the ledge of uncertainty

[not_even_a_star]

I feel as if I'm standing on a ledge. I don't know exactly where to go, or what to do next. If I fall, it could either be to the ground, or to an ocean. Now if I were to hit the ground, getting up again would be impossible, however, if I were to land in the ocean, atleast I can be comforted in the fact that I'm a good swimmer. But for now, I'm simply standing still and hoping for rescue.

But in the distance I see nothing, all I've got is myself to lean on this time. Its uncertain my fate, or anyones for that matter, but the real question is do I jump, or wait until I simply fall?

Everyday I wake up, get dressed and get going, hoping eventually I'll find my way, or fall into such a habit that I feel I have. But misled happiness isn't true happiness, and I'm unsure that if I'm ever to a point that I think I'm 'good' again that it may not be truth, but habit.

Then again maybe this is something we all struggle with. Or maybe the differences in happiness are just different levels. When you reach one level, anything below is bad, but that level or higher is fine. Perhaps I'm just at a lower level right now, but this idea means there are no caps, no ceiling, no extent to how happy you can be.

So if that was the happiest day of my life, I've either got to recapture it (doubtful) or find the next tier of bliss for myself.

But I suppose I'll never find it if I dont eventually open my eyes.

I'm contemplating jumping...for my own good,
Jess