[EXO] [PD5] Mazed and Confused 1/2
Title: Mazed and Confused 1/2
Fandom: EXO (sort of fused with Final Fantasy VII)
Series: Phoenix Down (#5)
Rating: R
Genre: AU, crossover (sort of)
Word count: 10,167
Disclaimer: Not mine, damnit.
Warnings: Contains a brief scene from Kai's colourful past which includes both sex and violence (non-graphic).
Summary: A random encounter with a Malboro leaves Kai with a status ailment he doesn't trust anyone enough to cure.
A/N: 5th in the Phoenix Down series, so please see Sweet as Honey, Sharp as a Sword for explanations. Takes place after Dress to Kill, but if you haven't read Frozen Light some of this might not make sense. For the hc_bingo square 'telepathic trauma'. Crossposted to AO3
Thank you very much to MC for helping me make bad memories worse. <3
There were a number of songs I found instrumental in writing this piece of the puzzle; if you'd like a listen, you'll find them at this link. Tracklisting below.
'Halaliyot' - Berry Sakharof
'How Do Ya Feel Tonight' - Bryan Adams
'Tomorrow' - Lukan
'Why' - NEWS
'Push' - Matchbox 20
'Four Walls' - Cast
'Living on a Thin Line' - The Kinks
'How Will You Go' - Crowded House
'Who Am I' - FFVII OST
'Anxious Hearts' - FFVII OST
Mazed and Confused 1/2
Kai's always been alone, one way or another. Even when he was working regularly, and surrounded by people, he was effectively by himself. Then he met Lu Han, who guided him first to Lay and then to Kris, and now, with their Summons Minseok and Baekhyun, they're a regular party. Kris is running the show; Kai's still adapting to that, to having someone else actually take him into consideration when making decisions. Kris doesn't always make the right choices but even when he's wrong, he gives reasons Kai can understand and appreciate, which goes a long way towards keeping things running smoothly in the team.
What Kai doesn't understand is what Kris is searching for. There's a pattern in the jobs he takes, Kai's certain of it, but whatever it is, it's not clear to the rest of them and asking Kris about it leads nowhere. One week they'll be clearing out monsters from a church in the Sector 5 slums, with Kris taking the priest aside afterwards to ask him something privately, and the next they'll be travelling out to chocobo farms in search of a rustler, who, upon being found, is subjected by Kris to an interrogation with seemingly nothing to do with chocobos.
"Everyone has their secrets," Lay says philosophically when Kai tries to broach the subject with him. "I do. You certainly do. If Kris wants to keep his, let him. He hasn't kept anything from us that would get us killed - so far."
"So far."
Kai's too used to making his own choices - albeit not so much, since finding Lu Han - and he has trouble adopting Lay's laidback approach. Kris is a wholly unknown quantity: friendly enough, on the surface, but hard to get to know. He says he's motivated by money, and true enough, their finances are shaping up nicely. But Kai's seen him turn down high-paying jobs to take ones in completely the opposite direction, for the most arbitrary of reasons.
The logical assumption is that like Kai, Kris is searching for his past self. (Lay seems less concerned about such matters.) Their Summons have told them nothing further. Lu Han's indicated that there are more of them to find; Kai assumes that if he knew where they were, he'd have arranged for them to meet already. He's prone to doing that.
That said, Lu Han's been showing markedly more restraint since the Don Corneo affair. They've had little privacy since then; when Lu Han emerges from his orb, it's usually for a battle rather than to spend quality time with his master and most of their conversations in front of the others have been purely practical in nature.
They've also been spoken aloud, on both sides. Kai prefers not to carry on a one-sided conversation with Lu Han where the others might hear, and when he does succeed in achieving time alone, Lu Han's doing a better job of staying out of his head. It's better that way, Kai thinks, because the last thing he wants to do is hurt his Summon, but some of his thoughts these days are not the most flattering.
Not the most flattering...but at least they're his own.
At the moment they're not terribly positive, although admittedly that has more to do with the bad weather than with Lu Han. Their latest job happens to be a simple search-and-destroy - a request from a mining company whose workers keep ending up as snacks for a giant serpent near the mythril mines - and it's raining so hard Kai actually wishes he'd been to the mines before so he could teleport ahead. The only reason they're doing this now is because the rain's not due to let up for another two days and their client can't afford to lose any more miners. It's a miserable ride.
"Any sign of the serpent?" Kai calls out to Kris, who's riding in the lead.
"All I see is a giant wall of water!" Kris shouts back, not bothering to turn his head. "It's supposed to be thirty feet tall; I don't think we're going to miss it!"
Kai agrees that this sounds unlikely to happen. Between the heavy rain and the wind blowing his bangs into his eyes, his vision is unusually limited, but a giant serpent over five times his height should be impossible to miss. He's given up on trying to keep his hood tied over his hair. If he's going to get soaked, he might as well do it thoroughly. He can always teleport himself somewhere warm and dry afterwards - although that wouldn't be fair to the others, and he'd have to count on them to take his chocobo back to Midgar.
Riding next to Kai, Lay comments, "Isn't it getting dark rather early?"
"Dark?" Kai realises a shadow has fallen across his vision - what little he can see is now gloomier than before. It's only mid-morning. He looks up, expecting to see fierce black storm clouds...only to find a monster serpent looming over them from behind.
"Kris!" he yells. "Turn around!"
