it feels like theres a mountain on my chest
i dont know wats going on with myself
one second im fine
and the next im fighting tears
wat the hell is up with that?
maybe its my family. for 5 years or so we've been split in the house. it used to wear on me...but i thought i was fine now. im happy. then yesterday my mom and i were having a really good day...we got a long just like always, no gaps, no awkward feelings, no frustration (sp?). and then we take the corner to go into our neighborhood and she says "if it were just us i would pack us up today and just drive until we were far far away" how am i supposed to take that? are we going to? its come close a number of times before. but i never thought she felt strong enough to just leave David...but there anniversary is coming up in 2 months...less than two months. its their 10 year...which she has been waiting for since they started arguing and discussing divorce.and now that its almost here i dont know wat to think. last year i would have given my right arm to move the hell away from here. but im happy here now. i've found someone great...and it would break my heart to move away. but will she? its so hard to think about. and its been bugging me since she said it. i cant seem to shake it off. you know once youre somewhere for a while, then it feels like its never going to change. you're invincible. but in fact it could change tomorrow. or in an hour. or this minute. im just freakin out about it. and i dont like talking about it. i can joke about it. and i can laugh act like its no big deal. like im tough lindsey. but i cant help feeling like im starting to crumble inside...i hate this feeling
its not ok with me to cry about this
i feel like shit for the first time in a long time
and im sorry for being difficult josh. my shitty moods are no fun. i know. but you keep me sane. i love you. and im sorry when i start thinking about things...i just...i dont discuss them really..i just sleep or get tired...or almost blank...i dont know why. but...im sorry :/...or maybe you didnt notice...in which case ignore this lol. but yea...i love you...and ill be better =)
maybe im just exhausted
im going to go sit on the hammock. listen to music. and sleep away my mood.
one second im fine
and the next im fighting tears
wat the hell is up with that?
maybe its my family. for 5 years or so we've been split in the house. it used to wear on me...but i thought i was fine now. im happy. then yesterday my mom and i were having a really good day...we got a long just like always, no gaps, no awkward feelings, no frustration (sp?). and then we take the corner to go into our neighborhood and she says "if it were just us i would pack us up today and just drive until we were far far away" how am i supposed to take that? are we going to? its come close a number of times before. but i never thought she felt strong enough to just leave David...but there anniversary is coming up in 2 months...less than two months. its their 10 year...which she has been waiting for since they started arguing and discussing divorce.and now that its almost here i dont know wat to think. last year i would have given my right arm to move the hell away from here. but im happy here now. i've found someone great...and it would break my heart to move away. but will she? its so hard to think about. and its been bugging me since she said it. i cant seem to shake it off. you know once youre somewhere for a while, then it feels like its never going to change. you're invincible. but in fact it could change tomorrow. or in an hour. or this minute. im just freakin out about it. and i dont like talking about it. i can joke about it. and i can laugh act like its no big deal. like im tough lindsey. but i cant help feeling like im starting to crumble inside...i hate this feeling
its not ok with me to cry about this
i feel like shit for the first time in a long time
and im sorry for being difficult josh. my shitty moods are no fun. i know. but you keep me sane. i love you. and im sorry when i start thinking about things...i just...i dont discuss them really..i just sleep or get tired...or almost blank...i dont know why. but...im sorry :/...or maybe you didnt notice...in which case ignore this lol. but yea...i love you...and ill be better =)
maybe im just exhausted
im going to go sit on the hammock. listen to music. and sleep away my mood.