frustration. As it is, he hears himself losing his temper in his head. Maybe that will help Lu Han wake up.
"Because...I thought this might be the only time you'd be willing to touch me like this? I told you, Jongin: I like how it feels - and especially when it's with you because I trust you."
"You've done this with people you haven't trusted?"
"People I've paid to be trustworthy?" Lu Han says lightly, and Jongin flinches away from the reminder of Lu Han's checkered history. "But mostly they tend to assume things about someone who asks to be hurt. You don't. I'm not interested in handing over control to anyone else - and you're not good at taking it, anyway. I just want to feel."
"You got that," Jongin says. "And you'll really notice it when you wake up."
"That's the idea." Lu Han sighs. "Would you have spanked me if I'd been awake?"
"Um..." Jongin honestly has no idea how to answer. He doesn't like hurting people...yet he does like making Lu Han happy, and he's struggling to reconcile the two in his head. "Maybe if you'd asked me? I don't know. I don't like being surprised like this."
"I didn't know how to ask," Lu Han says. "I'm sorry. I never expected a situation like this to come up."
Lu Han would've had to have been able to predict the future to foresee this particular turn of events, and to the best of Jongin's knowledge, that's not a power any of his friends possess. He hopes this is a one-time thing. Having an unconscious Lu Han sprung on him, after the rest of the day he's had, is more than he ever wants to deal with again.
"It's okay to ask me for things," Jongin says, and he wants to laugh because how many times has Lu Han said those exact same words to him? "The worst I can do is say 'no', right?"
"I'm more worried you'll say 'yes' when you don't mean it."
"I wouldn't-" Jongin starts, but he's too used to submitting to whatever his partner wants, telling himself it doesn't matter because he's doing it to get something he wants in return. It's different with Lu Han: what they want is usually the same thing, or close enough, and there's no need to hide himself away.
Usually. That's not to say it hasn't happened, because it has.
"You would, and you have," Lu Han corrects him gently. "Remember Midgar?"
Jongin remembers. Lying back and waiting for Lu Han to take what he wanted, because why shouldn't he? Easier than explaining his feelings. He wouldn't do the same now. They've come a long way since those days, when he'd believed Lu Han to be some sort of magical, omniscient creature who would never steer him wrong. Those illusions have been shattered, and replaced by truth - some of it, extracted from Lu Han with great difficulty. Their conversations are not always easy, and this one, conducted solely in Jongin's head, is proving to be extremely trying. Jongin would much prefer them both to be conscious, and speaking aloud, where he's less likely to have his thoughts interpreted as his answers.
The only way he's going to get that is if he does something about it himself.
"I should've said something then, and I didn't," Jongin says, reaching for his shorts. "But I can't keep talking about this with you while you're asleep, okay? I'll be back in a minute."
It's more like five minutes by the time he's back with a Remedy, red as a tomato from evading Minseok's questions on what trouble Lu Han's got himself into this time. (Yixing, at least, hadn't asked, only handed over the bottle with a knowing smile before returning to his card game with Minseok.) Arranging Lu Han takes some doing. Jongin has to roll him over and prop him up enough to not tilt the lip of the bottle straight up his nose. Lu Han's body isn't conscious enough yet to be of much help, but that also means he doesn't fight it when Jongin sets the bottle between his teeth and lets a few drops trickle out, or when Jongin gently pinches his nostrils to encourage him to swallow.
Lu Han wakes with a splutter, liquid leaking from the corners of his lips. There's no gradual return to consciousness, not from a magically-induced sleep. He's alert at once, blinking up at the overhead light as Jongin hands him a water bottle to wash away the taste of the Remedy.
"Thanks." Lu Han gulps down a couple of mouthfuls of water before setting the bottle down on the nightstand, next to Jongin's gauntlets - both of them, because Jongin's had enough conversations inside his head for one day. "I should've let you do that to start with, shouldn't I?"
Jongin nods, so relieved to see Lu Han awake that he's not even sure what to say. He should be annoyed, he thinks, about the way Lu Han turned the situation to his advantage. His right arm and hand are sore, he's exhausted, he's still shaken up from almost losing Lu Han that morning, and all he really wants to do right now is not talk for a bit, because he's not sure he can make the words come out the way he wants them to. Being with Lu Han is a frustrating, maddening experience, always full of surprises - but it's also one of the most amazing parts of Jongin's life and he's grateful for every single moment that they have together.
Maybe not this particular moment, though...
He sits down on the edge of the mattress, eyes fixed on the floor, letting his hands rest on his thighs for want of a better place to put them. His palm tingles against the fabric of his shorts and he momentarily regrets not asking Yixing to heal him. But it's not as if he's unused to pain, and he thinks it might be easier to live with than the humiliation. Yixing would certainly ask what Jongin had done, to suffer such unusually limited injuries, and under no circumstances is Jongin ever telling anyone about this. Not because he thinks there's anything wrong with what they've been doing, but because the inevitable teasing will lead to a painful, messy death as all the blood in his body rises to his face in embarrassment.
There's a tentative brush of fingers along his hip, and then a wince, as Lu Han's movements have his bruised skin scraping against the sheets. Jongin's eyes flicker down to see Lu Han rolling carefully onto his side, a curve of reddened flesh just visible as he turns. It's an uncomfortable reminder.
"Should I...um..." Jongin swallows, mouth suddenly dry, which doesn't help his ability to speak one whit. "Should I, I don't know, put some lotion or something on you?"
Lu Han shakes his head. "Don't worry about it. I'll enjoy it for a little while, and then it'll disappear when I do. How about you?" He holds out a hand; Jongin hesitates for a few seconds, puzzled, until he remembers Lu Han's offer to 'kiss it better'.
"I don't think that's going to help," he says quietly. It's a nice gesture, but purely symbolic at this point unless Lu Han's lips have somehow acquired magical healing properties. He doesn't extend his hand in return.
"So what would help?" Lu Han asks, voice equally soft.
The first things that spring to mind are impossibilities: turning back time to Lu Han appearing in the cabin, a long soak in the baths at the Honey Bee Inn (for all the brothel's other faults, the baths had been the height of luxury), Jongin learning to be less accommodating when confronted with a surprising, perplexing and distressing request. None of that's going to happen, although he thinks the last one is something he can work on in the future.
"You did something amazing for me tonight," Lu Han says when Jongin doesn't respond. "Even though it made you uncomfortable."
"Because I didn't know." The words catch in Jongin's throat. "I...I told you: I don't like being surprised like that."
Lu Han not telling him everything is a familiar problem, but not when it comes to things like this, that have nothing to do with their past lives or their destiny, and everything to do with the people they are now - their likes and dislikes, their hopes and their dreams. The strangers who'd paid for Jongin's body had usually communicated their desires upfront, leaving him to do his job within agreed, understood boundaries. With Lu Han, he lacks that advantage. They work things out together, learning what they can do to make each other feel good - and Lu Han, whose experience is considerably more varied, has no shortage of suggestions for things Jongin might like to try, encouraging him but never pushing him further than he's willing to go.
