(no subject)
i seriously do not fit in with my family.. ok maybe my moms side.. but dads?? ha! might as well be adopted. other than a love for Cuban food and a slightly darker complexion than my fellow european-americans... i shouldn't have reason to claim them. went to the funeral tonight. let me lay out some facts.
-my family only visited him at the most twice a year.. if that
-only called to check on him once they found out he was in the hospital
-never talked about him
-never had pictures taken of him with them
most people didn't even know he existed.. and thats what they wanted i think. my grams actually told me she wanted him to die before her so that her "burden" wouldn't have to be carried by her children.. now let me clarify.. omar is WAY better off where he is now!!! i don't doubt that a bit. and yes we should respect the deceased.. but come on. how much can you mourn for a stranger who was sooooo handicapped. he is in such a better place, no longer disabled, and finally cognitive.. we have nothing to be sad for him about.
so the part about fitting in.. yea.. that would be related to the huge amount of cussing, crude conversation with so much disrespect, the two-faced-ness, the bickering, the "mad at soandso", the prejudice, the DISRESPECT for each other.. it is soooo pitiful. i hate it. so.. i'm standing there wearing my jeanskirt and jacket.. b/c i refused to dress up just to see what they would say to me... and i'm reinforced for the 1000000 time that i do not fit in. i hate pretending too. its so dumb. they told my moms family (who played a significant part in omars life about 25 yrs ago)that they couldn't come. dad said he wanted them too and so did grandpa but apparently no one else wanted them there. my family is "dead" to them. they have so much hate and grudge.
to be continued if i feel like thinking about this anymore.
-my family only visited him at the most twice a year.. if that
-only called to check on him once they found out he was in the hospital
-never talked about him
-never had pictures taken of him with them
most people didn't even know he existed.. and thats what they wanted i think. my grams actually told me she wanted him to die before her so that her "burden" wouldn't have to be carried by her children.. now let me clarify.. omar is WAY better off where he is now!!! i don't doubt that a bit. and yes we should respect the deceased.. but come on. how much can you mourn for a stranger who was sooooo handicapped. he is in such a better place, no longer disabled, and finally cognitive.. we have nothing to be sad for him about.
so the part about fitting in.. yea.. that would be related to the huge amount of cussing, crude conversation with so much disrespect, the two-faced-ness, the bickering, the "mad at soandso", the prejudice, the DISRESPECT for each other.. it is soooo pitiful. i hate it. so.. i'm standing there wearing my jeanskirt and jacket.. b/c i refused to dress up just to see what they would say to me... and i'm reinforced for the 1000000 time that i do not fit in. i hate pretending too. its so dumb. they told my moms family (who played a significant part in omars life about 25 yrs ago)that they couldn't come. dad said he wanted them too and so did grandpa but apparently no one else wanted them there. my family is "dead" to them. they have so much hate and grudge.
to be continued if i feel like thinking about this anymore.