(Untitled)

[notariverstone]

It was not so unusual for Vincent to be comforting someone who'd been through a trauma. He'd taken care of Tseng and Elena after what the Remnants did to them, he'd helped a few people after the Battle Royale incident, he'd spoken with Reeve after Deep Ground had attacked, and helped to nurse Anael back to health somewhat, before... well. That

Comments

[notariverstone]

He knew what that felt like. He didn't want to remember it, but he did. Right now, helping Sephiroth was more important than those memories, though. Seeing the look in Sephiroth's eyes, Vince whispers, "You don't have to tell me," in an attempt to soothe.

Cloud squeezes Sephiroth's hand again, trying to calm him down.

[atinyremnant]

"You asked." He doesn't sound like he's blaming Vincent, though; merely stating the reason why he said it at all. And now that he's gotten started, he can't stop, anyway.

"He kept calling me - 'beautiful' - 'perfect' - I hated it, I'm not beautiful, I'm not perfect - wouldn't listen - when I told him not to - just kept calling me that--" He sucks in a breath that seems to sear his chest like the pierce of a hot knife, but barely notices the pain this time. "Wanted - to scream. Want to scream."

[notariverstone]

Cloud puts an arm around him, though he feels kind of awkward hugging an alternate of his idol-enemy-acquaintance.

Vincent gives a bitter sort of laugh. "No one is perfect. And if you want to scream, do. Maybe it will help."

When he fails to elaborate on the other topic, Cloud steps in. "You're pretty-- and that's not a bad thing. Don't let him make you feel bad for it, okay? ...To be really beautiful, where it really counts... that doesn't have to do with what you can see. I'm... not exactly the best person to be preaching this; I know I've screwed it up more times than I can count, but... accept who you are. Like Angeal would say, 'be proud of who you are.' Be good to people, and you'll be more beautiful than he could ever hope to get his sick mind around."

"Cloud--" Vincent interjected, "It's not the same thing." He thought on what he wanted to say, then spoke. "If you throw away everything he said, you throw away the truth with the lies. The joy with the pain. Listen. You are beautiful. Not in the way he wanted

[atinyremnant]

He doesn't quite understand it, but he tries to focus on Cloud's words instead of the urge to scream. It works surprisingly well - or at least well enough to calm him until he can breathe properly again, leaning sort of heavily against Cloud and putting a hand absently to his chest as he finally becomes fully aware of the ache there.

"I...I don't...understand. How am I...beautiful...or perfect...in any way...?" He shakes his head slightly. "I am...twisted. Warped. Disgusting. I can never be beautiful - I can never be pure." He thinks of his own Cloud at that, and a few tears escape.

[notariverstone]

"Hnnh," Vincent answers, "You aren't disgusting, and purity is outgrown."

"Vincent!" Cloud is horrified.

Vincent glances at Cloud, part confused, part annoyed, but allowing the other man to interrupt.

"No, it isn't." Cloud sounds sure of this. "There's something that's still pure, in each of us. No one can take that away."

Vincent looks away. Cloud continues, "But Vince is right about the other thing," he continues, "You're not disgusting. Your genes have been twisted, but so have a lot of other good people's. And you don't have to be warped. You can recover. It might take a while, but you can."

[atinyremnant]

"...How do you expect me to ever escape this stigma?" He sounds bitter, but he can't help it. "You know nothing about my life. You know nothing about how I was raised. You know nothing about the things I was told."

[notariverstone]

"We don't need to," Cloud answers. "I don't need to know about how horrible the labs were. I've been in them, in this world. I don't need to know how you were raised to know that you have a spirit, an essence that no one can take away from you."

Beside Cloud, Vincent rolls his eyes. A beautiful speech, but pointless, as Cloud seemed to have missed the whole reason behind Sephiroth's outburst. "You're right. I don't know. So tell me."

[atinyremnant]

Seph huffs faintly and can't help but draw away from Cloud a little. He doesn't like hearing words like that because they just make him feel even worse about himself. How can people see anything good in him when he can't see it himself? In his mind, it doesn't work that way.