But tonight...well. Jongin can't recall Lu Han ever mentioning a liking for pain, and given that he's been an active participant in it tonight, he'd rather have liked to have had at least an inkling of it beforehand.
"I know," Lu Han says. "I know I should've said something before. But I didn't think you'd want to try it. You're always so gentle with me."
Lu Han is smaller than Jongin, though not by much, and while he's deadly with a sword, he's less so when he's unarmed. Jongin, in contrast, specialises in unarmed combat, and he's always conscious that when it comes down to inflicting damage with his hands alone, he's far better equipped to dish it out than any of his friends. That awareness makes him extra careful when he's with Lu Han, even with the knowledge that nothing he does will last.
"Then what made you think I would tonight?" Jongin asks, meeting Lu Han's eyes with an accusatory gaze.
"I...didn't." Lu Han pushes himself up onto one hand, reducing the distance between them as he leans up towards Jongin, and Jongin's not sure he's ever seen his Summon look so serious - or so guilty. "But then the chance came up, and I thought maybe it wouldn't take much to wake me up, you know? And then it did, and I got kind of carried away, enjoying the sensations. I'm so sorry."
"Do you...do you like it better?" The knots tying themselves in Jongin's stomach suggest he's not entirely positive he wants to know the answer, because of what it could mean for them, but he has to ask. "If it hurts?"
"Not 'better'," Lu Han says, and Jongin feels one of the knots begin to dissolve. "But I do like it. I'm not asking you to like it, though."
"Good," Jongin says frankly, "because I'm not sure if I can." He's had plenty of practice at doing things he dislikes, or has no interest in. Just not since meeting Lu Han. "Even if I hadn't found out like this."
Lu Han looks down at the sheets. "Don't worry. I won't ask about it again."
"Um...you can ask?" Jongin says, and Lu Han's eyes flick back up to lock onto his, a question unspoken on parted lips. "I want you to ask. How else am I supposed to know what you want if you won't tell me?"
"But what if what I want and what you want are two different things?"
"Then we'll deal with it. It's not like we can't work things out." Jongin fumbles for an example, finding one in the corner of his memory reserved for things he knows he doesn't enjoy. "Like that time with the silk ties?"
Lu Han breaks into a grin. "I've never seen anyone teleport to get out of restraints before. I guess it's a good thing you still had your gauntlets on, given how much you hated being tied down."
"Yeah, so we didn't do it again," Jongin says. "We found a way around it."
Jongin's good at obeying instructions, because when someone else is telling him how to move, it takes the pressure off him. He's still a dancer, for all that his opportunities to dance are few and far between these days, and he's quick to learn new choreography, whether he's moving to music or to the whim of a customer. His options have always been limited. He'd liked knowing what his customers had expected of him, but with Lu Han...well, Lu Han doesn't expect anything at all, and that's when Jongin has to try to figure him out. Where he likes to be touched, and how. What makes him laugh, and what makes him shy away.
Most of the time, Jongin's okay with that. But sometimes, when he wants nothing more than a familiar, comforting routine, one that doesn't involve him having to work out what to do with his hands, or his mouth, or any other body part that Lu Han might conceivably want on him, it's easier not to move. Lu Han had been the one to turn it into a game between them: first with a disastrous, never-to-be-repeated experiment that had seen Jongin panicking badly enough to teleport out of the silken bonds tying him to the bed, and then with a simple command for him to keep still, which had suited him much better. That, they'd managed to discuss like two adults - after a fashion, even with Jongin stumbling over his words in embarrassment and Lu Han trying to guess (badly) at the meaning. Now they even have non-verbal signals that Jongin can use to communicate to Lu Han when that's what he wants.
"We did," Lu Han agrees. "But that was something I liked too. A lot, actually."
That had come as no surprise to either of them, considering the collar and Lu Han's possessive nature. But Jongin doesn't mind. Willingly handing himself over to Lu Han doesn't diminish him, doesn't make him feel like he's nothing more than someone else's possession. It's a choice he makes, and a possession can't make choices, can it? He's still his own man - it's just that he's Lu Han's, too, and letting Lu Han have that measure of control over him is comforting, when Jongin doesn't want it for himself. It's not as though he can't take it back when he needs to.
"Just because I don't like hurting you doesn't mean I'm not willing to do...something." Jongin shrugs, flushing as he adds, "I like making you feel good."
"What would make me feel really good right now is knowing that you're okay," Lu Han says, and that has the remaining knots in Jongin's stomach melting away into a sudden pool of warmth. "I don't mean your hand."
"The rest of me's not so great either," Jongin admits.
Lu Han lowers himself back down against the sheets: still on his side, no longer propped up on his elbow. He extends that arm in an invitation to Jongin, beckoning him in, and Jongin accepts, swinging his legs up onto the mattress as he fits himself next to Lu Han. Jongin's still wearing his shorts; Lu Han's wearing nothing but blossoming bruises. He might as well be fully dressed. One hand settles low on Jongin's back and the other combs soothingly through the hair at the base of his neck; he's grateful that Lu Han knows him so well, knows better than to think this is leading to anything more than some much-needed snuggles.
"Better?" Lu Han asks.
"I will be." It's easier to forget about the outside when the cabin has no windows, and Jongin can pretend they're still in Junon, perhaps, on any other night, and not on their way to save - or possibly bring about the end of - the world. He lets himself relax, finally, wrapped in Lu Han's gentle warmth. He won't lose himself entirely to the happy distraction, however. "When you agree to talk to me about what you want."
"Persistent, aren't you?"
They both are. "If you don't ask, you definitely don't get," Jongin says, shaking his head for emphasis, and Lu Han smiles at him with pride.
"I'll ask," Lu Han says, "if you promise me you won't agree to anything you don't want, just to make me happy."
Jongin thinks there's probably less danger of that happening now - all he'll have to do, if tempted, is remember the ordeal of this night, and that should be more than sufficient to put him off. "I promise, but I don't really know? There's no way I can do anything that makes you bleed, and...um...I don't know about using objects. Beyond that, I have no idea?"
Lu Han hums thoughtfully for a moment. "That's fair. You don't know what you don't know."
"Did you know? I mean, do you remember what you liked before?"
"Bits and pieces. But," Lu Han's hand slides from Jongin's hair to give the back of his neck a light squeeze, "I don't think it matters. We've led different lives this time around - we're not the same people we used to be. Even in this life, we're changing all the time. You're definitely not the same guy I found at the Honey Bee Inn."
"And you're not what I thought you were when I stole your materia."
"No?"
