(Untitled)

[notariverstone]

It was not so unusual for Vincent to be comforting someone who'd been through a trauma. He'd taken care of Tseng and Elena after what the Remnants did to them, he'd helped a few people after the Battle Royale incident, he'd spoken with Reeve after Deep Ground had attacked, and helped to nurse Anael back to health somewhat, before... well. That

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[atinyremnant]

"I never said I was not punished," Seph says flatly, not meeting either of their gazes now. "Even with no knowledge of emotion, it was still intrinsically wrong to be forced to fight - to destroy - a human being, no matter how far degraded and gone they were."

He's having trouble breathing again; he closes his eyes, tries to take deep breaths. "At first, I was simply scolded with words. As I grew, it became physical as well as verbal. And when I developed enough free will and compassion to insist on taking punishments for my brothers as well, it..." He chokes on the remaining words and can't go on, but his entire posture says it for him.

He manages to go on after a few moments, picking up as if he had finished his sentence after all. "...The man who called himself my father took it upon himself to assure I would never want to be in a situation of any...intimacy. Not only to tear down the part of me that would feel that way, but as a punishment as well." He can't help a bitter, broken laugh, shaking his head. "I cannot say he succeeded, but I also cannot say he failed. I...still find myself confused by these...feelings."

[notariverstone]

Vincent winces, feeling guilty. He'd thought a swift death the best he could give them-- had eventually begun attempting to limit break, instead of trying so hard and so painfully to hold Chaos back. Because they would have died anyway, right? More horribly, at Hojo's hands. Right? Should it have been 'intrinsically wrong'? Was he himself so twisted?

The rest of that... well. He closed his eyes in an effort to hold back the memories. Trying to hug Sephiroth gently, he quietly admitted "I know." And he did; through and through. He knew; he'd been there; he was still confused and hurt now.

[atinyremnant]

He knows the touch is meant to be friendly, but Seph still recoils violently, nearly knocking himself out of the bed and again forgetting to breathe. Somehow, he manages to make it into a prone position on the bed and curls up tightly, tucking his face against his knees, shaking badly as the mental walls he's been struggling so hard to keep up just crumble and he's flooded with emotions and memories.

[notariverstone]

Vincent jumps back as Sephiroth pulls away, now feeling even guiltier. He looks away.

Cloud squeezes Sephiroth's hand, again. "It's okay, now. It's all over."

Okay, now. Yes, Vincent thinks. And what part of what we did was okay? Does its having happened in the past make me less of a hideous murderer?

[atinyremnant]

This time, Seph even recoils from Cloud's touch, pulling his hand away as if burned and curling up even more tightly; his hands find their way tightly around his legs in a crushing grip and his nails dig in, but he doesn't even seem to feel it. And really, he doesn't feel it. What he feels is the years of physical and mental agony he's tried so hard to block out.

He's still not remembering how to breathe.

[notariverstone]

"Sephiroth. Sephiroth! Breathe!" Cloud's getting scared.

Vincent sighs, preparing himself to do something terrible in order to help. He rolls Seph over harshly, grabbing both of the teen's shoulders to get his attention as sharply as he could get it. "Breathe."

[atinyremnant]

The eyes that stare up at Vincent are so distant, so scared, that it's nearly impossible to tell if Seph even understands what's being said to him. But he doesn't try to jerk away this time; he freezes, just keeps staring up with those wide, blank eyes, and his lips suddenly move, trying to form words but producing no sound.

Not that it really matters then - he gasps suddenly, chokes on the air for a moment and then dissolves into quiet, lost, helpless weeping, the instinct to fight going out of him, the tension stringing each muscle painfully taut abruptly vanishing and leaving him utterly limp in something that almost seems as if it could be relief.

[notariverstone]

Was it okay to hold him, now? Unsure, Vincent reaches for Sephiroth's hand.

[atinyremnant]

When he feels Vincent's hand in his, Seph grips it tightly and cries harder, trying to move - to pull himself closer, get more contact, suddenly feeling so horribly lost and afraid and just wanting to curl up in a pair of friendly arms for a while. Arms that won't hurt him and shove him away, arms that belong to someone who really does have his best interests at heart even if they are awkward and unsure. But he can't manage to move, and he can only hope Vincent will realize what he wants and hold him.

[notariverstone]

Good. No more issues with touch, then. Or at least with normal touch. Vincent gathers Sephiroth up gently, silently, holding him close and rocking him slowly.

[atinyremnant]

Relieved, so deeply it'd be frightening if he could really think about it, Seph just curls close and hides his face until the tears stop, and by then he feels so worn out but resists the urge to just rest. He hasn't finished his story, after all, and it's not polite to just leave something unfinished like that.

...He's not averse to just sitting there in silence for a while longer, though, his throat still tight from crying and his head throbbing slightly.

[notariverstone]

Vincent threads his human hand through Sephiroth's silver hair, just as Aerith had once done for him, when he'd broken down with her. Still cradling Sephiroth, he murmurs quietly, "It's over, now. You're safe. It was their fault, not yours."

[atinyremnant]

"...I was never," he starts, voice hoarse and quiet, "allowed to look. To know. I could only wait...and try to guess when the pain would come." Which explains his strong reaction to, as he'd earlier phrased it, 'looking away'.

[notariverstone]

"Hn." He'd seen it. Seen most of it. So starkly and hideously that it had been burned into his memories and nightmares. "You wouldn't have wanted to." His voice comes out as a near squeak, at the beginning, having broken just as he began speaking. He hoped Sephiroth hadn't noticed. It was obvious that Cloud had, though, for the other man put a hand out to rub Vincent's back.

[atinyremnant]

"No. I - couldn't stand it. Not knowing. Not knowing when it would hurt again. When those hands would touch me again. I still can't--" He swallows hard. "I have - to see."

[notariverstone]

He was crying. He felt the warmth on his cheeks, didn't trust his voice. So he just kept rocking Sephiroth silently.