He looks sidelong at Vincent, hesitates a long moment before he actually says anything. "For as long as I can remember," he starts (which probably means his entire life), "I was...treated rather interestingly." He doesn't really think that's the best word for it, but it'll do for now. "I was to be raised to be stronger, smarter, faster, better than anyone. But this, in turn, left...gaps, I suppose...that would not easily be filled."

He shakes his head and snorts. "My first...real memory...is coming out of a training room at perhaps four years of age, bleeding heavily, covered in - goddess only knows what - from the...failed experiments I was...forced to put out of their misery." A wince crosses his face, but he goes on nonetheless. "I remember being asked 'doesn

[notariverstone]

Vincent looks down. "I was used to kill, too."

Cloud looks a little freaked out, first at Seph's admission, then even worse, when it was supplemented by Vincent's.

After a long pause, Vincent continues. "Different... doesn't mean bad. If you'd refused, they would have punished you." He looks away. "And they would have killed your... opponent, anyway. You gave them a quick death. It was the best you could offer."

[atinyremnant]

"I never said I was not punished," Seph says flatly, not meeting either of their gazes now. "Even with no knowledge of emotion, it was still intrinsically wrong to be forced to fight - to destroy - a human being, no matter how far degraded and gone they were."

He's having trouble breathing again; he closes his eyes, tries to take deep breaths. "At first, I was simply scolded with words. As I grew, it became physical as well as verbal. And when I developed enough free will and compassion to insist on taking punishments for my brothers as well, it..." He chokes on the remaining words and can't go on, but his entire posture says it for him.

He manages to go on after a few moments, picking up as if he had finished his sentence after all. "...The man who called himself my father took it upon himself to assure I would never want to be in a situation of any...intimacy. Not only to tear down the part of me that would feel that way, but as a punishment as well." He can't help a bitter, broken laugh, shaking his head. "I cannot say he

[notariverstone]

Vincent winces, feeling guilty. He'd thought a swift death the best he could give them-- had eventually begun attempting to limit break, instead of trying so hard and so painfully to hold Chaos back. Because they would have died anyway, right? More horribly, at Hojo's hands. Right? Should it have been 'intrinsically wrong'? Was he himself so twisted?

The rest of that... well. He closed his eyes in an effort to hold back the memories. Trying to hug Sephiroth gently, he quietly admitted "I know." And he did; through and through. He knew; he'd been there; he was still confused and hurt now.

[atinyremnant]

He knows the touch is meant to be friendly, but Seph still recoils violently, nearly knocking himself out of the bed and again forgetting to breathe. Somehow, he manages to make it into a prone position on the bed and curls up tightly, tucking his face against his knees, shaking badly as the mental walls he's been struggling so hard to keep up just crumble and he's flooded with emotions and memories.

[notariverstone]

Vincent jumps back as Sephiroth pulls away, now feeling even guiltier. He looks away.

Cloud squeezes Sephiroth's hand, again. "It's okay, now. It's all over."

Okay, now. Yes, Vincent thinks. And what part of what we did was okay? Does its having happened in the past make me less of a hideous murderer?

[atinyremnant]

This time, Seph even recoils from Cloud's touch, pulling his hand away as if burned and curling up even more tightly; his hands find their way tightly around his legs in a crushing grip and his nails dig in, but he doesn't even seem to feel it. And really, he doesn't feel it. What he feels is the years of physical and mental agony he's tried so hard to block out.

He's still not remembering how to breathe.

[notariverstone]

"Sephiroth. Sephiroth! Breathe!" Cloud's getting scared.

Vincent sighs, preparing himself to do something terrible in order to help. He rolls Seph over harshly, grabbing both of the teen's shoulders to get his attention as sharply as he could get it. "Breathe."

[atinyremnant]

The eyes that stare up at Vincent are so distant, so scared, that it's nearly impossible to tell if Seph even understands what's being said to him. But he doesn't try to jerk away this time; he freezes, just keeps staring up with those wide, blank eyes, and his lips suddenly move, trying to form words but producing no sound.

Not that it really matters then - he gasps suddenly, chokes on the air for a moment and then dissolves into quiet, lost, helpless weeping, the instinct to fight going out of him, the tension stringing each muscle painfully taut abruptly vanishing and leaving him utterly limp in something that almost seems as if it could be relief.