"No." Jongin moves to curl an arm around Lu Han's waist, realises it's probably a bad idea right now, and mirrors his actions instead, resting his fingers on Lu Han's neck in turn. "But I like you better like this. That guy refused to tell me anything."
"That guy didn't know what he was doing. He still doesn't." Lu Han nudges them together on the pillow until their foreheads touch, and his breath is warm on Jongin's skin. "But he's willing to work it out if you are."
Jongin meets a pair of hopeful eyes with his own, finding the confusing mix of uncertainty, faith, and sheer, overwhelming love that he feels himself. Considering the changes between one life and the next, their fights and misunderstandings, the difference in their backgrounds and their respective trust issues, things will never be completely smooth and uncomplicated between them. They've lived too much for that. If they survive the next few days, they'll continue to grow, and to develop as people...and if they're both very lucky, they'll do so in complementary ways. But even if they're unlucky, they'll make it through as long as they're together.
Lu Han's not perfect. Jongin's not, either. But somehow, they're perfect for each other.
Fandom: EXO (sort of fused with Final Fantasy VII, plus some geography from FFVIII)
Series: Phoenix Down (#13)
Rating: R
Genre: AU, crossover (sort of)
Wordcount: 8,167
Contains: spanking, unconsciousness, kink negotiation, consent issues and a bucketful of communication problems
Disclaimer: Not mine, damnit.
Summary: An unplanned status ailment takes Jongin and Lu Han down a path they hadn't anticipated exploring together.
A/N: This is a belated birthday present for my wonderful beta, MC, who gave me the idea in the first place! <3 (Yay for video game mechanics?)
The timing for this one is slightly awkward. It takes place after the previous fic (that night, to be precise), but there's stuff that happens in between that will be in the one I'll post after this, from Chanyeol's POV. Needless to say, Chanyeol is not around for lukai having what would have been cosy cabin cuddles, so it made more sense to post this as a sidequest by itself. We'll go back to see what happens with the twelve of them on the airship, don't worry. ^_^
Also! unniebee drew a fabulous picture of Jongin in a version of Tifa's outfit! I'm so thrilled by this. <3
A Hit and Miss Negotiation
Jongin hadn't expected to spend much time with Lu Han aboard the Highwind, assuming that his Summon's fear of heights would keep him well away unless Jongin was in grave peril. He's happy to be wrong, however.
"Nice choice of cabin," Lu Han says, popping out of nowhere - minus clothing - when Jongin's contemplating retiring for the night. "I especially like the lack of windows."
"It wouldn't make any difference now anyway," Jongin says. "We've landed, in case you didn't notice. Jongdae can't keep flying all night."
The airship has its own lights, but the land below is mostly dark, civilisation only in isolated pockets, and Jongdae had wanted to land before sunset to ensure he didn't try to put them down in the middle of the forest. They're parked on a peninsula in the south-west corner of the continent, the sea now behind them. Tomorrow they'll continue their search for the tree - the map is not terribly precise, and there's no telling how long it'll take - but for now they're free to rest. The Highwind has sensors that will alert them to the presence of any unexpected visitors, so Jongdae says, so they haven't assigned watches.
Jongin's quite relieved, hoping to be able to get away with sleeping slightly later than he has for the past couple of nights, where they've had to leave early to continue their travels. They certainly don't need him to get the Highwind in the air. Maybe he can sleep through take-off. He's comfortably full from dinner, which had ended up being an improvised meal in the middle of the bridge so Jongdae didn't have to eat alone, and now he's at liberty to sleep.
Or not, given Lu Han's state of undress.
"We've stopped for the night? Good." Lu Han turns to the door, sliding the bolt into place, then crosses the room to take Jongin's hands in his own. "You can take these off now, you know. I'm right here, and not planning on going anywhere without you."
"If you want me to take anything off, you'll have to let go," Jongin says; Lu Han laughs and tugs fruitlessly at Jongin's fingertips until Jongin gives in and sets the gauntlets down on the nightstand.
Lu Han looks appraisingly at the bed. "Think we'll both fit?"
Jongin hopes so. Even if they're not doing anything more energetic than cuddling, he's looking forward to curling up with Lu Han in a private room. He's shared with Jongdae, the last couple of nights, and their wonderful first date at the Gold Saucer feels like years ago now. After almost losing Lu Han's materia orb - and consequently Lu Han himself - that morning, he wants to be able to reassure himself that Lu Han really isn't going anywhere.
"We'll fit," he says, sitting down on the edge of the bed to wriggle out of his leggings. "If we stick very, very close together."
Lu Han gives him a grin that promises much mischief. "I think that can be arranged."
He sits down beside Jongin on the bed, waiting for him to shed the rest of his clothing. When he goes to move in for a kiss, he draws back, frowning silently at something.
"What?" Jongin asks nervously, hoping he doesn't have food stuck in his teeth. The others could've said something at dinner, surely?
"Your lips are chapped," Lu Han says. "Must be all that sea air. Got anything for them, or do I need to find something back home?"
"There's a small tub in my bag," Lu Han gets up to find it as Jongin speaks, "outside pocket on the left."
"Got it," Lu Han says, holding up a tiny rainbow jar.
That's when alarm bells start to ring in Jongin's head. "The right! I meant the pocket on the right. Don't op-"
It's too late. Before Jongin can finish his warning, Lu Han's twisted off the lid and all Jongin can do is hold his breath, screaming internally, as Lu Han slumps to the floor in a deep, artificial sleep.
Dream Powder is powerful, volatile stuff, exploding the moment it's exposed to air and capable of inflicting the Sleep status ailment on any living creature who gets so much as the merest whiff of it. Lu Han's inhaled a lungful. Jongin had meant to pass his last jar over to Yixing for safekeeping, because Yixing carries their stash of Remedies, but what with all the travelling and early mornings, it had slipped his mind. He wishes he'd remembered, now.
He holds his breath as long as he can. When he can't take it anymore, he takes a cautious, shallow breath, checking for the overly sweet scent of the Dream Powder and finding nothing. It should be safe, now. He works an arm around Lu Han's chest and drags him onto the bed, laying him out flat on the covers. Lu Han takes deep, regular breaths, chest rising and falling as it should, and Jongin relaxes a fraction. This is bad, but not as awful as the time Lu Han had been accidentally shrunk. Lu Han's not at risk of being stepped on while Jongin goes to get a Remedy from Yixing.
That time, Jongin had still been able to hear Lu Han in his head at normal volume, even though his body had been only a few inches tall, because Lu Han's consciousness wasn't dependent on a single form. So, Jongin thinks, working through it logically, if this body is asleep, but the others aren't...
He dons his left gauntlet, where Lu Han's materia is flashing urgently at him.
"Finally," Lu Han says, speaking mind-to-mind. "What happened? I can't see anything."
"You're...um..." Jongin sighs, there being no easy way to break the news. "You're asleep. I mean, the status Sleep. That wasn't a jar of lip balm. It was Dream Powder."
