CSU Update 3
sooo....things are great and just getting better. Today is my first day off and I am loving it! Sooo needed to just sleep in and rome around campus and linger over my food with my coaching group for hours, chatting away. Side note- I love my coaching group. They are some of the most precious girls I have ever known and it is really cool that the Lord put us together. We laugh soooooo much and have the best time together which is such a blessing! We also get pretty deep and enjoy being "messy together" which is a precedent we set for our group since day one and I love it:) So anyhow, this day is great. Surprise parties are on the horizon for this evening but for today, I am just gonna relax and hopefully go to cowboy church tomorrow:) It's in an arena where actual rodeos take place...yes!:) I'm sure I'll have plenty to share about that later though.
So cool story. There is this one girl in my coaching group and she is awesome. She came out and shared how she was mentally and physically abused by her schitzophrenic mother from age 7-19 andshe just turned 20 in March. The physical abuse has only stopped taking place since December. Two days before she hopped on a plane to come here, her Mom actually ripped up all her support checks and social security card in attempts to stop her from coming on project. God is resilient though and brought her here despite that. Anyhow, she has had such a hard life and it has been so neat to get to walk with her through tons of the lies and insecurities and fears that she has in life as a result of her past. She struggles a lot with self worth and with feeling like she's not good enough to be used by God and those feelings have only intensified here on project. What happened today though was sooooooo cool! She went for a run here on campus and was actually telling the Lord how she didn't feel like she could be used by him to reach people and didn't feel good enough but she hoped that he would prove her wrong and show her that he could use her, especially where evangelism is concerned. A few seconds later this Husky puppy (her favorite) started running towards her at full speed and attacked her with kisses and starting licking her and wanting her attention. Moments later the owner of this dog came running up apologizing for his pups outburst. They started talking a little bit and getting to one another and throughout the course of the conversation, Campus Crusade for Christ came up. This guy had so many questions about God and why he would let people suffer and what not and Amanda totally got to share her testimony with him about how she was abused growing up and that the Lord did not delight in that but hated it and was there with her for every second of pain that she's ever experienced . She also got to share about how God makes all things new and that one day, this world would pass and there wouldn't be anymore suffering or pain. She then asked him if he would like to receive Jesus into his heart and with tears in his eyes the man said, "yes". Amanda got to pray right then and there with him and lead him to the Lord! How incredible is that! She then ran home to tell me and then we preceded to celebrate together about how God uses weakness---weak weak weak people such as us! and how in all honesty it's not about us and our abilities and what we can do for God but it's all about Him and just our willingness to be used. Amanda feels renewed! Praise the Lord!
Sooo, team stuff is so much better. I have been utter blown away by the transformation in one of my friends up here. This guy I have worked with for 3 years now and haven't exactly gotten along with him- in all honesty, didn't feel like he cared much and so in defense, I put up my walls around him because I didn't feel safe. He just doesn't always embrace or seem to value people unless they are super gifted and beautiful and all that jazz. I know those are just his own insecurities but anyhow I thought this summer was just going to be a repeat of past summers that I have been on projects with him- frustrating and dissappointing. It started out that way too but after a breakdown at a staff meeting that I had on Sunday night, getting to share with my team and the guy about my frustrations and dissapointment with team building and how much I desire for EVERYONE on this team to be valued and loved well, things have been completely different ever since. He is a different person!!!! Change over night! I can't express how cool this is! He is the opposite of exclusive and being so intentional with EVERYONE in our project and really trying to get to know people and bring the best out of everyone! Last night when we were at dinner some of the "not so popular" people on our project sat down at a table and the pretty people sat down at the other table which unfortunately happens more than it should here. Anyhow, this guy given the option went and sat down at the table I didn't expect him to- with the people that aren't neccessarily "in the club". It was one of the coolest things for me to witness as I sat there and watched him tell stories and get to know these people and utterly bring them to life! Everyone feels so comfortable and loved and cherished by this man and it is one of the most incredible transformations I have ever witnessed! I have prayed for years that he would become a shepherd but I NEVER expected such a transformation! I can't express how cool this is. I am so glad too because I feel like our relationship which has been in shambles for years is slowly beginning to be restored and I can feel a change inside of me. My walls are coming down. I feel safe around my brother for the first time and it is beautiful. I love Jesus and love how he LOVES to restore His people! It is so cool!