Kris guides his chocobo into a tight turn and rides back to them, by which time Kai and Lay have come to a halt and are staring up at what the miners have said is called 'Midgar Zolom'. It's an ugly beast: greenish-grey scales as far as the eye can see along the great coils of its body - coils large enough to crush them all, if they're unlucky enough to be caught. Enormous fangs threaten them from above; Kai can't see clearly but he thinks they have to be at least as long as his arm. If one stabs him anywhere but the mythril in his gauntlets, it'll go straight through his body - and even mythril might be insufficient to protect him this time.
At Kris's signal, they separate as planned. Lay takes the reins of their three chocobos and ties them to a tree, while Kai runs in the opposite direction, relying on his teleportation to keep him out of danger while he acts as a diversion. The serpent can't take them all out at once if they don't stick together and with Kai constantly flashing in and out of sight, he'll confuse it enough for Kris to approach it from behind. It's the only way they're even going to make a dent in this thing unless they use their Summons, and with the number of monsters on the increase, they'd rather hold out on their own for as long as possible, to keep their Summons for the most dire of situations.
This might turn out to be one of them. Kai's vision blurs as much from the teleporting as the rain as he weaves back and forth across the monster's line of sight, but he's still distantly aware of Kris, enormous broadsword clutched in both hands, approaching the tower of coils. The serpent's body is thicker than the blade is wide. Kris has his work cut out for him.
The next thirty seconds are a whirlwind of motion, every event a series of eyeblinks. A long, dripping fang makes a lunge at Kai. He vanishes, blinking back into place several feet away. Chocobos now secure, Lay skips nimbly up to the serpent and tosses a Bolt Plume at its back, adding a flash of lightning to the wind and rain. The serpent rears up, hissing, smoking from its scorched skin.
They never have many magical items, only what they can find, buy, or accept in payment, and without Bolt materia of their own they can't make more of the Bolt Plumes. It's not enough. But it's all they've got.
A second Bolt Plume has lightning crackling along the monster's tail. Kris swoops in with his sword, slashing across the weakened spot with a broad stroke that slices halfway through the long, thick body, sending a shower of black blood out to mingle with the rain as it soaks into the ground. The serpent twists, almost splitting itself in two as it turns to sink its fangs into its attacker. Kris can't move, his sword still stuck in a mound of monstrous flesh.
Kai winks into existence beside him, waving his hands at Midgar Zolom to attract its attention. When he's sure he's got it he teleports a few feet away, enough to draw the serpent's focus from the man slicing it up with a sword, forcing it to turn ever so slightly. He keeps teleporting, a little at a time. Maybe it'll twist itself completely in two if he keeps going. He counts himself lucky to be in front; Kris is little more than a black smear against the sky, painted with blood as he savages the serpent.
One more jump, and then another. Kai's almost at Kris and Midgar Zolom can barely move, sluggish from blood loss. Even Lay dares to approach now, staff at the ready to help Kris pull his sword free. Kai circles them both, leading the monster in a merry dance around its own corpse...
...And then it's over. Kris slumps to the ground, sword beside him, paying no heed to the blood and rain. Lay quietly checks him over for damage, then examines what he can reach of the serpent.
"It's dead," he assures them.
Kai sees no reason to doubt him. There aren't many creatures who could still attack them with only half a body, blood and gore seeping into the soggy ground, one once-deadly fang driven like a stake into the earth after its owner's collapse.
"How many Bolt Plumes do we have left?" he asks Lay.
"Those were the last two." Lay pats his bag. "We might not be able to buy any more for a while. There seems to be a run on them in Midgar."
"Then let's see if we can find a Bolt materia in the shops," Kris says, hauling himself to his feet with a hand from Lay. "Better not to have to rely on anyone else for them."
That holds true for most things in life, Kai's found. Don't depend on anyone else to get what you need, because chances are good they'll let you down. And as for what you want - well, actually wanting things and having any hope of being able to have them, that's a relatively new turn of events for Kai.
What he wants right now - and the others probably do too - is a hot bath and dry clothes. A hot meal can wait until later, when he has something before his eyes other than a giant snake being bisected.
There's no way they can transport the body back to their client as proof, but it's certainly not going anywhere and they can ride out themselves if they feel the need to check. At any rate, their miners won't be stolen away as lunch anymore. That's a pretty good sign of a job well done.
Riding back to Midgar is just as miserable as the outbound trip. No one even attempts to talk, but at least they know where they're going. They're not looking for anything.
So of course, that's when something finds them.
Kai's never seen anything like it. It might be a giant bush, albeit of a shade unmatched by any of the surrounding greenery, save the giant green tentacles that extend every which way from its body, constantly waving a deadly hello in their direction. There isn't much of a body, without them - but in the centre of the mess is an enormous mouth, filled with long, yellow teeth. They grow at every angle, forming a great, gaping circle inside thick, filthy lips; opening, closing, hungry for prey.
In the lead, Kris slows first and pulls to the side, trying to ride around, but the tentacles stretch out to block him. The creature is constantly in motion. With no eyes, no face, Kai can't compare it to anything he's fought before. There's a pit of fear swirling around in his belly, as deep and dark as the monster's mouth. If they remain still, the tentacles will reach for them and then they'll be popped in that gaping maw, chewed by those giant teeth, swallowed down into emptiness. It terrifies him more than anything he's ever encountered. He wants so badly to teleport to safety...but he can't leave the others alone with that creature. He won't.