"Perfect. Just how I wanted to spend my night." Lu Han's words have an irritating buzz in Jongin's head, signalling his agitation.
"I'm sorry," Jongin says. "I'm going to get dressed and go ask Yixing for a Remedy. You'll be awake in a minute."
"Don't bother," Lu Han advises him. "Waste of a Remedy. Sleep wears off by itself eventually, or...you can wake me up."
"I can?" Jongin knows that Sleep is one of the status ailments with a finite lifespan, but he's never heard that there's a way to escape it before the allotted time is up. "How?"
"It's easy." There's a smug edge to Lu Han's mental voice that suggests it's going to be anything but, and a chill runs down Jongin's spine. "All you have to do is...touch me."
"I just did," Jongin points out. "That's how I put you on the bed. And you didn't wake up."
"Because it's not enough. I didn't even feel you doing that. It'll take a lot more stimulation to work its way through the Sleep state."
Jongin swallows so loudly he figures Lu Han can probably hear him despite his lack of consciousness. This is getting weird, and he's not at all sure about the way his stomach clenches up when Lu Han says 'stimulation'. "What...kind of stimulation?"
"Touch me like you would when I'm awake," Lu Han suggests, and Jongin's pretty certain Lu Han's not asking Jongin to punch him in the face. "Or pretend I'm awake, but too tired to move. I'll start to feel it more and more, and then I'll wake up. I think, anyway. And if that doesn't work, then you can go get a Remedy. Good luck explaining why you need one to Yixing, though."
Better to explain to Yixing than to Sehun, who would never let him live it down. Jongin doesn't remember much about him, but he remembers enough to be sure of this. He'd rather spare himself the embarrassment if he can.
And really, how difficult can it be? He's no stranger to touching Lu Han. He enjoys touching Lu Han, and Lu Han wants to be touched. Jongin can do this. Definitely.
Only it's strange, seeing Lu Han lying prone on the bed, fast asleep and unable to communicate with him except in his head. Jongin has never touched anyone for his own pleasure, or for theirs if he weren't being compensated in some way - being with Lu Han is compensation enough in itself, but Lu Han has never been his customer, and Jongin's still learning what it means to actually want to be with another human being. He has free rein now and he's not entirely sure what to do with it.
He sits on the edge of the mattress and studies Lu Han's sleeping face for a moment. So calm, so peaceful, without even a flicker of his long, dark eyelashes while he waits for Jongin to wake him up. A bespelled sleeper destined to be woken by his prince, like a ballet from Jongin's childhood. He'd had to kiss a princess, then, and had been young enough not to be trading his kisses in payment yet, while his family could still afford to send him for lessons. Kisses were icky; his teacher had had to keep reminding him not to wipe his mouth during the performance, lest his princess be offended and smack him in front of all the parents who'd come to watch.
Lu Han, pretty though he is, is no princess, but Jongin decides to try it anyway. He leans down, steadying himself with one hand on the pillow, and presses his lips lightly to Lu Han's.
This isn't a ballet. There's no sudden swell of music from the side of the stage, or a change in lighting colour from blue to pink. No applause from the audience when the princess gracefully - as graceful as a twelve-year old girl can manage, anyway - sits up and looks at him with wonder in her eyes. Lu Han remains stubbornly asleep.
"Did you feel that?" Jongin asks him, mind-to-mind.
"Feel what?" Lu Han says.
Jongin sighs. "Never mind."
So much for the magic of childhood memories. He's an adult now, and he's allowed to play like one.
But not with kisses, because he worries that he'll restrict Lu Han's air supply too much and Lu Han won't even notice to tell him. He appears to be breathing fine through his nose, but Jongin prefers not to chance it.
Hands, then. Jongin brushes Lu Han's hair away from his closed eyes and lets his fingers trace the outline of that small, perfect face. It's easier if he pretends Lu Han's awake and only playing at being asleep - which is true, sort of, because in the back of his mind there's an impatient hum that's not sleepy at all. He trails along soft, pale skin, skimming over slack lips and feeling warm breath on his fingertips, brushing against the faintest hint of stubble on his way down Lu Han's jaw.
"Anything yet?" he asks.
"Are you trying to tickle me?" Lu Han says. "Because I don't think that's going to work. Think fingernails. And teeth. Then I might notice."
Lu Han having materialised without clothes saves Jongin the trouble of trying to remove them. He feels a trifle silly, wearing nothing but a single gauntlet himself, but it's the only way they can communicate for the time being. It means that when he crawls further onto the bed, pressing himself nearer to Lu Han so as not to fall off, it's skin against skin and that's familiar, comfortable in a way he's used to.
But Lu Han wants to be uncomfortable. That's not so much in Jongin's repertoire. He'd had one customer who'd wanted to feel Jongin's nails raking down his back as he came, but...
Lu Han has nice arms, muscles clearly defined - from lifting boxes of books, he says - and Jongin enjoys being wrapped in them. That's not an option now, so he leans on his side and settles his bare right hand on Lu Han's left shoulder, angles the fingers in a claw, and drags his nails down one slow inch at a time, tapering off at the wrist. Lu Han's skin is pale but the thin stripes Jongin leaves behind are paler still: narrow trails of white, flaking around the edges. There's no response from Lu Han, so Jongin repeats his actions down the other arm, pressing harder this time. He has to keep reminding himself that nothing he can do to Lu Han here will stay with him permanently. He worries that he'll leave bruises, or that his nails are so ragged that he'll end up slicing the skin.
"That was almost something," Lu Han says, not sounding remotely like someone whose partner has just tried to claw them open. "Are you using feathers?"
Jongin slumps down against the pillow. It's going to be a long night.
The scratches don't fade as quickly as he expects. He licks a stripe along the nearest one to make it disappear. Lu Han's unlikely to feel that, if stronger sensation is lost on him, but Jongin continues anyway, feeling better when he can no longer see what he's done.
Perhaps Lu Han would be more likely to notice somewhere more...sensitive. Between his legs, certainly, but that's a bit more sexual than Jongin feels comfortable with, under the circumstances. And the inner thighs, well...Jongin has his own reasons for not wanting to harm Lu Han there, and Lu Han's seen why. There are other options, however.
"Can I roll you over onto your stomach?" Jongin asks.
"You can do what you like, I told you that."
Lu Han doesn't sound in the least bit concerned. It amazes Jongin that anyone can have so much trust in him. In Lu Han's position, he's not sure he'd be able to be so calm - not because he thinks Lu Han will hurt him, but because trusting anyone is so difficult, and although Jongin's getting more practice at it every day, it's not a skill that comes readily to him and likely never will be.