I can so feel the prayers of my friends and just wanted to say thank you. Coming on this project I felt so heavy and so attacked by lies that I have struggled with all year- "you are not valuable", " you are not loved", "no one wants you" and the most painful one of all "you are absolutely replaceable." Oh, my heart hurts just typing that one. That lie came in when my pops peaced out at age 4 and has been especially reinforced this past year with different struggles with friends. I recognize that they are in fact lies but Satan loves to feed those to me when I am feeling weak or insecure in a group. So, anyways there was just this heaviness that has been on me since I got here and when I woke up on Wednesday morning it was just gone. Just like that. It was incredible. I felt so free and am utterly convinced that it was as a result of the prayers that my wonderful friends have been praying for me. You guys are such an incredible support and I can't thank you enough. I can't wait to be reunited with you guys and here what's been going on with you! How awesome will that be?! Sundays after Summit again! woohoo:)
Okay, and lastly I just have to share about what God has been doing inside of me in regards to evangelism. I have always embraced it but been terrified of it- the hardest part is initiating, you never know how people are going to respond. We have done outreaches like every day this week in Olde Town, Denver, Boulder, and other varying communities. I can't express how much I have LOVED sharing my faith this week. As I have studied Jesus' life, it has been confirmed in my heart more and more that this is something that he calls us to do despite my hesitations. The longest conversation recorded in the Bible of Jesus with another human being was with the woman at the well- someone that Jesus had no prior history with, someone that he simply initiated with. There are stories like this all throughout the Bible. After initiating with people all this week, something I thought was going to kill me, I have to admit that I am utterly full of joy. I live too comfortably at home- I don't give Jesus any room to show up and be big in my life. I am too in control and like things to be easy and this is why I don't experience Jesus the way that God intended me too. The adventure (and Jesus) is in the unknown and the possibilities, not in my own security and let me tell you, PEOPLE ARE HUNGRY FOR JESUS! I honestly believe that if everyone had the opportunity to see God for who he is, if they truly got an accurate image of how amazing and wonderful and perfect and loving and awe-inspiring the God of the universe is- they would not be able to help themselves and would be utterly enraptured by this Being! Captivated if you will:) I have talked to so many people this week that have no idea who God truly is and how much he absolutely loves them and it has been so cool to share with them! (side note: 41 Crusade Nationals were arrested in East Asia this week for sharing their faith with others. I am ashamed as there are no consequences for me to share my faith with people in America and I still don't do it while there are people all over the world risking their lives for the gospel. These 41 people go on trial supposedly this week and could lose their lives. Please keep them in your prayers). So many people have WANTED to receive Jesus after I've shared with them this week! They are hungering. Don't get me wrong, I have been rejected and people have turned my offer to share Christ with them away....but not everyone which has utterly made it all worth it. Anyhow, the 8th grade girls I went sharing with on Thursday down in Estes Park got a right perspective on Evangelism and would tell you when asked that, "Successful evangelism does not mean sharing the gospel, it does not mean praying the salvation prayer with someone, it does not matter how many people you talk to. Successful evangelism simply means taking the initiative and leaving the results to God." I love that and they proudly shared that with everyone on the bus on the way home! hehe! cute little things!
I mean my experience yesterday is a testament to just that. I was talking to this elderly homeless man named Steve and at first we were talking religion and about God and stuff and he claimed that he was a believer but didn't want to be apart of the church or anything and thinks it's better for him to do life on his own and all this stuff. I could have countered that and continued on, sharing with him the importance of church and how he needed to get involved with one yada yada yada...but I didn't. I didn't want to fix this man and at that moment was overwhelmed with love for him and simply desired to sit in the mud with him. I then preceded to ask him questions about his life and how he ended up like this. Sadly the gentleman had lost his job and no one else would hire him b/c of his age. He had no relatives and no friends. He was alone and my heart broke. I asked him about the dreams that he had growing up and how if God were here right now, what would he ask him for- what would he want from him. We shared and talked on that bench for a while and I could tell that this man was so in need of someone to just love him and know him. At the end of our conversation I told him that I thought that he was an incredible man and that I think that he has so much to offer people and anyone that doesn't have a relationship with him is utterly missing out. He looked down when I told him that and appeared as though he was going to cry. That really moved him and he looked back up at me with a smile on his face and with a light shining in his eyes that hadn't been there before and replied thankyou, preceding to express his gratitude. Leaving that man, I felt overwhelmed with joy. More so than I had with any of the other conversations I had had all week. No, we didn't pray together and I don't know exactly if he knows Jesus or not but either way, I know that he experienced Jesus that day. Jesus used me to pour out love and compassion on this man which is probably what he needed the most. (It seemed like many people before me had done a good job of giving him knowledge).