"Keep out of range," Kris says wearily. His shoulders are drooping now, Kai notices. Sawing a giant serpent in half has really taken it out of him. "We'll have to use Summons. Ba-"
Before Kris can finish calling Baekhyun, a wave of hot, putrid air emerges from the monster's mouth, rolling towards them at such speed that none of them are able to avoid it. For a moment Kai can't see. Can't hear. Can't breathe. He's inside a filthy cloud of smog, desperate for a breath of fresh, clean air. Instead he gets a lungful of rancid meat and diseased flesh, of industrial smoke and polluted seawater, enough to have him doubled over in the saddle, choking and spluttering as he tries to cough it all up.
It won't go. Kai tumbles from his chocobo, falling into the endless black cloud. Even the shock of hitting the ground can't shake him free. The fog has taken root not only in his body but in his mind, muddying his thoughts, hiding the truth.
He's hurt. He's in pain, somewhere. He's sick and frightened and confused. He wants to get up, to run away from the thing that's making him like this, but which way is up? Where can he go?
He rubs his eyes, trying to clear his vision. There's a small green frog hopping up and down near a squawking white chocobo, a yellow chocobo running around in panicked circles, and a second yellow chocobo carrying a young man coughing silently into his hands. There's also some kind of giant bush, with teeth and tentacles. One of these creatures is responsible for the way he feels now, he knows that.
But which one?
That man. It must be him. He probably wants Kai all malleable and disoriented so he can steal him away and lock him up forever. He's carrying a staff; if he's openly carrying a weapon like that he can't be trusted. Kai runs towards him, draws back a fist, and sends him flying in the direction of the frog.
That frog. It hops aside to avoid getting squished. They must be in cahoots, man and amphibian. Kai has to kill them both.
The man's on his feet now, mouth moving soundlessly. Kai thinks he's mouthing the words of a spell. There's materia in his staff. It must be so he can use magic against Kai. That's the only explanation that makes sense. Kai moves in for the kill but the man dodges, reaching into his bag for something he flings at the frog. In a puff of air, a tall blond man replaces the frog on the ground. Damn. This one will take more work than squashing a frog.
"Lay!" the blond shouts. "What's wrong with him?"
The other man waves one hand in a shrug while digging frantically in his bag with the other. He must be looking for a weapon. Kai wrenches the bag away from him, neatly evading the kick that comes his way. They won't get him. He has to escape before they manage to capture him. He can do this. It's all a haze but he knows he can do this. Teleport. He can take himself away to safety, where no one will ever find him.
Far away from here...but where can he go? He can't picture a safe place in his mind. He's been places before - when was that? Where has he been? Is anywhere truly safe? He reaches for images in his head, only to have them die half-formed. All he can see is what's right before his eyes so he casts a glance behind his opponents. There's space there, and in a heartbeat he's occupying it.
The man called Lay has his bag back now. He presses an item from it into his own chest and Kai knows things have just become more dangerous when it appears that the enforced silence no longer applies: Lay calls, "Kris! I think he's confused!"
Confused? Oh yes, Kai is confused, all right. About which one of them he has to kill first. But given the choice between attacking a man wielding a broadsword and a man wielding a staff, perhaps it's not so confusing after all.
Kai launches himself at Kris, teleporting in close and rolling low to kick his legs out from beneath him. He jaunts away again before Lay's outstretched hands can close in. That's it. Enough darting in and out, he can take them down without being hit himself. Then when it's truly safe, he can take a moment to figure out where he is and where he needs to be.
If only he could think straight! Kris and Lay look so familiar, but that's poor consolation when they're the enemy. He has to stop them.
He successfully strikes twice at Lay before another man suddenly appears, this one also blond but wearing a suit of armour. Startled, Kai blinks out and in on the spot. Where did the new man come from, and whose side is he on?
"That's a Malboro!" the new arrival shouts. "Kill it before it attacks you again, or you could all end up confused!"
"Got it!" Kris yells back. "What about Kai?"
"Leave him to me!"
That settles it - everyone here is Kai's enemy. Everyone's out to get him. He has no friends, no one to turn to for help, no one to trust. He's utterly alone. It's an old, familiar feeling, almost comfortable in its desolation. Why should today be any different from the rest of his life?
The armoured man says something quietly to Lay, that Kai can't catch, and then vanishes as suddenly as he'd arrived. Kai has no time to ponder on it. His enemies are multiplying now. Kris calls out "Baekhyun!" and yet another man appears, this one sleek and suave in a white suit. He holds no weapon but Kai can sense he's dangerous. Kris is looking at him expectantly. They must've called him in because they can't catch Kai themselves.
Well, he's not going to stand around and let that happen. He teleports again, placing himself right behind the newcomer, and reaches for his neck.
A blinding white light burns his eyes, wiping out his vision entirely. Everything disappears. The three men, the chocobos, the giant tentacle-bush creature. The flash of brilliance gives way to pitch darkness and then Kai's falling backwards, limbs heavy as stone, mind lost to sightless, soundless fear. He's going to die and there's nothing he can do about it.
"You're not going to die," says a voice from somewhere behind him. "I won't let that happen. The Malboro confused you and now you're not thinking straight. I can help. Will you let me help?"
No one can help. Letting someone help means placing his trust in them, and Kai has no trust to give. "You want to hurt me too," he says, rough voice reflecting the scars on his soul. "I'm not letting you in."
"But you already have."
The armoured man appears before him, a single spot of blond and silver against the darkness before the armour dissolves into blue jeans and a black T-shirt advertising some story Kai's never heard of. He's the one speaking now, asking for trust, and Kai feels like he knows him from somewhere. Perhaps they've gone a few rounds before, or perhaps it's another trick. A man who can morph like that could have all kinds of secrets hidden beneath his armour. Secrets to blind the eyes and bind the brain.