He retreats enough to give himself room to work his hands under Lu Han's hips and knees. It takes some careful handling not to smush his face into the pillows, but he's soon settled on his stomach, bare back exposed and ready for Jongin's ministrations. Jongin kneels beside him, positions his right hand between Lu Han's shoulderblades, and draws a set of five white lines down the centre of his back. One set elicits no reaction, so Jongin scrapes his nails over the skin again and again, watching white become red, sore and angry, until Lu Han hums softly in his mind.
"Feeling anything?"
"This is starting to remind me of a massage I got in Wutai once," Lu Han says dreamily. "Whatever you're doing, keep going?"
"I'm not sure I can," Jongin confesses. "I'll break the skin if I keep scratching you like this."
"It wouldn't be the first time I'd bled in your world."
"I know, but-"
"You can't damage me, Jongin," Lu Han tries to reassure him. "Not like this."
"It's not...this is weird for me, okay? I'm hurting you and you're so far removed from your body that you hardly even notice. Just because it won't last doesn't make it any easier for me."
"Sorry." Lu Han's not sending a picture this time; rather, it's a feeling, a bundle of love and trust wrapped up in gratitude that makes Jongin feel warm and appreciated. "I know this probably isn't much fun for you."
"Is it fun for you?"
"Not the part where you're fretting over it," Lu Han says. "I don't enjoy making you upset. But what you're doing...yeah, that can be."
Jongin understands that. His customers had been plainer in their desires, for the most part, but he's seen some of the kinds of things that people can enjoy doing together - has enjoyed some of it himself, with Lu Han, and if he ever gets his hands on another Spider Web he plans on putting it to good use. It's just that they haven't discussed this, much. Lu Han's been happy to help Jongin explore his tastes and figure out what he might like now that he's with someone he actually wants, and while Jongin often has trouble articulating them, he is, at least, more comfortable now with the idea that he is allowed to want things.
Lu Han is, of course, allowed to want things too, but somehow the subject doesn't seem to crop up much. Jongin knows that there are things Lu Han enjoys: the collar around his neck is proof of that, and Lu Han touches it frequently when they're together. They haven't really discussed, however, what Lu Han might like Jongin to do to him.
"It...feels good to you?" Jongin asks tentatively. "The pain?"
"I'm not feeling much of anything right now," Lu Han says. "I can tell you're doing something to my back, and there's pressure, but it's too indistinct for me to identify. Your fingers?"
"Fingernails," Jongin confirms.
"If I could feel sensations properly, I wouldn't mind that. It's," Jongin receives an impression of Lu Han smiling in his mind, "pleasant. Satisfying, if you do it slowly."
"Even though it hurts?"
"Because it hurts." Lu Han attempts to explain. "It's like, uh, drawing everything to the surface, pulling it all together in a limited area so it all feels more intense?"
"Not intense enough to wake you up."
"Not yet, anyway. Do you think you can keep going?"
Jongin gnaws on his lip a moment, unsure how to answer. He feels bad about being unable to give Lu Han what he wants, but now that his body is his own to do with as he pleases, he'd be taking a substantial step backwards if he agreed to do something that makes him so uncomfortable, regardless of his reasons. "I...I don't think so. Knowing that you like it helps, but I can't make you bleed, and that's what's going to happen if I keep scratching you like this. I'm sorry."
"You can go ask Yixing for a Remedy, if you want," Lu Han says kindly. "This isn't worth making yourself miserable over."
"There has to be something else we could try." Jongin considers Lu Han's earlier suggestion of teeth, but it seems likely that Lu Han won't actually notice any bite short of one deep enough to remove chunks of flesh, and Jongin's definitely not going down that route. "I could...I don't know, if all you need is a massive sensation, I could just punch you in the stomach? I'm pretty sure you'd wake up then."
"Not quite the solution I was hoping for," Lu Han says with a wince strong enough for Jongin to feel it in his mind. "Let's save that one as a last resort, shall we? But you've given me an idea. Have you ever spanked anyone before?"
Jongin wonders if there will ever come a day when Lu Han can no longer surprise him. Today is not shaping up to be that day. "Um...no?" Sector 7 slum kids trying to pick his pocket totally don't count.
"You won't have to worry about making me bleed," Lu Han says. "And you'd be doing something to me that I'd enjoy a lot more than a punch in the stomach."
"Even when you're awake?"
"We can talk about that later."
If there is a later. Jongin has no idea what the future holds for them. For the time being he follows Lu Han's instructions, raising him up with pillows under his hips because he's unable to support himself, and ensuring there's plenty of room for his legs to move, should he suddenly wake up.
"Now stand next to the bed," Lu Han orders. "Does the angle work for you, or do I need to be higher?"
Jongin feels more than a little ridiculous, and Lu Han lying there fast asleep with his bottom propped up in the air doesn't help matters. Still, he gamely raises his right hand up high, then lowers it slowly to tap Lu Han's left cheek. "I think it's okay," he says. "What...what do you want me to do? I mean, I know what you want me to do, but-" He trails off in embarrassment, certain that his face is as red as the scratches still marring Lu Han's back.
"We'll take it slow and see what happens," Lu Han says. "Maybe the first one will wake me up and you won't need to do any more. Bring your hand down once, hard, where it's nice and fleshy. Not like you're trying to kill monsters, but not soft like you'd smack a naughty kid, either."
Jongin braces himself with a couple of deep, calming breaths, places his left hand on Lu Han's back to keep him in place, and delivers one good, firm smack exactly as ordered. His hand leaves a light pink patch in its wake, a solid splash of colour against pale skin. Lu Han doesn't move.
"Anything?" Jongin asks.
"It feels like you just patted me with a pillow," Lu Han says. "Another couple of times, and try to aim for the same spot if you can."
Jongin doesn't quite manage to land the next two dead centre. The pink splotch is spreading now, warm to the touch when he presses his tingling palm to it.
"That's better," Lu Han praises him. He sounds less...controlled. More languid. "That had a bit of bite to it. Another five, if you can."
It's not so much a matter of physical ability, because Jongin's more than capable of delivering a spanking. It's not something he's ever done to someone who's asked for it, though, much less someone who would actively enjoy it, and certainly not his partner. He hopes that whatever sensation Lu Han's receiving from this is worth it, because Jongin's not deriving any enjoyment from it, personally.
Not until Lu Han lets out a soft moan, three strikes into the five, and floods Jongin's brain with a sense of warm, fuzzy giddiness that he recognises from the times they've been intimate while he's been wearing his gauntlets. Hitting Lu Han is not, in itself, fun for Jongin. Giving Lu Han pleasure, any way he can, is another story. He lands the next two smacks, spreading them out. Lu Han's pink all over now, and Jongin's so focused on placing his strikes so as not to hit less padded areas that he almost misses Lu Han's toes twitching.
"You moved!" Jongin exclaims happily. This can only be a positive sign.
"I'm definitely feeling it more." Lu Han's mental voice is rather muzzy. "Another five? That might do it."
