feeling a lil down
He crushed on this girl the entire time we were together. never admitted it but the facebook comments she left only reflected the romantic things he left her. It never stopped through our entire relationship. I questioned him and he admitted that he HAD a crush on her but she's an hour away. "SO....if she were an hour away what would you two be?" he didn't give any answer that set my mind at ease. Shame on her knowing he has a girlfriend and shame on him- he had a girlfriend. I just want him to admit that he liked her over me the entire time. The more I reflect, the more I can't remember when he did love me. I can't remember when he looked into my eyes and I felt that all he needs and wants is me. Our relationship was so one sided and I didn't get it until I was hurt and kicked to the curb. Wasn't he the one that initiated everything? He was the one I feared and didn't want to commit to in the beginning as far as I recall. Why, then, if i wasn't ready and he liked her did he push our dating to happen?
So now i just ask myself "why?". Why did he date me and for so long? Why did he put up this front that he loved me so. We hardly had sex for a while, so it couldn't be for that. Why, though, did he not want to have sex with me? That was definitely him and not me. I want these questions answered so badly! Where did it go wrong, how long ago, how much did he tell me he wanted babies and marriage with me when he was thinking in the back of his mind that he wanted away from me, badly? How much did he think about her and not me? How often did they meet up and possibly do more than talking? OH MY GOODNESS! I wish there were some way to put my mind at ease. I thought about e-mailing her. To have her set it straight since she is so bold about being all over him. Would that be wrong? "hey this is... and I was wondering how much you and he... interacted, on what level, where are you now with him relationship wise? (because I sure as hell know its beyond a friendship!) Are you happy? Do you think it was okay to do what you did while he was with me?"
I hate them both in a large way. I hate her for being part of the equation that ruined what I thought we had and I hate him for letting her be part of it. HOW WRONG!
So now i just ask myself "why?". Why did he date me and for so long? Why did he put up this front that he loved me so. We hardly had sex for a while, so it couldn't be for that. Why, though, did he not want to have sex with me? That was definitely him and not me. I want these questions answered so badly! Where did it go wrong, how long ago, how much did he tell me he wanted babies and marriage with me when he was thinking in the back of his mind that he wanted away from me, badly? How much did he think about her and not me? How often did they meet up and possibly do more than talking? OH MY GOODNESS! I wish there were some way to put my mind at ease. I thought about e-mailing her. To have her set it straight since she is so bold about being all over him. Would that be wrong? "hey this is... and I was wondering how much you and he... interacted, on what level, where are you now with him relationship wise? (because I sure as hell know its beyond a friendship!) Are you happy? Do you think it was okay to do what you did while he was with me?"
I hate them both in a large way. I hate her for being part of the equation that ruined what I thought we had and I hate him for letting her be part of it. HOW WRONG!