"I'm Lu Han," the stranger says simply. "You know me."
"I don't know you at all!"
Even as he screams the words, Kai can feel they're not strictly true. Lu Han's no stranger to him, but at the same time, he can't say he knows him. Which of them knows the truth?
Lu Han smiles sadly. "That's partly true. What if I were to show you who I am? Would you trust me then?"
"I can't trust anyone." Kai hugs himself, afraid that if he doesn't cling to something solid, he'll lose his grip entirely in this empty black wasteland. There's nothing here but the two of them. No hope, no salvation.
"You don't trust easily," Lu Han says. "I think you might've, if you'd grown up differently, but you're smart to be cautious. Your world is a dangerous place. It can confuse you, make you feel threatened even when you're safe. That's what's happening to you now."
"It's not safe here."
"Then let's go somewhere else. Give me your hand."
"You might chop it off," Kai protests.
Lu Han spreads his own hands wide. "See? No weapons. I'm not going to hurt you."
"You wouldn't tell me even if you were."
"Oh, but I would." Lu Han gives him a secretive smile. "If you wanted me to hurt you, I would. But I'd tell you what I was doing."
There's a flash deep in the darkness: a feeling of loneliness, the pain of antiseptic applied to freshly bleeding thighs, a resolve to become stronger. They all burn inside, churned with bitterness and fear. "I don't want to be hurt again," Kai mumbles. "I won't let it happen."
"If you don't trust me not to hurt you, then fix it so I can't," Lu Han suggests. "We're standing on the edge of your mind right now, while your friends guard your body. You can do whatever you like in here. Then when you feel safe, I'll take you inside."
"Why should I let you inside my head? That's private!"
Kai's not used to having much, so he recalls, but his thoughts are his own. They have to be. No matter how bad things are on the outside, he's safe in his own head. This not-stranger has no right to go there with him.
"Because I can't help you if you won't let me." Lu Han reaches out with both hands, stopping short a few inches from contact. "Won't you let me in?"
Those hands could be there to strangle him. To sink fingers deep into his flesh, to bruise tender, vulnerable skin, to score bloody red lines down his arms. Kai knows his body's limitations better than anyone else. He knows how hard he can push himself before he breaks. He won't let anyone push him that far.
Lu Han could. Kai seizes his hands, fingers wrapped around wrists, and Lu Han simply lets him without a word of fuss. If Kai has control here, then he can render the other man helpless. Keep himself safe. The mythril in his gauntlets begins to smoke, sending clouds of silver creeping down his arm and along his fingers until they curl around Lu Han's wrists, solidifying into hard bands of metal, linked with a double loop to keep both hands locked together.
Kai doesn't expect the bonds to be real, not in his imagination, but when he taps them the metal rings out beneath his fingernails. He drops Lu Han's hands, shocked by himself.
"Feel safer now?" Lu Han asks, seemingly unconcerned by his new accessories. Kai remembers how he'd morphed the armour, and wonders if Lu Han can shed the cuffs so easily. He has every reason to sound casual, then.
But the cuffs stay on, whether Lu Han's bothered about them or not, which makes Kai feel marginally more secure. Really, what he needs is for Lu Han to be swathed in chains, utterly immobile. But Kai suspects Lu Han would have no problem taking him to pieces without any use of his body whatsoever, so why make an empty gesture any more elaborate than it needs to be?
"Show me," he demands, ignoring Lu Han's question. "Show me yourself."
"I told you: not here. You're barely on the fringes; almost awake. You need to go deep inside and look for the knowledge of yourself that's sleeping there. I'll help you."
Lu Han reaches for him with cuffed hands; Kai knocks them away. Touch makes it harder to ignore, harder to forget. He'll not fall prey to that particular trap again. He folds his arms across his chest and stands back, stance a warning to anyone looking to approach. He will stand strong...and alone.
"Follow me," Lu Han says, walking off. Kai's not sure of his destination; there is nothing to break up the solid darkness, no light to guide them on their way.
Nothing changes as they walk. Kai should feel like a guard escorting a prisoner; instead he feels as though he's being taken on a journey by his pretty, deadly tour guide, whose power Kai can feel thrumming through the air between them. He knows its flavour. Playful. Smiling. Certain death. Lu Han's wearing the cuffs, but Kai's the one who's bound.
"We're walking round in circles," he complains when he's had enough of the unchanging inky landscape. "There's nothing here."
"Your head isn't so empty," Lu Han says, smiling. "But you're hiding from yourself. I can't see anything here until you acknowledge that it exists."
There's fog strewn through Kai's memories, concealing patches, swirling one into another until the grey haze that remains represents only fragments of his past, drifting free from order and organisation. He has hidden, he remembers. Hiding his body from the gangs who would recruit him, hiding his mind from the unsubtle pawing of customers at the Honey Bee Inn. To be in plain sight is to make himself vulnerable, to risk getting hurt - if he opens himself now and lets Lu Han inside, will he ever be safe again?
"I've been there before," Lu Han says. "You're too muddled to remember, but the next layer down is where your surface thoughts live, and I visit often. I talk to you from there. I haven't been deeper - I won't go deeper without your permission. Your memories are your own, even the ones involving me."
Memories of Lu Han. Sparkling laughter, a scimitar gleaming blue in the sunlight, hands that caress as readily as they kill. Kai questions them all. Nothing's certain. There's only one way to find out the truth.