Jongin watches carefully this time; Lu Han's toes kick out, rocking his feet on the bed. He continues to make wordless, appreciative noises in Jongin's mind, volume spiking when Jongin runs his hand lightly over the reddened, sensitive skin. It looks so uncomfortable and Jongin can't wrap his head around why it feels so good to Lu Han, who will clearly be quite sore when he wakes.
But as both a dancer and a fighter, Jongin's spent much of his life trying to minimise the pain he suffers, knowing all the while that it's inescapable. To become flexible, muscles must be stretched, and one doesn't sink one's fist into a monster's belly without incurring the full force of the blow. He leads an unavoidably physical life.
Lu Han, on the other hand, runs a bookshop in a coastal city where no one - save the other Summons - has ever seen a monster, much less fought one, and although he's mentioned a fair few times about how he keeps in shape to play football, the reality is that his life is far more mundane and safer than Jongin's. They have a different understanding of what it means to experience pain. Lu Han's had worse, his first time being summoned, and Jongin's not sure that even his most painful experience can compare to being torn apart by wolves - a few scratches and smacks are nothing in comparison, and a blow requested from a lover is considerably less devastating than a monster attack.
Though just as intense, perhaps, to judge by the hoarse mental cry Lu Han lets out on the last of the five. Jongin jumps, not expecting the sudden change in response.
"Was that too much?" he blurts out in alarm. "Did I hurt you?"
Lu Han manages a ragged chuckle. "Hurting me is the point, Jongin. And it's working - I'm feeling everything much more clearly now. You're doing really well."
It's an odd sort of thing to be praised for, Jongin thinks, but it feels good anyway, as does any kind of praise from Lu Han. He needs that reassurance that he's doing the right thing, that this is genuinely what Lu Han wants from him. "Do you think you'll need much more? My hand's kind of stinging." He's used to inflicting damage with a closed fist, not with an open handed smack, and his own skin is as red as Lu Han's where the two have been in contact.
"You could use something else?" Lu Han suggests. "Still got that belt I lent you earlier?"
Jongin doesn't even want to contemplate how that would feel, hammering down on Lu Han's skin. Using his own body is...not comfortable, but at least it's intimate and hands-on enough that he doesn't feel like he's somehow punishing Lu Han. Using an object seems too much like distancing himself, making it a more detached experience, something he could be doing with another person. He can barely handle doing this with Lu Han, let alone anyone else.
"I'll bear with it."
"I'll kiss it better later," Lu Han teases. "Another four? If you're okay to continue."
Jongin's so tempted to say no, to tell Lu Han that this is it, he's tired and sore and so ready to stop now. He doesn't. Instead he counts the strikes under his breath, hoping with each one that it'll be enough to rouse Lu Han. He can't wait for this to be over. The first elicits another cry and a tiny kick. The second, Jongin thinks he hears a sound coming from Lu Han's throat, only it's so faint and muffled he can't be sure. On the third, he's positive that he's not imagining things. Lu Han's stopped responding in his mind; the sharp gasp he hears is the reaction of the sleeping body before him, not the wide awake counterpart in another world.
Lu Han's eyes are still closed; his body, not yet awake, but when Jongin listens more closely his breathing is no longer in an even, rhythmic pattern, but a series of shudders through an open mouth. In the back of Jongin's mind, Lu Han says: "You missed one."
One more isn't enough, and Jongin waits for Lu Han to give him another number. It's slow in coming. He rubs his sore arm and thinks longingly of a nice hot soak until he's finally commanded to deliver another four smacks.
"Nearly there." Lu Han doesn't sound terribly steady, composure sacrificed for sensation. "You're so good, waiting for me to tell you how many. If I asked you to just keep going until I woke up, would you?"
Jongin doesn't even have to think twice about it. "No."
"Why not? You can't possibly miss it when I wake."
"I...I need you to tell me how many," Jongin says haltingly. "What if something went wrong and I didn't notice? What if you couldn't tell me? I don't want that."
"You know nothing you do to me here will have any lasting effect, right?"
"That doesn't mean you won't have bad memories. I don't want you to have any more of those. Especially not with me."
"A lot of my happy memories are with you, in one life or the other," Lu Han says, and there's that nebulous, comforting warmth again. "Despite the circumstances, I'm still counting this as one of them. Another four."
Jongin resigns himself to the fact that he and Lu Han are going to have to agree to disagree on the nature of their current situation. Jongin is never, ever, going to carry Dream Powder around again. Waiting for Lu Han to become responsive is simply too nervewracking.
But at least the end is in sight, and can't come a moment too soon for Jongin's hand, which feels like someone's been using him for a pincushion, and the rest of his arm's in equally bad shape. When he fights, it's never this repetitive, movements considerably more varied because monsters generally do not wait around in the same position to be spanked. Lu Han offering to 'kiss it better' is unlikely to have much effect.
"Four," Jongin agrees. "But that's...that's it, okay? I don't want to have to go to Yixing and ask him to use Restore materia on me all because you don't want to waste a Remedy."
"I don't care about the Remedy," Lu Han says. "What I didn't want to waste was an opportunity."
Jongin processes this silently, not even realising he's shut Lu Han out until a small, agitated voice paws at the edge of his mind, asking to be let back in because he can't hear Jongin anymore. But Lu Han's not a puppy Jongin's just chased outside for gnawing on his shoes - he's a grown man, for all that he still looks like a teenager, and he's considerably more manipulative than a puppy.
Reluctantly, Jongin drops the barrier between them so Lu Han can hear him again, and sinks down on the edge of the mattress. It's easier to talk about this if he doesn't have to look at Lu Han's sleeping body behind him. "Please tell me you didn't get yourself put to sleep on purpose. Please."
"I didn't," Lu Han says, as seriously as if Jongin has just threatened to throw him overboard. "I promise. I don't get to spend so much time with you that I can afford to let some of it pass by while I'm unconscious."
"Then why didn't you let me get a Remedy?" If they were speaking aloud, Jongin would be yelling in frustration. As it is, he hears himself losing his temper in his head. Maybe that will help Lu Han wake up.
"Because...I thought this might be the only time you'd be willing to touch me like this? I told you, Jongin: I like how it feels - and especially when it's with you because I trust you."
"You've done this with people you haven't trusted?"
"People I've paid to be trustworthy?" Lu Han says lightly, and Jongin flinches away from the reminder of Lu Han's checkered history. "But mostly they tend to assume things about someone who asks to be hurt. You don't. I'm not interested in handing over control to anyone else - and you're not good at taking it, anyway. I just want to feel."
"You got that," Jongin says. "And you'll really notice it when you wake up."
"That's the idea." Lu Han sighs. "Would you have spanked me if I'd been awake?"
"Um..." Jongin honestly has no idea how to answer. He doesn't like hurting people...yet he does like making Lu Han happy, and he's struggling to reconcile the two in his head. "Maybe if you'd asked me? I don't know. I don't like being surprised like this."
