what is it about tuesdays

[not_sooo_weird]

what is it about tuesdays?? i am trying to find the source of tuesday frustration. maybe its the fact that i slept 11 hrs. does that leave one feeling sad? what is my freaking problem? i guess sectionals are frustrating b/c my personality and the way i would handle things clash with the "leadership" who never knows whats going on and is laid back to the point that... forget it. then psych today was spent watching "silence of the heart" about a boy who commits suicide then how his family reacts and copes. lovely-at least i'd see it before in 8th grade. then i taught a lesson to a girl who knows NADA about the viola which was fun b/c i realized how much i know. haha. i liked that. then i went and got some lunch and sat and tried to read psych stuff for an hour or so. i hate reading it b/c i try to hard to find myself. i don't want to think about me and why i am like i am.. i want to only deal with here and now. maybe thats why psych is required or something.. but by the end of the class i'll probably actually need a shrink. i have to stop searching for answers and just read the txt without inward reflection. after all that i did the orchestra thing. we're playing beethoven's 6th. its beautiful but VERY challenging. i really need to practice this week. trio practice was decent. it's fun with seth and hannah.. then i'm walking toward the orch room talking to hannah and see mom and al. i kinda nod that way. next thing i know someone grabs me from behind and as a reflex i shrug them off and jerk around. it was mom. i was so embarassed. i was rude, but i really didn't mean to be. i thought it was probably allie and i was trying to talk... uugh. felt like such an idiot. left the ppac and drove to tree of life. bought myself a cd. yea-that bad. drove around town and listened to part of it. then stopped at grams and picked up the grocery list and helped her clean up one of gramps "projects." this one was a vegetable beef concoction. he started it then went to lay down. what a mess. breaks my heart so much to go over there. i'm trying so hard to be genuine but all i can think is, you are really not enjoying yourself, you don't want to be here, how long until you can get yourself outta here, what can you say to distract everyone from the awkwardness that is this time.. ahhhh. i really don't know. after all of that i headed home, changed clothes and wasted time. finally i did the OB work i needed to and now here i sit, pondering the meaning of life and looking for the source of my attitude problem. i have to get over this. never did talk to mom tonight. barely spoke to al. barely spoke to anyone today.

two early morning classes tomorrow, some practice, then grocerys.. teaching a lesson in the afternoon. sighs. get over yourself jac-lyn. you are blessed beyond measure. you have no reason on earth to be acting like this. suck it up. "cry me a river, build a bridge and get over it." you used to do that so well.. what is the deal? seriously, maybe there is something in the water on tuesdays.. pretty sure i was like this last tuesday.. wait maybe that was monday.. any way you look at it.. once a week is pathetic. completely and utterly ridiculous... i need smacked upside the head and some sense knocked into me. in the meantime, i think i'll just go to bed.