The moment he accepts it, the ground falls away beneath them.
Part 2
Fandom: EXO (sort of fused with Final Fantasy VII)
Series: Phoenix Down (#5)
Rating: R
Genre: AU, crossover (sort of)
Word count: 10,167
Disclaimer: Not mine, damnit.
Warnings: Contains a brief scene from Kai's colourful past which includes both sex and violence (non-graphic).
Summary: A random encounter with a Malboro leaves Kai with a status ailment he doesn't trust anyone enough to cure.
A/N: 5th in the Phoenix Down series, so please see Sweet as Honey, Sharp as a Sword for explanations. Takes place after Dress to Kill, but if you haven't read Frozen Light some of this might not make sense. For the hc_bingo square 'telepathic trauma'. Crossposted to AO3
Thank you very much to MC for helping me make bad memories worse. <3
There were a number of songs I found instrumental in writing this piece of the puzzle; if you'd like a listen, you'll find them at this link. Tracklisting below.
'Halaliyot' - Berry Sakharof
'How Do Ya Feel Tonight' - Bryan Adams
'Tomorrow' - Lukan
'Why' - NEWS
'Push' - Matchbox 20
'Four Walls' - Cast
'Living on a Thin Line' - The Kinks
'How Will You Go' - Crowded House
'Who Am I' - FFVII OST
'Anxious Hearts' - FFVII OST
Mazed and Confused 1/2
Kai's always been alone, one way or another. Even when he was working regularly, and surrounded by people, he was effectively by himself. Then he met Lu Han, who guided him first to Lay and then to Kris, and now, with their Summons Minseok and Baekhyun, they're a regular party. Kris is running the show; Kai's still adapting to that, to having someone else actually take him into consideration when making decisions. Kris doesn't always make the right choices but even when he's wrong, he gives reasons Kai can understand and appreciate, which goes a long way towards keeping things running smoothly in the team.
What Kai doesn't understand is what Kris is searching for. There's a pattern in the jobs he takes, Kai's certain of it, but whatever it is, it's not clear to the rest of them and asking Kris about it leads nowhere. One week they'll be clearing out monsters from a church in the Sector 5 slums, with Kris taking the priest aside afterwards to ask him something privately, and the next they'll be travelling out to chocobo farms in search of a rustler, who, upon being found, is subjected by Kris to an interrogation with seemingly nothing to do with chocobos.
"Everyone has their secrets," Lay says philosophically when Kai tries to broach the subject with him. "I do. You certainly do. If Kris wants to keep his, let him. He hasn't kept anything from us that would get us killed - so far."
"So far."
Kai's too used to making his own choices - albeit not so much, since finding Lu Han - and he has trouble adopting Lay's laidback approach. Kris is a wholly unknown quantity: friendly enough, on the surface, but hard to get to know. He says he's motivated by money, and true enough, their finances are shaping up nicely. But Kai's seen him turn down high-paying jobs to take ones in completely the opposite direction, for the most arbitrary of reasons.
The logical assumption is that like Kai, Kris is searching for his past self. (Lay seems less concerned about such matters.) Their Summons have told them nothing further. Lu Han's indicated that there are more of them to find; Kai assumes that if he knew where they were, he'd have arranged for them to meet already. He's prone to doing that.
That said, Lu Han's been showing markedly more restraint since the Don Corneo affair. They've had little privacy since then; when Lu Han emerges from his orb, it's usually for a battle rather than to spend quality time with his master and most of their conversations in front of the others have been purely practical in nature.
They've also been spoken aloud, on both sides. Kai prefers not to carry on a one-sided conversation with Lu Han where the others might hear, and when he does succeed in achieving time alone, Lu Han's doing a better job of staying out of his head. It's better that way, Kai thinks, because the last thing he wants to do is hurt his Summon, but some of his thoughts these days are not the most flattering.
Not the most flattering...but at least they're his own.
At the moment they're not terribly positive, although admittedly that has more to do with the bad weather than with Lu Han. Their latest job happens to be a simple search-and-destroy - a request from a mining company whose workers keep ending up as snacks for a giant serpent near the mythril mines - and it's raining so hard Kai actually wishes he'd been to the mines before so he could teleport ahead. The only reason they're doing this now is because the rain's not due to let up for another two days and their client can't afford to lose any more miners. It's a miserable ride.
"Any sign of the serpent?" Kai calls out to Kris, who's riding in the lead.
"All I see is a giant wall of water!" Kris shouts back, not bothering to turn his head. "It's supposed to be thirty feet tall; I don't think we're going to miss it!"
Kai agrees that this sounds unlikely to happen. Between the heavy rain and the wind blowing his bangs into his eyes, his vision is unusually limited, but a giant serpent over five times his height should be impossible to miss. He's given up on trying to keep his hood tied over his hair. If he's going to get soaked, he might as well do it thoroughly. He can always teleport himself somewhere warm and dry afterwards - although that wouldn't be fair to the others, and he'd have to count on them to take his chocobo back to Midgar.
Riding next to Kai, Lay comments, "Isn't it getting dark rather early?"
"Dark?" Kai realises a shadow has fallen across his vision - what little he can see is now gloomier than before. It's only mid-morning. He looks up, expecting to see fierce black storm clouds...only to find a monster serpent looming over them from behind.
"Kris!" he yells. "Turn around!"