"I didn't know how to ask," Lu Han says. "I'm sorry. I never expected a situation like this to come up."
Lu Han would've had to have been able to predict the future to foresee this particular turn of events, and to the best of Jongin's knowledge, that's not a power any of his friends possess. He hopes this is a one-time thing. Having an unconscious Lu Han sprung on him, after the rest of the day he's had, is more than he ever wants to deal with again.
"It's okay to ask me for things," Jongin says, and he wants to laugh because how many times has Lu Han said those exact same words to him? "The worst I can do is say 'no', right?"
"I'm more worried you'll say 'yes' when you don't mean it."
"I wouldn't-" Jongin starts, but he's too used to submitting to whatever his partner wants, telling himself it doesn't matter because he's doing it to get something he wants in return. It's different with Lu Han: what they want is usually the same thing, or close enough, and there's no need to hide himself away.
Usually. That's not to say it hasn't happened, because it has.
"You would, and you have," Lu Han corrects him gently. "Remember Midgar?"
Jongin remembers. Lying back and waiting for Lu Han to take what he wanted, because why shouldn't he? Easier than explaining his feelings. He wouldn't do the same now. They've come a long way since those days, when he'd believed Lu Han to be some sort of magical, omniscient creature who would never steer him wrong. Those illusions have been shattered, and replaced by truth - some of it, extracted from Lu Han with great difficulty. Their conversations are not always easy, and this one, conducted solely in Jongin's head, is proving to be extremely trying. Jongin would much prefer them both to be conscious, and speaking aloud, where he's less likely to have his thoughts interpreted as his answers.
The only way he's going to get that is if he does something about it himself.
"I should've said something then, and I didn't," Jongin says, reaching for his shorts. "But I can't keep talking about this with you while you're asleep, okay? I'll be back in a minute."
It's more like five minutes by the time he's back with a Remedy, red as a tomato from evading Minseok's questions on what trouble Lu Han's got himself into this time. (Yixing, at least, hadn't asked, only handed over the bottle with a knowing smile before returning to his card game with Minseok.) Arranging Lu Han takes some doing. Jongin has to roll him over and prop him up enough to not tilt the lip of the bottle straight up his nose. Lu Han's body isn't conscious enough yet to be of much help, but that also means he doesn't fight it when Jongin sets the bottle between his teeth and lets a few drops trickle out, or when Jongin gently pinches his nostrils to encourage him to swallow.
Lu Han wakes with a splutter, liquid leaking from the corners of his lips. There's no gradual return to consciousness, not from a magically-induced sleep. He's alert at once, blinking up at the overhead light as Jongin hands him a water bottle to wash away the taste of the Remedy.
"Thanks." Lu Han gulps down a couple of mouthfuls of water before setting the bottle down on the nightstand, next to Jongin's gauntlets - both of them, because Jongin's had enough conversations inside his head for one day. "I should've let you do that to start with, shouldn't I?"
Jongin nods, so relieved to see Lu Han awake that he's not even sure what to say. He should be annoyed, he thinks, about the way Lu Han turned the situation to his advantage. His right arm and hand are sore, he's exhausted, he's still shaken up from almost losing Lu Han that morning, and all he really wants to do right now is not talk for a bit, because he's not sure he can make the words come out the way he wants them to. Being with Lu Han is a frustrating, maddening experience, always full of surprises - but it's also one of the most amazing parts of Jongin's life and he's grateful for every single moment that they have together.
Maybe not this particular moment, though...
He sits down on the edge of the mattress, eyes fixed on the floor, letting his hands rest on his thighs for want of a better place to put them. His palm tingles against the fabric of his shorts and he momentarily regrets not asking Yixing to heal him. But it's not as if he's unused to pain, and he thinks it might be easier to live with than the humiliation. Yixing would certainly ask what Jongin had done, to suffer such unusually limited injuries, and under no circumstances is Jongin ever telling anyone about this. Not because he thinks there's anything wrong with what they've been doing, but because the inevitable teasing will lead to a painful, messy death as all the blood in his body rises to his face in embarrassment.
There's a tentative brush of fingers along his hip, and then a wince, as Lu Han's movements have his bruised skin scraping against the sheets. Jongin's eyes flicker down to see Lu Han rolling carefully onto his side, a curve of reddened flesh just visible as he turns. It's an uncomfortable reminder.
"Should I...um..." Jongin swallows, mouth suddenly dry, which doesn't help his ability to speak one whit. "Should I, I don't know, put some lotion or something on you?"
Lu Han shakes his head. "Don't worry about it. I'll enjoy it for a little while, and then it'll disappear when I do. How about you?" He holds out a hand; Jongin hesitates for a few seconds, puzzled, until he remembers Lu Han's offer to 'kiss it better'.
"I don't think that's going to help," he says quietly. It's a nice gesture, but purely symbolic at this point unless Lu Han's lips have somehow acquired magical healing properties. He doesn't extend his hand in return.
"So what would help?" Lu Han asks, voice equally soft.
The first things that spring to mind are impossibilities: turning back time to Lu Han appearing in the cabin, a long soak in the baths at the Honey Bee Inn (for all the brothel's other faults, the baths had been the height of luxury), Jongin learning to be less accommodating when confronted with a surprising, perplexing and distressing request. None of that's going to happen, although he thinks the last one is something he can work on in the future.
"You did something amazing for me tonight," Lu Han says when Jongin doesn't respond. "Even though it made you uncomfortable."
"Because I didn't know." The words catch in Jongin's throat. "I...I told you: I don't like being surprised like that."
Lu Han not telling him everything is a familiar problem, but not when it comes to things like this, that have nothing to do with their past lives or their destiny, and everything to do with the people they are now - their likes and dislikes, their hopes and their dreams. The strangers who'd paid for Jongin's body had usually communicated their desires upfront, leaving him to do his job within agreed, understood boundaries. With Lu Han, he lacks that advantage. They work things out together, learning what they can do to make each other feel good - and Lu Han, whose experience is considerably more varied, has no shortage of suggestions for things Jongin might like to try, encouraging him but never pushing him further than he's willing to go.
But tonight...well. Jongin can't recall Lu Han ever mentioning a liking for pain, and given that he's been an active participant in it tonight, he'd rather have liked to have had at least an inkling of it beforehand.
"I know," Lu Han says. "I know I should've said something before. But I didn't think you'd want to try it. You're always so gentle with me."
Lu Han is smaller than Jongin, though not by much, and while he's deadly with a sword, he's less so when he's unarmed. Jongin, in contrast, specialises in unarmed combat, and he's always conscious that when it comes down to inflicting damage with his hands alone, he's far better equipped to dish it out than any of his friends. That awareness makes him extra careful when he's with Lu Han, even with the knowledge that nothing he does will last.