Oh, I love being a Christian. I love the life that Christ calls us to lead! I love Crusade and how it encourages people to live out their Christianity! Utterly faith-filled! There is no room for comfortable Christianity which has recently made me so sick to my stomach as America and my own heart is utterly consumed by it. Oh, I pray for revival in our country! I have heard that all my life but only recently understood the need for it! I pray that I won't fall victim to it again as I feel it is the greatest temptation in my life right now! I want to be where Jesus is at and I haven't felt so close to him as I have this past week. This seems to be where he is at and I never ever want to leave this place again!
So cool story. There is this one girl in my coaching group and she is awesome. She came out and shared how she was mentally and physically abused by her schitzophrenic mother from age 7-19 andshe just turned 20 in March. The physical abuse has only stopped taking place since December. Two days before she hopped on a plane to come here, her Mom actually ripped up all her support checks and social security card in attempts to stop her from coming on project. God is resilient though and brought her here despite that. Anyhow, she has had such a hard life and it has been so neat to get to walk with her through tons of the lies and insecurities and fears that she has in life as a result of her past. She struggles a lot with self worth and with feeling like she's not good enough to be used by God and those feelings have only intensified here on project. What happened today though was sooooooo cool! She went for a run here on campus and was actually telling the Lord how she didn't feel like she could be used by him to reach people and didn't feel good enough but she hoped that he would prove her wrong and show her that he could use her, especially where evangelism is concerned. A few seconds later this Husky puppy (her favorite) started running towards her at full speed and attacked her with kisses and starting licking her and wanting her attention. Moments later the owner of this dog came running up apologizing for his pups outburst. They started talking a little bit and getting to one another and throughout the course of the conversation, Campus Crusade for Christ came up. This guy had so many questions about God and why he would let people suffer and what not and Amanda totally got to share her testimony with him about how she was abused growing up and that the Lord did not delight in that but hated it and was there with her for every second of pain that she's ever experienced . She also got to share about how God makes all things new and that one day, this world would pass and there wouldn't be anymore suffering or pain. She then asked him if he would like to receive Jesus into his heart and with tears in his eyes the man said, "yes". Amanda got to pray right then and there with him and lead him to the Lord! How incredible is that! She then ran home to tell me and then we preceded to celebrate together about how God uses weakness---weak weak weak people such as us! and how in all honesty it's not about us and our abilities and what we can do for God but it's all about Him and just our willingness to be used. Amanda feels renewed! Praise the Lord!
Sooo, team stuff is so much better. I have been utter blown away by the transformation in one of my friends up here. This guy I have worked with for 3 years now and haven't exactly gotten along with him- in all honesty, didn't feel like he cared much and so in defense, I put up my walls around him because I didn't feel safe. He just doesn't always embrace or seem to value people unless they are super gifted and beautiful and all that jazz. I know those are just his own insecurities but anyhow I thought this summer was just going to be a repeat of past summers that I have been on projects with him- frustrating and dissappointing. It started out that way too but after a breakdown at a staff meeting that I had on Sunday night, getting to share with my team and the guy about my frustrations and dissapointment with team building and how much I desire for EVERYONE on this team to be valued and loved well, things have been completely different ever since. He is a different person!!!! Change over night! I can't express how cool this is! He is the opposite of exclusive and being so intentional with EVERYONE in our project and really trying to get to know people and bring the best out of everyone! Last night when we were at dinner some of the "not so popular" people on our project sat down at a table and the pretty people sat down at the other table which unfortunately happens more than it should here. Anyhow, this guy given the option went and sat down at the table I didn't expect him to- with the people that aren't neccessarily "in the club". It was one of the coolest things for me to witness as I sat there and watched him tell stories and get to know these people and utterly bring them to life! Everyone feels so comfortable and loved and cherished by this man and it is one of the most incredible transformations I have ever witnessed! I have prayed for years that he would become a shepherd but I NEVER expected such a transformation! I can't express how cool this is. I am so glad too because I feel like our relationship which has been in shambles for years is slowly beginning to be restored and I can feel a change inside of me. My walls are coming down. I feel safe around my brother for the first time and it is beautiful. I love Jesus and love how he LOVES to restore His people! It is so cool!