Kris guides his chocobo into a tight turn and rides back to them, by which time Kai and Lay have come to a halt and are staring up at what the miners have said is called 'Midgar Zolom'. It's an ugly beast: greenish-grey scales as far as the eye can see along the great coils of its body - coils large enough to crush them all, if they're unlucky enough to be caught. Enormous fangs threaten them from above; Kai can't see clearly but he thinks they have to be at least as long as his arm. If one stabs him anywhere but the mythril in his gauntlets, it'll go straight through his body - and even mythril might be insufficient to protect him this time.
At Kris's signal, they separate as planned. Lay takes the reins of their three chocobos and ties them to a tree, while Kai runs in the opposite direction, relying on his teleportation to keep him out of danger while he acts as a diversion. The serpent can't take them all out at once if they don't stick together and with Kai constantly flashing in and out of sight, he'll confuse it enough for Kris to approach it from behind. It's the only way they're even going to make a dent in this thing unless they use their Summons, and with the number of monsters on the increase, they'd rather hold out on their own for as long as possible, to keep their Summons for the most dire of situations.
This might turn out to be one of them. Kai's vision blurs as much from the teleporting as the rain as he weaves back and forth across the monster's line of sight, but he's still distantly aware of Kris, enormous broadsword clutched in both hands, approaching the tower of coils. The serpent's body is thicker than the blade is wide. Kris has his work cut out for him.
The next thirty seconds are a whirlwind of motion, every event a series of eyeblinks. A long, dripping fang makes a lunge at Kai. He vanishes, blinking back into place several feet away. Chocobos now secure, Lay skips nimbly up to the serpent and tosses a Bolt Plume at its back, adding a flash of lightning to the wind and rain. The serpent rears up, hissing, smoking from its scorched skin.
They never have many magical items, only what they can find, buy, or accept in payment, and without Bolt materia of their own they can't make more of the Bolt Plumes. It's not enough. But it's all they've got.
A second Bolt Plume has lightning crackling along the monster's tail. Kris swoops in with his sword, slashing across the weakened spot with a broad stroke that slices halfway through the long, thick body, sending a shower of black blood out to mingle with the rain as it soaks into the ground. The serpent twists, almost splitting itself in two as it turns to sink its fangs into its attacker. Kris can't move, his sword still stuck in a mound of monstrous flesh.
Kai winks into existence beside him, waving his hands at Midgar Zolom to attract its attention. When he's sure he's got it he teleports a few feet away, enough to draw the serpent's focus from the man slicing it up with a sword, forcing it to turn ever so slightly. He keeps teleporting, a little at a time. Maybe it'll twist itself completely in two if he keeps going. He counts himself lucky to be in front; Kris is little more than a black smear against the sky, painted with blood as he savages the serpent.
One more jump, and then another. Kai's almost at Kris and Midgar Zolom can barely move, sluggish from blood loss. Even Lay dares to approach now, staff at the ready to help Kris pull his sword free. Kai circles them both, leading the monster in a merry dance around its own corpse...
...And then it's over. Kris slumps to the ground, sword beside him, paying no heed to the blood and rain. Lay quietly checks him over for damage, then examines what he can reach of the serpent.
"It's dead," he assures them.
Kai sees no reason to doubt him. There aren't many creatures who could still attack them with only half a body, blood and gore seeping into the soggy ground, one once-deadly fang driven like a stake into the earth after its owner's collapse.
"How many Bolt Plumes do we have left?" he asks Lay.
"Those were the last two." Lay pats his bag. "We might not be able to buy any more for a while. There seems to be a run on them in Midgar."
"Then let's see if we can find a Bolt materia in the shops," Kris says, hauling himself to his feet with a hand from Lay. "Better not to have to rely on anyone else for them."
That holds true for most things in life, Kai's found. Don't depend on anyone else to get what you need, because chances are good they'll let you down. And as for what you want - well, actually wanting things and having any hope of being able to have them, that's a relatively new turn of events for Kai.
What he wants right now - and the others probably do too - is a hot bath and dry clothes. A hot meal can wait until later, when he has something before his eyes other than a giant snake being bisected.
There's no way they can transport the body back to their client as proof, but it's certainly not going anywhere and they can ride out themselves if they feel the need to check. At any rate, their miners won't be stolen away as lunch anymore. That's a pretty good sign of a job well done.
Riding back to Midgar is just as miserable as the outbound trip. No one even attempts to talk, but at least they know where they're going. They're not looking for anything.
So of course, that's when something finds them.
Kai's never seen anything like it. It might be a giant bush, albeit of a shade unmatched by any of the surrounding greenery, save the giant green tentacles that extend every which way from its body, constantly waving a deadly hello in their direction. There isn't much of a body, without them - but in the centre of the mess is an enormous mouth, filled with long, yellow teeth. They grow at every angle, forming a great, gaping circle inside thick, filthy lips; opening, closing, hungry for prey.
In the lead, Kris slows first and pulls to the side, trying to ride around, but the tentacles stretch out to block him. The creature is constantly in motion. With no eyes, no face, Kai can't compare it to anything he's fought before. There's a pit of fear swirling around in his belly, as deep and dark as the monster's mouth. If they remain still, the tentacles will reach for them and then they'll be popped in that gaping maw, chewed by those giant teeth, swallowed down into emptiness. It terrifies him more than anything he's ever encountered. He wants so badly to teleport to safety...but he can't leave the others alone with that creature. He won't.