"Then what made you think I would tonight?" Jongin asks, meeting Lu Han's eyes with an accusatory gaze.
"I...didn't." Lu Han pushes himself up onto one hand, reducing the distance between them as he leans up towards Jongin, and Jongin's not sure he's ever seen his Summon look so serious - or so guilty. "But then the chance came up, and I thought maybe it wouldn't take much to wake me up, you know? And then it did, and I got kind of carried away, enjoying the sensations. I'm so sorry."
"Do you...do you like it better?" The knots tying themselves in Jongin's stomach suggest he's not entirely positive he wants to know the answer, because of what it could mean for them, but he has to ask. "If it hurts?"
"Not 'better'," Lu Han says, and Jongin feels one of the knots begin to dissolve. "But I do like it. I'm not asking you to like it, though."
"Good," Jongin says frankly, "because I'm not sure if I can." He's had plenty of practice at doing things he dislikes, or has no interest in. Just not since meeting Lu Han. "Even if I hadn't found out like this."
Lu Han looks down at the sheets. "Don't worry. I won't ask about it again."
"Um...you can ask?" Jongin says, and Lu Han's eyes flick back up to lock onto his, a question unspoken on parted lips. "I want you to ask. How else am I supposed to know what you want if you won't tell me?"
"But what if what I want and what you want are two different things?"
"Then we'll deal with it. It's not like we can't work things out." Jongin fumbles for an example, finding one in the corner of his memory reserved for things he knows he doesn't enjoy. "Like that time with the silk ties?"
Lu Han breaks into a grin. "I've never seen anyone teleport to get out of restraints before. I guess it's a good thing you still had your gauntlets on, given how much you hated being tied down."
"Yeah, so we didn't do it again," Jongin says. "We found a way around it."
Jongin's good at obeying instructions, because when someone else is telling him how to move, it takes the pressure off him. He's still a dancer, for all that his opportunities to dance are few and far between these days, and he's quick to learn new choreography, whether he's moving to music or to the whim of a customer. His options have always been limited. He'd liked knowing what his customers had expected of him, but with Lu Han...well, Lu Han doesn't expect anything at all, and that's when Jongin has to try to figure him out. Where he likes to be touched, and how. What makes him laugh, and what makes him shy away.
Most of the time, Jongin's okay with that. But sometimes, when he wants nothing more than a familiar, comforting routine, one that doesn't involve him having to work out what to do with his hands, or his mouth, or any other body part that Lu Han might conceivably want on him, it's easier not to move. Lu Han had been the one to turn it into a game between them: first with a disastrous, never-to-be-repeated experiment that had seen Jongin panicking badly enough to teleport out of the silken bonds tying him to the bed, and then with a simple command for him to keep still, which had suited him much better. That, they'd managed to discuss like two adults - after a fashion, even with Jongin stumbling over his words in embarrassment and Lu Han trying to guess (badly) at the meaning. Now they even have non-verbal signals that Jongin can use to communicate to Lu Han when that's what he wants.
"We did," Lu Han agrees. "But that was something I liked too. A lot, actually."
That had come as no surprise to either of them, considering the collar and Lu Han's possessive nature. But Jongin doesn't mind. Willingly handing himself over to Lu Han doesn't diminish him, doesn't make him feel like he's nothing more than someone else's possession. It's a choice he makes, and a possession can't make choices, can it? He's still his own man - it's just that he's Lu Han's, too, and letting Lu Han have that measure of control over him is comforting, when Jongin doesn't want it for himself. It's not as though he can't take it back when he needs to.
"Just because I don't like hurting you doesn't mean I'm not willing to do...something." Jongin shrugs, flushing as he adds, "I like making you feel good."
"What would make me feel really good right now is knowing that you're okay," Lu Han says, and that has the remaining knots in Jongin's stomach melting away into a sudden pool of warmth. "I don't mean your hand."
"The rest of me's not so great either," Jongin admits.
Lu Han lowers himself back down against the sheets: still on his side, no longer propped up on his elbow. He extends that arm in an invitation to Jongin, beckoning him in, and Jongin accepts, swinging his legs up onto the mattress as he fits himself next to Lu Han. Jongin's still wearing his shorts; Lu Han's wearing nothing but blossoming bruises. He might as well be fully dressed. One hand settles low on Jongin's back and the other combs soothingly through the hair at the base of his neck; he's grateful that Lu Han knows him so well, knows better than to think this is leading to anything more than some much-needed snuggles.
"Better?" Lu Han asks.
"I will be." It's easier to forget about the outside when the cabin has no windows, and Jongin can pretend they're still in Junon, perhaps, on any other night, and not on their way to save - or possibly bring about the end of - the world. He lets himself relax, finally, wrapped in Lu Han's gentle warmth. He won't lose himself entirely to the happy distraction, however. "When you agree to talk to me about what you want."
"Persistent, aren't you?"
They both are. "If you don't ask, you definitely don't get," Jongin says, shaking his head for emphasis, and Lu Han smiles at him with pride.
"I'll ask," Lu Han says, "if you promise me you won't agree to anything you don't want, just to make me happy."
Jongin thinks there's probably less danger of that happening now - all he'll have to do, if tempted, is remember the ordeal of this night, and that should be more than sufficient to put him off. "I promise, but I don't really know? There's no way I can do anything that makes you bleed, and...um...I don't know about using objects. Beyond that, I have no idea?"
Lu Han hums thoughtfully for a moment. "That's fair. You don't know what you don't know."
"Did you know? I mean, do you remember what you liked before?"
"Bits and pieces. But," Lu Han's hand slides from Jongin's hair to give the back of his neck a light squeeze, "I don't think it matters. We've led different lives this time around - we're not the same people we used to be. Even in this life, we're changing all the time. You're definitely not the same guy I found at the Honey Bee Inn."
"And you're not what I thought you were when I stole your materia."
"No?"
"No." Jongin moves to curl an arm around Lu Han's waist, realises it's probably a bad idea right now, and mirrors his actions instead, resting his fingers on Lu Han's neck in turn. "But I like you better like this. That guy refused to tell me anything."
"That guy didn't know what he was doing. He still doesn't." Lu Han nudges them together on the pillow until their foreheads touch, and his breath is warm on Jongin's skin. "But he's willing to work it out if you are."
Jongin meets a pair of hopeful eyes with his own, finding the confusing mix of uncertainty, faith, and sheer, overwhelming love that he feels himself. Considering the changes between one life and the next, their fights and misunderstandings, the difference in their backgrounds and their respective trust issues, things will never be completely smooth and uncomplicated between them. They've lived too much for that. If they survive the next few days, they'll continue to grow, and to develop as people...and if they're both very lucky, they'll do so in complementary ways. But even if they're unlucky, they'll make it through as long as they're together.
Lu Han's not perfect. Jongin's not, either. But somehow, they're perfect for each other.