I can so feel the prayers of my friends and just wanted to say thank you. Coming on this project I felt so heavy and so attacked by lies that I have struggled with all year- "you are not valuable", " you are not loved", "no one wants you" and the most painful one of all "you are absolutely replaceable." Oh, my heart hurts just typing that one. That lie came in when my pops peaced out at age 4 and has been especially reinforced this past year with different struggles with friends. I recognize that they are in fact lies but Satan loves to feed those to me when I am feeling weak or insecure in a group. So, anyways there was just this heaviness that has been on me since I got here and when I woke up on Wednesday morning it was just gone. Just like that. It was incredible. I felt so free and am utterly convinced that it was as a result of the prayers that my wonderful friends have been praying for me. You guys are such an incredible support and I can't thank you enough. I can't wait to be reunited with you guys and here what's been going on with you! How awesome will that be?! Sundays after Summit again! woohoo:)
Okay, and lastly I just have to share about what God has been doing inside of me in regards to evangelism. I have always embraced it but been terrified of it- the hardest part is initiating, you never know how people are going to respond. We have done outreaches like every day this week in Olde Town, Denver, Boulder, and other varying communities. I can't express how much I have LOVED sharing my faith this week. As I have studied Jesus' life, it has been confirmed in my heart more and more that this is something that he calls us to do despite my hesitations. The longest conversation recorded in the Bible of Jesus with another human being was with the woman at the well- someone that Jesus had no prior history with, someone that he simply initiated with. There are stories like this all throughout the Bible. After initiating with people all this week, something I thought was going to kill me, I have to admit that I am utterly full of joy. I live too comfortably at home- I don't give Jesus any room to show up and be big in my life. I am too in control and like things to be easy and this is why I don't experience Jesus the way that God intended me too. The adventure (and Jesus) is in the unknown and the possibilities, not in my own security and let me tell you, PEOPLE ARE HUNGRY FOR JESUS! I honestly believe that if everyone had the opportunity to see God for who he is, if they truly got an accurate image of how amazing and wonderful and perfect and loving and awe-inspiring the God of the universe is- they would not be able to help themselves and would be utterly enraptured by this Being! Captivated if you will:) I have talked to so many people this week that have no idea who God truly is and how much he absolutely loves them and it has been so cool to share with them! (side note: 41 Crusade Nationals were arrested in East Asia this week for sharing their faith with others. I am ashamed as there are no consequences for me to share my faith with people in America and I still don't do it while there are people all over the world risking their lives for the gospel. These 41 people go on trial supposedly this week and could lose their lives. Please keep them in your prayers). So many people have WANTED to receive Jesus after I've shared with them this week! They are hungering. Don't get me wrong, I have been rejected and people have turned my offer to share Christ with them away....but not everyone which has utterly made it all worth it. Anyhow, the 8th grade girls I went sharing with on Thursday down in Estes Park got a right perspective on Evangelism and would tell you when asked that, "Successful evangelism does not mean sharing the gospel, it does not mean praying the salvation prayer with someone, it does not matter how many people you talk to. Successful evangelism simply means taking the initiative and leaving the results to God." I love that and they proudly shared that with everyone on the bus on the way home! hehe! cute little things!
I mean my experience yesterday is a testament to just that. I was talking to this elderly homeless man named Steve and at first we were talking religion and about God and stuff and he claimed that he was a believer but didn't want to be apart of the church or anything and thinks it's better for him to do life on his own and all this stuff. I could have countered that and continued on, sharing with him the importance of church and how he needed to get involved with one yada yada yada...but I didn't. I didn't want to fix this man and at that moment was overwhelmed with love for him and simply desired to sit in the mud with him. I then preceded to ask him questions about his life and how he ended up like this. Sadly the gentleman had lost his job and no one else would hire him b/c of his age. He had no relatives and no friends. He was alone and my heart broke. I asked him about the dreams that he had growing up and how if God were here right now, what would he ask him for- what would he want from him. We shared and talked on that bench for a while and I could tell that this man was so in need of someone to just love him and know him. At the end of our conversation I told him that I thought that he was an incredible man and that I think that he has so much to offer people and anyone that doesn't have a relationship with him is utterly missing out. He looked down when I told him that and appeared as though he was going to cry. That really moved him and he looked back up at me with a smile on his face and with a light shining in his eyes that hadn't been there before and replied thankyou, preceding to express his gratitude. Leaving that man, I felt overwhelmed with joy. More so than I had with any of the other conversations I had had all week. No, we didn't pray together and I don't know exactly if he knows Jesus or not but either way, I know that he experienced Jesus that day. Jesus used me to pour out love and compassion on this man which is probably what he needed the most. (It seemed like many people before me had done a good job of giving him knowledge).
Oh, I love being a Christian. I love the life that Christ calls us to lead! I love Crusade and how it encourages people to live out their Christianity! Utterly faith-filled! There is no room for comfortable Christianity which has recently made me so sick to my stomach as America and my own heart is utterly consumed by it. Oh, I pray for revival in our country! I have heard that all my life but only recently understood the need for it! I pray that I won't fall victim to it again as I feel it is the greatest temptation in my life right now! I want to be where Jesus is at and I haven't felt so close to him as I have this past week. This seems to be where he is at and I never ever want to leave this place again!