"Keep out of range," Kris says wearily. His shoulders are drooping now, Kai notices. Sawing a giant serpent in half has really taken it out of him. "We'll have to use Summons. Ba-"
Before Kris can finish calling Baekhyun, a wave of hot, putrid air emerges from the monster's mouth, rolling towards them at such speed that none of them are able to avoid it. For a moment Kai can't see. Can't hear. Can't breathe. He's inside a filthy cloud of smog, desperate for a breath of fresh, clean air. Instead he gets a lungful of rancid meat and diseased flesh, of industrial smoke and polluted seawater, enough to have him doubled over in the saddle, choking and spluttering as he tries to cough it all up.
It won't go. Kai tumbles from his chocobo, falling into the endless black cloud. Even the shock of hitting the ground can't shake him free. The fog has taken root not only in his body but in his mind, muddying his thoughts, hiding the truth.
He's hurt. He's in pain, somewhere. He's sick and frightened and confused. He wants to get up, to run away from the thing that's making him like this, but which way is up? Where can he go?
He rubs his eyes, trying to clear his vision. There's a small green frog hopping up and down near a squawking white chocobo, a yellow chocobo running around in panicked circles, and a second yellow chocobo carrying a young man coughing silently into his hands. There's also some kind of giant bush, with teeth and tentacles. One of these creatures is responsible for the way he feels now, he knows that.
But which one?
That man. It must be him. He probably wants Kai all malleable and disoriented so he can steal him away and lock him up forever. He's carrying a staff; if he's openly carrying a weapon like that he can't be trusted. Kai runs towards him, draws back a fist, and sends him flying in the direction of the frog.
That frog. It hops aside to avoid getting squished. They must be in cahoots, man and amphibian. Kai has to kill them both.
The man's on his feet now, mouth moving soundlessly. Kai thinks he's mouthing the words of a spell. There's materia in his staff. It must be so he can use magic against Kai. That's the only explanation that makes sense. Kai moves in for the kill but the man dodges, reaching into his bag for something he flings at the frog. In a puff of air, a tall blond man replaces the frog on the ground. Damn. This one will take more work than squashing a frog.
"Lay!" the blond shouts. "What's wrong with him?"
The other man waves one hand in a shrug while digging frantically in his bag with the other. He must be looking for a weapon. Kai wrenches the bag away from him, neatly evading the kick that comes his way. They won't get him. He has to escape before they manage to capture him. He can do this. It's all a haze but he knows he can do this. Teleport. He can take himself away to safety, where no one will ever find him.
Far away from here...but where can he go? He can't picture a safe place in his mind. He's been places before - when was that? Where has he been? Is anywhere truly safe? He reaches for images in his head, only to have them die half-formed. All he can see is what's right before his eyes so he casts a glance behind his opponents. There's space there, and in a heartbeat he's occupying it.
The man called Lay has his bag back now. He presses an item from it into his own chest and Kai knows things have just become more dangerous when it appears that the enforced silence no longer applies: Lay calls, "Kris! I think he's confused!"
Confused? Oh yes, Kai is confused, all right. About which one of them he has to kill first. But given the choice between attacking a man wielding a broadsword and a man wielding a staff, perhaps it's not so confusing after all.
Kai launches himself at Kris, teleporting in close and rolling low to kick his legs out from beneath him. He jaunts away again before Lay's outstretched hands can close in. That's it. Enough darting in and out, he can take them down without being hit himself. Then when it's truly safe, he can take a moment to figure out where he is and where he needs to be.
If only he could think straight! Kris and Lay look so familiar, but that's poor consolation when they're the enemy. He has to stop them.
He successfully strikes twice at Lay before another man suddenly appears, this one also blond but wearing a suit of armour. Startled, Kai blinks out and in on the spot. Where did the new man come from, and whose side is he on?
"That's a Malboro!" the new arrival shouts. "Kill it before it attacks you again, or you could all end up confused!"
"Got it!" Kris yells back. "What about Kai?"
"Leave him to me!"
That settles it - everyone here is Kai's enemy. Everyone's out to get him. He has no friends, no one to turn to for help, no one to trust. He's utterly alone. It's an old, familiar feeling, almost comfortable in its desolation. Why should today be any different from the rest of his life?
The armoured man says something quietly to Lay, that Kai can't catch, and then vanishes as suddenly as he'd arrived. Kai has no time to ponder on it. His enemies are multiplying now. Kris calls out "Baekhyun!" and yet another man appears, this one sleek and suave in a white suit. He holds no weapon but Kai can sense he's dangerous. Kris is looking at him expectantly. They must've called him in because they can't catch Kai themselves.
Well, he's not going to stand around and let that happen. He teleports again, placing himself right behind the newcomer, and reaches for his neck.
A blinding white light burns his eyes, wiping out his vision entirely. Everything disappears. The three men, the chocobos, the giant tentacle-bush creature. The flash of brilliance gives way to pitch darkness and then Kai's falling backwards, limbs heavy as stone, mind lost to sightless, soundless fear. He's going to die and there's nothing he can do about it.
"You're not going to die," says a voice from somewhere behind him. "I won't let that happen. The Malboro confused you and now you're not thinking straight. I can help. Will you let me help?"
No one can help. Letting someone help means placing his trust in them, and Kai has no trust to give. "You want to hurt me too," he says, rough voice reflecting the scars on his soul. "I'm not letting you in."
"But you already have."
The armoured man appears before him, a single spot of blond and silver against the darkness before the armour dissolves into blue jeans and a black T-shirt advertising some story Kai's never heard of. He's the one speaking now, asking for trust, and Kai feels like he knows him from somewhere. Perhaps they've gone a few rounds before, or perhaps it's another trick. A man who can morph like that could have all kinds of secrets hidden beneath his armour. Secrets to blind the eyes and bind the brain.
