(no subject)
a lot of things have changed.
its weird to think that now im suppose to be happy, when im so use to how things were.
time. yea that’s it.. just time.
its weird sitting in the backyard and being able to talk to my dad while smoking a cig. I miss this neighborhood a lot. i never noticed it until now. i have been trying for so long to drop every memory of ever living here.. of ever being close to my family. but now..i miss it. i have wronged my father in so many ways.. but he is still here for me, and i honestly don’t know why.
i don’t have anyone here for me at all.. except for a few people. who i love. but it surprises me that him of all people will not judge me for what i have been saying to him.. and he understands why im hurting and hate/don’t want to be around certain people at this time.
he told me that i should trust no one except for myself.. which is hard for me to accept seeing as i don’t trust my self, because if i trusted my self. then i would have never got my self in to the pain i feel now.
sighs.
i want to leave.
get out of town.
disappear.
because at this point that’s how i feel.. no one is able to understand me or my feels. so i might as well disappear
everything is a mess. and this time im not fixing it.
its weird to think that now im suppose to be happy, when im so use to how things were.
time. yea that’s it.. just time.
its weird sitting in the backyard and being able to talk to my dad while smoking a cig. I miss this neighborhood a lot. i never noticed it until now. i have been trying for so long to drop every memory of ever living here.. of ever being close to my family. but now..i miss it. i have wronged my father in so many ways.. but he is still here for me, and i honestly don’t know why.
i don’t have anyone here for me at all.. except for a few people. who i love. but it surprises me that him of all people will not judge me for what i have been saying to him.. and he understands why im hurting and hate/don’t want to be around certain people at this time.
he told me that i should trust no one except for myself.. which is hard for me to accept seeing as i don’t trust my self, because if i trusted my self. then i would have never got my self in to the pain i feel now.
sighs.
i want to leave.
get out of town.
disappear.
because at this point that’s how i feel.. no one is able to understand me or my feels. so i might as well disappear
everything is a mess. and this time im not fixing it.