"I'm Lu Han," the stranger says simply. "You know me."
"I don't know you at all!"
Even as he screams the words, Kai can feel they're not strictly true. Lu Han's no stranger to him, but at the same time, he can't say he knows him. Which of them knows the truth?
Lu Han smiles sadly. "That's partly true. What if I were to show you who I am? Would you trust me then?"
"I can't trust anyone." Kai hugs himself, afraid that if he doesn't cling to something solid, he'll lose his grip entirely in this empty black wasteland. There's nothing here but the two of them. No hope, no salvation.
"You don't trust easily," Lu Han says. "I think you might've, if you'd grown up differently, but you're smart to be cautious. Your world is a dangerous place. It can confuse you, make you feel threatened even when you're safe. That's what's happening to you now."
"It's not safe here."
"Then let's go somewhere else. Give me your hand."
"You might chop it off," Kai protests.
Lu Han spreads his own hands wide. "See? No weapons. I'm not going to hurt you."
"You wouldn't tell me even if you were."
"Oh, but I would." Lu Han gives him a secretive smile. "If you wanted me to hurt you, I would. But I'd tell you what I was doing."
There's a flash deep in the darkness: a feeling of loneliness, the pain of antiseptic applied to freshly bleeding thighs, a resolve to become stronger. They all burn inside, churned with bitterness and fear. "I don't want to be hurt again," Kai mumbles. "I won't let it happen."
"If you don't trust me not to hurt you, then fix it so I can't," Lu Han suggests. "We're standing on the edge of your mind right now, while your friends guard your body. You can do whatever you like in here. Then when you feel safe, I'll take you inside."
"Why should I let you inside my head? That's private!"
Kai's not used to having much, so he recalls, but his thoughts are his own. They have to be. No matter how bad things are on the outside, he's safe in his own head. This not-stranger has no right to go there with him.
"Because I can't help you if you won't let me." Lu Han reaches out with both hands, stopping short a few inches from contact. "Won't you let me in?"
Those hands could be there to strangle him. To sink fingers deep into his flesh, to bruise tender, vulnerable skin, to score bloody red lines down his arms. Kai knows his body's limitations better than anyone else. He knows how hard he can push himself before he breaks. He won't let anyone push him that far.
Lu Han could. Kai seizes his hands, fingers wrapped around wrists, and Lu Han simply lets him without a word of fuss. If Kai has control here, then he can render the other man helpless. Keep himself safe. The mythril in his gauntlets begins to smoke, sending clouds of silver creeping down his arm and along his fingers until they curl around Lu Han's wrists, solidifying into hard bands of metal, linked with a double loop to keep both hands locked together.
Kai doesn't expect the bonds to be real, not in his imagination, but when he taps them the metal rings out beneath his fingernails. He drops Lu Han's hands, shocked by himself.
"Feel safer now?" Lu Han asks, seemingly unconcerned by his new accessories. Kai remembers how he'd morphed the armour, and wonders if Lu Han can shed the cuffs so easily. He has every reason to sound casual, then.
But the cuffs stay on, whether Lu Han's bothered about them or not, which makes Kai feel marginally more secure. Really, what he needs is for Lu Han to be swathed in chains, utterly immobile. But Kai suspects Lu Han would have no problem taking him to pieces without any use of his body whatsoever, so why make an empty gesture any more elaborate than it needs to be?
"Show me," he demands, ignoring Lu Han's question. "Show me yourself."
"I told you: not here. You're barely on the fringes; almost awake. You need to go deep inside and look for the knowledge of yourself that's sleeping there. I'll help you."
Lu Han reaches for him with cuffed hands; Kai knocks them away. Touch makes it harder to ignore, harder to forget. He'll not fall prey to that particular trap again. He folds his arms across his chest and stands back, stance a warning to anyone looking to approach. He will stand strong...and alone.
"Follow me," Lu Han says, walking off. Kai's not sure of his destination; there is nothing to break up the solid darkness, no light to guide them on their way.
Nothing changes as they walk. Kai should feel like a guard escorting a prisoner; instead he feels as though he's being taken on a journey by his pretty, deadly tour guide, whose power Kai can feel thrumming through the air between them. He knows its flavour. Playful. Smiling. Certain death. Lu Han's wearing the cuffs, but Kai's the one who's bound.
"We're walking round in circles," he complains when he's had enough of the unchanging inky landscape. "There's nothing here."
"Your head isn't so empty," Lu Han says, smiling. "But you're hiding from yourself. I can't see anything here until you acknowledge that it exists."
There's fog strewn through Kai's memories, concealing patches, swirling one into another until the grey haze that remains represents only fragments of his past, drifting free from order and organisation. He has hidden, he remembers. Hiding his body from the gangs who would recruit him, hiding his mind from the unsubtle pawing of customers at the Honey Bee Inn. To be in plain sight is to make himself vulnerable, to risk getting hurt - if he opens himself now and lets Lu Han inside, will he ever be safe again?
"I've been there before," Lu Han says. "You're too muddled to remember, but the next layer down is where your surface thoughts live, and I visit often. I talk to you from there. I haven't been deeper - I won't go deeper without your permission. Your memories are your own, even the ones involving me."
Memories of Lu Han. Sparkling laughter, a scimitar gleaming blue in the sunlight, hands that caress as readily as they kill. Kai questions them all. Nothing's certain. There's only one way to find out the truth.
The moment he accepts it, the ground falls away beneath them.
Part 2